by Royal Blue
If anyone knows how deep my damage runs, it’s my sister. She’s been there when I was ready to give up, when I thought happiness was in on a cruel joke to elude me. The one time I tried to handle it all myself, Tara was the first person I called when I realized I wouldn’t make it on my own.
Silence fills the line. I know we’re both taking our time to collect our emotions. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I think it best to end the call.
“I love you, Tar. Call you tomorrow?”
“Aye, love. You know how much I love you, And. You can call me tomorrow or whenever you need,” she replies before hanging up.
Thankfully, Tara knows to stop prying. It’s been a good day. I don’t want to dwell on the things I can’t change. The last thing I want to do is think about the things that most likely will send Kyle running for the hills.
CHAPTER EIGHT: THINKING OF YOU
Andy
“MR. CONNOR, Mr. Connor.” That’s all I heard as the day came to a close.
Bridget ran around the classroom, making buzzing sounds with her lips. Jeff was in the corner rocking and crying over his brother’s baseball card that Jeff traded at lunch. A group of the other kids were dancing and singing cleanup time, but they weren’t cleaning a thing.
“Is it time to go home yet?” a voice whined.
“Eww! Mr. Connor, someone didn’t flush,” Mason called from the classroom bathroom.
Just one of those days. Staying up late to watch Kyle’s game didn’t help one bit. I don’t regret it. Kyle put on quite the show last night. His team won by thirty points. I just wish I’d gotten at least an hour or two more of sleep.
I swear the kids were feeding off my drained energy. By the end of the day, we were all climbing the walls needing to get out. Today I had one of those moments when I wished I would’ve gone into antiquing like I’d dreamed of in high school.
I push into the lobby of my building spent and ready to fall facedown into my bed. A nice glass of wine before passing out wouldn’t hurt either. I have a nice red I’ve been wanting to get into.
“Oh! Mr. Connor, sorry I almost missed you,” the doorman calls at my back.
I turn to find Jimmy rushing toward me with a large bouquet of roses in his arms. It’s a gorgeous arrangement of reds and whites in a tall glass vase, wrapped with a black satin sash. Jimmy seems to be struggling a little under the weight.
“Hey, Jimmy. Need some help?”
“No, no, I was going to bring these up to your place for you. I know you get in around this time. Got sidetracked by Mrs. Feltman in 5G. She’s hearing things in the closet again,” he whispers, rolling his eyes up to the sky with a shake of his head.
My brows pitch in confusion. Why would he be bringing these flowers to my place?
“These arrived for you about an hour ago. Maybe one of those moms at the school wanted to send you a special thank-you,” he says and winks.
I chuckle, reaching for the bouquet. Jimmy is in his midfifties. There’s no need for him to lug this upstairs for me. Just as I thought, it’s heavy.
“I’ll get the elevator for you and ride up. I can help you to your door before I go check on Mrs. Feltman,” Jimmy says, rushing around me for the elevator.
I nod. I’ll need the help juggling my briefcase and this massive bouquet. Today would be the day I decided to use the vintage case my sister give me, instead of my messenger bag. I should have taken my keys out.
My mind whirls. These can’t be from who I think they are. I refuse to make that assumption. Yet I don’t have anyone else that could be sending me roses. I mean, why would he?
Jimmy and I exit the elevator on my floor and head for my apartment. The vase gets heavier with each step. Not because of its size but because of the questions swirling in my brain.
“I can hold that while you fish out your keys,” Jimmy offers.
I grunt, handing the vase over. Shifting my briefcase in my hands, I dig my house keys out of my pants pocket. I get the door open, and Jimmy starts inside with the vase. Although I appreciate his helpfulness, he’s clearly being nosey. He wants to know who the flowers are from. I can see it in his eyes when he places the vase down on the table in my entryway.
“Thanks, Jimmy,” I say, holding the door open for him to leave out. “How did your wife like those tickets last week?”
“Oh, she wanted me to thank you again. I can’t stand that theater stuff, but she was over the moon. Nearly peed her pants when we got to go backstage to meet the actors. Thanks again,” he replies, starting for the door as he catches the hint.
“You’re welcome. Maybe I can get you some tickets for a game next time. Something more your speed.” I smile.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” he says, but his eyes light up. “Excited for the season this year. Hoping the boys bring us a chip.”
“They’re looking good. We just might have a shot,” I reply.
“Tyson was looking good last night. If he keeps that up and the boys get behind him with some good defense, we should be A-OK.” Jimmy nods.
“Yeah, he sure was looking great last night.” I chuckle. “Have a good one, Jimmy.”
“You too, Mr. Connor. Enjoy the flowers,” he says, giving one more glance in their direction.
I close the door, drawing in a deep breath before I turn for the roses. I move toward them as if they’re poisonous. I tug the card free and flip it over. The small envelope is sealed shut.
“Ah, you couldn’t be nosey,” I mumble to myself, while laughing at Jimmy.
Prying the envelope open and pulling the card out, I read the message with shaky hands. The roses are from the one person I didn’t want to assume they were from. A smile takes over my face, as I read the message again. Brushing the initials at the bottom with my thumb, I bite my lip, reading it a third time.
Last night’s win was because of you. Thank you for being on my mind. Can’t wait to see you soon.
Thinking of you,
K.T.
I run my hand through my hair. Kyle is definitely showing himself to be in a league of his own. This is a first for me. I’ve never gotten flowers from someone I was involved with. I feel my cheeks blush.
Reaching for my cell in my pocket, I forget all about being tired. I think about calling, but I’m not sure if he can answer, so I send a text instead. My face hurts from grinning as I send off the text.
Me: Thank you for the flowers. This was very sweet of you.
I wait a few minutes for a reply. My shoulders sag a little when one doesn’t come. I know he’s a busy man or he could be resting. I suck up my selfish thoughts and start for the kitchen to make dinner.
I have salmon searing in a pan and a salad in the works when my phone pings. I put down the wine I’ve been sipping to snatch up my device. My smile returns when I see Kyle’s reply.
Kyle: Not as sweet as you taste.
I nearly choke. The butterflies in my belly take full flight. I feel his words like a caress. It’s almost as if I can hear them in my ear. I decide to go for it and play along.
Me: Is that a taste you remember?
Kyle: Now that you mention it, I wouldn’t mind a reminder.
Me: Anytime. I’m just waiting on you.
I suck on my lip as I stare at my sent reply, palming my forehead when I see him replying back. I stop breathing waiting for his response. It seems to be taking longer for him to type. I seriously have to wonder who’s younger here.
Kyle: I’ll be back home for a hot second. Need to spend time with Mas but hoping I can get in some time with you.
Me: I’d like that.
Kyle: No promises. I’ll do what I can.
Me: No worries. I know you will.
Kyle: Going into a meeting. TTYL
Me: Okay. Later.
I go back to making dinner with a smile on my face. How quickly a day can turn around. I think I’ll head to the gym after this so I’m not staring at my phone waiting around for later.
CHAPTER NINE: YOU DESERVE BETTER
>
Kyle
“IT’S GOOD to see you looking so happy,” Beau says from across the booth.
Beau has always been straight with me about everything. The fact that he’s here says a lot about him. He could have easily involved our lawyers and let them do the legwork on all of this, but that’s not his style. He wants to look you in the face as a man and know you’re on the same page with him. We’re alike in that respect.
“What’s not to be happy about? We’re about to close a multi-million-dollar deal and I get some time with my best friend. Life is great,” I croon.
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. But since you brought it up, everything looks good. We get all five lots and the construction company we wanted to go with came in with the lowest bid. We sign and it’s a done deal,” Beau says, while taking the contracts out of his backpack and sliding it across the table.
“You’re sure you’re good with overseeing all of this? I know it’s a lot to undertake. I’ll carry my load during the off-season.” I look him in the eyes to gauge where he is on this.
Beau has been through a lot. I think this project will be great for him, but I want to make sure he’s ready for such a big undertaking. We’re building an entire complex after all—apartments and training facilities. The properties span five blocks. We’ve also discussed adding a school. I’ve thought a lot about what families would need since Mason has been in my life permanently.
“I’m more than good. We’ll have this thing done right. It will bring some life into that community and show what we’re capable of. They’ll be coming to us to do the next one,” Beau says with a bit of that old spark back in his eyes.
“All right, I looked over the contracts and things you faxed over. It all looks good,” I say and go to sign the papers before me.
Beau’s hand shoots out to cover mine, halting my action. I look up into his gray eyes. His face couldn’t be more serious.
“Although I appreciate the trust and respect you have for me, you know better. We have time. Read it again. Then sign this copy. We’ve been around too many snakes for you to be signing anything you haven’t read in person,” Beau says sternly.
I nod. He’s right. Beau learned that the hard way with so-called friends we couldn’t trust. His old promoter screwed him in every direction he could, turning his life upside down.
I put my pen down and start to read through the pages as Beau sits quietly sipping his beer. Everything is in order just as I thought, but I still comb each page, noting the changes I had my lawyer add in and a few Beau suggested in our last meeting.
“Looks good,” I say and sign when I get to the end.
“Now, about that smile you walked in here with. What’s new? Who’s the lucky soul?” Beau quizzes.
“Remember Javier’s last barbecue?” I say.
“The brunet with the blue-gray eyes? The one you couldn’t keep your eyes off. Nothing, as I remember you saying.” Beau nods.
“Yeah, that one.”
“Total opposite of you know who. Seemed cool, though. Darwin’s friend, right?”
“Yeah, Darwin called himself hooking me.” I chuckle.
“Looks like it worked. This one good with the rules? That other one was an asshole and not worth the time you invested. You knew from the beginning your preferences weren’t going to be respected.” He twists his lips in annoyance.
I had reservations with Michael from go. Beau warned me to take heed to them. For one, Michael initially tried playing a beta role. It was only after we were in the relationship that his more dominant side came out. That switch-up was a big problem for me. Yet, as always, I allowed him to smooth talk his way out of a breakup.
I was like a moth to a flame. I fell for all the tricks and sweet talk. Things I regret in hindsight.
“Don’t remind me. You live, you learn. Andy and I have an understanding. I made things clear from jump,” I reply.
“Good. You deserve better. Fairchild was a predator, and I’ve never known a snake that backs away without biting someone first. You mark my words that one’s coming back for another round,” Beau grumbles.
“But I’m not entertaining that bullshit this time. I’m done. I don’t have it in me to deal with the self-indulgent crap and the games. Nothing about that relationship was healthy for me. Everything, including helping to take care of Mason, had a motive. Always some agenda to trap me into feeling indentured to the relationship,” I say bitterly.
“Finally!” Beau throws his hands up. “Five years and you’re finally seeing the truth. You deserved better than that.”
“At the time I thought it was what I needed,” I say and frown.
Beau lowers his voice, leaning into the table, that country accent coming further to the surface. His eyes locked on mine.
“You’re a grown man. You have made every decision in your adult life. Good or bad. You be proud of that. Your choices have shaped the man you are.
“That asshole knows how to sway your decisions when it comes to him. The time for needing a daddy has come and gone. Heck, Darwin steps into that role for many of us. You don’t need that in a relationship. Michael took advantage of that need while you were younger. This Andy needs to be the complete opposite of that. You deserve someone to love you, not manipulate you through your needs. You feel me?”
“I got you. Honestly, I think this will be different. It’s new, but we’ll see,” I say.
“You deserve better. I’ll keep reminding you that,” he says, then flags the waitress.
I know my friend and I know he will. Still, I’ve already been telling myself the same. Life is too short and unexpected to settle for unhappiness.
CHAPTER TEN: HOMESICK
Kyle
I’M LYING facedown in bed, with one hand hanging over the side. My mind and body are exhausted. All the more reason for the frown on my face when my phone pulls me from my sleep. Too tired to lift my arm to answer, I ignore it at first. However, it rings again, letting me know I’m not getting back to sleep without addressing whoever’s on the other end.
Reaching out, I search for the annoying device on the nightstand beside my head. When it’s in my hand I answer, not bothering to fully open my eyes.
“Hello,” I rasp, tiredly.
“Hey there, you sound like you haven’t started moving this morning.” Michael’s voice comes through the line.
My head whips back, a sour expression crossing my face. In true Michael fashion, he’s acting as if nothing ever happened between us. This is his thing. Wait around for me to start feeling lonely, knowing how closed off I am to dating and that I just don’t have the time for it to begin with.
Usually if we break up, I don’t get back into dating right away. He relies on this, giving me enough time to miss having someone in my life so he can have his way when he reappears.
Nah, not today. I’m not in the mood. With my jaw set tight, I open my eyes and hit the end button. It’s time I close the door on Michael. Enough is enough. I’m not falling back into his web.
“Fuck you,” I mutter, tossing the phone back onto the nightstand.
I take my ass back to sleep, hoping to get a few more minutes at least before my alarm goes off for practice. I punch the pillow under my head, when the alarm comes to life not that much later. I groan, knowing that single interruption is going last all day.
I wish I could say that call was the end of my shitty morning. It was just the beginning, and the day has spiraled out, leaving me in a funky mood.
Two of our starters got injured during practice. It wasn’t even a full practice. We had a game tonight. The season hasn’t started, and we’re down some of our best players. It only places more of a demand on me. A demand and attention I try to avoid at all costs.
We were looking good up until this morning. We bombed tonight’s game. My team’s morale has dropped way down. They’ve thrown in the towel. I couldn’t be more pissed.
I decided to go out with the team to s
ee if I could help spark our chemistry. Sometimes all the guys need is a little time together off the court to gel again. However, tonight it just doesn’t seem to be working.
It could be because these fools chose a strip club to party at. Half of the married guys looked lost, guilty, or scared out of their minds. The other half are in the middle of something they’ll regret at some point, if not by sunrise. Then you have the single guys partaking and encouraging it all.
Me, I’ve been off to the side feigning interest, while stewing in the fact that this team is falling apart before my eyes. The foolishness some of these guys are getting themselves into tonight is bound to show up sometime in the middle of the season or, God forbid, during finals.
“Listen, sweetheart, can you give a minute to answer this call?” I say to the stripper dancing in my lap.
Shorty is nice. We’ve been chilling in the cut while I keep the money flowing. Having her here has kept attention off me as well as serving to keep her coworkers at bay.
I’ve learned she’s the mother of two, trying to pay her way through school. She has a little girl Mason’s age. Her soft-spoken voice has had a soothing effect during our conversation in the last few hours.
She looks over her shoulder and nods, getting up from my lap. I pull out my phone that hasn’t rung since before I walked into this place, when Mason called me to say good night. I stare at it in my palm. I miss my nephew’s little face. He was excited about a field trip at school tomorrow.
I wish I could be there to go with him. One more reason for the lie I just told. I just can’t sit in here anymore. My nephew is without me, and this is what I’m sitting in the middle of?
My life has been so crazy the last few weeks. Andy comes to mind. I never did get to see him when I made it back home. Between meetings and spending time with Mason, there just wasn’t a right time.
I pull up the number to the person I really want to talk to. I just need to hear his voice for a little while. I start for the door of the club.
