Yesterday's Embers

by Deborah Raney

  As if he could read her thoughts, Doug frowned. “How would you feel about a small wedding?”

  She nodded slowly. “That would probably be best. But…define small.”

  He shot her another comical look and parroted her. “Define tomorrow. Define small. Do I look like a dictionary to you?” But he quickly held up a hand again. “Okay, okay…I’ll be serious.”

  She kept a grin in check. “Thank you.”

  “I was thinking maybe just immediate family and a few other close friends.”

  “You do know I have three brothers and a ton of nieces and nephews. Do you count that as immediate family?”

  “Of course.” He thought for a minute. “So if we keep it that small, how soon do you think we could do this?”

  She didn’t have a clue how to calculate the answer to his question. She had a quick vision of years’ worth of Brides Magazine checklists that all started with: 12 months before the wedding. She didn’t think that was what he had in mind. She clicked off calendar pages in her mind. It was April. An autumn wedding would give them six months. That would be cutting it close, but she could probably do it. Somewhere in her closet she had some files for wedding plans she’d made…before she’d given up hope.

  “How about October?” As soon as she said it, she wanted to retract it.

  He gave her an incredulous look. “October? Are you crazy?”

  “What?” Maybe twelve months was how he defined “tomorrow.”

  “I’m not waiting that long, Mickey. I love you, the kids adore you. It makes no sense to wait.”

  This didn’t seem like the time to bring up the fact that Kayeleigh didn’t exactly adore her. Mickey ran a hand through her hair. “Then give me a date,” she huffed. “I don’t know what page you’re on.”

  He crossed the kitchen in two strides and took her in his arms again. “I’m on the page that makes you my wife at the first possible moment. What could possibly take six months?”

  She tilted her head to study him. “You didn’t have much to do with making your wedding plans, did you?” She looked away and softened her voice. “With Kaye…”

  He shrugged. “I plead the Fifth. She and her mom had things pretty well under control. My job was to stay out of the way.”

  “So when did you two get engaged?”

  He studied her. “You really want to talk about this?”

  They hadn’t exactly avoided the subject of Kaye in the past. But certain aspects of it—the romantic part of their relationship—had sort of been the elephant in the room between them. But it was time to acknowledge it. “Yes, I really want to know.”

  He pulled a stool out from under the counter, but instead of sitting on it, he placed it between them, leaning on the counter and propping his feet on one of the rungs. “We picked out Kaye’s ring at Christmas and—” A sheepish look came over him. “Oh, I suppose you’d like a ring? An engagement ring, I mean.”

  She raised a brow. “That would be a nice touch.”

  Doug straightened and reached behind him to slide open a long, narrow drawer that held boxes of aluminum foil and plastic wrap. Holding her gaze, he rummaged through the drawer and after a minute, triumph sparked in his eyes. “Ah-ha!” He pulled a plastic silver twist tie from the drawer and held it up.

  “Come here.” He took her hand and motioned her to sit on the stool. “Give me your hand.”

  She held out her left hand and sat motionless while he wrapped the twist tie around her ring finger. His mouth worked as he fashioned a diamondlike knot from the wired ends of the twist tie. Stifling a giggle, she looked up to meet dead-serious blue eyes. He held her hand tighter, until the wire from the twist tie pinched.

  “Mickey Valdez, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  “Oh, Doug.”

  He winked. “Saturday we’ll go shopping…for the real thing.”

  “O…kay…”

  “I haven’t gotten an answer yet.”

  She grinned. “I’m thinking.”

  “And October is way too far away.”

  “When, then?”

  He wasn’t wasting any time. “We can talk more about dates Saturday…nail something down. But first I have to have an answer.”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He wrapped her in his arms, then, his touch sucking the breath from her, leaving her light-headed. Doug may not have worked as an EMT for a while, but he hadn’t lost his skills, and he quickly resuscitated her with mouth-to-mouth.

  He’d set something in motion with Mickey tonight that would change his life forever. And not just his, but his kids’. And Mickey’s.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Don’t take your eyes off her for one minute.” Kayeleigh eased Harley off her hip onto Miss Valdez’s deck. She straightened and rubbed her achy hip-bone. “I mean it, Landon.”

  “I won’t.” He glared at her. “Just don’t take forever.”

  “I won’t. I’ll only be a minute.” She went to the sliding door and tested the latch on the screen. It slid open easily, and she stepped into the kitchen. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust from the bright sunlight, but when she became accustomed to the dim light, she froze right where she was standing.

  Dad and Miss Valdez stood at the stove, tangled in each other’s arms, breathing hard and making out like a couple of characters in the stupid soap operas Grandma watched.

  She tried to clear her throat, but no sound came out. She couldn’t catch her breath and, in spite of the voice in her head telling her to run, she couldn’t make her feet move. But Miss Valdez must have heard something because in the middle of messing up Dad’s hair with her fingers, she looked over at Kayeleigh and gave a strangled gasp. Pushing against Dad, she tried to get loose.

  For a few seconds Dad kept pulling her closer, trying to keep kissing her, but finally Miss Valdez practically screamed his name. “Doug…Doug!”

  Dad’s head came up, and when he saw Kayleigh, he blew out a heavy breath. His face turned forty-six shades of red. The only time she’d ever seen him blush like that was when he was mad.

  Miss Valdez straightened her clothes and acted like she was all busy pouring hot water into teacups.

  Dad moved to the opposite side of the kitchen. “What do you need, Kayeleigh?” He sounded like he was mad at her.

  Well, she wasn’t too happy with him right now, either. “I need to use the bathroom.”

  “Oh!” Miss Valdez put on her bright-and-cheery teacher’s voice and pointed down the hallway. “Go right ahead. You remember where it is…last door on the right.”

  Kayeleigh finally got her feet to work and all but ran down the hall.

  “The light switch is right over the sink, honey,” Miss Valdez called after her.

  Kayeleigh shut the door on the fakey, chipper voice. “Don’t call me honey.” She hissed the words between clenched teeth, wishing they’d hear her, but knowing they couldn’t. She stood in the dark, trying to think what to do. Her own cheeks grew warm, then hot.

  She groped for the sink, turned on the cold water, and splashed her face. What did she have to be embarrassed about? She hadn’t done anything wrong. They were the ones who should feel guilty.

  Through the door she could hear them talking, their voices low and hurried. Like they were trying to figure out how they were going to explain everything when she came out of the bathroom.

  She was no dummy. She knew what they’d been doing, and it made her want to puke. Maybe she’d just stay in here forever. It was pitch dark in the bathroom, but she held her hands out in front of her. She couldn’t see her fingers, but she could feel them trembling.

  She fumbled around on the wall, looking for the light switch. What was Dad doing? Why was he acting like this with that dumb woman? She was so mad at him she thought she might explode. Had he forgotten about Mom already?

  She wanted to hit something. Instead, she finally located the light switch and used the toilet. She washed her hands twice and dried them o
n the fancy towel that wasn’t much bigger than a washcloth. She turned off the light again and stood by the door trying to listen for Dad and Miss Valdez. They were quiet now. Maybe they’d gone outside.

  She opened the door a crack and looked down the hallway, listening again. Silence. She crept down the hall and peeked into the kitchen. Empty. The curtains covering the sliding doors had been pushed all the way open, and she could see Dad and Miss Valdez sitting on the deck with their tea, acting like nothing had happened.

  She wasn’t about to go out there. Harley was playing on the steps to the deck, singing and talking to herself. Miss Valdez was keeping an eye on her, and Dad was right there. Kayeleigh tiptoed away from the doors and walked through Miss Valdez’s house to the front door. She let herself out and walked to the Suburban parked at the curb. She climbed into the backseat and sat there, her back stiff against the dingy upholstery, her thoughts totally messed up.

  She heard a noise across the street and saw some kids come out of the house across from Miss Valdez’s. She slunk down in the seat, praying they hadn’t seen her.

  When her muscles ached from the awkward slumped position, she slowly eased her legs up onto the bench seat and curled into a fetal position. She closed her eyes and forced herself to think about other things—allowed herself to daydream about Seth Berger kissing her the way Dad had kissed Miss Valdez.

  She wondered if Seth ever thought about that night they’d danced together at Vienne Kenney’s wedding. Did he think about it as much as she did…which was pretty much all the time? He’d been flirting with her at school. At least Rudi called it flirting when Seth starting acting crazy any time she was around, making jokes and even getting in trouble with the teachers because he was trying to make her laugh in the middle of class.

  She got in trouble with the teacher once when he was goofing off, making her laugh. She couldn’t help it. The guy was funny. Seth had been really nice to her after class that day, like he was trying to let her know he was sorry for getting her in trouble. She didn’t care about that. Mrs. Lawson was stupid anyway.

  She wished Mom were here to talk to. That thought brought back the image of Dad kissing Miss Valdez, and her stomach went all queasy.

  A tree branch brushed the roof of the Suburban. Back and forth, back and forth. She felt herself drifting toward sleep in the quiet warmth of the vehicle. A part of her wished she could just go to sleep and never wake up.

  Doug pulled into the garage and turned off the engine. Barking orders to the kids, he opened his door and got out, then slammed it, hoping it would wake up Kayeleigh. She’d scared him half to death disappearing like that. He and Mickey had searched for her for ten minutes before he’d thought to look in the Suburban. He hadn’t chewed her out because he knew why she’d gone into hiding.

  She crawled out of the backseat now, shooting him a look of contempt as she swept past. He sighed. He’d have to talk to her about what happened…what she’d seen. Well, of course. He’d have to talk to all the kids. He was engaged. They needed to know that. And the sooner the better since he’d pretty much given Mickey permission to tell the world. Oh brother…that meant he’d have to call Harriet, too. Well, fine. Now she had a legitimate reason for running off to Florida.

  Engaged. It had sounded like such a good idea when Mickey was in his arms and they were making plans. But now, in the dim light of the messy garage, with Kayeleigh glaring at him, it didn’t fit quite so comfortably.

  A sinking feeling gathered in his gut, and he yanked Harley’s seatbelt harder than necessary. She jammed a thumb in her mouth and looked at him from beneath a rutted brow.

  “Come on, punkin, let’s get you to bed.” He tried to make amends with his voice. It wasn’t Harley’s fault he was out of sorts.

  Forty-five minutes later, with all the kids in bed, he sank down on the sofa. He kicked off his boots and, with one stockinged toe, nudged a stack of dirty dishes to one corner of the coffee table before propping his feet on its sticky surface. He needed to regroup. He’d set something in motion with Mickey tonight that would change his life forever. And not only his, but his kids’. And Mickey’s.

  There were a million questions to be answered. Would she come here to live? Her house wasn’t big enough for all of them, but he couldn’t imagine her giving up the garden she’d worked so hard to create. Looking around their house…his house. He had to quit thinking in terms of they and we, meaning him and Kaye.

  Trying to see this house through Mickey’s eyes, he cringed inwardly. The place was in shambles. Kaye never would have earned any “world’s tidiest housekeeper” awards. With six kids and a part-time job, he’d never expected her to. But without her to do even a modicum of housekeeping, things had gone beyond “cluttered” and straight to “filthy.” With the crazy schedule he was keeping between the farmwork and the pressroom, he’d let things go.

  He would have to do something drastic—and soon—if he didn’t want Mickey to run screaming from the house next time she was here. She’d only been to the house that one time she brought the kids home. Looking back, he thought that was the night he’d first started thinking of her that way. She’d made him realize how desperately he’d missed a feminine voice in the house, in his world, at the end of a long workday.

  Was he disloyal to have felt that way so soon after Kaye’s death? But it was his very belief in God, in an eternity in heaven, that never allowed him to entertain thoughts Kaye could come back—or would even want to. Wasn’t that a healthy attitude? Wasn’t he just being realistic?

  And he had his kids to think of. Except for Kayeleigh, they’d had a special place in their hearts for Mickey—Miss Mickey—for half their lives. And he had no doubt Mickey would win Kayeleigh over eventually. They needed a mother—Kayeleigh especially—and Mickey was already as close to being “Mommy” as anyone besides Kaye could ever be. The other details—the wedding plans, their housing situation, Kayeleigh’s attitude—those would all work themselves out with time.

  Like an idiot, he’d promised Mickey they’d go ring shopping Saturday. She didn’t strike him as a woman with expensive taste, but even if she picked out the cheapest diamond chip in the store, how was he going to pay for it? He’d have to call tomorrow and see how much available credit he had on his MasterCard. He’d paid it off when Kaye’s life insurance check came. But since then he’d struggled to pay it off every month. If he maxed it out paying for a ring, then he had nothing for emergencies. Or the wedding. Who knew what that would set him back? Mickey’s parents were gone, and he didn’t get the impression she had a lot of money. And what if—?

  No. He snatched the TV remote from the cluttered coffee table, clicked the power button hard. The drone of a sitcom laugh track shut off the gush of thoughts, and he settled back on the lumpy cushion.

  She was as down-to-earth as they came. He liked that about her. She was the best of all worlds.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Ooh, what about this one?” Mickey bent over the jewelry case and tapped a pink fingernail on the glass. She’d confessed that she paid thirty dollars for a manicure just for the occasion.

  Doug shrugged. “It’s nice.”

  She looked up at him over one shoulder. “But you don’t like it?”

  “It’s whatever you want, Mick. You’re the one who’s going to be wearing it.”

  “For the rest of my life.”

  Why did those words unsettle him?

  Because the rest of Kaye’s life was so short.

  He put a possessive hand on the small of Mickey’s back, reminding himself who he was with. Mickey looked beautiful today, her hair long and shiny around her shoulders. He was proud to have her on his arm. If she’d had any idea how beautiful she was, she would surely have thought herself out of his league. Instead she was as down-to-earth as they came. He liked that about her. She was the best of all worlds. And he was blessed to be here shopping for a ring to place on her finger.

  “Have you found anything you’d lik
e to try on?” The sales associate who’d first waited on them was back after helping another customer.

  Mickey dismissed her sweetly. “Not yet, thanks.”

  The young woman spoke to Doug over Mickey’s head. “Let me know if you have any questions.”

  “Thanks, we will.”

  When she went to greet another customer, Mickey elbowed Doug. “They’re all so expensive,” she whispered.

  He’d been thinking the same thing, but told her what he thought she’d want to hear. “You’re worth it. You pick out what you like. Within reason…”

  “I don’t think anything in this case is within reason, Doug.”

  “Well, you’ve got to have a ring. We need rings.” He never had put his wedding band—the one Kaye had placed on his finger thirteen years ago—back on since that day he’d taken it off at the bowling alley. He’d tucked it away in his dresser drawer with some other keepsakes. But his finger still bore an indention from the ring. He rubbed at the band of white skin encircling his tanned, leathery hands. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Mickey that the money for their rings would probably come from what was left of Kaye’s and Rachel’s life insurance, after the funeral costs, of course.

  He brushed off the morbid thoughts. “You need a wedding ring,” he said again.

  Mickey held out her left hand. “It doesn’t have to be a diamond though, Doug. What if I lost it out in the garden?”

  “You’d wear it to garden in?” He wondered where she thought she was going to garden. But they hadn’t had the where-will-we-live conversation yet.

  “Probably not, but what if I forgot? What if it slipped off in a bag of manure and got buried with a barberry bush or something?”

  He laughed. “You sound like you’ve already got it all planned out.”

  “No, but if we spent two thousand dollars on a ring”—she nodded toward the jewelry case where that was one of the lower price tags—“I’d be scared to ever wear it.”