Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

After she left the hospital, a heavy rain transformed the day into murky gray. Tessa didn’t have an umbrella.

  Alessandro gave her a ride. He did that every night. They met again at the gym in the morning, but by now Tessa looked forward to seeing him again rather than freaking out each time he walked in a room. They spent daily several hours together, sitting in the same meetings, but they never spoke about anything other than strictly business related matters.

  Tessa sat comfortably on her sofa. She hadn’t eaten anything since early that morning and had lost her appetite, though dinnertime came and went a while ago. Alone the thought of food made her nauseous. Her stomach bothered her too much and too often.

  She needed someone to talk to. She grabbed the phone and dialed Chiara’s number.

  “Hi, Chiara.”

  “Hi, sis, how are you?”

  “I’m good. Hey, I have a quick question for you; I’m having this horrible heartburn and my stomach bothers me a lot lately. Can you recommend something?”

  “How about going to a doctor?”

  “I don’t really have time now. I’m in the middle of these negotiations; I can’t take time off. Do you ever get heartburn?”

  “Not really…When did it start?”

  “Well, a week ago, about the same day I found Daniel cheating. I vomited a few times since then…”

  “So it could be caused by stress, right?”

  “Of course, it’s stress related.”

  “Unless…” Chiara waited a few seconds, then spoke again. “When did you have your last period?”

  ***

  Tessa unwrapped the pregnancy test, read the instructions and followed them exactly. After the conversation with Chiara, she went to a nonstop nearby pharmacy. It must be a mistake. She tried to remember when she last had her period. She never missed it. How could she totally space her period out for so long? Then again, times had been very difficult. Work, the fraud accusation, her mama’s death, problems with Daniel…God, what a nightmare!

  While waiting for the pregnancy test, she ran to her purse and found her little booklet where she circled her periods for a whole year. She’d miss her period two weeks ago. Sitting on the tub’s edge she waited for the little display to show something. At first, a faint line appeared then a second one. She frantically read the instructions over and over again.

  In total denial, she ran back to the pharmacy and bought two extra pregnancy kits. And again, she followed the instructions and again two clear lines appeared on the display. She looked in disbelief at all three tests and broke into tears. It couldn’t happen to her, not now, not today, not tomorrow. And not with Daniel, a man who’d hurt and disappointed her, a man she’d lost forever. She carried a baby, a baby she had no clue existed until a couple of minutes ago. A violent session of vomiting jolted her body, but now she knew; it had nothing to do with stress, but with the pregnancy.

  Worst moment ever.

  ***

  Saturday afternoon Tessa drove to Victor’s house for the barbeque. He lived in a small neighborhood a few kilometers away from Bucharest. The area developed recently, with multiple houses finished and occupied, others just under construction. Expected to expand to its full capacity within the next few years such neighborhoods started a new trend around the Romanian capital; no more high buildings. Instead, a need for houses with mostly one or two levels and big yards.

  Tessa really liked the area and thought one day she’d like to build a house just like Victor’s, with a huge yard, vegetable garden and lots of plants and trees.

  “Hi, Dina, thanks for inviting me over.”

  “Good to see you, Tessa,” Dina greeted. “Come on in, darling.” She gave her a motherly hug. Happy to see each other, they spent some time just the two of them.

  “Come, I wanted to show you the renovation in the kitchen and guest bathroom. It wasn’t done right the first time and needed some new valves and electrical repairs.”

  Later, they walked downstairs out to the backyard; several of Tessa’s colleagues called her, some raised their beers, some waived. She joined them.

  The smell of blossoming peach trees filled up the warm afternoon. Several servers tended two giant grills and the aroma of fresh grilled meat and vegetables made her mouth salivate instantly.

  Elena, Victor’s daughter and Marcel, her husband entertained Alessandro, but both waived at Tessa when they saw her. Alessandro inclined his head and lifted his beer. He wore a plain baby blue polo shirt, dark fit jeans, and moccasin type shoes. He smiled and clenched his jaw at the same time. Was he happy to see her or uncomfortable?

  “Hi, kiddo,” Victor gave her a big bear hug. “You ready to party?” He took her elbow and approached his daughter.

  “Well, tell her, she needs to know.”

  “Dad, this is not the right place,” Elena begged.

  “Why not? We’re among friends and such news travels fast. Besides I’m very happy so if you don’t tell her, I’ll tell!”

  “What’s going on?” Tessa hugged first Elena, then Marcel.

  “He is going to be a grandpa, this is what dad wanted me to tell you.” Elena blushed and beamed with joy.

  Tessa blinked quickly, looked at the parents-to-be and forced a smile, “How wonderful, when are you due?”

  “Due date is beginning of December, so we still have to wait,” Marcel said. “Until then we’re eating healthy, playing tennis and resting, right my love?”

  “You two play tennis?” Alessandro asked.

  “Yes, we love tennis and the doctor said that as long as I don’t overdo it, I can continue for a few more months. How about you, what is your favorite sport?” Elena softly rubbed her tummy while her husband handed her a glass of orange juice.

  “I am an avid tennis player, unfortunately I haven’t found a place to play since I came to Bucharest and I have no partner.”

  “Tessa, why didn’t you tell him you play tennis, too?” Marcel said, then continued without waiting for her answer, “She is an excellent player, but I guess my father-in-law here keeps her working over hours, then she has no time; she used to join us and we had such a blast.”

  “Well, then you found tennis partners. There is a great place where we usually go, Tessa will tell you. We should play teams, right Tessa?”

  Up until then, Tessa’s mind didn’t register much of the conversation. Elena’s news reminded her of her own situation. A visit to the doctor confirmed her pregnancy and she’d been through hell and back ever since. She tried to think of the baby as positively as she could, yet she felt no connection, no love, nothing for it. Then, she tormented herself with feelings of guilt; how could she be a good mother when she didn’t want her own baby? She felt horrible for being such a selfish person and failed to convince herself that this miracle happened for a good reason.

  “Yes, of course,” she said casually.

  “Well, then we’re all set. Let’s talk sometime next week and make it a floodlit match.”

  More guests showed up and Victor dragged his daughter and son-in-law around to share the news.

  Tessa was left alone with Alessandro.

  She forced a smile and rocked on her feet. She found herself sniffing him and realized her sense of smell heightened due to the pregnancy. She loved his mixed scent of lemongrass, warm spices and wood. Why did it arouse her so much?

  “Would you like something to drink, Ms. Cosma?”

  Alessandro’s voice awakened her. She jerked, but regained control right away.

  “How long are you going to call me Ms. Cosma, Alessandro? We are not at work, remember?”

  “I guess you are right, but then again…it reminds me that we have to keep a distance.” To emphasize his own words, he took a step back from her.

  “Fine then, suit yourself.”

  Anger choked her. Distance he wanted, distance he’d get. He made it clear all he cared for was a work relationship and nothing more. Not that she could or wanted to get involved anyway, with all the craziness
in her life, but they had history; she’d shared his bed almost a year ago, how could he pretend nothing had happened?

  She turned on her heels and walked to a nearby group of colleagues. She joked and laughed, then moved to another group. She avoided Alessandro for the remainder of the evening.

  Alessandro seemed to enjoy the party, too; he spent time with a particular young blonde, who chirped and giggled too much. Tessa was surprised to feel the way she felt; jealousy felt like the right term to define it, but then she dismissed the thought as being silly.

  At ten o’clock, she said her goodbyes to everyone and walked to her car. A whole day in bed was the only thing on her mind.

  She untied her ponytail and massaged her scalp. She shook her head and the hair spilled onto her bare shoulders, down her back. It felt so good.

  “I’ll drive you home.” Out of nowhere, Alessandro showed up behind her; he grabbed her elbow moving her towards the passenger side. He opened the door, but she didn’t get in the car.

  She couldn’t figure out how he knew when she came or went and how he could move around without noise.

  “No thanks, I can handle it alone.” Tessa stopped. She hoped her icy voice would freeze him at once. His closeness radiated heat and the urge to touch him almost blocked her senses. “I believe someone else is waiting for you to take her home.” She bit her lower lip, regretting the words, but she couldn’t take it back; she raised her chin in defiance.

  “Jealous?” Alessandro’s grin infuriated her even more.

  She pulled her elbow away and the motion made her breast brush his chest.

  The air crackled with sexual tension.

  Alessandro stepped forward and placed his feet between hers, pushing her back against the car.

  She held her breath, her eyes locked on his.

  Without any warning, he took her head between his big palms and crushed her lips; his tongue ravished her mouth and claimed obedience.

  A sweet heat rose in her belly and a quick rush of adrenaline invaded her starved body; she couldn’t get enough of his embrace, his kiss.

  “Please, get in the car,” he whispered in a husky voice, breaking the kiss and pushing her gently into her seat. He walked around, stepped in, adjusted his seat and drove away, tires screeching.

  Tessa’s head still spun from the hungry kiss they shared. She could no longer deny or ignore the physical attraction.

  No need for words on the drive to her house.

  Alessandro parked and walked her to the front door, her palm nestling safe in his.

  A shadow moved around the corner.

  “You, stupid bitch, don’t have time to call me but you have time to whore around with this clown,” Daniel screamed as he lunged to hit her.

  Alessandro tried to block the hit, but the blow came too fast; his lips began bleeding. He shoved Daniel away.

  “You little scum! Don’t you ever hit a woman!” He cornered Daniel against the wall and hovered over him, his hands holding firm on Daniel’s collar.

  “Who the hell do you think you are? She is my woman and you have no right to tell me what to do!” Daniel spat in Alessandro’s face, as he tried to escape.

  “She is not your woman; she made it clear. Are you stupid or deaf?”

  Tessa interposed herself between the two men then faced Daniel. “If you show up here one more time, I’ll call the police and have you arrested. Leave me alone.”

  His breath reeked of alcohol; it made her nauseated, but she controlled the urge to vomit.

  Daniel withdrew a few steps. “I’ll be back when he is not around and then you’ll talk to me. You’ll pay for it.” He disappeared in the darkness.

  Tessa turned to Alessandro and searched his face. “You okay?”

  She saw his rage; his fists clenched, his nostrils flaring, his eyes shooting flames.

  “You need to solve this problem before it escalates. He is dangerous.” Alessandro’s lower lip bled and a few blood drops stained his shirt.

  She frantically searched her purse for the cell phone.

  “No need to call the police, I am okay,” Alessandro put a hand over hers and the other against his lip.

  “Come upstairs, I’ll get you some ice.” Tessa hurried to open the building’s door. Once inside the apartment she rushed to the fridge and grabbed an ice pack.

  Alessandro waited in the small hall entry.

  “I don’t think I should come in…”

  “Don’t be silly.” She grabbed his hand, pulling him into the apartment, forcing him to sit on the sofa in the living room. She knelt between his legs and held the ice pack on his bleeding lip.

  “I am so sorry,” Tessa said. “I never thought he would turn this way. It’s embarrassing…”

  “You need to do something about it. I think you are in danger.” Alessandro pressed his hand over hers. “You should move away for a while.”

  “Where should I go? This is my home; I can’t go live somewhere else until he decides he has better things to do than to harass me.”

  She got up and went to the kitchen.

  When she returned, Alessandro stood in front of the painting above the sofa. He took the glass of ice tea from her and said, “It must’ve cost a small fortune; horses are my favorite animals, and whoever painted this one, did an incredible job.” He turned to look at Tessa, then looked around the room and said, “You have a very nice home; chic and alive.”

  “Thanks. Unfortunately I don’t spend enough time here. I feel like I’m always on the run.” She left his side and walked to the sofa, sat and drank her ice tea. The episode with Daniel made her nervous on top of the tension already created by Alessandro’s kiss earlier that evening.

  “What happened?” Alessandro asked, sitting next to her.

  She took a sip, then shrugged.

  “We’ve been together on and off since high school… lived together for a couple of years…then we broke up and got back again…giving it another shot. The day you told me about the fraud, I came home and found him with his lady friend naked in my bed. I never thought he’d be such a pest or that he is a violent person. I guess you never know a person, even though you think you do…”

  “Sorry to hear that. He didn’t deserve you,” Alessandro said and she felt he really meant it.

  “Thanks.” She pushed her shoulder against his, like good buddies do.

  The touch sent a shock through them. Alessandro stood immediately, handed her the ice pack and glass and went straight for the door.

  “I better go now.”

  Tessa hurried in front of him, slamming the door even as he pulled it open.

  “You wait a minute here, partner! What’s the matter with you? One minute you want to keep the distance, then you kiss me, the next you act like you care, then you chicken out and run away. Can you just make up your freaking mind?”

  Alessandro sighed and grabbed the door’s handle. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

  “Please, don’t make it harder than it is. I just can’t… it’s better this way… your ex saved us from making a huge mistake.”

  She felt as if he’d hit her below the belt. She put a hand to her heart, sliding it up her throat. Something strangled her.

  “Is that what you think, it would’ve been a huge mistake?”

  “No, yes, God, Tessa, please be reasonable. It’s wrong, all wrong. Good night!”

  She didn’t stop him this time. She walked mechanically back to the sofa, slumped on it and hugged her knees.

  I just offered myself and he refused me… I let him toy with me, yet he doesn’t want me… he doesn’t want me… is there a rock I can crawl under and not come out ever again?

  ***

  “I sure hope that there is a good explanation for this!” Tessa stormed in Alessandro’s office and tossed on his desk several papers.

  “Good morning would’ve been a pleasant way to start our conversation or a knock on my door would’ve been even nicer. What can I do for you?
” he leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers as his elbows rested on the chair’s arms.

  “This is not funny, Mister Santinelli, but let’s see. I stopped this morning to get gas and tried to pay with my card and I can’t, because guess what? My account has been blocked. And then, I call my bank and they tell me that no withdrawal can be made until further notice. I am thinking, it must be a mistake, so they get me the supervisor on the phone and when she tells me the same story, I demand to talk to the director and he tells me he is sorry for the inconvenience, but they received a note requesting my bank activity for the past six months to look for illegal transactions. Do you have any idea what embarrassment, what pain you have caused me? How am I supposed to live without money?”

  She paced his office, one hand on her hip, the other on her forehead. She didn’t see him closing the door and stopping in the middle of the room while she walked right by him.

  Alessandro waited for her to stop pacing. He held her papers.

  Face to face, they stared at each other for a while. She threw her hands in the air and then slapped her thighs.

  “Well?”

  “Sorry you found out this way. I tried to move as fast as I could, unfortunately it got out of hand. I wish there was a different way to solve this problem, but I don’t have much I can use for the investigation.”

  “And you decided it was okay to block my accounts? How many times do I have to say I. Did. Not. Take. The. Money?”

  “Ms. Cosma… Tessa… As harsh as it sounds, we need to find out where the money went, because it didn’t end up in the farmers’ hands, that’s for sure.” He brushed a hand through his hair, caught his forehead between his thumb and his index finger and squeezed his eyes shut. Then he opened them as he rubbed the back of his neck. He seemed to be in pain.

  “How do you know? How could you figure out they didn’t receive the money? I was there with them, in the notary’s office, handing them the money. It didn’t by some mysterious way end up in my purse, for God’s sake!” She took a step closer, snapped the papers from him and walked away.