Life After Wifey

by Kiki Swinson

  “What about your truck?”

  “What about it?”

  “Where is it? Do I need to have somebody go and pick it up?”

  “No, that joint is a total loss.”

  “Whatcha mean? What happened?”

  “I totaled it. It’s smashed up!”

  “Are you serious?” I asked with concern, as if I didn’t already know.

  “I’m dead serious. My shit is probably in somebody’s garage being broken down into metal and scraps.”

  “Were you hurt?”

  “Except for that airbag fucking up my neck, I’m straight.”

  “Do you think your insurance company will cover the damages?”

  “That’s a dumb ass question,” he replied sarcastically. “Shit, I ain’t had my driver’s license long enough, but I do know that if you get a reckless driving charge, your insurance company will laugh yo’ stupid ass out of their office if your try to get them to pay for your shit to get fixed.”

  “So, what cha’ gonna do?”

  “I’mma worry ‘bout this case first ‘cause I can always replace the Rover. Anyway, let me get off this phone, ‘cause a whole line of niggas is trying to use it.”

  “All right. Are you gonna be able to call me back?”

  “I’mma try but if I don’t, I’ll try to holla at you tomorrow before they take me to court.”

  “Okay. I love you!”

  “A’ight.”

  My conversation with Syncere went pretty smooth. That nigga was so unpredictable, it’s pathetic. The moment I answered the phone, I thought I was gonna get the tongue lashing of a lifetime, but I was wrong. Thank God, because I wasn’t in the mood for his bullshit and now that I think about it, this nigga didn’t tell me he loved me too. I wondered what kind of shit he was on. But, whatever it was, I was convinced it was something he had to work out on his own. Meanwhile, I was going to get comfy so that I could whip out Kira’s diary and indulge myself in her madness. But, as I searched through the contents of my handbag, I realized that I must’ve left it back at the salon.

  “Damn, how did I manage to leave it?” I asked myself , which made me realize that it was that damned phone call I got from Quincy that threw me off track. I called Rhonda on her cell phone to see if she had seen the diary once I left the salon.

  “Hello,” Rhonda said after the fourth ring.

  “Hey girl, this is Nikki.”

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Where you at?”

  “At home, laying in my bed. Why?”

  “I was hoping you was still at the shop, because I left Kira’s diary there. Did you happen to see it before you left?”

  “Nope, I sure didn’t. Where did you leave it?”

  “I think I left it back in your office, because that was the last place I had it before I left.

  “Well, you couldn’t have left it in there because I straightened up the office right after you left.”

  “Oh well, I guess I must’ve left it over at my station.”

  “Yeah, you probably did. But, don’t worry about it, ain’t nobody gon’ mess with it. Remember, I’m the only one with a key to the shop, so I’ll see you in the a.m.”

  “All right.”

  14

  Game Recognizes Game

  Rhonda Speaks

  My heart started racing fifty miles a minute the moment I heard Nikki’s voice. I knew she was calling me about Kira’s diary, that’s why I already had a story ready for her ass. Yeah, I saw the diary. I picked it up and brought it home with me because I planned to read that bad boy tonight if it killed me. Shit, Kira was like my best friend. I wanted to know what she went through too. Now that she got off my phone, I was going to start off from where me and Nikki left off earlier today. The page from January 24, 2006 read:

  Dear Diary,

  I met with Nikki’s lawyer earlier today to go over the details of the interview I’m gonna have with the Feds on behalf of Nikki. I signed some documents that will give me immunity if I cooperated fully. I’m kind of having second thoughts about doing this, but hey, it’s too late now. The damage is already done. I just hope the shit doesn’t backfire on me because if Ricky were to ever find out what Nikki and I were doing to him, she and I both would come up missing for sure. The only thing that’s left for me to do now is pray that everything works out the way that it’s supposed to. Besides, who wants to go into protective custody if Ricky gets wind of what’s going on?. I sure don’t. That’s why I gotta’ make sure the Feds do their part. After everything is over, I can go on about my life and live it in peace.

  After reading this page of Kira’s diary, my mouth fell open and I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Tony, come here!”

  “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, startled by my scream.

  “You are not going to believe this shit here,” I told him, my chest heaving up and down.

  “What is it?”

  “Here, check this shit out! Read this page right here.” I pointed to the page I had just read.

  He took the diary out of my hand and slowly read every word from Kira’s diary.

  When he finally looked up at me, I immediately saw how the expression had changed on his face. “Where the fuck did you get this from?”

  “Me and Nikki found it at Kira’s house the day we went over there to pack her stuff up.”

  “The police didn’t find this shit?”

  “Evidently, they didn’t. If they had, they would’ve used it for evidence in her murder trial.”

  “Didn’t I tell you that them hoes was snitching?”

  Instead of commenting, I nodded my head.

  “You gon’ start listening to me one of these days. I knew what I was talking about. And believe me when I tell you that if you keep reading her diary, you’ll probably find out who killed her.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” I admitted.

  “How long have you had the diary?”

  “I just got it tonight. Nikki had it, but she left it at the shop today so I scooped it right on up and brought it home. She doesn’t even know I have it, so I’mma read the whole thing tonight and put it back in the shop before she comes in the morning.”

  “What, she don’t want you reading it?”

  “I don’t think she wanted me to have actual possession of it but she would read certain parts of it to me.”

  “Well, now you see why she didn’t want you to have possession of it.”

  “Yep, I sure do.”

  “Good. Now, all you got to do is get that bitch Nikki out of that shop. If you don’t, you gon’ fuck around and catch a couple of strays dem niggas gon’ be popping off at her ass!”

  “But, how do we know somebody is after her? Remember, Ricky is dead.”

  “That didn’t stop whoever killed Kira.”

  “You got a point there.”

  “Exactly. Whoever that nigga is has got to know Nikki was snitching too, which is why he’s definitely coming back for her. It’s just a matter of time.”

  “So, how am I supposed to tell her to leave when she done took over Kira’s part of the ownership?”

  “Is it in writing?”

  “No.”

  “Then just tell her to carry her ass!”

  “Come on Tony, she ain’t gon’ go for that shit. Especially the way she be carrying on now, parading ‘round there wearing all of Kira’s clothes and diamonds like she runs the whole shop.”

  “Look, I don’t give a fuck what she’s doing ‘round there because if she don’t watch herself, she gon’ be laid out somewhere.”

  Instead of responding to Tony’s comment, I shook my head because I honestly didn’t know what to say. My hands were tied with this situation and I wasn’t gonna be able to do anything about it.

  “Why you sitting there looking all crazy?” he asked.

  “Because I don’t know what to do.”

  “I just told you,” he snapped.

  “I ain’t gon’ be able to do it
like that.”

  “Well, do you want me to do it? ‘Cause you know I can’t stand her ass! You know I’ll make her feel the heat. Believe me, she won’t ever show her face ‘round the shop again.”

  Listening to Tony lay out his plan to get Nikki to leave the salon for good was becoming a little too unrealistic. His approach to the matter wasn’t pleasant at all but, at the same time, I was beginning to understand his plan and decided to handled it myself.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I told him. “I know what I’m gonna do.”

  “Yeah, a’ight! But, whatever it is, don’t fuck around and drag your feet,” he commented and then he walked back out of the bedroom, leaving me behind to come up with a plan of my own.

  Before I put much thought into that plan, I buried my face back into the diary placed before me. My curiosity was beginning to get out of control. Before I knew it, it was four o’clock in the morning and I had read the entire diary. I was speechless and I honestly could not believe all the shit I had just read. From Kira dropping a dime on Ricky and robbing him of all his dough to her getting wrapped up with Russ and letting him take everything she worked so hard to get was kind of crazy, if you asked me. I mean, how fucking stupid could she have been? You don’t tell the nigga you screwing around with that you’d been snitching on your husband to the Feds and expect him to be all right with it. That’s a no-no! I don’t give a fuck how good his dick was or how much he told you he loved you, all niggas were grimy. You couldn’t trust none of them. All those bastards were vultures and fucking scavengers! They would never change. Then to read the part where Kira believed that Syncere had something to do with her and Mark getting shot outside her apartment was a complete shock. But, what got me was why didn’t she tell the police this shit. What was going through her mind for her to keep something like that to herself? Was she on drugs or something? I mean, ‘cause that was some weird shit! As far as Nikki was concerned, that was another issue. Whatever I decided to do about her would have to be played by ear. The bottom line was, she did have to go. This diary alone confirmed that.

  I went to sleep a little after four a.m. this morning though part of me was still very much awake. It was a natural occurrence for me to listen to my children while they were fumbling around trying to get dressed every morning. Even though Tony was in charge of making sure they were properly dressed and fed, part of me was still on high alert, just in case the kids wanted to go about things their own way. But fortunately, I didn’t have to go into Superwoman mode this morning because everything went smoothly.

  After I heard my last offspring head out the door, I turned over in my bed intending to fall back to sleep. But, for some odd reason, my body wouldn’t let me. I lay there quietly for about fifteen minutes when I heard somebody knock on my front door. It was entirely too early for company, so who in the hell could it be this time of morning? On a good day, I would not have hesitated to get out of the bed to curse out this unexpected visitor. But why not let Tony handle it? Before I could yell out his name he yelled, “Who is it?”

  For the life of me, I couldn’t hear the other person’s voice on the other side of the door. I couldn’t figure out whether it was a man or a woman because the voice was so muffled. But then all that changed when he opened the door.

  “Oh hey, how you doing?” I heard Tony say.

  “I’m fine. Is Rhonda available?” I heard a woman ask which, of course, made me sit straight up in bed. Curiosity was beginning to get the best of me and I wanted to know who this woman was. I sat still and listened closely to her voice in hope of recognizing it. I figured if Tony knew her, then so should I.

  “Oh, nah. She’s asleep right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Well see, this is the thing - for the last three months, your rent has been late,”

  “Yeah, I know that,” Tony told her.

  “Well, she hasn’t been including the late fees and now there’s a $150 maintenance fee balance. It needs to be paid ASAP,” I heard her stress to Tony.

  “All right. When she gets up, I’ll let her know.”

  “You do that and also let her know that I’ll be expecting to see her by the end of the week.”

  “I sure will,” Tony replied.

  “Oh yeah, one other thing,” started to say.

  “What’s up?”

  “Has the maintenance worker corrected y’all’s water heater problem?”

  “Nope, they sure didn’t. As a matter of fact, one guy came through here about a week ago, unscrewed a couple of screws and said he’d be back later because he needed to get a special piece to fix it. But, he ain’t never show back up.”

  “When was this?”

  “About a week ago.”

  “Okay, I’ll get on that and have someone else come out and have that fixed in no time.”

  “Thank you so much, Ms. Lady.”

  “Just call me Keisha.”

  “A’ight, thank you, Ms. Keisha.” Tony continued to flirt which, of course, had my blood boiling over. But I remained cool and decided to wait for him to slip up again.

  Being the person he was, it was bound to happen.

  “You’re quite welcome,” she said and then I heard her giggle. But I couldn’t figure out why was she giggling. I mean, it wasn’t like he said something funny. As a matter of fact, I didn’t hear Tony say another word. But I did hear her laugh again. I hopped out of the bed and went to see what the hell was so hilarious. When I reached the entrance to the front door I realized why I didn’t hear Tony talking was because this muthafucka had a nerve to be whispering in her ear. This hoe was standing in front of my door in these tight-ass blue jeans showing off her pussy print, skinning and grinning like she’s got some kind of schoolgirl crush for this broke-ass bastard. So, like any normal sister would do, wrapped up in a bathrobe but still ready to go for whatcha know, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and shut down their little flirting session.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I yelled and scared the shit out of the both of those clowns.

  “Whatcha’ talking ‘bout?” Tony asked, turned around stuttering.

  “Just answer my damn question!”

  “Ain’t shit going on!”

  “Well, why the hell are you out this muthafucker whispering like you don’t want me to hear what you got to say to her?”

  “I wasn’t whispering,” Tony said and that’s when I got even louder.

  “Don’t try that lying shit on me, Tony! I ain’t stupid, so please try to spare yourself the embarrassment because I’m about to show the fuck off in a few minutes if you don’t tell me what the fuck you and her was talking about!”

  “We were just talking about how lazy the maintenance guys are. That’s all,” the chick said, coming to his rescue.

  “Oh, really,” I said. And who are you?”

  “My name is Keisha. I work at the rental office.”

  “Is that so?” I asked sarcastically.

  “Yeah. But, to ease your mind, we weren’t talking about anything else.”

  “Well, I can’t tell! Because you were grinning your ass off out here before I rained on y’all little parade.”

  “Trust me, it wasn’t nothing but a friendly conversation,” she said, obviously trying to convince me.

  “Yeah, that’s what they all say! As for that $150 in late fees, I’ll drop it off by the office before I leave and go to work this morning.”

  “Okay. That’ll be fine.”

  “It’s gon’ have to be,” I told her, watching Tony excusing himself from the conversation. I did give him the evil eye when he walked by me to come back into the house.

  “Well, y’all have a nice day.”

  “We will,” I said with the meanest grit I could muster up and then I slammed my door as hard as I could.

  Tony got MIA, but I found his ass in the bathroom sitting down on the toilet with his pants down, like he was trying to shit. But, I wasn’t going for that bullshit! And when I forced
the door in with my right foot, he realized that I was ready to go for round two.

  “Are you gon’ let me shit in peace before you start screaming on me?”

  “Fuck you, nigga! I’m so tired of your sneaky-ass ways, it’s pathetic! What’s so fucked up about you is that you’re starting to get real bold with the shit too by standing outside of my damn house, skinning and grinning with some bitch that looks like her pussy stinks!”

  “Why the fuck are you tripping? I wasn’t trying to holler at that girl. And if I was, don’tcha think I would’ve had enough sense not to do it right in front of the crib?”

  “Nigga, you think being in front of the crib matters? Hell nah, not when it comes to your sneaky ass. You’ll do some slime ball shit in the same room with me, if you think I ain’t looking!”

  “Yo, Rhonda, stop bugging out! I don’t even get down like that.”

  “Yeah, that’s what your mouth say! But, I’ll tell you what; If I catch that hoe in your face again, you better pack your shit up real quick ‘cause if you don’t, I’m gon’ do it and you ain’t gon’ like it one bit.”

  “Yeah, whatever,” Tony uttered real nonchalant like.

  I smacked him upside his head and said, “Yeah, whatever, my ass! Now, try me and see what happens!”

  “You need to keep your hands to yourself,” he warned me.

  “I ain’t gon’ do a muthafucking thing ‘cause, I’m really tired of your bullshit! Witcha broke ass you got the nerve to be smiling up in that bitch’s face and don’t even pay the damn rent ‘round here,” I screamed even louder. “If you wanna act like you doing something, step to her and get her to waive all them late fees and give us a discount on the muthafucking rent!”

  “That girl ain’t gon’ be able to do that shit!”

  “How you know? Did you have time to ask her that too?” I snapped and swung at his head.

  He ducked and said, “Rhonda, you better go ‘head before I get up from this stool and go the fuck off.”

  “Go ‘head and get up, shitty!”

  Tony sighed with frustration and said, “Look, will you please leave, so I can shit in peace?”

  “Yeah, I’mma leave, ‘cause you starting to stink. But trust me, I ain’t through wit’ your sorry ass!”