Hopelessly Broken (A New Adult romance)

by Ward, Tamryn

  It seemed nothing had changed in twelve months for these guys. Her life, on the other hand, had taken a sharp left.

  “I think we have some beer in the fridge,” Bobby said, pulling her in that direction.

  “Nope. It’s gone,” Xavier said as he thrust his hand in and pulled out a blue can. Cola. Turning, he handed it to her. “Here you go. At least it’s cold.”

  “Thanks.”

  Xavier’s gaze jerked to Bobby, standing behind her before jumping back to her. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. How’s it going?”

  “Fine. Thanks.” She pulled the ring on the can’s top and took a sip. Ice cold. She felt the chill as it slid down her throat. “You?”

  “Good, good. I have a kid now.”

  A child? She couldn’t imagine any of these guys being responsible enough to keep a child alive, except, maybe, Bobby. Of the four members of X-Fire, Bobby had always seemed the most stable and responsible. “Oh, wow. You’re a father.”

  “Yeah. It’s crazy, huh? I wasn’t too happy about it when I found out, but now that he’s born, I’m glad.” Once again, Xavier’s gaze jumped to Bobby. “Well, good seeing you again.” He stumbled a little as he stepped past her.

  She twisted to look back at him. Staggering. He was drunk. As usual. Kid or not, he was still drinking too much.

  The room filled with the tittering sound of female laughter, and Jenn followed the sound. The girls on the couch with Rick had taken off their tops and were kissing each other while Rick fondled their breasts.

  “I see some things haven’t changed,” she muttered.

  “Come here.” Bobby pulled her toward the exit at the back of the room. It led outside, to the back parking lot. Dark. Quiet. And there were no half-naked groupies. “It’s too fucking crowded in there.” He stomped to his car and pulled open the passenger-side door.

  She slid inside while he circled around to the driver’s side.

  Once he was sitting, he shoved his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes, I wonder if this is all worth it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dealing with those assholes, their shit, their drinking, the drugs.”

  A year ago, Bobby had done his share of drinking. And he’d smoked a little pot too. It seemed he’d changed since then. “Why don’t you just quit the band?”

  “I’ve thought about it. But first, I love music. It’s all I think about. And second, what would I do then? My day job doesn’t pay shit. I need the money. I’ve checked out a few other bands that need a singer or lead guitar, but none of them are any better.”

  “Why not get a different kind of job? A better day job?”

  “Doing what?” His head fell back, resting against the headrest. He rocked it to the side to look at her. “Jenn, I quit school. I don’t even have a GED. I’ve tried looking for a better job. I couldn’t even get hired at McDonald’s for christssakes. They wouldn’t take me. Because of my record.”

  Oh. My. God.

  Ohmygod! She’d forgotten about that. His record. Criminal record.

  Oh shit. Will Mrs. Tate run a background check on him? If she does…crap.

  “You remember that, right?” he asked, lifting his head and regarding her with sharp eyes. “I told you about it a long time ago. I’d just gotten out of jail right before we met.”

  Feeling a little short of breath, she nodded. “I forgot. How could I have forgotten?” She scrubbed her face with her palms.

  “You look worried.”

  Worried? That was an understatement. Panicked was more like it. “What if Mrs. Tate runs a background check on you? I’m guessing she probably will. Then what? For some reason, I don’t think the state is going to allow a convicted felon to be the legal guardian of two wards of the state.”

  His brows scrunched. “Hmmm. If she does run the check and decides I can’t be your guardian, we’ll have to think of something else. Maybe it won’t be a problem? That was a long time ago, right after I turned eighteen. I’ve been clean since. Haven’t even had a parking ticket. I learned my lesson. I don’t drink at all if I have to drive. Not a drop.”

  “Well, I’m glad of that. But I’m still worried.”

  “Jenn, don’t be. We’ll figure something else out.” He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “I’m here now. Here to help. You’re not alone.”

  That part sounded good. Being alone, feeling as if she had nobody to turn to, to even talk to, sucked. But ironically, the one person who was offering to be there for her might become more of a liability than a help.

  Dammit.

  He sighed. “I have to get back inside. The next set’s about to start.”

  “Okay.” She closed her eyes. Think, think, think. Her birthday was hours away. Maybe his criminal record would actually help her. Maybe Mrs. Tate would push for the change in guardianship, since she didn’t have a record. God, she hoped so.

  He pushed his door open. “Are you coming?”

  “In a minute.” She slid him a glance. He was bent over, staring at her with dark, concern-filled eyes. His obvious unease tugged at her heart. If he had regretted what he’d done a year ago, he was sure trying hard to make up for it now. She offered him a weak smile. “Okay, I’m coming. There isn’t anything I can do right now.”

  “We’ll face each hurdle as it comes.”

  “That’s right, you used to run track.”

  “Yep.” He offered his hand, and she took it, enjoying the way his hand enfolded hers. Together they walked back inside. The green room was empty. The echo of a drumbeat was pounding through the air. “Shit, I’m late.” He gave her one last look then raced down the hall and onto the stage. By the time she’d made it to the dance floor the first song was well underway.

  It was his song, the one he’d sung for her the first night he’d stayed with them.

  On the dance floor, alone, amid dozens of swaying couples, she stood in one spot, watching him sing it. To her.

  His emotions were plain. The sadness, the regret, the hope that she would forgive him. It was magical. A moment she would never forget. By the end of the song, her face was dripping with tears. At the end, he said, “Baby, tell me you’ll give me another chance to love you.”

  She wanted to say yes, she would give him that chance.

  But…but…dammit. She was scared.

  She could say she’d forgiven him. That much was true. Forgiveness was sort of easy.

  But forgetting…that was so much more difficult.

  * * * * *

  An hour later the set was through and Jenn was worn out. It was well past midnight. She was eighteen.

  Finally, eighteen.

  In the mood to celebrate, she had danced nonstop. Her clothes were wringing-wet. Her hair was glued to her sticky neck and shoulders. Her make-up had pretty much melted off her face. But when Bobby looked at her, she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.

  Later, when the last set was done, as he packed up his equipment, he kept sliding her little looks. His lips would tip up in a lopsided grin. It was adorable. Once he’d finished, he hauled his stuff out to the car and slid behind the steering wheel. With his hand on the key, he asked, “Did you like the song?”

  “Yes. I loved it.”

  His smile was genuine. “Good.” Angling his body toward her, he studied her for a minute. “Am I putting too much pressure on you?”

  “Hmmm. Let me think about that one.” Smiling, to soften the blow, she said, “Yes. A little.”

  “Okay. I’ll back off a bit. But it’s hard. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be, seeing you again, being with you like this.” He cupped her cheek. “Do you remember the first time we went out?”

  “How could I forget? You told me I was the most amazing girl you’d ever met. I said you probably said that to every girl you’ve ever spoken to.”

  “And I confessed I had.” He tugged on a tendril of her hair, wrapping it around his finger. “But it was a lie.”

  �
�Now you’re playing with me.”

  “No, it’s the truth. I was so mesmerized by you.” His gaze dropped to his finger, with her hair coiled around it. “I still am. Mesmerized. Captivated. Enthralled. You’re a siren.”

  “Now you’re being silly,” she said, swallowing a giggle. Artists, especially this one, could be so sentimental sometimes. She liked that about him. She always had.

  “Maybe I am silly. But that’s how I feel.” His gaze dropped to her mouth, and she felt her face warming. He was going to kiss her.

  He was going to kiss her.

  Did she want him to kiss her? Did she?

  She sat there, frozen by indecision.

  Yes, she did.

  No, no she didn’t.

  Yes.

  Her heart started thumping.

  No.

  His head tipped slightly. “I meant every word I said in that song, Jenn.” Bending at the waist he inched closer.

  Stop him.

  No, don’t stop him.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” he said, his mouth now so close his sweet breath gusted over her lips.

  She closed her eyes.

  The air left her lungs.

  You should stop this. You’re not ready to trust him yet.

  Dammit.

  His lips brushed over hers. A brief, fleeting touch. Her heart skipped a beat.

  He kissed her again. This one was not so shy or quick. His lips were soft against hers, seducing a response from her. Her blood simmered. Waves of pleasure rippled up and down her body.

  A tiny sigh of surrender slipped up her throat. When her lips parted to let it escape, Bobby deepened the kiss. His tongue slid inside her mouth and began doing wonderful, wicked things. As it stroked and stabbed and explored, one of his hands skimmed up the side of her body until his palm rested against the side of her breast.

  I need to stop him. Now.

  “Jenn,” he murmured. “I want you so bad.” His hand inched over until it was completely covering her beast.

  Heat pulsed through her. Then a chill.

  What was she doing? What?

  Not so long ago, Jenn had been ready and willing to give herself to Aeron. And now she was hooking up with Bobby.

  She lifted her hands to his chest. Her brain told her arms to straighten.

  Her arms didn’t listen.

  Frustrated and confused, she curled her fingers into fists, gathering the material of his shirt in them.

  Bobby’s kiss was changing, becoming more aggressive. No longer a patient exploration, it was becoming a thorough possession. His tongue was stabbing in and out of her mouth. His hand, that naughty hand, was kneading her breast now. It felt so good. Good, but wrong.

  Stop this.

  She told her arms to push.

  This time they listened.

  Bobby’s body moved, but his mouth remained right where it was, locked on hers. She grabbed the hand curved over her breast and pulled it away.

  He broke the kiss and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Dammit.”

  She lifted a shaking hand to her mouth. Her lips were tingling. So were lots of other parts of her body. But warning signs were flashing in her head. “It’s okay.”

  “I got carried away. I don’t want to push you. I just…can’t help myself.” He cupped her face again. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine. I’m just…confused.” She crossed her arms over her body.

  “About what, Jenn?”

  “About everything. About how I feel. About what I’m doing.”

  “How do you feel about me?” he asked.

  She wasn’t sure how to answer his question. She couldn’t say how she felt because she couldn’t actually pin down her emotions.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted.

  Something flickered in his eyes. Disappointment, maybe? Pain?

  He nodded then turned in his seat, facing the steering wheel. “It’s because I’m pushing you too hard. I need to back off. I’ll do it. I’ll give you time to sort through your feelings.” He glanced at her. “Somehow.” He twisted the key, and the car’s engine turned over.

  It was official.

  The date was over.

  Fifteen

  Tonight had been a mixed bag of bad and good. On the one side, with Jennifer gone, Aeron was able to get a lot of quality one-on-one time with Logan. That was a very good thing.

  But on the other…well…

  Knowing she was out with another guy made him want to punch something—or someone. Someone like Bob.

  At the moment, he was sitting with Logan, trying to take full advantage of the time they had while trying not to punch a hole in the wall. Logan was sitting in bed, his book about angels open on his lap. Cojack was curled in a little ball next to him. “You like that book a lot, Logan. Is it because of your parents?”

  “Yeah, it’s my favorite.” Logan traced the face of one of the angels in the illustration. “I wish I could see my mom and dad now, I wish I could talk to them.” His voice sounded so sad. Too sad for a kid’s.

  “I know you do, buddy.”

  “I wish they could talk to me, somehow.”

  “You’ll see them soon,” he reassured the kid. “Let’s put the book away. It’s bed time.”

  The boy blinked wide, pain-filled eyes at him as he handed it over. “I think a lot about death. I wonder what it’s like to die.”

  “It’s a journey, Logan. It isn’t scary. Not at all.” Aeron set the book on the nightstand. “Lay down.”

  Logan scooted down, sliding beneath the covers. His movement woke Cojack. The little dog grunted, picked a new spot, circled a couple of times and made itself comfortable. “It isn’t scary?”

  “No. Not at all.” Aeron explained, “There are these people, they’re called a lot of different things--reapers, guardian angels. They’re good. Kind of like guides. They help show the newly deceased souls the way to their final resting place.”

  “Oh, kind of like safeties at my school. Safeties help the new kids at school find their way to their classrooms.” Logan grabbed Cojack and cuddled him against his chest. The dog wriggled for a few seconds before giving up and closing its eyes.

  “Yes, like safeties.”

  “But how does a guide know who needs help?

  “There is an angel in charge. His name is Samael. Samael knows who will die in the next twenty-eight days. He has a lot of guides working for him. He tells each guide who needs help. The guide goes to the person so that when he dies, he isn’t alone. The guide is there, ready to show him the way.”

  “So there was someone who helped my mommy and daddy go to heaven?” Logan asked.

  “Yes, there was. He or she took them by the hand and showed them the way.”

  Logan smiled. He blinked, slowly. His eyes were heavy, sleepy. “I’m glad. Dad was never good about following directions. He used to get us lost a lot.”

  Aeron laughed.

  This kid. The things he said.

  “Someday, you’ll die, and your guide will be there.” Aeron took Logan’s hand in his. It was so tiny and delicate. “He’ll show you the way, and you’ll see your mommy and daddy. You can trust him to help you find them.”

  “I will. I’ll trust him. But when will that happen? When will I die?” Logan asked as he stroked Cojack’s bony little head.

  “Nobody knows when he will die. Only God and his angel Samael can know ahead of time.”

  “I wish I could know.”

  “If you did know, what would you do?” Aeron asked.

  “I would make sure my sister Jenny would be okay without me. I would tell her I love her. And I would thank her for being so good to me.”

  “You know, they say you should always live each day as if it was your last. So maybe you should tell your sister all those things tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. Until your last day. That way you won’t ever regret not telling her.”

  “Good idea.” Logan flung himself at Aeron and wra
pped his skinny little kid limbs around him, holding on like a little monkey. “I love you, Aeron. Thank you for being my friend.” Releasing him, Logan grabbed Cojack, who had started bouncing around the bed like a little kangaroo, and gave the squirming dog a big squeeze. “And I love you too, Cojack.” The dog stopped fighting and licked the boy’s chin.

  “I love you, too, buddy. And so does Cojack.”

  And I love you too, Jennifer. He thought to himself. I’m so sorry for taking Logan from you. If only there was something I could do…

  * * * * *

  Back at the house, Bobby gave Jenn an agonized look then retreated upstairs. Jenn’s insides twitched when the sound of his door shutting echoed through the house.

  The ride home had been pretty bad. Awkward. Uncomfortable.

  Jenn slipped off her shoes and tiptoed up the stairs to check on Logan, who she hoped was sleeping. As she climbed, she wondered where Aeron was. He wasn’t in the living room. That was apparent the minute she’d walked in the front door. At the top of the steps, she turned to Logan’s room and eased open the door.

  Ah, her little brother was sound asleep, his arm wrapped around that pathetic excuse for a dog, Cojack. She leaned over Logan and gave him a tiny kiss then, hearing someone out in the hallway, she turned around. Was it Aeron? Her nerves jangled at the thought.

  Pulling the door open quietly, she stepped out into the hallway.

  It wasn’t Aeron.

  “Everything okay?” Bobby asked. He was wearing a snug tank top and a pair of loose sweatpants. There weren’t many guys who could look better in that combination than him. Except maybe Aeron.

  “Sure. Of course.” She smiled and tried to keep her eyes from wandering over Bobby’s hard, flexing form. He’d changed somewhat in the past year, since they’d broken up. His muscles seemed bigger and more defined. His arms thicker. His shoulders broader. And he had several tattoos now, one on each shoulder. As he shifted positions, she caught sight of some color on his back too. The tank covered most of it. “Thanks again for tonight. I had a great time.”

  “So did I. It was great having you there, watching you dance…” He reached for her hips and pulled her toward him. His gaze wandered over her face. “I had no idea until I saw you how much I’ve missed you.” His gaze locked on her mouth.