The Murder of Jeffrey Dryden: The Grim Truth Surrounding Male Domestic Abuse

by Troy Veenstra

  Self-Defense

  On the issue of self-defense, a woman can defend herself against her male abuser without fear of being deemed an abuser herself. However, if charged with the crime of assault, a woman who claims she was battered can seek out free legal aid to defend her and help prove that she was being abused.

  On the other side of that if a man is being abused by his female lover, he is advised to “Flee” if possible. “If he does not flee but instead attempts to restrain her from injuring him and she is injured in the process, it is the male who will almost certainly be arrested and jailed under current laws and practices (Charles E Corry, Fiebert Ph.D., & Pizzey, 2008).”

  Leaving & Children

  If a woman is being abused by her boyfriend or husband, finally gets up enough courage to leave and take her kids with her, she can expect to find room in a Women’s Domestic violence shelter. Be given free room and board, assistance in filing a divorce and eventually win full custody of her children.

  If a man does the same, however, he can expect to find himself suddenly homeless without anywhere to go. He can expect to, “have false allegations of domestic violence or abuse made against him during a divorce by his spouse solely to gain advantage in child custody and property disputes, particularly over the marital home, (Gardner, 1992)” and have these allegation deemed fact by the courts.

  Furthermore he may expect to have a Personal Protection Order placed against him, time with his kids observed and supervised by Child Protective Services, and have no way to pay a lawyer to defend himself over these false allegations. Currently there is little to no support by the government to assist men in domestic abuse situations. Men that do have children often times stay with their abusive mate in order to protect their children from the rage and anger of their spouse, versus making the attempt to leave only to have their children pulled back into the same situation but without them there to protect them.

  So knowing this, why do men stay in abusive relationships? Why don’t they leave if they are “getting their asses kicked?” I don’t think I really need to answer this one further, as things are not always black and white as some people are led to believe, unless proven by inexplicable evidence to the contrary, as was the case with Jeff’s murder in regards to Chiquita’s actions that Sunday morning.

  CHAPTER 13: OCTOBER 20 2010

  THE DEAL REJECTED

  "I dread a trial," she said. "I don't want to hear what happened or see the (crime scene) photos." --- Paula Dryden

  Over the course of two months since the pre-trial hearing, Paula was having problems trying to cope with what the future held. The thought, the idea of having to sit in a courtroom for several days, with Chiquita’s family eyeing her every move, grumbling to her every tormented sigh sent chills through her body. As a mother, she wanted to ensure that her son got justice but also as a mother missing her beloved son, she dreaded the idea, the thought of having to listen to how her son was killed.

  How he spent his last moments, his last few breaths in pain, dying alone, without anyone that loved and cared for him comforting him in his final moments.

  Time for her during those two months seemed to stand still as each day molded into the next, day and night having no meaning on her as she sheltered herself with pictures of Jeff around her. Her only real outlet for coping with the pain was reading the posts on Jeff’s Memorial Facebook page by others feeling the same hopelessness, the same loss as she.

  Thus, when the Prosecution came to her with the proposal of a plea deal for Fizer she was more than willing to hear it and accept it knowing that her son would finally have his justice and that she and her family could eventually begin to heal, allowing the open wounds upon their hearts to settle.

  “As part of the plea offer,” the prosecution told her, “Chiquita would have to plead guilty to the charge of 2nd degree murder of Jeffrey Dryden. For her plea, we would recommend a prison term of at least 15 year minimum before being eligible for possible parole; this plea would shave about eight to 10 years off a jury conviction.”

  In reflection, this deal was leaner than most, as with the charge of 2nd degree murder the minimum is around 23 years with life being the maximum sentencing.

  Sadly, Fizer instantly refused it and was sent back to the Kent County Jail to await a date for the trial, thus, forcing Paula and her family to continue to live with the opened wound for what would be another seven more months before justice would finally arrive for Jeff and his family. Justice that could have started so much sooner had Fizer listened to her attorney, admit her guilt and listened to reason.

  The Posting Wars Rekindled

  “Those that are conscious of Guilt cannot bear the innocence of others, so they will reduce all others to their level,” ---Charles James Fox

  Almost immediately Chiquita’s aunt went on to the Grand Rapids Press posting site and began praising the court system and praying that Judge Johnston and the victim’s family have mercy for her niece as “Freak accidents do happen as it did in this case.” She went on to state, “My beloved neice (sic) has never harmed or put any one in a position to be harmed in any way, shape or form.” My guess is her aunt either didn’t believe that Chiquita had previously plead guilty in April of that year to domestic assault when she slashed at Jeff with a steak knife, or that she just let it slip her mind.

  She further went on to imply that her niece was scared that night and has been ever since and felt that Chiquita had already been punished enough, “because she will have to live with the unfortunate evnt (sic) for the rest of her life. I thank each person for standing behind your beliefs and what you value as an individual on this matter. For the family, our family prayers are with you all every day. Jeff will be missed and continued to be loved by many.” More than she could ever know. “May the God of my understanding be with you all, seeing through this difficult time and loss,” she added.

  Immediately following her comment a person by the name of Gatekeeper stated, “If I'm on the jury it'll be a not guilty...it is self-defense...the coward had a knife attacking a woman.”

  It was a little after 10pm that night when I received a call from Paula asking me for a favor. Apparently she had been keeping up on the comments posted by Chiquita’s Aunt and wanted to reply but didn’t know or rather didn’t want to do it first. Thus, since I had already made my presence known in the last posting wars, Paula asked if I would write a reply to the comments posted thus far. After reading the comments posted by Fizer’s aunt, I was more than happy to “throw down the gauntlet” and reply, thus, about an hour later I countered by stating:

  “Wow I see I must address a few things here... first off to gate how did he have the knife when Chiquita is heard on the 911 call as saying "I had the knife, we were fighting over it, it slipped and he got cut."

  Tell me sir how is that possible? By the way, I see the press again forgot to mention that Chiquita has a prior domestic assault for the same thing... attack Mr. Jeff Dryden with a knife…

  Next... to the aunt, as a cousin of Jeff's and as well as a Christian, and a legal professional, let me first say that you’re right God is good. However, God has little to do with Chiquita's prior criminal record which proves to the extent of your nieces alleged innocents of harming others, she has a prior charge for domestic assault as being the AGGRESSOR in that incident that took place two months prior to Jeff's MURDER.

  You allege that this was a “Freak Accident” but let me ask you how does one get so many bite marks all over the face, the neck, the arms, the chest, the torso, the legs, the calves, the feet and even the toes just a few moments before death? These bite marks make it appear that Jeff was defending HIMSELF from a vicious assault from your Allegedly innocent Niece..., furthermore, how does one get a knife slammed at an almost 80 degree angle, that goes through the neck in such a way as to pass the cartilage, the Traci, and the thyroid, if it allegedly just slipped? You seem to forget to consider these factors when claiming her innocents.

 
Thus, this was not an accident... she was not an "Innocent victim." Let us look at it this way,

  1. She was bigger and stronger than her boyfriend who weight around 120lbs,

  2. She said he was drinking but the medical report stated that there was no alcohol found in his system...

  3. She said he had the knife to the cops but was caught on the 911 tape stating that she had the knife in her hands at the time of the Alleged accident,

  4. She said that she was defending herself but the bite marks all over his body indicate that he was backing away from his attacker. It does not take much for anyone with a sound judgment and normalcy of the mind to figure out that she killed him, and that she is not innocent in this matter.

  Mind you, no one raises a child to become a murderer that is a decision they make for themselves and sadly, it is a decision that not only affects the family of those they kill but their own family as well.

  I do not blame you for believing she is innocent, that she is non-violent but still, the evidence and her prior actions, her criminal record stand against her in a big way. We are all God's Children… and as such we need to live as he asks us to and atone for our sins, we can be forgiven for them, but first we must admit to them... until Chiquita can come to those terms as admit this, she is not saved... she is not of God...

  I know you like to quote from the bible so I thought I would to, thus Galatians 5:19-21 – 19 states: Now the works of the flesh are manifest: which are fornication, uncleanness, immodesty, luxury, 20 idolatry, witchcrafts, enmities, contentions, emulations, wraths, quarrels, dissensions, sects, 21 envies, murders, drunkenness, and such like. Of these, I foretell you, as I have foretold to you, that they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God.”

  After I wrote this Paula in turn wrote what she wanted to express when she stated:

  “I am Jeff's mother and I want everyone to know the truth and their relationship. My son was miserable in this relationship. Chiquita was blackmailing him so that he would pay all her and her mom’s bills. She is a violent person. He came to my house almost daily with bruises, bite marks, black eyes and other knife marks on his arm. She had other boyfriends, but she controlled Jeff. It was no accident. She has a prior domestic assault on him and is still on probation for that. His death Certificate says Homicide; he could not do this to himself. That is the TRUTH.”

  One of Jeff’s friends followed her and went on to say:

  “Alright for those of you that think this was his fault because he was the guy, and he should have died, you’re wrong! He was my friend and they have had domestic problems in the past, not him but HER, she was the abuser, she was the aggressor. If you don't know the full story keep your mouth shut cause she did this when he got home from work and surprised him by stabbing him without him being able to defend himself, so who is the coward now? She deserves more than what she will get for what she did. Whatever she gets won't ever come close to the pre-meditated murder of my friend, it won't EVER bring him back. Whether she was the smartest person, who never did a bad thing in her life it was still wrong and she needs to pay for it. Apparently she had issues that’s she didn't take care of, so now she can pay for them each and every day she sits in that hell hole. I'm sorry but I'm not going to sit here and let naive people who think they know what happened, say stuff that they don't know. Educate yourself, figure out what really happened then open your mouth, but until than you have no say in what the hell happens to this person.”

  CHAPTER 14:

  True or False:

  WHAT DO YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE?

  There’s a show out on the cable networks that has been out for some time staring two dorky looking guys that find myths and busts them to determine whether or not the myth could be true of fiction.

  In a way, this chapter will be doing the same thing for you, as I am sure there are a few things you know or rather think you know as fact about domestic abuse on both men and women that you have either heard about or read. However, it may surprise you to find out that most of what you know or rather most of what you think you know are based around half-truths, interpretational truths, or just plain made up.

  Over the months that I did research for this book, I became awestruck at times about thing that I remember being told in both high school and college as facts about domestic abuse, only to find the research those facts were based on to include more information that I was not party to thus making them really only partial realities.

  Thus, without having to go into any more detail, let us begin this little test and see what you really know about domestic abuse. The answers to this follow at the end of this chapter, try to be honest and not check them until you are finished with the last question.

  True or False:

  1. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) a man beats a woman every 13 seconds.

  2. One in every four women experience domestic violence sometime in their life.

  3. Every 37 seconds in America, a man is battered by his girlfriend or spouse.

  4. Men more than women in a domestic abuse either are threatened with a knife, or had a knife used on them than women.

  5. Women are victims of 85% of all cases of domestic violence.

  6. Batterers are people with mental illnesses not person who society regards as normal.

  7. Domestic Violence by men are all about power and control

  8. Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

  9. Women who kill their Batters receive longer prison sentences than men who kill their partners.

  10. Abusive Fathers are successful in winning sole custody about 70% of the time.

  ANSWERS:

  1. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) a man beats a woman every 13 seconds.

  FALSE: The FBI has nothing to do with Domestic Violence issues and thus does not tabulate information on Domestic Abuse (Gelles R. , 2007)

  2. One in every four women experience domestic violence sometime in their life.

  TRUE HOWEVER, according to the same study this is based from, the number of MEN experiencing Domestic violence sometime in their live is also the same depending on the definition of aggression (Staff, Fifty Domestic Violence Myths, 2009).

  3. Every 37 seconds in America, a man is battered by his girlfriend or spouse.

  TRUE: “Every year 1,510,455 women and 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner,” (Staff D. o., 2000)

  4. Men more than women in a domestic abuse either are threatened with a knife, or had a knife used on them than women.

  TRUE: Out of a survey of 8000 women, nearly 11% stated they had used a knife on their male lover, 22% stated they had threatened their male lover with a knife, (Staff D. o., 2000)

  5. Women are victims of 85% of all cases of domestic violence.

  FALSE: “This Statistic from the Nation Crime Victimization Survey understates and distorts the true incidences of domestic violence since men are less likely to view partner aggression as a crime,” (Straus, 1999)

  6. Batterers are people with mental illnesses not person who society regards as normal.

  TRUE: “Studies on this issue show that offenders are far more likely to have personality disorders, furthermore as the violence becomes more severe the likelihood of psychopathology approaches 100%, (Dutton, 1994)

  7. Domestic Violence by men are all about power and control.

  FALSE: Though a 32 page survey found a link between dominance and physical aggression, the connection turned out to be stronger in female-initiated than male-initiated aggression. Thus the survey suggest that women, not men, who abuse, do so for power and control over the other, (Straus M. , Dominance and Symmetry in Partner Violence by male and Female University students in 32 nations, 2008)

  8. Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

  FALSE: Currently the leading cause of injury to women is unintentional falls, Motor Vehicle accidents, and over exert
ion, (Staff, Leading Causes of Injury among women aged 18 and older by age, 2006)

  9. Women who kill their Batters receive longer prison sentences than men who kill their partners.

  FALSE: The average Prison sentence for men who kill their wives is 17.5 years; the average sentence for women convicted of killing their husband or boyfriend is 6.2 years, (bet Chiquita wish she knew that beforehand)

  10. Abusive Fathers are successful in winning sole custody about 70% of the time.

  FALSE: According to a study that looked specifically into this claim, it was found that mothers who sought sole custody won sole custody 65% of the time as opposed to fathers that made the same request, (Rosenthal, 2005)

  Though there are more than over 100 or so myths and falsities on Domestic Abuse that people quote in the press and television every day the purpose of this chapter was not to expose every fictional fact

  Rather, it was to show you that not everything you read, not everything you have been led to believe, or told by the media or your teachers is fully correct, thus before totally stating what you believe is a fact, one should make sure to do their own research.

  Never rely solely on the hearsay of others. If you have a question about something find the answer yourself and keep searching until you find what you’re looking for. Too many people this day and age see an event on the news or read just the headline in a paper and allow themselves to believe it to be fact.

  In some way this is what I believe the members of Chiquita’s family has done. They heard Chiquita preach her side of things as tears rained down the side of her face and excepted it as an unquestionable truth, never seeing the bigger picture, never allowing themselves to take in the possibility that what she said could be wrong, could be made up to protect herself.