Love of a Rockstar

by Nicole Simone

  Her legs flayed in the air as Luke gave her over to me. Dropping to my knees, I held her tightly against my chest. Bone rattling sobs wracked her body.

  “I love you,” he said to both of us.

  Nil twisted around, desperately reaching out to Luke. “Don’t leave,” she wailed. “Please.”

  Luke swung his bag over his shoulder, took a shuttering breath and walked away. Nil collapsed in a heap at my feet, overcome with grief.

  WHEN LUKE DISAPPEARED around the corner, I scooped Nil into my arms and drove home. By the time we pulled into the driveway, her cries quieted to a whimper. Opening the car door, my heart cried out in pain when I saw the devastation on her face.

  She wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. “I’m sad, mommy.”

  “I know sweetie,” I said. “I’m sad, too.”

  I wanted to soak in her heartbreak with mine and see Nil’s sunny deposition come to life again. She had a beautiful smile the world deserved to see. Hopping out of the car, Nil grabbed my hand as we walked to the front door. A piece of wood was nailed over the broken window, which steeped the living room into chilly darkness.

  “Hello?” I called out.

  My grandmother’s fiancé appeared out of the kitchen with a tool belt wrapped around his waist. “Howdy.”

  He was the last man I expected to see in my house, uninvited. I thought cowboys were supposed to have manners, but Ted blatantly didn’t.

  I peered behind him to the hallway. “Is my grandmother here?”

  “Nope, just me. I went home, grabbed my toolkit, and came right back to fix your window.”

  Ted’s ranch was an hour drive from Queen Anne. The fact he went out of his way to show me kindness took me off guard.

  “Why?” I stuttered.

  Nil ambled toward Ted and stopped mere inches from his feet. Getting on her knees, she petted his snakeskin cowboy boots. “Pretty. Can I have a pair?”

  He grinned. “Darling, you can have this exact pair. A couple sizes smaller, of course.”

  The smile I was desperately missing lit up her face. Ted didn’t have manners and was a far cry from my grandfather, but he brought a piece of sunshine into my little girl’s world when she needed it. Therefore, he was a-ok in my book.

  “Can I have them in pink?” Nil questioned.

  “That sounds like a mighty fine idea. They will match your flower girl outfit at your great ma’s wedding.”

  She jumped to her feet in excitement. “I’m going to be a flower girl? I have to practice!” Running out of the room, her door slammed shut.

  Ted and I looked at each other, amused. “She’s mighty cute,” he said.

  “She is.”

  Unblocking his tool belt, he snagged a stray hammer off the floor and sauntered over to me. Although streaks of gray were woven through his hair, resemblance to the handsome young man he must have been shined in his eyes.

  “Our wedding is tomorrow and we would like you and Nil to be there,” he said.

  “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  My grandmother was head over heels in love, and in her words, why wait? As Harry said to Sally in When Harry Met Sally, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Then it suddenly it hit me: I shouldn’t have said no to Luke.

  “Well, I’ll let you enjoy your evening.” Ted tipped his hat. “I’ll see you and Miss Nil tomorrow at five sharp.”

  “See you then,” I said faintly.

  Halfway out the door, I called out to him. “Ted!”

  He turned around, curiously. “Yes?”

  “Why did you leave my grandmother the first time?” I asked

  He shrugged. “A thousand reasons but now looking back, they were just excuses hiding the truth. I was scared shitless of letting that kind of love into my life.”

  His words hit close to home. “Right.”

  Tipping his hat, he wished me a good night and walked out into the cold. Like Ted said, my reasons were only excuses. Luke had proven he was a good dad and a stable force in Nil’s life by making her happy. Whenever he walked into a room, she would light from within. Yes, he was gone nine months out the year, but who was I to tell him to retire at twenty-six years old? Music was his life. Without it, he wouldn’t have survived his dad walking out, or his mother’s death. But above all, I loved him. It was that simple. I found my soul mate at seventeen years old and lost him at twenty.

  Now he was back and we had a second chance to be a family. Frantically, I dug through my handbag to find my cell phone when my fingers closed around a velvet box. Popping it open, a piece of string tied into a bow sat daintily inside with a note stuck to the underside of the lid.

  “You are tied to me, and me to you.”

  Luke was always incredibly sneaky. He must have slipped the box into my purse when I wasn’t looking. I took the note and stuck it in my wallet. A knock sounded on the front door, causing butterflies to flitter in my stomach. Maybe Luke had decided to come home.

  “One second,” I called.

  I swiped the smudged eyeliner from underneath my lower lash line and fluffed my hair, which hardly did anything. My eyes were still bloodshot. Whatever. Luke wasn’t marrying me for my appearance. Opening the door, my smile faltered.

  “Hey, don’t look so happy to see me or anything,” Camille said.

  “Sorry, I thought you were Luke.” I stepped aside to let her in. “How are you?”

  As soon as she entered the living room, she zeroed in on the broken window and gave me a quizzical look. “Should I ask what happened?”

  Explaining again that Finn had two personalities did not sound appealing. “No you shouldn’t.”

  Camille shrugged. “Alrighty, we will get to the real reason why I am over here then. Why did you hang up on me?” She kicked off her shoes and sat crossed legged on the couch, making it abundantly clear she wasn’t going anywhere.

  I rubbed my temples in annoyance. “Please, I can’t do this today.”

  “What the fuck, Marlene?” She threw her hands in the air. “You’re acting as if I am a huge pain in your ass, which to be fair, I usually am, but you hide it a lot better than this.”

  This was stupid. We weren’t immature thirteen-year-old girls anymore. I needed to tell her I knew about the deal she and Luke brokered behind my back. A part of me was scared to hear her side of the story, though. What if it was completely different than Luke’s? Then I’d have to decide who was lying and who was telling the truth.

  “You didn’t let Luke into the hospital room when Nil was born,” I blurted out.

  Camille looked at me coolly. “So he told you.”

  “Yes.”

  “Figured he would eventually.”

  “So why did you do it?”

  Camille leaned back in the chair. “He left you right when you needed him most. Why should he get the privilege?”

  Flabbergasted at her holier-than-thou attitude, my cheeks flamed with anger. “Why should you?”

  “Because I was the one who lived at your house when Luke left.” She pointed at her chest. “That’s right, me. And who painted the nursery and got most of Nil’s baby clothes, because you didn’t want to leave your bed?”

  “You,” I mumbled.

  Satisfied she’d gotten her point across, Camille leaned back in the armchair. Everything she said was true, but she wasn’t Nil’s father. Luke was. At the end of the day, he should have held my hand while I welcomed our baby girl into the world. Heated words weren’t going to help her see my side though.

  I took a deep breath. “Camille, I love you, but you had no right to make that decision behind my back.”

  Her mouth turned down at the corners. “I was doing what was best for you.”

  Camille was stubborn as a mule when it came to admitting she was wrong. Just like I was. However, this was a fight I didn’t want to see ruin our friendship.

  I kneeled
down in front of her and took her hands into mine. “In your eyes, you were, but you never gave me the decision to say otherwise.”

  “You were in labor. Nobody makes logical decisions while they are trying to push a baby out.”

  “Camille, you are grasping at straws. Just admit you were wrong.”

  Like a fish gasping for air, she opened her mouth then closed it. A laugh rose out of my throat when I saw what a struggle she was having saying those three little words. Finally, when I was about to give up, she admitted to her wrong doings in one single breath. “It was presumptuous of me to think I knew best.” Camille arched an eyebrow. “Happy?”

  “Very,” I said.

  On the verge of rising to my feet, she gripped my upper arm. Defiance blazed in her eyes. “You should thank me, though. The man he was then wasn’t the kind of man you wanted to marry.” She released my arm with a sheepish smile. “You deserve the best and I wanted to make sure you got that.”

  Any ill feelings I had toward her vanished. Camille always meant well, even if she was a major pain in my ass sometimes. To show her that everything was fine between us, I extended an olive branch.

  “Do you want to a bowl of ice cream?” I asked.

  “Only if it’s strawberry.”

  My face twisted into mock outrage. “Strawberry ice cream is for the devil. We only eat chocolate in this house.”

  We stared at each other for a second before bursting out laughing. Our friendship was restored. Giggling, I hoisted her out of the armchair and we walked arm in arm to the kitchen. Camille took her customary seat at the dining room table while I grabbed a tub of rocky road and two spoons.

  “Do you want a bowl?” I questioned.

  She looked at me as if I asked if she wanted to eat with a rock. “Since when do we have manners?”

  I took a seat next to her and pulled off the frostbitten top. “You’re right. It was a silly question”

  The hours passed by in a blur as we filled each other in on the latest happenings. Camille was now happily dating barista boy and got free gourmet coffee the mornings he stayed over, which was often. According to her, he had magic hands. I told her the tale of Finn and Luke’s fight on the front yard, and how my grandma was getting hitched tomorrow to a cowboy.

  Camille almost choked on her spoon. “Seriously? When did Grandma D get so unpredictable?”

  “The day she met Ted, I guess.” I recalled how she got stars in her eyes when she talked about him. “She is completely head over heels in love.”

  Quietness spilled around us as I absorbed the fact Doris would have a new life tomorrow. One completely different from the one she shared with my grandfather. Kitten heels replaced with mud boots, and paved roadways swapped with gravel roads. I sincerely hoped she lived out her days, blissfully happy. My grandmother deserved the best.

  Camille scooped out a chunk. “Speaking of love, it was pretty brutal to reject Luke on stage like that.”

  I winced. “I know but I felt it was the right decision at the time.”

  “And now?” she asked.

  “Now I feel like I can’t live another day without becoming Mrs. McHenry.”

  My anxiety soared at the idea of calling Luke to tell him I wanted to marry him. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’d said no. How wishy-washy was I to retract my previous answer? Marriage is one area you shouldn’t be wishy-washy on.

  “What’s wrong?” Camille asked.

  Yanked from my thoughts, I looked over at her. “Nothing. Why?”

  “You’re rubbing your bare ring finger.”

  Unbeknownst to me, my hands betrayed my true emotions. I stopped fiddling with and heaved a sigh of disquietude. “Do you think it’s a bad omen I said no to Luke at first?”

  “No. It’s smart you listened to your head first, your heart second.”

  “You sound like my mother,”

  She wagged a chocolate covered spoon at me. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Your mother is a smart cookie.”

  “She is and if anybody has sound advice on marriage, it’s my mother.”

  “Right? Everybody is getting divorced these days. Your parents are practically an anomaly.” Camille gave me an encouraging grin. “Don’t worry. You and Luke are one of those annoying couples who we will die hands clasped together, Notebook style.”

  “Awesome,” I said sarcastically.

  She removed the melted ice cream from the dining room table and threw out the container. “I’ll wash these spoons off while you go call Luke.”

  I shook my head. “It’s too late.”

  “He’s a musician, Marlene. Midnight is like 10 a.m. for him.”

  Knowing she was right, I sulked off to grab my phone and walked outside to the front porch for privacy. My hands shook as I punched in his number. Disappointment ran through my veins when his voicemail answered. I would rather tell him voice-to-voice, or even better, in person.

  “Hey, it’s me. I got your present. And Luke? There is no other man I would rather be tied to. You and Nil are my everything.”

  THE NEXT MORNING, light streamed in through my windows, waking me from a restless slumber. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and checked to see if I had gotten any messages from Luke. To my displeasure, I hadn’t.

  “Ugh,” I said.

  Throwing the pillow over my head, I shut my eyes and wished I could fall back asleep until Luke called. Otherwise this was going to be a long day. A few seconds later, the familiar sound of tiny footprints padded toward my bedroom. I sunk below the duvet cover and prayed my daughter would leave me alone in peace. No such luck. The sheets were tugged away from my body, leaving me exposed.

  “Mommy, I can see you,” she giggled.

  I peeked out from underneath the pillow as she crawled onto my mattress. “I thought I was invisible,” I said.

  “No, only people with magical powers are invisible.”

  Despite the fact my body brimmed with unease about Luke’s response, I was happy Nil had returned to her usual cheery self. Four year olds had miraculous resilience. Throwing the pillow off to the side, I swung my legs to the floor. My grandmother’s wedding was in five hours, and there was a lot to get done.

  I held out my hand to Nil. “Are you excited about being a flower girl?”

  She jumped off the bed with my help. “Yes! And you know what?”

  “What?”

  “I get to wear a flower crown like a princess.”

  “Along with your cowboy boots,” I said.

  Nil’s face beamed with joy. “I am going to be beautiful.” An unpleasant thought took hold of her mind and she frowned. “I wish daddy was here, so that he could be my prince.”

  I recalled Luke’s labored gait as he walked away from us yesterday. It looked as if he were walking through quicksand.

  “Remember what he said?” I asked.

  “No.”

  I glanced at the two charms around her neck. “That as long as you wear your necklace, he will never be far from your heart.”

  She grasped the elephant in her palm and nodded, but I could tell she was still sad. To distract her from the black cloud hanging over our heads, my face broke into a silly expression.

  “Do you think grandma would mind if I looked like this?” I stuck out my tongue.

  Nil snickered. “Yes.”

  When I saw the light come back into her eyes, I weaved my fingers into hers. “Come on. Let’s get you ready for your debut.”

  MY GRANDMA WASN’T kidding when she said Ted lived on a ranch. As I turned onto the gravel road, there was rolling pasture as far as the eye could see. He had to have at least fifty acres to his name. Up ahead, I spotted a farmhouse with a wraparound porch painted bright red. Quaint was the perfect word to describe it.

  “Where are we?” Nil asked with awe.

  My poor deprived daughter had never seen the country before. She was city girl through and through.

  “We are on Ted’s ranch,” I responded.


  “Why does he have so many animals?”

  “Because he uses them for various purposes, like milk.”

  Glancing in the rearview mirror, I saw her process what I told her with a thoughtful expression. While I never pegged my grandmother as the country type, I could understand why she wanted to live out here. There weren’t any car horns blaring or people rushing to get to their nine-to-five jobs. There was only the sound of the trees rustling in the wind. It was peaceful.

  Pulling into the driveway, my grandmother opened the screen door and walked out to greet us. An apron was tied around her waist. Before I had a chance to turn off the engine, Nil was already out of the door.

  “Don’t tell me you’re baking for your own wedding,” I said as stepped out into the brisk winter air.

  She shrugged. “Just a couple of pies, nothing fancy.”

  I ducked my head into the rear passenger seat and grabbed Nil and my coats. Why my grandmother couldn’t wait to get married when it wasn’t below thirty degrees, I didn’t know. I slipped into my black parka as I approached Doris. Nil, enchanted by the roosters, was off to the side of the driveway; her hand cautiously out in front of her as she approached them.

  “Be careful,” I warned her.

  When I got in a few feet from my grandmother, she wiped her hands on her apron and avoided my gaze. “Would you like some tea?”

  “Would like I some tea?” I repeated baffled. “Isn’t today your wedding? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

  She waved away my questions with a flick of her wrist. “Nonsense. I have time.”

  I studied her demeanor with a careful eye. She looked like a bride with pre-wedding jitters, but I had a feeling there was more to the story.

  “Grandma, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Grandma…” I drawled out. “You are a horrible liar.”

  She blew out a breath and called out behind her. “The jig is up. You better come on out.”

  My brows drew together; convinced my grandmother had lost her marbles. “Maybe you should take a seat. All this excitement isn’t good for you.”

  An enigmatic smile broke across her face. “I am fine, child. I’ll see you inside.”