Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  “Oh, dear, you are the same Tessa I’ve known for so long! So excited, so ready to throw yourself into work again,” Dina said, and gave her a motherly hug.

  Those hugs. Tessa realized how much she missed them, and that her skin didn’t crawl at a human touch. She let the feeling sink in, and let Dina hug her longer.

  When she pulled away, Dina dried off her face, but smiled. “You are like a daughter to me, you always have been. You’re strong and capable. I’m so glad you’re back.” She caressed Tessa’s cheek, then walked back to help clean the table.

  Once done, they went out in the garden and sat on a bench. The evening seemed warmer, a sure sign of spring taking over.

  “Dina, I know you were both a friend and colleague of Mama’s. There is something I want to ask you, but it’s somewhat embarrassing.”

  “What is it?”

  “I have a letter that she left for me saying… saying, that… my dad wasn’t really my dad, that another man was. I have no name, no address, nothing; all I know is that they had an affair.”

  “Oh, dear, I’m too old for this,” Dina said, and shook her head.

  “You know something?” apprehension rose in Tessa’s voice, her heart pounding fast.

  Dina didn’t answer, just continued shaking her head and wringing her hands. She jerked when Tessa knelt in front of her, gripping her hands.

  “Dina, please, if you know something, I need to know—I have to. Please? You have been Mama’s friend, and mine for so long. I have nowhere to turn; my life has been destroyed. I have to find out where I come from, who I really am if I want to move forward. Please?”

  Dina sighed a few times and bit her lips. She closed and opened her eyes repeatedly and each time, Tessa still looked intently at her.

  “Okay. I guess since Ana left a letter for you, you know the story, or at least some of it. I no longer have to keep the secret, though your mama made me swear I’d never tell you, or anybody.” She sighed again, blew her nose and continued, “He was a doctor in the same hospital. His name was Adrian Mincu, but I didn’t know him that well. You look alike, your eyes especially remind me of him.”

  Tessa took in every word. Her biological father had a name, she now knew it and all she had to do was to track him down.

  “Did anyone else know?”

  “In the hospital you mean?” when Tessa didn’t answer, but just nodded, Dina said, “No, I don’t think so, I’ve never heard others talk about it, and believe me, such a subject would’ve been heavily discussed in our locker room.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “When Ana got pregnant, she came to me and asked if the doctor I worked with would, you know…would help her get an abortion. They were illegal and not many doctors performed them for fear of the Communists. At that point we worked together and had been friends for about seven years, but I don’t think she would’ve told me if she didn’t have to. I worked in the gynecology unit and I had better connections than her. And even then, she didn’t have to tell me about her affair, but I think she got really scared about the consequences.”

  Tessa’s knees hurt. She stood slowly and massaged her knees, then straightened her back.

  Dina stood and faced her, placing a warm hand on Tessa’s face.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out about it. And as hard as is might be, don’t judge Ana. She really tormented herself about being unfaithful; she tried hard to fight against her feelings, but she really loved Adrian. I think they tried to break up and he transferred to another hospital and that’s the last I saw of him. Ana really loved you and your sisters. You meant the world to her. Your dad loved you as if you were his. You were loved, and that’s all that matters. Where you come from is not as important as who you are today.”

  On her way home, Tessa called the retired officer.

  “It’s time to get to work. I have a name.”

  Chapter 18

  Tessa felt energized and ready to make changes—major changes. She became a regular in the gym like before. She met with the police officer, gave him all the information she had from Dina and paid him an advance to begin searching for her biological father. Her empathy towards the helpless compelled her to assist Dina. At least three times a week she volunteered to help at the shelter. She befriended several women and loved playing with their children. And each night she went home after visiting the shelter, she felt renewed and content. Hearing the heartbreaking stories of her new friends made her open up about what had happened to her.

  She began seeing one of Dina’s close friends, Mrs. Iancu, a therapist who volunteered once or twice a week to speak with the women, counseling and guiding them through the torturous process of healing. What began with a long silence on Tessa’s part—unable to talk about Daniel’s attack for fear he’d haunt her nights again—turned into hours sessions of heated discussions, endless questions and liberating screams at the top of her lungs. She never before believed in therapy, but her therapist proved her wrong; there was hope and she, Tessa, seemed to take more control over her life.

  Sometimes during her gym hours, she saw Cristian, the hunky instructor. Tessa found out that Laura, the trainer in charge of the step class she took on the first day, had a surgery and once she recovered, she’d return to her teaching. She also heard from the women in the locker-room that Cristian owned another gym center not very far away, and he loved to train every chance he had. He didn’t teach all her classes, but he was around enough to start small conversations with her here and there. Sometimes he helped her find the right equipment to maximize her workout routine, or showed her the correct body posture during exercising. He challenged her to learn how to use weights, something she’d never liked, thinking it was just for men, but she now looked more toned and in better shape. He insisted a couple of times to take her for lunch, and finally she gave in.

  “How did you know Laura, the trainer you replaced?” Tessa asked, once seated at the restaurant.

  “Laura is an old friend of mine. We help each other a lot. I tried to convince her to come and work full time for me, but she resisted. She likes to be her own boss, with no real strings attached.”

  They looked over the menu. Tessa ordered a bowl of vegetable sour soup, grilled chicken breast and salad. Cristian ordered filet mignon with mashed potatoes and cabbage salad.

  “So, Tessa, tell me about yourself; what do you do, where do you work?”

  “There is not much I can tell you about myself. I’m not really working anywhere,” Tessa said, feeling put on the spot. She didn’t want to tell him about Daniel’s attack, or how she screwed up her career; that would require giving out too much information, and she didn’t want that either. “I’m renovating my parents’ house, which I’m trying to transform into my own home and it requires a hundred percent of my full attention.”

  Cristian seemed confused. “It seems like quite a project, but I can’t imagine not working, not even for a day. I mean, it took me a long time to get the gym started and build the clientele. Even now, although I have a whole group of people working for me, I still am at work at five in the morning, sometimes until ten at night, seven days a week.”

  Tessa preferred to switch the focus from her to him, so she asked quickly, “How long did it take you to build your business?”

  “About fifteen years. Right after college, a friend and I rented a small location downtown and advertised heavily. At that time, there weren’t that many gyms open. You remember that after the Revolution, the Romanian mentality didn’t have much use for exercise, so we struggled for a while. I sold my car and my apartment and with the money, I bought sports equipment from Germany. For a while, I crashed on my parents’ sofa. They threatened to cut me out of their will.”

  “Did they?”

  “No, but my mother stopped entertaining for fear her fancy friends would get wind of it and wrinkle their plastic noses at her loser son.” He chuckled and so did Tessa.

  A waitress brought their drinks; Cristian ha
d ordered red wine and Tessa ice tea.

  After the waitress departed, Tessa said, “What happened next?”

  “Luckily, because of the location, we got a couple of TV stars coming to our gym. One thing led to another, and we had a small segment on TV, which overnight transformed our gym into one of the best in the city. About a year ago, we moved out of there into a bigger space, not so central, but it offered us the possibility to expand our services. You should stop by and I’ll give you a VIP tour, if you’d like.” Cristian raised his glass of wine, and looked intently at her while drinking.

  “Yes, maybe I’ll come by one day,” Tessa said.

  Lunch was served and they ate quietly for a while.

  Her first impression of Cristian seemed wrong. She judged him based on their first encounter, where he so arrogantly asked her out without even a proper introduction. She never cared for men that exuded too much self-confidence and Cristian’s approach had been a turn off for her. Once she saw behind that aura, and took a deeper look at him, he was in reality a nice, funny guy. As it turned out he was a hard working person, a successful self-made man, who had goals and fulfilled his dreams, enough reasons for her to change her mind about him. And most importantly, he made her laugh.

  “So, going back to you, what did you do before you started on this whole renovation?” Cristian asked.

  “I worked in a project development company.”

  “You going back to work after your house is finished?”

  “Hmm. I have something different in mind, something to help women, and mothers coming out of an abusive relationship get back on their feet; an organization, or something similar,” Tessa said.

  “Wow, that’s impressive.” He paused for a while, eating small bites and nodding slowly. “You’re right, we do have a lot of helpless and abused women in our society. Too bad we prefer to turn our heads and ignore what’s going on. I’ve never heard of anyone really putting any effort into finding a solution for this problem. We should sit together and see if I can help. I know a lot of people with a lot of money. Maybe we can organize a big dinner, an auction event and see how much we can raise.”

  Cristian’s animation and interest in this subject took Tessa by surprise. By the time they said goodbye after finishing lunch, he mentioned several names of people with influence that he planned to invite to the event. He promised to put everything on paper; possible venues, possible media coverage, possible advertising. Combined with her ideas and list of contacts, they had the event outlined.

  They continued to see each other for the next several weeks, working out, having a quick bite or discussing the fundraiser event. His enthusiasm helped Tessa relax. For the first time since Daniel’s assault, she didn’t freak out about spending time closer to a man, with just a table separating them. She didn’t feel any physical attraction to Cristian—not that he wasn’t handsome—but she liked him in a simple way, as one likes a good friend.

  ***

  Tessa backed off a few steps from the wall, with the hammer in one hand, and assessed the painting—straight as an arrow. She placed the hammer on the nightstand and looked about the room. Cozy, soothing, light blue walls; weightless curtains hung from black iron rods down to the wood floor. The bed’s streamlined iron framework embellished with fluid lines gave the room an antique, yet romantic look. A set of three oil canvases representing a rainbow over mountains—with the rainbow and the mountain starting in the left painting and ending in the right one—hung on the wall opposite from her bed. She ran her palm over the bed and loved the feel of the silk, dark gray bed sheets with embroidered shell design along the cuffs.

  She lay on top of the bed, then flipped over onto her belly and dialed Chiara’s number.

  “I’m done,” Tessa said, her voice full of excitement.

  “You’re what?”

  “I’m done. I just hung up the last painting.”

  “And you call me at one o’clock in the morning to tell me that?”

  Tessa heard Chiara yawn. Then she looked at the clock and realized it was two in the morning in Bucharest, one o’clock in Germany.

  “Oops, sorry. I didn’t realize it’s so late. I’ll call tomorrow and give you details. Go back to sleep,” Tessa said and hung up.

  Fifteen minutes later her ringing phone broke the night’s silence. She’d finished showering, went to her bedroom, pulled back the covers and snuggled between her new bed sheets. She’d just turned the lights off.

  “How does it look?” Chiara said, without any other introduction.

  “You were supposed to go back to sleep,” Tessa said.

  “Yeah, well thanks to my sister, I can’t fall back asleep. I never do if I wake up, so I might just as well keep talking with you.”

  “Sorry again, didn’t mean to interrupt your sleep.”

  “It’s okay,” Chiara said, yawning.

  Tessa could hear her sister arranging her pillows, and then she said, “So, how does the house look?”

  “Oh, sis, the house is just amazing. It turned out so beautifully. I feel like I am home. You know, content, like I found my own place in the world. I haven’t felt like this in ages…” Tessa sighed and turned the lights back on. “I’m so at peace right now, I can’t even explain.” She felt a knot in her throat as if she’d start crying any moment, but they were tears of joy, tears of contentment.

  She gazed about the room and smiled. “When I look back at my old apartment, where I jammed everything and anything I thought represented who I was…the red walls in the bedroom with the black furniture, the checkerboard style furniture and accessories in the living room, the crazy things I collected from all over the world thinking I had to have them, but now…now I look around and see simple, practical things, not fancy, but elegant and classic.”

  “I guess I just need to come and see it for myself. Do I have a bed to sleep in or you sending me to a hotel?” Chiara asked.

  “I have three bedrooms. Actually one of them is an office, but I have an extendable sofa, so there’s plenty of room. I’d love to have you and Octavia back for a vacation. I promise this time to treat you both nicely,” Tessa said, remembering how mean she’d been while her sisters tended to her after the assault.

  “It’s not going to happen for a while; I’ve been gone for too long and I’m not due for a vacation in a long time. But don’t worry, we’ll figure something out, maybe a short trip.” Chiara yawned and said, “What’s next? Any idea what you’ll do? Any news about your biological father?”

  “I’m working on organizing a charitable event to raise funds for mothers and women in need. I just feel this incredible bond with women who come from abusive relationships. The more I help, the better I feel. I discovered playing with children is really fun; they make me laugh a lot. We made a guest list and have sent out invitations, but got very few replies. We’ll wait one more week and then we’ll go and knock on doors. We’ve found three different locations, we just need to pick one. We argued about the menu a bit, but I guess I got my point across.” Tessa laughed softly.

  “You say we a lot; who is we?”

  “Oh, I met this guy at the gym and he invited me for lunch and we talked and he got really excited about such a project, and—”

  “Hold on, hold on, Tessa,” Chiara interrupted, her voice sounding agitated. “Who is this guy?”

  “I just told you, I met him at the gym and we began ta—”

  “Okay, sister. Back up a little here so I understand you. Does he have a name?”

  “Of course he does; his name is Cristian, he owns a gym and teaches some of the classes,” Tessa said, like one talks to a child, speaking each word slow and clear.

  “So, you two hang out now and work on planning an event?”

  “Chiara, you’re either falling asleep or you are already asleep and your mind doesn’t work. Why is it so hard for you to understand? I’m speaking the same language as you do,” Tessa said.

  “Since when?”

  “
Since when what?” Tessa said, losing her patience.

  “Since when do you two hang out together, silly!”

  “We don’t hang out. We work together; it’s different. Sometimes we have lunch together, sometimes dinner; it’s really a lot of work to put together such an event, you know, especially when it has never been done before. And quit asking all these crazy questions. There are other more important things I want to talk to you about.”

  “So, how long?”

  Tessa sighed and rummaged through her brain, trying to remember when she first went out with Cristian.

  “About five weeks ago.”

  “How often do you see him?”

  “Chiara, I’m going to hang up on you. What are you trying to find out? There is nothing else, but two people that have something in common with the same goal. Quit drilling!”

  “I’ll call back, so you might as well answer anyway. Now stop getting mad, and answer my last question; how often?”

  Tessa sighed again and shook her head. Too bad Chiara wasn’t in the same room with her; she’d glue her mouth to make her stop talking.

  “Almost every day…depending on what we’re working on. The days we don’t see each other, we speak a few times on the phone.”

  “Is he cute?”

  Tessa thought for a second and said, “Yeah, I guess.”

  “You just guess, you’re not sure?”

  “What’s your point?”

  Tessa heard a teapot whistling in the background, a cup placed on a saucer and the sound of liquid pouring into a cup. The noises came so clear through the phone line, she got up and walked mechanically to the kitchen to start a cup of green tea for herself, still waiting for Chiara to respond to her question. She heard Chiara blowing in her tea, taking a sip and then burning her tongue if her “Gottverdammt!” was any indication.