The Murder of Jeffrey Dryden: The Grim Truth Surrounding Male Domestic Abuse

by Troy Veenstra

  Secondly, if Chiquita was really in a meaningful relationship with Jeff as she later describes in a following chapter to one of the detectives, why did Isaac not know about it, as it seems just from his comment that Chiquita and him had been talking frequently and in depth.

  Lastly, and this of course is just speculation on my part, but it seems odd that Isaac was so surprised about Jeff being her boyfriend that he needed to make a comment on it. The only reason to me that he would do so was because Chiquita had already started stringing him along as a potential backup to the backup guy she was caught by Jeff having sex with.

  Before writing this book I made several attempts to get ahold of Isaac and ask him first-hand as to how he knew Chiquita, yet all my attempts to make contact with him were ignored, thus it is only through circumstantial evidence this little notation was made. In any event, this was just a side note that I wanted to make people aware of, as I believe a lot more was going on than Chiquita was letting anyone, including her family members, know about her true actions.

  As stated above, Candice made a comeback statement literally insulting (justifiably in my opinion) the use of Ebonics on the posts, to which the family responding back in kind. A woman by the name of Shanti (who had tons to say) responded by stating. “OK, PUNCTUATION, GRAMMAR ETC.. IS SO BEYOND THIS SITUATION SO ALL THESE RACES ASS WHITE PEOPLE (just to note, Candice said she was black when she made the comment about grammar) CAN STOP TRYING TO PORTRAY ALL BLACK PEOPLE AS BEING STUPID.. NOW NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK WENT DOWN IN THERE HOME SO ALL THESE COMMENTS STATING HE WASN'T HAPPY AND HE WAS BEING ABUSED BY CHIQUITA.. WELL HE SHOULD HAVE HAD ...ENOUGH FUCKING SENSE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF DOGE WHEN SHE FIRST STARTED KICKING HIS ASS.”

  “CANDICE:

  DO YOU KNOW CHIQUITA FIZER? ANSWER:NO

  HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN WITH HER ABOUT JEFF ANSWER:NO

  WHO GIVES TWO FUCKS ABOUT WHAT YOUR SISTER TOLD YOU.. AND AS FAR AS YOU FEELING COMFORTABLE WITH SAYING WHATEVER TO WHO EVER YOU WANT, I FEEL AS THOUGH THAT IS A FALSE COMMENT, I'M ALMOST CERTAIN THAT YOU WOULD BE QUIET AS A CHURCH MOUSE IF ANYONE OF MS.FIZERS FAMILY MEMBERS EVER APPROACHED ON THE COMMENTS YOUR CLAIMING YOU FEEL COMFY ABOUT SAYING... NOW YOU AND YOUR SISTER CAN GO AHEAD AND GOSSIP AMONGST YOUR SELVES ALL DAY LONG BUT GETTING ON HERE TALKING ABOUT IT INST A GOOD IDEA ON YOUR BEHALF (sounds like a threat) SO... I HAVE TO TELL YOU! AND ANOTHER THING SHE WASN'T A TICKING TIME BOMB THE COLUMBINE KIDS WERE TICKING TIME BOMBS SO YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LITTLE STUPID EXAGGERATING COMMENTS TO YOUR SELF BETTER YET TELL THEM TO YOUR SISTER SINCE YOU GUYS LOVE TO GOSSIP,”

  SARA KWEKEL: (made the comment that, “if Chiquita killed Jeff she deserves to go to jail”) WHY WOULD YOU BE WISHING BAD THINGS ON HER.. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANSWER: NOBODY THAT MATTERS.... YES, ITS VERY SAD WHAT HAPPEN BUT IM ALMOST CERTAIN THAT YOU WOULD BE UPSET IF SOMEONE WISHED SOMETHING BAD UPON ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT.. I CANT EVEN CUSS YOU OUT LIKE I WANT TO BECAUSE IM JUST ANNOYED BY YOUR IGNORANT ASS COMMENT.. JUST GO TO HELL FOR THAT.. DAMN YOU JUST PISS ME OFF”

  After her sweet and kind comments were made, quite a few people had to add to her statements. A man by the name of Joey stated, “Nobody said a thing about the black people, except for Tiffany... a black person. Odd, I must say. I was noting the ignorance that is displayed when people feel the need to type with caps lock on, write incomplete sentences, misspell common words like "racist" etc. I see you've reinforced that. Thank You.

  This was followed by Sara Lyn who stated, “I am just going to say one thing. The least racist people I know are Jeff's family and friends! We could care less if your orange and spotted! How on God’s green earth did a murder turn into a "race thing??" Seriously?!! What is the point in it?! And no we are not racist; we simply could not read what they were trying to say!”

  Sara Kwekel responded back by stating, “She KILLED someone! How is this EXCUSABLE in ANY WAY? I've had PLENTY wished upon my family, I have been spoken of negatively by the public on this very site for things my ex-husband did. Been there done that. However, I do not let people's comments get under my skin as you do. People will always talk trash, but how you handle it shows how you are as a human being. And you don't seem to be much of one by how you speak. I would hate to see how you carry yourself in person. It’s probably a pathetic sight.”

  CHAPTER 8:

  THE MOURNING COMES…

  That morning came a bit too fast, faster than what I could prepare myself for, not that anyone or anything can prepare you to see a loved one in a coffin well before their prime, or really for any other reason, but this… this was different from other deaths.

  Walking up to the funeral home entrance with Eric that damp cloudy morning, we both tried to prepare ourselves for the ritual that was to come. The sacrament we thought we knew very well already. By this time in my life I‘d of thought I would know what to say. What to do and how to act. Death over the years had become something of second nature to our family. Losing our father, our maternal grandfather, grandmother and paternal grandfather all within six months of each passing over the span of two years, I thought I knew how to act, how to stand and support the grieving family, to just do what needed to be done.

  Searching through my memories---falling back upon times when I dealt with death on a personal level, I remembered the passing of my father and grandfather. Remembered the stillness of their body as the heat slowly coasted away, the touch of their hands as I held them in my own for the last time. The lifelessness and the calmness; every sound, every thought, every smell of those moments burned forever in my mind, etched deeply in the feelings of my memories.

  Yet still, these recollections were different from what I was feeling at that moment, different from what I had known, as before each death, each passing of a loved one was inevitable, each passing was something that we knew would eventually come or at the very least would happen. This was different. This death was unexpected, untimely and violent. This was something that could have easily been avoided, something that should have never happen, if only his killer would have paused and gave thought for only a brief second before acting with such malice and disregard for life. Jeff’s death was different in so many ways.

  Their parting words…

  When I first began writing this book, I was originally going to tell you about everything that went on during the three-day funeral. Mention every thought, every tear, every memory from his friends and family. Talk about the shared pain, the prayers to God and the remembrance of life through art, music, and heartfelt loss.

  However, the more I thought about it, the more I came to the idea of leaving those memories with the ones that loved him the most, the ones that had known him since he was child, those that had grown up with him in their life; those that came to see him grow from a child and into a man.

  That said; however, I thought I would leave this chapter with the words of those that were willing to share their thoughts, their hearts openly on Jeff’s Memorial Facebook Page, which was started by one of his family members the day after his murder.

  I believe that this page did so much in helping so many get through the hard times of loss, so much to help Paula with her grieving, her hatred and her sadness and is still helping her and all those countless others even now almost a year and a half later. Thus, how better to know the value of a life, if not by the words, thoughts, and hearts of those that valued it the most…

  ***

  “It has been since school that I have seen you. I remember the quiet sound and funny laugh with a big smile you have always given to others hearts from yours. To hear what has happened has put a sad thought in many of our minds but we still have the happy memories that we hold to reminisce forever. You will be missed dearly but we will know you are in a better place with other loved ones and watching over us now. I hope you R.I.P Jeff. Many thoughts and prayers are with your family from ours.”

  ---Amanda Snyder Dominiak (friend)

  “Dear friend I will miss all the adv
entures we have gone through the past 7 years that put a smile on my face every time I think of them. It breaks my heart to know you are gone... RIP Jeff Dryden you will always be missed & thought of till the end of time...”

  ---Ashley Marie Koetsier (friend)

  “It’s been awhile since we dated and even saw each other, but I still remember the fun times we had. I was shocked to hear the news and even more to read what exactly had happened. It was all surreal and unbelievable until reality had set in. Justice will be served and what comes around goes around. Everything happens for a reason and your time on earth was done, but will not ever be forgotten. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers for a very long time. RIP my dear friend and know you were loved here on earth!

  ---Tracie K Svatora (Friend)

  “Haven’t seen you since 7th grade. RIP ♥ you will rest in peace while the guilty suffer.”

  --Brandi DeRuiter (Friend)

  “My thoughts and prayers go out to all of your loved ones. You will truly be missed by all of those you were close with as well as those who you have left a lasting impression in their lives even if it was only for a minute. You are in God’s hands now and for what reason none of us will understand why he needed you at such a young age but you are an angel now...an angel to look after all of those who love you and you will forever be in all of our hearts. *RIP Jeff*”

  ---Jamie Leigh Siciliano (Friend)

  “I didn’t get to know you like most of these privileged people did. I do know you were a very bright compassionate person. You were good to everyone you met. You are proof that the good pass away young. Jeff you were a good young man, this world is a lot emptier without you. I am just happy you never had to grow old. You never had to suffer the pain of old age. R.I.P. Man glad you are with God, I guess he needed you early.”

  ---Ed Holmgren (Acquaintance)

  “You will always be in my heart; you were my best friend and will always be missed”

  ---Kristen Woudstra (Friend)

  “R.I.P Jeff even though I barely knew u... I will miss u like crazy.. Love always your first cousin…”

  ---Abbigale Marie Cox (Cousin)

  “I will ALWAYS remember you, my little cousin. You will be loved and missed forever; you are now with grandma and grandpa!”

  ---Brenda GILDER (Cousin)

  “Baby, I'm trying to find the words, but they just aren't coming. At one point in time we had our fun together, we also had our fights. You always saw the best in people, even when we were at our worst. I am so proud of who you became. This has to be a nightmare that we are going to wake up from soon. It's not right or fair that you left us, in this manner. No amount of justice will bring you back, I know. It is in God’s hands now, as are you. You will be forever remembered and missed. Love you little cuz!”

  ---Amanda Morris (cousin)

  “Jeff, I love you very much. You were my first love. The first time I saw you I fell in love with you. You were my best friend for many years and a best friend to many other people. You will always be in my heart. You have taught me so much in my life. I now understand why you were who you are. You have so many special people in your life that cared about you a lot and it is all because of what a great person and friend you are. I will try so hard to live like you did and treat people like you did. You are a good person, and if more people were like you this world would be a better place, I know you are in a better place now but your memory will be with me forever.”

  ---Nicole Axdorff (Ex-Girlfriend)

  “Jeff, I didn't know you as well as others on here, but I know that you were a great guy. I just want to say that your service was beautiful and that there were many people there who cared about you. You touched a lot of people in your life in ways you didn't even know about, such as me and Casey for a small example, I am sure there are many more!! You also managed to bring smiles to the faces of your loved ones even through all of the tears just from the great stories that everyone had to share! It takes a very special person to do that and I know that you will be greatly missed by everyone! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers always, I pray for all of you every day! Watch over them I know they all need you right now! RIP...”

  ---Melissa Redner (Acquaintance)

  “Jeff, wanted to wait until the day I could tell you a few things without falling apart, feeling the pain in my heart and getting that big lump in my throat and tears filling my eyes, I realized that that day will never come. I will never forget or get over this feeling. The years you and I spent together as father and son mean more to me than any one will ever know. You will always be with me in my heart and soul. I feel safe while I continue my journey through life knowing that you are watching over Mom and Me as we cope with the joys and pains the world will give us. Jeff, I wish our life with each other had begun earlier and lasted longer than it did, but I am okay knowing that we will someday see each other again. We still have so much to share together and some day we will. I LOVE YOU SON, POPS.

  ---Tony Leverich (Step father)

  “Jeff, The sorrow I feel can't compare to what your Mom, Tony, Jason, Jill, and Josh must be feeling. I wish we could go back in time and change things, but we can't. I have felt true hatred for the first time in my life and it's a feeling I never want to feel again, instead, I would rather think of your smile and how happy you always were. We miss you, pray for you and continue to seek justice for you. Tell Grandpa and Grandma I said Hi, because I'm sure you are with them watching over us. Love you.”

  ---Roxanne Guild (Aunt)

  Hey Jeff, I have to say that i have been waiting to post here as I wanted to get my thoughts together, and so here it is. Today the pastor at your funeral said that, "we are not the victims but the Victors." I agree with this... as in the end, we will be the victors of justice with the cause of your passing, so too we are the victors for having been touched with you in our lives. It’s funny, history has seemed to prove that the greatest people in this world are here but a few moments, and yet, can leave their mark on so many, you cousin are one of those people. I will greatly miss you; and I have to say, that if any good can come from your passing, it's that you have renewed the love in all your cousins and friends, to remind us that our differences in this world should not divide us from always being there for each other.

  ---Troy Veenstra (Cousin)

  “Jeff, I know I didn’t know you like Taige, but I watch Taige listen to the song he picked out for your funeral, and words just cannot describe the pain that I see in his eyes! I don't know how to comfort him because I still can't believe it myself! Dominic just saw your picture and remembered the Lightning McQueen car you and Nichole bought him for his 2nd birthday! You have made an impact on everyone that knew you! Even Dom, who is now 5! He also remembers going to BWW by the trailer too! He asked if you were keeping Grandpa Craig along with a long list of our departed pets company in Heaven, I said I am sure you are! Dom still has that car, though played with and broken; it will always be a special toy and a special memory! God Bless you, Rest in Peace Special Friend”

  ---Sara Lyn (friend)

  “Jeff, It’s been six months since we all got the news that shocked the family, that changed all of our lives. We no longer take everything for granted. We are a much closer family. Someday you will Welcome us to your new home, which I believe is so beautiful, and peaceful, that you are in a much better place. Love you and miss you.

  ---Linda Irons (Aunt)

  “Jeff, I really miss you... Some nights it is the hardest when Jason and I are sitting here cuz usually you were here sitting in the pink chair next to the bed while playing on your phone and turning asking "Cierra will you fish for me PLEASE?" I miss our talks that we have had... I could use someone to talk to so show me a sign that you are listening... I love you tons you are a Wonderful brother...”

  ---Cierra Kyser Dryden (Sister In-law)

  “My brother is one of a kind and true friend, always there when I needed him the most. It has been tough the la
st few months without him, people say it gets easier with time but for me it doesn't seem like it. I do take comfort in knowing he is in heaven and one day the family will be complete again. Love you more and more everyday...”

  ---Josh Dryden (Brother)

  “Jeff... You will be forever missed. You have been my best friend since before we were born. Your life was cut way to short and vengeance will be served to that crazy bitch. Cierra and I will be at every one of the hearings and am going to make sure she never breathes free air again. I'm going to miss you every day for the rest of my life. Rest in peace my beloved twin brother…”

  ***

  “Jeff, my mind is full of things we did together. I miss the late nights chilling and the long nights partying with you. I mainly miss just talking to you. When we talked no matter how quiet we knew what was said. I miss waking and baking brownies on the weekends with you. Jeff the world is not the same without your magnetic personality. One line of yours I wish I could hear you say again is "Let’s go to the strip club.” Every time you uttered those words over the years meant a great time was going down. Heck any road trip with you was fun even if sometimes the road trips didn’t find the right destination, *cough*Indianapolis*cough*, you still made sure we had fun. I remember you even shared your expensive chocolates with everyone on that trip. You will always have a very special place in my heart.”

  ---Jason Dryden (Twin Brother)

  “Jeff, the last time I heard you say ‘I Love You Mom’ was about 6 hours before you were killed. I'm lucky that I still hear Jason say I Love You Ma, Jill say I Love You Momma, and Josh say I Love You MAMA, but I would do anything to hear your voice just one more time. I miss you so much, Jason and I just got home from the cemetery and I wish I could hear your distinct voice, but I didn't. One day I will hear you again up in Heaven, but until then I will think of you every minute of every day. I LOVE YOU,”

  ***

  “Today Jason came over and we watched the Michigan game and Nascar, both of those you loved to do. I kept thinking of you and the way you used to hug and kiss me goodbye. I miss you so much. I cannot believe that it has been 7 weeks since you were taken from us. I know you are watching over us and that makes me feel a little better, but just wanted to tell you that I LOVE YOU. Mom”