Godblind

by Anna Stephens

  Rillirin nodded and Lim looked around the room, his eyes sharpening on Dom, and Dom knew that whatever gulf existed between them and Rillirin, he was stuck on the same side as her.

  ‘Here, we learn to trust one another through talking, and then through training, and then through love, and then through fighting. Friends, warriors, family, war-kin. We will start with friends, I think. With talking. Yes?’ Lim let go of her wrist and stepped back, gesturing her to a seat on a cot.

  Rillirin sagged and Dom put his hands on her waist to support her. She startled at the unexpected touch and he snatched away, blinking back the pain of contact. It wouldn’t be long now.

  ‘Food!’ he said instead, forcing a cheery note into his voice and making them all jump. ‘I promised Rillirin breakfast. So come on, share.’

  Some of the tension leaked from the room as they all looked at Ash, who stared back with wide, innocent eyes. ‘What?’ he asked.

  ‘Hand it over, boy,’ Lim growled and Ash sighed.

  ‘Boy? Still he calls me boy. I’ve thirty summers, am older than that one.’ He flung a hand in Dom’s direction. ‘And far better looking,’ he added, grinning. Still, he rummaged beneath the bed furs and produced a bundle wrapped in linen. Inside were a whole roast duck and a handful of cooked onions. Rillirin’s mouth dropped open in surprise, and then sagged further when he pulled three stoppered clay jugs from beneath the bed and a hunk of cheese and some apples from a sack.

  ‘Ale, anyone?’ he asked and Cam burst into laughter. Gilda murmured a small prayer as the others found their pilfered goods and put them in the middle and they began to eat.

  ‘Aren’t you hungry?’ Dom asked, noting Rillirin’s stillness.

  ‘I don’t have any food to contribute,’ she said and reddened.

  ‘Here, have mine,’ Dom said, passing his portion over. Rillirin stared at it. ‘Honestly, I can’t eat any more anyway,’ he lied smoothly. ‘Go on, stuff yourself silly. It’s Yuletide.’

  ‘Yes, seeing as you’re family,’ Sarilla muttered and Gilda hushed her.

  Rillirin hesitated, staring at the other woman with dismay, but Gilda gestured and she took the bread and cheese from Dom. ‘Thank you.’

  Dom watched her, drinking steadily to dull the pain, dull the anticipation. Not long now. Not long at all.

  ‘Rillirin, we could do with you answering some questions for us now,’ Lim said. ‘It is important.’

  Rillirin looked up at the mention of her name, then down at her fingers. She knotted them together and nodded.

  ‘Before you start, there was a knowing a few days before you arrived,’ Dom interrupted. Lim frowned. ‘Small and still unclear, or I would’ve told you sooner. A man hanging upside down, a pattern of silver dots and red lines – what?’

  Rillirin’s hands were over her mouth, her pupils wide and black. ‘Silver dots? In a line?’ Dom nodded. ‘With red coming out of them?’ He nodded again. Every eye was intent on her now. ‘I know what it means now. I couldn’t work it out before. It’s a sacrifice. It sounds like a sacrifice to welcome new converts on to the Dark Path. They tie the victim upside down on a scaffold and nail his legs to the beam. It brings the …’ Her voice dropped further and she mouthed ‘Dark Lady’ without actually saying it.

  Dom’s heart began pounding and sweat prickled on his scalp and armpits.

  ‘How do you know?’ Lim demanded, suspicion blooming like mould.

  ‘I’ve seen it done. My brother Madoc, he was taken at the same time as me. He slaved in Crow Crag but was brought to Eagle Height when he asked to convert. Only the Blessed One can perform that type of sacrifice. She killed a man and made Madoc a Mireces.’

  Dom wanted to point out how valuable Rillirin was, he wanted to say I told you so, but the pain in his head was growing, linking that knowing to the one that was coming. He stifled a whimper.

  ‘So your brother is now Mireces?’ Lim demanded, oblivious.

  ‘Yes. He took the name Corvus. He’s war chief of Crow Crag now.’ She met Lim’s eyes. ‘I am Rillirin Fisher of Dancer’s Lake. I’ve twenty summers and was taken by force nine years ago with the other children when the Mireces destroyed our village. They slaughtered everyone else.’

  ‘Corvus,’ Dom repeated. He grunted and stretched his neck. ‘Corvus Madoc Corvus Crow Crag Eagle Height king.’ His tongue was thick in his mouth and his vision blurred, stretching the firelight around Rillirin, smearing her features with light and blood. His stomach rolled and he belched, heaving.

  ‘Dom?’ he heard Lim say, then, ‘It’s starting.’

  ‘Shit.’ Ash and the sound of dragging furniture, space being cleared behind him. Mireces. Mountains. Dancer’s Lake. The Dancer.

  The bitch.

  ‘Watch him with the fire.’

  ‘What’s happening?’ Panic in Rillirin’s voice, flooding his mind, intensifying his fear. He was looking at the ceiling, head thrown back, cracks and clicks through his spine. Just breathe. Accept the fear, the pain. Let the knowledge come. Breathe. Please breathe. Dom dragged in a breath, held it, grunted it out. Better. Again.

  The room faded into a million buzzing black dots. ‘Take my hands,’ he slurred, voice tangling in his throat. ‘Rillirin, take them. Quickly.’ His arms were as heavy as tree trunks and he fought to reach her, fought back the terror. Always fighting. Always fight.

  ‘Get ready to catch him,’ Lim warned as Rillirin reached out and put her hands in his.

  RILLIRIN

  Yuletide, seventeenth year of the reign of King Rastoth

  Dancer’s temple, Watchtown, Western Plain

  For a long second nothing happened and then Dom’s eyes rolled up in his head. He fell sideways off the cot, dragging Rillirin on to her knees, and then the convulsions began.

  ‘What is this?’ Rillirin’s voice was shrill and she strained to pull her hands away. Dom released her and she tumbled backwards into Sarilla’s legs. ‘What is it?’ she repeated, horrified, as she scrambled to her feet.

  ‘Dom’s gift,’ Sarilla said. Rillirin stared at the thrashing man, at Lim cupping his head so that it didn’t batter into the ground or the cot. Gilda prayed steadily, her eyes fixed on Dom’s writhing face.

  ‘Gift?’ This is no gift, this is evil. A punishment. A punishment for his blood oath, probably.

  ‘The knowing,’ Sarilla insisted. ‘Dom’s learning why you’re important to us, what it is you’re meant to do.’

  ‘We already know that. I herald the war.’ But why me? I’m nobody. I’m nothing.

  ‘There’s more,’ Sarilla said grimly, ‘or this wouldn’t be happening.’

  The big room was too small all of a sudden, oppressive. Something drew near, something watched, though whether of good or evil she couldn’t tell. Rillirin was crouching slightly, as though the roof were sinking.

  The convulsions continued. Blood mingled with the foam splattering from Dom’s mouth, blood from a bitten tongue and lip. ‘Sweet Dancer,’ Lim breathed as blood began leaking from his nose as well.

  Without warning, Dom’s back arched impossibly until he was resting on only his heels and the back of his skull, belly straining for the sky.

  ‘Fuck,’ Ash squawked and jerked back, falling on to his arse. ‘Get the healer,’ he croaked and Sarilla bolted from the room.

  ‘Little brother, little brother, come back now,’ Lim chanted, thumbs stroking Dom’s forehead. Rillirin couldn’t breathe as she watched him teeter like a bent bow, sweat misting his face and cords standing out in his neck and arms. Finally, he collapsed, and Gilda pressed fingers to his throat.

  ‘Too rapid, far too rapid. Get the opium.’

  Dom’s eyes opened to slits. ‘No,’ he breathed and smiled like a corpse. His eyes flickered to Rillirin and there was awe and fear in his face. ‘Who are you?’ he whispered and then retched. Lim turned him on to his side, his knuckles bleeding from cushioning Dom’s head. Dom puked and then flopped back, staring at her through a tangle of black hair, his head in Li
m’s lap. ‘I know who you are,’ he said and his voice was slick with horrified glee.

  Rillirin shrank away from him, found Ash hovering at her side: protecting or guarding, she wasn’t sure. ‘Who?’ she managed, swallowing hard. This is madness, and they’re all infected with it. He’s ill; he doesn’t see anything, not anything real.

  Dom laughed, the sound raw. ‘The Red Gods are coming. Gilgoras will soak up gore and vomit black smoke. Her forests will burn. Mountains will fall and rise; kingdoms will crumble. Rilpor will die. Fox and Wolf stand in the way; the Dancer fights. Lost. All lost.’

  Dom closed his eyes, squeezing tears down his cheeks. ‘The herald will bring death to love, and love to death.’

  Rillirin felt her jaw hanging loose. Death to love? What sick game is this? Her eyes slid sideways to Ash, who was intent on Dom. She took a step back and Ash’s hand found her upper arm. He didn’t look, just squeezed. Hard. She fell still.

  Gilda wiped Dom’s face with a damp cloth, smearing blood across his jaw. His eyes were blank. ‘Enough,’ she whispered. ‘My poor boy, no more.’

  ‘Tell us about Corvus,’ Lim said, his eyes full of apology as Gilda turned on him. ‘We need to know.’

  ‘I don’t … please … I don’t want to,’ Dom gasped, eyes wild as they searched the faces above him, skittering over Rillirin’s as though they couldn’t bear to rest there.

  ‘Easy, little brother, easy. Tell us about Corvus.’

  ‘Rillirin.’

  ‘Yes, Rillirin is Corvus’s sister. What else? What does he plan?’

  ‘Corvus, King of the Mireces.’

  They all turned to look at her. ‘Corvus took the throne? Madoc is king?’ Rillirin’s ears were roaring. ‘Madoc is King of the Mireces?’

  Dom held out a hand to Rillirin and Ash nudged her forward. ‘Your blood is royal, herald,’ Dom said. ‘How much of it needs spilling to get the taint out?’ His laughter was on the far side of madness. Grey-faced, he grabbed Rillirin’s hand again.

  Rillirin shrieked and tried to pull free, her bones grinding in his grip. The room was silent but for the crackle of the fire and Dom’s harsh breathing, the tattoo of his boot heels on the wooden floor, Rillirin’s whimpering.

  He didn’t arch this time. The convulsions slowed, lessened to twitches, and then he lay still. Rillirin pulled her crushed fingers from his limp hand and held them to her chest. Get away. I have to get away, just get away.

  ‘He’s not breathing,’ Lim said.

  ‘Give him time,’ Cam said but his voice was steel wound to breaking point.

  ‘He’s never gone under twice before,’ Ash said. ‘What if he can’t come back?’

  ‘Shut up,’ Gilda snapped. ‘Of course he’ll come back. He has to.’ But none of them looked convinced and Rillirin wasn’t surprised.

  ‘Death to love,’ she muttered. It made no sense. None of this made sense and her hand was hurting and no one was watching her. She thought again about running. Now, while they’re distracted with the madman. She looked at his face, slack in unconsciousness but gaunt, the bones of his face clear beneath his skin. He vouched for me, he kept me safe, spoke the words at my cleansing. I can’t go. I can’t leave him.

  Dom choked, dribbled blood on to the floor, and inhaled a ragged, bubbling breath. ‘What did I miss?’ he whispered and passed out.

  It was snowing hard and everyone was asleep when Rillirin returned from the latrine, brushing flakes from her hair and shoulders. She threaded her way to the fire and squatted, shivering. Dom hadn’t woken, not once since his knowing hours before. He slept uneasily, his face beaded with sweat, eyelids flickering.

  ‘Hush, now, hush,’ she said, imitating Gilda’s sing-song. ‘’Twill be all right.’ His eyelids flickered and then opened. There was an instant of emotion in his black eyes when he saw her, there and gone. ‘Here,’ she said, pressing a cup to his lips.

  ‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, voice less than a whisper.

  ‘Do you want food? Are you hot? Cold?’

  He turned his head away and slept. Rillirin tucked the furs around him, careful not to touch his skin with hers, with whatever curse she’d brought with her. Tears gathered on her lashes.

  ‘I should never have come here.’ She whispered it into her hands, forehead pressed to her knees. ‘I should have just let Liris do what he wanted, let him kill me.’ The guilt she’d thought washed away at the cleansing surged up yet again. Sarilla’s grudging thanks meant nothing, not if Dom died, madman or not. Death to love.

  ‘I’m glad you fought Liris.’ Rillirin flinched at the croaky whisper. ‘I’m glad he didn’t take anything more from you, and I’m glad you killed him. This was always going to happen.’

  Rillirin kept her head down. ‘But not this badly. That’s true, isn’t it? You wouldn’t feel like this, if not for me. I made it worse.’

  A ghost of a smile crossed Dom’s lips. ‘I wouldn’t feel a lot of things if not for you, Rillirin. But not all of them are bad.’

  ‘Stop trying to make me feel better,’ Rillirin said, sniffing. ‘I’m the herald of the end of the world. Liris’s whore is a better fate than that.’

  ‘You weren’t a whore; you were a victim,’ Dom said, breathy with exhaustion. His eyelids flickered and then he focused on her again. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

  Not a fucking chance. She looked for his pity, his disgust, but all she could see was sadness and it melted a little more of the ice around her soul. ‘I was fourteen the first time, had no idea what he wanted. I was too scared to fight him. I was a slave and he was the king. I was a fucking child, Dom. And then afterwards he gave me the dirty plates I’d gone in to collect and told me to do my job, like it hadn’t even happened. But it had, and it kept on happening. And then I started fighting back, but he liked that even more.’

  ‘It made it worse,’ Dom whispered.

  Rillirin shrugged and sat back, watching the glowing coals. ‘Only physically. They’d already killed the good in me by then. Pain’s just pain.’ She coughed and gagged. ‘Even that pain.’

  Dom reached out and laid a trembling hand on her head. ‘No one will ever force you again, Rillirin,’ he said and his voice was solemn, like he was pronouncing sentence. ‘No Watcher, no Wolf would dare. And I will kill any man or woman who tries, I swear that to you.

  ‘You used my name,’ he added. ‘I think that’s the first time you’ve called me Dom without having to think about it. I like my name in your mouth.’

  ‘I like it, too,’ she said, surprising herself. ‘And whatever I’m the herald of, I’m going to help you fight it. I’m going to help all of you. No more secrets, I swear.’

  ‘No more secrets,’ he said and his hand dropped from her hair. ‘So I should probably tell you about the scars on my arm.’

  ‘You don’t,’ she began.

  ‘I do. I owe it to you.’ He drifted for a moment then, and Rillirin didn’t mind. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

  ‘I was married once,’ he said, so low she had to shift closer to hear. ‘Her name was Hazel Shortspear. She was carrying my child when she was killed. They raped her first, then cut open her belly to kill the babe.’

  Gods, no wonder he went mad. ‘It was the Mireces?’ she asked, because of course something so awful would be the Mireces.

  ‘It was men dressed in blue. But I don’t think they were. I’ll know them when I see them again.’

  Rillirin gasped, hands over her mouth. ‘You were there?’ she whispered.

  ‘I came back to see the end of it. She got three before they overpowered her. She was a killer, my Hazel, and damn good at it. But there were just too many. The others beat me senseless and left us. She died alone.’

  ‘She died knowing you would live,’ Rillirin tried, wanting to touch him, not quite daring to.

  ‘She died knowing our child would not,’ he contradicted her and there was nothing to say to that, so she didn’t.

  ‘Hazel Shortspear? Dalli’s sist
er?’

  ‘No, Shortspear was her warrior name, like Sarilla Archer. War-kin.’

  ‘But you’re a Wolf,’ Rillirin said. ‘You don’t have a warrior name.’

  Dom grunted. ‘No. I don’t. I prefer Templeson to Calestar, but I’d give them both up in a heartbeat to be a proper Wolf.’

  Rillirin brushed her fingertips across his knuckles and then she slid her palm on to his. They both waited, tense and fearful, but nothing happened. She tightened her grip and made herself look him in the eye. ‘These visions save lives, don’t they?’ she asked and he nodded. ‘Then that makes you a warrior. Besides, you were pretty good at saving me up in the mountains.’

  The corner of Dom’s mouth twitched, and he started to speak, but his eyelids flickered and instead he slept, his hand in hers.

  CORVUS

  First moon, year 995 since the Exile of the Red Gods

  Blood Pass, shoulder of Mount Gil, Mireces territory

  They’d reached the pass between Mount Gil and White Peak by Yule, Corvus and Lanta and their guards. The only update on Rillirin’s whereabouts had come from Rivil himself. The West Rank knew the Wolves had captured a Mireces slave, and that they were holding her in Watchtown to see if she would be useful.

  Corvus had sent Mata to find Edwin and Valan and their five men, who were still combing the forests looking for Rillirin. They’d been out here ever since the attack on the Wolf village when his sister had slipped through his hands. Truly the gods were helping them, for Rivil to have known about her. The men would never get into Watchtown, but they could at least keep it under surveillance and seize the opportunity the next time she was moved. And then we’ll finally get some answers, find out which of my men is a king-killer. It would be good to have the bastard dead. He might be able to relax then.

  His thoughts returned again to Rillirin, as they did more and more these days. It was her stubborn refusal to acknowledge the Red Gods as the only true gods that had kept her as a bed-slave. If she’d converted, Liris would have honoured her with rights and position and slaves of her own. King’s consort was only one step down from queen, after all.