By four-thirty they were both hot and tired and decided to quit for the day. Natalie was planning to spend the night and get started early tomorrow. They went downstairs and Josie poured them some lemonade and called a pizza place to have their dinner delivered.
They went out onto the patio to get some fresh air. A mild breeze felt good on Natalie’s sweaty, sticky skin. After a few minutes of silence, Natalie decided to mention something she had been waiting for the right moment to share with her sister.
“I saw Samuel while we were in London.”
“Was he surprised to see you?”
“You could say that.”
Josie’s eyebrow rose. “I feel a story coming on.”
Natalie told her everything. She sensed Josie’s anxiety when she talked about Samuel asking her to spend the night with him, and her sister’s relief when she told her the choice she had made to leave. She also told her about the possibility of Samuel moving back to California.
“Have you been in touch with him since you got back?”
“We’ve been emailing some. He’s been in Japan and hasn’t mentioned anything about requesting a transfer. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what he decides.”
Josie had listened to her story with concern in her eyes, and Natalie knew what her sister was thinking. But Natalie knew Josie wouldn’t voice her disappointment that she was considering getting into a relationship with Samuel instead of making it possible for her and Michael to get back together.
“You want to know the funny thing, Josie?” she said, setting her empty glass beside her on the brick steps. “If Samuel comes back, and we get together and end up getting married somewhere down the road, I think that would make me happy.”
Josie remained silent.
“But if he never comes, or if he does but we decide it isn’t meant to be between us--I don’t see myself being all that disappointed. The love I feel for him and the degree to which I miss him--it’s nothing compared to how much I hurt about not having Michael.”
Josie lifted her eyes in surprise.
Natalie swallowed hard and brushed back a runaway tear.
“It’s been three and a half months, and I think about him every day, Josie. I cry myself to sleep all the time. What does that mean?”
Josie reached over and gave her a hug. Natalie welcomed her sister’s comforting touch.
“Maybe it means he’s the one, Nat.”
She wanted to agree with her sister, but how could she? Josie released her and didn’t say anything else, but she had to speak further on the subject.
“What am I supposed to do about that?”
“What do you want to do?”
Marry him.
When she didn’t answer out loud, Josie spoke again.
“You might choose to not believe in God, Natalie, and He gives you that freedom. But the heart that He gave you will never be complete without Him. You know that about Michael too, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Do you not like the idea of giving your life over to God because then you won’t be the one in control?”
“I don’t know.”
“I only say that because that’s how I felt. It’s something I still struggle with. All that time I spend worrying is so ridiculous because I know God has everything under control, but still I try and take over, thinking He can’t handle something like watching over Tommy or bringing me a wonderful husband or working out His perfect plan for me. I’ve seen Him be faithful to me over and over.”
Natalie heard the doorbell ring, and Josie went inside to answer it. She thought about her sister’s words. Yes, she did like being in control. She’d done so when she went off to college, when she took her first teaching job so far from home, when she decided to follow her dream of freelance photography, when she had pushed Michael out of her life.
But maybe getting away from Michael had been a mistake. She had feared he would push his beliefs on her, but the truth was she’d been hearing God’s voice for a long time, ever since her brother had first talked with her about God when she had been in high school. Josie had renewed her awareness of it when she had talked with her last Thanksgiving, and there hadn’t been a Sunday during the time she had been attending church that her heart hadn’t felt a gentle tugging.
Even since she’d been away from Michael and stopped going to church, those nudges still lingered. Most of the time she ignored them, but sitting here now, she could not.
Michael had said she could talk to him about God, something she had never done. Maybe he could help her understand and sort through her confused thoughts. Seeing him again and talking about her doubts didn’t seem too scary and even brought a warm feeling to her heart.
But did she really want to do that? Now, after all this time? She was planning to leave for California in two weeks. Michael could be involved with someone else. She feared she had waited too long. Running away from it all would be simpler. She would get over him eventually.
Josie returned with the pizza, some paper plates, and some soda. Natalie expected her to continue their conversation, but her sister remained silent as they began eating. Natalie hated it when she did this. Sharing all her heavy thoughts about God and then stop before she had a chance to get her defensive arguments in. She decided she wasn’t going to let Josie have the last word.
“So, how do I know if Michael is really the one?” she asked, getting back to the original topic.
Josie swallowed the food in her mouth and took a sip of her Sprite. “I think you already do.”
Natalie licked some tomato sauce from her fingers, feeling certain she had the perfect argument. “But how can he be if we don’t believe the same things?”
Josie pondered her question before responding. For a moment Natalie thought she may have stumped her sister. After all, why would an all-knowing God with a perfect plan design two people to be together when one of them didn’t believe in Him?
“God’s plan for us is not meant to depend on the choices we make, Natalie. We either live within that plan or we don’t. God loves you either way, and His grace can cover past mistakes, even make something wonderful out of them, but He can only give you everything you need if you let Him show you the way.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Natalie secured the final buckle on her backpack, and Daddy helped her hoist the straps over her shoulders.
“How does it feel?” he asked.
“Good. I think this will work.”
The phone rang and Daddy crossed the room to pick it up. He indicated it was for her, and she gently eased the pack down onto the floor with his help. Once free from the contraption, she took the call.
“Hi, Natalie. It’s Allison.”
“Hi,” she said. “You’re back.”
“I am,” she replied. “We came home yesterday.”
Allison had been on a six-week mission trip. She had left for Mexico with a team made up of high-school and college students from the church the same weekend she and Daddy had left for Europe. Allison had gone along as one of the leaders of the group since she had experience in missions and a good enough grasp of the Spanish language to serve as an interpreter.
“How was it?” she asked.
“Hot and tiring. I’m exhausted,” she said. “But it was worth it. We built two houses and fixed the roof on the church and got to do some great programs for the children.”
“That’s great,” she said, truly admiring her friend for giving up six weeks of her summer to volunteer her time for a good cause. She had missed her.
“So, are you all set for the walk on Friday, or do you want to go shopping with me to get some stuff?”
Natalie felt confused for a moment. Then she remembered. The Portland to Coast Walk she had committed to must be this coming Friday and Saturday.
“Oh, yeah. I almost forgot,” she said. “Ummm. What did we need to buy again?”
Allison read a list of things they were supposed to bring fo
r the two-day event. She also told her the time they were supposed to meet in the church parking lot on Friday morning.
“I’m going backpacking with my dad for three days starting tomorrow,” she said. “But I’ll be back on Thursday. I’ll get my stuff on my own, and I’ll be there--bright and early.”
After she hung up the phone she let out a huge sigh. Ei-yi-yi. My legs are going to be dead by Saturday evening after hiking for three days, having one day to rest, and then doing two, five-mile speed-walks. She hadn’t remembered the commitment she had made to the team back in May or she wouldn’t have scheduled her backpacking trip with her dad the same week.
But it was too late now. Daddy was only here for five days and then would be gone, and she needed to get this assignment finished. This would be her last full week in Portland. She needed to be back at the school by Monday to begin prepping for her classes. Maybe she could talk her boss into letting her arrive a day or two late. If she was going to be gone over the weekend, she would need the extra time to get her submission ready for Mr. Trent. Nothing like packing everything into the last week of the summer, Natalie.
That afternoon she and Daddy drove east out of the city, through several small communities, and past farmlands. After a quick stop in the town of Sandy to grab some dinner and last-minute supplies, they continued on. Natalie followed Daddy in her car, left hers at the trailhead parking lot where they would end up on Wednesday, and then joined Daddy to ride with him farther up the mountain.
They planned to spend the night at Timberline Lodge and get an early start in the morning. They turned in early after watching a fantastic sunset from the start of the trail they would be taking. She was excited. The weather was perfect, and Daddy seemed in good spirits. She had the feeling this back-to-nature trip was going to be even better for him than their excursion to Europe.
She was right. Daddy looked like a boy scout on his first jamboree as they set out on the trail the following morning, only he knew exactly what he was doing. He said he hadn’t been out since the last time they had gone ten years ago, but he didn’t look one bit rusty. Every time she said she needed to rest, he looked like he could go for miles more, but he didn’t push her to hurry along.
They enjoyed a leisurely pace wherever the trail wasn’t too demanding, stopping whenever either of them had the itch to look through the camera lens. Natalie was reminded of how Daddy’s enthusiasm for capturing the beauty of nature on film had inspired her so many years ago. She had learned some new techniques since then, but most of what she knew, she had learned from listening and watching him. Most of all, a genuine love for outdoor photography.
They hiked steadily all day. Paradise Park with its spectacular wildflower meadows and Ramona Falls were among the highlights of their journey. The trail had been quite steep at times and left her weary by the time they stopped to set up camp, but she felt exhilarated. Lots of spectacular sights of unique mountain views, lakes, streams, and even some friendly wildlife had kept her shutter opening and closing throughout the day.
The next day was much the same. Her thighs and calves were sore from the previous day, and Daddy was groaning a bit himself, so they took it easier. They came across several meadows of wildflowers in the early morning hours and one in particular that seemed to have every color of the rainbow spread out like a blanket over the side of a gentle ridge. Wide-angle views and close-ups of Indian paintbrush in its full glory, resembling long flared out bristles dipped in bright red paint, were among her favorite subjects of the beautiful morning.
They continued along their planned route, snacking on mountain huckleberries along the way. She didn’t need all the photos she shot for the assignment. Many of them she planned to send with her dad to sell in his gallery. So far her work had been in high demand, and buyers from other galleries in Boston and outlying areas had inquired about availability.
That evening they camped along a ridge, and the sunset was magnificent. When she had gotten all the shots she wanted, she packed her cameras, lenses, and tripod away and went to join Daddy sitting on a large boulder near their tent site. They sat in silence, enjoying the quietness of the evening and the twilight sky. Natalie heard an owl hoot and crickets chirping.
“This was a nice day,” Daddy said, turning his head to look at her. “Thanks for asking me to come with you.”
“I’m glad you were able to.”
After another period of silence, Daddy spoke again.
“I’m sorry I haven’t always been there for you, Natty.”
Natalie didn’t realize how much she needed him to say those words until he did. Sometimes she wondered if he knew how much he had let her down. Apparently he did to some degree.
“I’d like to say I’ll make it up to you, but I know those important teen years are gone forever. I would like to ask for your forgiveness though, and I do want to try harder from now on. I’ll come visit you more, if you want me to.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he put his arm around her. “Of course I do,” she said. “And I’m glad you’re here now.”
“I am too.”
She decided to take advantage of this heart-to-heart moment and ask him something she’d never had the courage to ask before.
“What happened between you and Mom? I know about the affair. Mom finally told me, but what happened before that?”
He didn’t respond immediately, and she wondered if she had overstepped her bounds. She hoped he wouldn’t close back up after all the progress she had made, but she didn’t regret asking. She needed to know.
“We grew apart,” he said. “It was my fault. She wanted me to stop traveling so much, but after my dad died and I took over the business, I ended up being gone even more. The affair was nothing but a one-night stand, Natalie, but it pushed her over the edge.”
He sounded remorseful, and she didn’t reply.
“I thought I was so right,” he continued. “I kept telling her that she knew what she was getting into when she married me. ‘This is what I do, how I provide for you and the kids,’ I said so many times. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to take that away from me. But in the end I knew I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Do you miss her?”
He tossed a pebble onto the ground at his feet. “Yes, baby. I do.”
His words made her think of Michael, something she was still in the habit of doing on a daily basis. Without a doubt in her mind, she knew Michael was the best thing that had ever happened to her. And she missed him, more every day.
“Daddy, do you believe in God?”
“Absolutely.”
That was not the answer she was expecting. She lifted her head from his shoulder. “You do?”
“You think all this beautiful scenery we’ve been hiking through the past two days got here by accident?”
She supposed she must, but the thought did seem absurd. Isn’t that what she had been taught in school? Apparently Daddy felt otherwise.
“If you believe in God, how come you don’t go to church?”
“I believe in God, Natalie. Not religion.”
He didn’t explain his words, but she thought she knew what he meant. Was it enough to just believe in God without having to read the Bible and pray and go to church all the time? Apparently her sister and plenty of others thought both were important. But why?
They went to bed once darkness fell. They were both tired. Natalie knew she would fall asleep quickly after her weary body snuggled inside her warm sleeping bag, but she did take a few minutes to think about Daddy’s words.
Today she had captured beauty all around her: the wildflower fields, the clear lakes, the magnificent sunset. How did it all get here? Had time and the right conditions made it possible, or was God responsible? Hearing Daddy say he believed such made ignoring the possibility of His existence more difficult.
She fell asleep with this prayer on her heart, not even sure where the stray thought came from. God, if yo
u’re there and you care like others say, please show me how to find you.
They arrived home late the following evening, and Natalie fell into her bed, sleeping until noon the next day. After a long, hot shower that washed away the grime and sweat and helped to soothe her sore calves, thighs, and shoulders, she went downstairs and found the house empty.
Daddy had left a note saying that he had some errands to do, and Leona had gone shopping. She found some stuff to make herself a sandwich and ate on the sunny deck, feeling glad to be home and yet missing the wilderness. The final day had become even more special when everywhere she walked and everything she saw screamed, ‘I’m right here, Natalie. I made all this for you!’ She had felt shivers flow through her several times and thought she heard whispers in the wind. She had also imagined Michael at her side, filling her heart with a longing for him that was stronger than ever.
She rose from her chair and walked down the steps, taking the path that led away from the house to the lake. Standing on the edge of the shore, hearing the birds singing, the water lapping at its banks, and the sun reflecting the vibrant colors of summer, she felt a sense of peace wash over her as she began to accept the fact that there was a God. She had known it for a long time. But was that enough, or did she need to dig deeper, to learn more about who God was and if He remotely cared about her?
Her shopping trip took longer than she expected. Two of the items she had to go to a sporting goods store to find: a reflective jacket and a belt with a small headlight on it. The walk was a two-day event, and they would be hiking early in the mornings and late in the evenings, she supposed. She didn’t know the approximate times she had been scheduled to walk but hoped they would both be during the daylight. She didn’t like the thought of walking on a country road in the dark.
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