Steady (Band Nerd #1)

by Danica Avet

  When the kiss comes to an end, he’s the one who pulls away and I’m clinging to him like a dryer sheet because my legs feel liquefied. His eyes seem to see straight through me, reading every emotion cluttering up my heart and my mind. Arousal is way up there. Like, it’s just about eclipsing everything else, but right below that is affection, terror, delight and shock. And his tender smile says he’ll make everything better.

  “Let’s go,” he says, voice hoarse.

  I nod, licking my lips as I try to tell my hands to let go of his shirt. “Right. You probably made reservations.”

  “Yeah.”

  But he doesn’t let me go right away, his hands clasping my waist, keeping me steady. Then, as though he can’t help himself, he leans down and kisses me again. Quick, a little harder than before, but no less sweet.

  “Okay, now we need to leave,” he announces, snagging my hand and towing me out of my townhouse.

  He pauses only long enough for me to close and lock the door before he escorts me to his truck, nearly tossing me into the passenger seat. And yet, as I watch him walk around the hood, I’m grinning like a madwoman.

  Shaun

  I’m a man on the fucking edge. I was positive I fucked things up earlier by hugging her in front of her students and colleague, then by suggesting we go on a double-date with the man. I don’t fucking double-date, but it seems like the kind of thing Katie would like to do, which is why I suggested it.

  Then she opened the door wearing an outfit that showed off her hourglass figure. And she was wearing some kind of lip gloss or something. But it was when she turned to look for the purse that was sitting on the side table in the hallway that I lost all rational thought. Katie’s ass is a fucking wet dream waiting to happen. Kissing her was the lesser of two evils in my book, especially considering the other option had me bending her over the sofa and fucking her hard and fast.

  Still, it probably wasn’t my smartest move because her scent clings to me, the taste of Katie is on my lips, and the sensation of those curves pressed against me just won’t go away, making it difficult to hide my arousal as we enter the restaurant. Her smile is a little dazed, her lips definitely puffy from my kisses, and the skin around her mouth pink from my beard. She looks like a woman ravished, which is fine with me because, as we walk to our table, I see men eyeing her.

  Why wouldn’t they? She’s cute as hell on a normal day. Tonight, she’s a 50s pinup. I pull her chair out for her, because I really was raised to be a gentleman. Except gentleman don’t peer down the deep cleavage of their dates when they finish seating her. Yet that’s what I do because fuck if I don’t miss her tits. Sue me. I’m a red-blooded man with a sexy woman who wants to be “friends”.

  Careful not to hurt anything as I seat myself, I smile across the table at her. “It’s not exactly what I was expecting,” she says, peering around the restaurant.

  I agree with her. The décor could use a lot of updating. It’s not like some of the swanky places I’ve been to in my professional career, but it’s quaint. There are couples like me and Katie, some are a lot older and some a lot younger. There is also a huge family in the back of the restaurant, their laughter and conversations ringing out. It’s nice.

  “Buddy recommended it,” I tell her, turning back to see her pushing her glasses up her nose. “He brings his wife here for every anniversary.”

  “That’s so sweet,” Katie says with a big smile. “So are you getting along with him?”

  “Naturally,” I reply, handing her a menu. “He used to coach me at UCLA and I never really lost touch with him when I was drafted. He’s a great mentor and one of the best strategic coaches in college ball.”

  That’s how the conversation goes throughout the pre-dinner drinks, the appetizer and the meal, all of which are so good I make a mental note to come here more often. Katie has slowly relaxed the more we talk about work and life, our interests, what our future goals are. We’re just digging into our desserts when she asks the one question I’ve been waiting to hear from her.

  “How do you feel about your divorce?”

  She asks the question softly, her gaze trained on her cheesecake, as though she isn’t sure if she wants to see my reaction. I’ve only briefly mentioned the divorce in our past conversations, mostly because every time I broach the subject, she sort of freezes. I wish I knew what caused that kind of reaction, but I’m hoping by opening up about it, she’ll return the favor.

  Putting down my spoon, I take a sip of my coffee while I sort my thoughts. “I met Denise during a wild time of my life. Back then, it was all about the money, the parties and doing whatever I wanted because I was a star athlete.” She finally lifts her gaze to mine and I give her a wry smile. “She was a party girl and, at the time, that’s all I cared about. I don’t know if I really loved her, or if it was just fun to have her around, but the older I got, the more injuries I gained and the less time I spent on the field, the farther apart we grew, until we were just strangers living together.” I shrug. “It’s partly my fault that our marriage turned shitty. Being the best I could be took precedence over everything else and I guess I made her feel as though she didn’t matter. I don’t know. Anyway, she had an affair with the guy who replaced me on the team and I filed for divorce right after.”

  Her eyes are sad. “I’m sorry.”

  I smile because she’s so fucking cute and sincere. “It’s been a humbling experience for me,” I concede. “Replaced by my team and my wife with a younger man.” I shake my head with a rueful laugh. “Sadly enough, I wasn’t as cut up about her cheating as I was about being forced to retire. She’s in some treatment center right now getting her head on straight and I’m hoping it works because all that’s left is for her to sign the divorce agreement.” And I can finally lock you down. But I keep that bit to myself. “There’s no love lost between us and, at this point, I think she’s dragging things out hoping I’ll either pay her more just to sign the paperwork, or take her back to avoid paying more. But neither option is happening,” I hurry to add when she sits back. “I have no interest in staying married to her. There are some things I can’t forgive, and lying and cheating are at the top of the list.”

  Katie drops her gaze again, her teeth pulling at her bottom lip.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it…you know, before,” I continue, making sure she reads the regret I feel about that. “I was just trying to forget about it. And I guess in my mind, our marriage was over as soon as I saw the picture of her with that kid.” I shake my head. “It’s no excuse, but I never meant to deceive you. You were just…” I take a deep breath. “Fuck, Katie, you were so much fun and beautiful, I went for it, not thinking of how it might seem to you.”

  She doesn’t say anything for several minutes, leaving me agonizing that this wasn’t something she could forgive. “Did I ever tell you about my dad?” she asks, poking and prodding her cheesecake. She glances up and I shake my head. “He and Mom were married five years before they had me. Everything was just great. Like the perfect suburban life. Block parties on the weekends, a close group of friends, all that.” She drops her fork and sits back, hands in her lap. “Then my dad had an affair with the neighbor, my mom’s best friend at the time. I was six when they divorced. Dad married his girlfriend and never looked back.”

  My heart is fucking ripped to shreds from the old pain on her face. “Babe, you don’t have to tell me—”

  She holds up a hand and gives a watery laugh. “I do because it’s just such a fucking mess, Shaun. I always swore I’d never get involved with a married man regardless if he had children or not because I’d never want to hurt another woman the way my mom’s friend hurt her. It wasn’t just my dad’s betrayal that destroyed her, you know? It was her friend’s, and I never wanted to put that kind of pain on anyone.”

  I feel kind of numb, all those happy thoughts of making her mine starting to fade. This wasn’t some kind of small bump in the road we could get over. This was a big fuck
ing deal for her.

  “Then you met—” I began but she cuts me off with a wild laugh.

  “Adam Croft,” she says and reaches out to take a large sip of wine before putting the glass back on the table. “I met Adam Croft and I fell in love. We were together for three years. He loved me and I loved him. Life was perfect.” My stomach twists at the thought of her loving anyone, but she isn’t finished yet. “Do you know why I left a great job in Chicago? Left my friends and family?”

  I shake my head mutely, watching her eyes darken with pain. “Because they found out I was having an affair with a married man,” she says flatly. I don’t know what expression is on my face, but she flinches before lifting her chin. “Yeah, for three years I was the other woman. I was asked very sternly to resign my position because it violated the morality clause I’d signed. Everyone in the school system found out, which didn’t look very good on me. And no one,” she pauses, her lips trembling. “No one seemed to care that I didn’t even know he was married.”

  I feel my eyebrows snap together in a frown. “What?”

  She gives another one of those not-funny laughs. “Yeah. He completely fooled me. I didn’t know he was married until I ran into him, his pregnant wife and his child at a grocery store.” She nods as though she can read the incredulity on my face. “Yup. Your humbling experience has nothing on that. My mom still thinks I should’ve fought to keep my job, to stay in Chicago, but Adam wouldn’t leave me alone, I couldn’t bear to have everyone looking at me like I was a whore and…” She stops and shakes her head as though she doesn’t have anything left.

  “Then I kept running into this man. First on the plane and then at my hotel and I was charmed.” She finally focuses on me and my heart clenches. Fuck. Me. “I had the best night of my life with him, only to see texts from his wife.”

  I wince and slump in my seat. And there it was. In her mind, I’d done to her exactly what Adam had. “No wonder you took off,” I mutter, resting my head on my palms. I don’t care that my mom would slap the back of my head for putting my elbows on the table, not when I see so clearly why Katie wants nothing to do with me. “Fuck, Katie, I’m so sorry.”

  “For a while there, I was starting to think there was something wrong with me,” she whispers, drawing my gaze.

  “What? No, there’s nothing wrong with you,” I tell her, because there isn’t. “There are just a lot of bastards in the world waiting to take advantage of good people.” Like me. Fuck.

  “I realize that,” she says softly. “Now. I thought you were looking for someone to tide you over until your wife came back, or you got bored with me.”

  I sit forward. “No, hell no, babe. You’re… I… You’re the best thing to happen to me in a long time,” I finally say, because I can’t seem to form a complete thought that doesn’t sound like a line. “And I swear to god if all you want is friendship, that’s what I’ll give you.” It’ll kill me, but after hearing her story, I can’t blame her for being leery of getting involved with any man. “That’s what we’ll do,” I say because at least I’ll have a little piece of her. “Forget the kisses and I’ll keep my hands to myself and we’ll be friends.”

  I’m talking fast because I can see her slipping right out of my life, leaving me a hollow shell. Melodramatic as fuck, but that’s what it feels like. Maybe if we can work the friends angle for a while—like a few years, she’ll finally see I’m not a complete dick. I’ll be divorced then, so we won’t have to worry about Denise ruining anything. Yeah, that’s what we’ll do.

  “But I don’t want to forget the kisses, or the way you touch me,” she whispers, and my gaze arrows straight to hers. She’s smiling like she has a secret. What my dad would call a woman’s Mona Lisa smile. “I can’t forget those kisses.”

  My heart is pounding so hard and fast, I feel a little light-headed. I think I’m about to pass out like a pussy. “What are you saying, Katie?”

  A blush darkens her cheeks and she looks down again, nibbling on her lip. “I…I think I want to take things slowly,” she says as she peeks up at me again. “But I really like you, Shaun. And I’d like to see where this can go.”

  I place my hand on the table and, after a brief hesitation, she places her slim fingers in my palm. “Babe, we can take all the time in the world if it means I get to have you in my life.”

  Kate

  I don’t know how much more of him being sweet I can take, so I clear my throat and ask the first thing that comes to mind. “Do you miss playing football?”

  His fingers tighten around mine just a little, as though he’s surprised by the question, before he lets go of my hand. I put it back in my lap, feeling a little disappointed to lose that connection with him. I know, I’m probably sending out all kinds of mixed signals, which I hate. I’m not used to feeling so conflicted over anything or anyone, yet Shaun has me all tied up in knots. I want to give us a try because I do like him. Still, it’s hard to forget the pain and humiliation Adam put me through and that’s where the conflict arises in me.

  “Fuck yeah, I miss it,” he says heavily. “I know no one can play forever. Unless you’re a punter. Vinatieri is forty-three and he’s still playing, but that’s an exception to the rule. It isn’t that I miss the money, or the fans chasing me down or anything. I miss the game, the team. When I first realized it was over.” He stops and shakes his head. “Not going to lie, Katie. It was bad.”

  I try to put myself in his place, imagine my life without the ability to play music ever again and my heart softens. “How did you come to accept it? Have you come to accept it?”

  His smile is easy, causing my heart to flutter. “Yeah, I’ve accepted it and I wasn’t given a choice. Makes me sound like I still have the apron strings attached, but my parents helped a lot.”

  “You’re close to them.”

  I knew this already because we’ve had light conversations about our families, but this feels like it’s more.

  “Yeah. Only child. They were supportive of my goals to play, but wouldn’t let me get too puffed up with my own importance, you know? They never treated me any differently, never let me think I was anything more than just their son. So when I went off to brood about the loss of my career, I got a phone call from my parents.” He laughs and shakes his head.

  “What did they say?”

  “They pretty much told me to get my head out of my ass. I’d had a good career, did what most players never got the chance to do, I was healthy and I needed to start looking at this retirement as the opportunity to give other kids hope for the same.”

  I smile. I can almost hear his mother saying that. Sure, I only spoke to her once, but she sounded so cute and down to earth. “They’re right, you know,” I tell him. He looks over at me and I fidget a little under his scrutiny. “I mean, your players really seem to appreciate you and the team’s doing well this season.”

  His mouth opens, but a young voice pipes up, “’Scuse me, but can I get your autograph?”

  I turn to see not one, but at least a dozen boys had approached our table without either of us noticing. I don’t know how we missed them. They range from young to early teens and all of them are looking at Shaun as though he’s a superstar.

  “I’m so sorry,” a girl says, hanging at the back of the group. Her cheeks almost match her flame red hair as she casts apologetic glances between me and Shaun. “They wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

  “That’s okay,” Shaun says easily. “Does anyone have a pen?”

  I rest my chin on my hand, just watching as he signs autograph after autograph for the boys, who have the strangest names I’ve ever heard. And while he’s signing, he asks them questions about themselves, making each one feel important. It’s… I sigh softly and he looks up at me, catching me watching him with what I know are doe-eyes. He winks, leaving me flustered and blushing.

  Not knowing what to do other than stare at him like a lovesick teenager, I look at the girl overseeing the younger boys. “I’m Kathe
rine,” I introduce myself with a quick smile that she returns.

  “I’m Hennessey Gaudet. Um, I know who you are. I know some people in band at Sauvage.”

  “Really?” I smile, distracted finally. “Are you in band?”

  She nods, tucking a strand of bright red hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I play tuba.” She shrugs. “I’m not great at it, but I like band.”

  Intrigued, I sit forward. “Are you planning to attend Sauvage? You know there are some scholarships available for students…”

  I chat with her about the benefits of joining the Marching 300. I have no idea if she’s any good, but for any girl to play such a non-traditional instrument it shows she has gumption and I like that. Foreseeing a recruitment trip to the local high schools before the football season ends, I tell her I’ll be in touch as she starts gathering up her herd of relatives.

  When I turn back to Shaun, pleased to have possibly picked up a freshman tuba player for the brass line, our gazes meet after he hands over the final signed napkin and the connection crackles the way it has since the first moment we met. A sense of rightness settles over me. Maybe this really can work between us after all.

  Kate

  I’m so nervous as we drive back to my place but, at the same time, I feel as though a huge weight’s been lifted from my heart. I dreaded telling him about Adam and my stupidity. The shock on his face nearly had me jumping out of my seat and running from the restaurant just to get away from his possible judgment. But, once again, Shaun showed me he isn’t like everyone else.

  Once the kids went back to their table, we talked about much lighter subjects. Movies we want to see, what might be discussed at the next faculty meeting, who was going to the Super Bowl—although I have no interest in it—and anything but the big white elephant in the room. Our past relationships. And that was okay, because we have time. I think. We’ve both been cheated on, both experienced disappointment in our relationships and I think that might help us create something solid. At least that’s what I hope. Still all that doesn’t help my nerves, because while I told him I want to take things slow, my body isn’t on board with that decision.