by Royal Blue
“He’s definitely on my list to run into tonight at the after-party,” the last one to speak continues. “I didn’t wear this dress for nothing.”
They both fall into a fit of cackling. I fight not to turn my head to look at them. Jealousy rises in my stomach. My jaw tightens, and my knee starts to bounce.
“You okay?” Emma asks beside me with concern in her voice.
I turn, seeing the same concern in the pinch of her brows and purse of her lips. Her eyes flicker behind us, making it clear she heard the same thing I did. I give a curt nod, not wanting to speak.
“I heard he’s not the easiest one to bag. I have my eyes set on a much easier fish,” the other one says.
Their voices are becoming like nails on a chalkboard. I can no longer focus on the game. Rolling my neck, I try to think rationally. Kyle wouldn’t be interested in either of them. That’s my man out there, not some celebrity hookup.
“I’ve got this. Don’t worry. He’ll be calling my name while I swallow those juices,” she giggles to her friend.
I clinch my jeans into my fist to keep from turning. It’s taking everything in me not to jump up and shout, shut the hell up. It’s insane that they feel so comfortable having this conversation.
I turn around against my better judgment. The two women look back at me, and their faces light up with interest. They smile at me as if overhearing their conversation has piqued my interest in them.
“Hey,” Emma calls, placing her hand over the one I have clinching my jeans.
I turn back to her, and she gives me a warm smile. The two behind us start to laugh, but I keep my gaze forward. I cringe at the next comment I hear.
“Is that his girlfriend? He’s hot. Who do you think he is?”
“I don’t know, but he has to be somebody to be in here,” the other muses.
I am somebody. I’m Kyle Tyson’s boyfriend. The reason neither of you will be going home with him.
I’M OUT of my league.
The green-eyed monster has gotten the best of me. This night has become bitter in my mouth. First the game, now there’s this. This club and after-party. I don’t know which feelings to settle on—anger, embarrassment, jealousy, disrespect, insecurity.
All of those feelings and more are swirling through me as I watch Kyle on the dance floor with some woman grinding all over him. She’s beautiful. Her flawless skin is close to Kyle’s gorgeous complexion. Her short haircut complements her high cheekbones. Her bee-stung lips are painted a gold color that sets off all her features.
Is this the norm for him? When he’s away on the road, is this what he does? Does he ever leave with these women? Is Kyle bi? Does he even remember that I’m here?
“You’re going to break that jaw you clench it any tighter.” Beau’s drawl pulls me from my thoughts.
I turn to face him, bringing my beer to my lips to take a long sip. I’ve been drowning my feelings for the last hour or so, if not longer. At this point, I don’t know how long we’ve been here or how much longer I can take staying here.
“Is this the norm?” I grunt out.
“Yes and no.” Beau shrugs, taking a sip of his own drink. He points a finger in Kyle’s direction, then leans in to my ear. “That’s his way of blending in. He’ll dance with one or two different women if he feels like the guys are questioning or watching him more than usual.”
“So he thinks he’s being questioned tonight?” I ask, a salty tone in my voice.
“You honestly don’t see the way he looks at you.” Beau snorts. “I’ve caught him and I know he’s caught himself watching you all night. If I’ve seen it and he knows what he’s doing in his own head, then yeah. He may feel like he’s being questioned.”
“A part of me understands, but another part just feels… I don’t know what I feel,” I grind out.
“That’s understandable. This is your first time encountering someone you care about that lives a double life. I can’t imagine this would be easy. It annoys me and I’m not in your shoes,” he says.
I suck my teeth, turning back to the dance floor. Sure enough, Kyle is looking right in our direction. Our eyes lock and his narrow on me. I turn away before he can get a read on my expression. I’m not in the mood for him to see through me right now.
“I can’t stomach this,” I grumble.
“I think that’s what he’s trying to find out. This is his world. If you’re going to be a part of it, you have to understand it all,” Beau says.
“Why? Why like this?”
“You’ve seen what happens in the media. There are times that things will appear that will make you question everything, including him. He’s making you question it now so he can address it up front. It’s one thing to know it happens, another to see it. I get it. I wouldn’t necessarily do it this way, but I get it. This is Kyle, though. He does things his way,” he replies.
“Shit, I’m not going to entertain anything you just said because it’s making my fucking head hurt,” I say.
Beau chuckles, turning to signal for another drink. I turn back to the dance floor like a glutton for punishment. My brain feels like it’s going to short-circuit. The picture before me reads just as real as the images of Kyle with my sister. I try to root myself in the memory of how those pictures gave a false perception.
Just as now, this is a misrepresentation of the man I love and have feelings for. I can’t get lost in the images. I have to remember our truth, the real truth.
“Fuck,” I hiss.
All of that pep talk goes out the window when the beautiful woman turns, lifting up on her toes, and whispers in Kyle’s ear. He leans back in to hers to reply, a smile dancing on his lips. I close my eyes and turn away. Beau snorts, reaching to pat me on the shoulder.
“The man is invested, fully. Don’t hurt him. If this isn’t for you, it’s time to walk,” he says, lifting his drink to his lips. He pauses and continues over the rim of his glass. “While he’ll let you.”
A shiver runs through me as his ominous words roll over me. I have noticed a change in Kyle. Over the last few weeks, he’s been a bit more possessive. I haven’t minded it at all. It makes me feel wanted and special when he does something as simple as walk up behind me and cage me in at the kitchen island while I talk to Emma or Beau.
Still, this is too much. I can’t think straight. I need out of this club to clear my head and see this rationally. I down the rest of my beer and place the empty bottle on the bar we’ve been standing by.
“I’m leaving,” I say.
“We should let him know first,” Beau says.
I nod noncommittedly. I’d much rather leave and deal with this in the morning. I also know that that’s not going to fly with Kyle. He likes to be open about our feelings and handle things head-on. While any other time I love that about him, I’m just plain pissed off tonight. Last thing I want is to talk about this. Beau signals for Emma’s attention, and she ends her animated conversation to come join us.
“What’s up?” she says.
“Andy’s ready to go. I think it might be best,” Beau replies.
Emma twists her lips at me, but she doesn’t say anything right away. I look away, not wanting to hear whatever she’s planning to say. I just want to leave.
“Fine,” Emma huffs. “The one party I’m actually enjoying. You know we’re not allowed to leave you, right?”
I turn to look at her and note the glare Beau is sending her way. I knit my brows, wondering what the heck she’s talking about. Beau grabs her by the elbow and nods for me to follow them.
The song changed not too long ago, ending Kyle and his pretty little partner’s dance. My eyes land on him in the direction Beau is leading us in. He’s standing close to some of his teammates. A smile is on his gorgeous lips as he laughs at something being said around him.
When he sees us coming, he turns to say something to the group, before stepping away from them for a little distance. Beau releases Emma, stepping into Kyle for one of those
hand-clasping half hugs. I’m reluctant to move in for the same gesture when Kyle turns for me.
I swallow my feelings and shift to clasp his hand. He tugs me in for the half hug, and I have to fight everything in me not to lean into him and melt against him. I go to pull away, but he tightens his hold, dipping his head to my ear.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I reply, stepping back.
“We’re heading out,” Beau informs him as Kyle moves to kiss Emma’s cheek and hug her.
Kyle’s eyes swing to me as if I’m the one that just spoke. In one glance, it’s as if he strips me bare. Nothing remains hidden from his watchful gaze. His nostrils flare as he reads me. I turn away, pretending to look around the club, taking it all in.
“All right,” Kyle says. “Give me a second. We’ll all go.”
My head whips back in his direction, but he has already closed the distance between us and his friends to give his excuses for the night. My jaw tightens. I just wanted to go home. He doesn’t have to end his night for me.
He was having a great time after all. The thought sounds snarky even in my own head. I’m beyond caring at this point.
“You leaving already?” I hear a female voice say. “I thought we were going to get to have that dance.”
I have a sour taste rolling in my mouth. I don’t even want to look to see who the voice is coming from. I’ve never experienced these feelings in my life. The frown on my face and the clutching and unclutching of my fists make it evident that I’m not hiding my feelings well.
“Sorry, sweetheart. I have to go take care of home,” I overhear Kyle say.
“Yo, your little dude all right?” another male voice asks.
“Yeah, he’s good. I just need to be out. He has a whole day planned for us tomorrow. I’m tired thinking about it.” Kyle chuckles.
“That’s what’s up. You have to bring him by the gym again. That kid is smart. I liked talking to him.” Someone else laughs.
“Word. That kid’s an old soul. I swear he’s been here before,” another person adds humorously.
“Yeah, he has. But I’ll see y’all in practice. Stay out of trouble,” Kyle says, turning to our little group.
His eyes train on me the moment he faces us. He places a hand on Emma’s back as we all start out. While he’s not touching me, his steps are in line with mine. He remains close enough to shield me if need be, just like he and Beau are doing with Emma.
I should take comfort in that, but my brain has too many thoughts of all the things I’m pissed and confused about. Everyone except for Emma remains quiet as we make our way to the valet to retrieve Kyle’s car. She is rambling about some guys she met in the club. Meanwhile, I can feel the tension rolling off of Kyle as we wait.
When the car arrives, I jump in the back seat before anyone else gets in the car. I hear Kyle grumble something about my fast action, but it’s not clear enough for me to understand. Beau chuckles but slides in beside me.
“Andy, are you okay?” Emma asks, from the front seat. “I mean, I know everything was a lot to take in, but this was a tame night.”
“Emma,” Beau and Kyle snap in unison.
I sink into my seat, folding my arms over my chest as I stew. The rest of the ride is dead quiet. Yet the silence is deafening.
I don’t switch my seat when Beau and Emma climb out at Emma’s place. Instead, I keep my eyes closed and my head pressed against the cool window as if I’m sleeping. Yes, totally childish, but between the alcohol and my emotional state, I feel it’s the best move.
The next time the car comes to a stop, I open my eyes, expecting to be in front of my own apartment building. I must have fallen asleep at some point. When I blink a few times to adjust my eyes, we are outside of Kyle’s house. I bite back my irritation and push the door open to climb out.
I just make it out of the car when Kyle slams the door behind me and backs me against it. My head tips back to look up at him. He lowers his face within inches of mine, his eyes blazing with emotion.
Nothing is said. We just breathe until we are breathing each other in, completely in sync. My tongue darts out to touch my lips, causing a smile to spread on Kyle’s. He leans closer. I close my eyes, thinking he’s going to kiss me.
The contact never comes. I lift my lids to find him still staring at me. My frustration returns, and I get ready to express it. Kyle shakes his head.
“No,” he says firmly. “You questioned me tonight. You questioned us. You questioned yourself. Let me ask you something, Andy. Do you understand what you mean to me?”
I roll my lips, searching for the right words to say. He’s still so close, I can’t think. His cologne has my mind muddled. That charge between us has my body on high alert.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you did,” he replies to his own question. “I think it’s time I fix our first problem.”
He moves in, pinning me to the car with his hips. I feel his bulge through his jeans. His fingers lace into the short strands at my nape.
“Not once did that girl feel that. Her ass was all over me, but that… all of it belongs to you,” he bites out just before crushing his mouth to mine.
I groan into his mouth, my arms going around his neck as if a puppet master guided them there. The kiss is scorching hot. Kyle guides my head just as he wants it. His hips roll into me, causing a need deep in my belly. I question if I’ve ever known desire before this. The want I have threatens to claw its way out from the inside of me.
“Kyle,” I breathe, when his lips make their way to my neck.
He sucks the skin into his mouth and rolls it against his tongue. My fingers crawl their way down his neck to his back. My eyes roll up to the sky. I can taste the night air with each gasp I pull, in search of a cleansing breath to free me of the inferno building in my lungs. The fire is spreading to my veins.
Just when I think I’m going to burst into flames, he releases my flesh. Before my senses can return, he scoops me into his arms as if I weigh no more than a child. My cheeks flame as a surprised sound pushes past my lips. My arms go around his neck. Kyle kisses my cheek, his steps starting for the house.
“Our first problem isn’t you knowing that I want you. It’s you understanding that I can want you. You don’t see you, baby. I’m going to show you what I see,” he says without breaking a stride.
I press my face to the side of his. It takes so much for me not to fall apart in his arms. My past tries to tell me I don’t deserve this, that I don’t belong in his hold like this.
I would never forgive myself for damaging his career. Yet his breathing doesn’t change a bit. I’m stock-still in his hold nonetheless.
“Alexa, dim bedroom lights,” he booms when the lights come on automatically as we enter his room.
I’ve held my breath nearly the entire way to his bedroom where he places me on my feet. He crowds my space, pecking my lips once, twice, a third time before biting my bottom lip. The lust on his face flips my stomach in the most delectable way.
“Don’t move,” he commands.
I nod. He moves to the side of the bed, removing his watch to place on the bedside table. He then reaches for a remote, and a sultry, sexy song begins to fill the room.
If I’m not mistaken it’s Tank, “F**in Wit Me.”
I watch him while he moves to one of the accent chairs across the room. Grabbing the heavy-looking gray chair, he walks it over to me. He sets it down in front of me.
I stand and stare, not moving an inch. First, he unbuttons his navy button-down to reveal the tank underneath. Shrugging the shirt off, he allows it to fall to the floor. Next, he tugs the tank from his jean and yanks it over his head. My eyes follow the movements, watching the fluid motion of his muscles playing beneath his skin. My belly becomes taut with a need that’s so gripping, it’s physically manifesting itself in the form of a deep ache.
Goose bumps rush across my skin, my breathing has increased, and my cock strains against my pants to the point
of pain. Beads of sweat roll down the sides of my face and back. The hairs on my body stand at attention. My scalp feels like it’s tingling.
When he’s down to only his jeans, he moves to me. His fingers brush from my hairline down to my jaw, following a lone drop of sweat. His eyes are focused on mine. I feel like I’m trapped in a web of his making. His other hand reaches for mine.
Gently he turns me so my back is to him. It’s then that I realize he has positioned us in front of an oversized floor-length mirror. My heart knocks against my chest. There’s enough light for me to see myself and Kyle fully. Nothing will be hidden to either of us.
My immediate response is to close my eyes, but Kyle’s hand cups my chin, tipping my head back. He leans over me to place a chaste kiss on my lips. It’s tender yet quick.
“You are a beautiful man on the inside and out. There isn’t a part of you I don’t love or want. You need to see what I see. You need to love what I love,” he says softly. “Look, watch, learn to love.”
His tongue flicks out over my lips. It’s like having a key slid into a forbidden lock. Something clicks inside of me. I want to give back to him the feelings he continues to pour into me.
He pulls away, guiding my face back to the view in the mirror. I watch our reflections staring back at us. Kyle takes the zipper of the lightweight jacket I have on and tugs it down. He then grasps the shoulders of the fabric, peeling it from my body. I let it fall to the floor, not taking my eyes from us. He ducks down to kiss my neck, causing me to tilt my head to give him better access.
His arm snakes around my body, splaying his hand against my stomach. He draws my back to his front, pressing into me from behind. The hand splaying across my belly reaches for the hem of my T-shirt. In one swift motion he has it up and over my head. My first instinct is to cover myself, but I don’t.
I keep my eyes fixed on his in the mirror before us. I try to see me the way he does. I take in my torso that’s more defined than it’s ever been. At least, it is now that I’m looking. I flex my chest, and it sinks in that I’m looking at me, really looking at me.
