My Coyote Ugly Life

by Jessica Spoon

  “It’s more casual now,” he answers.

  “You were in a uniform yesterday,” I point out.

  “I had something I had to do that required me to be in uniform.”

  “Oh. Okay. You look good in the uniform, too,” I say, making him laugh again. “Just in case you thought I didn’t think so.”

  Dear God, somebody just shut me up!

  “Tomorrow,” he says, squeezes my shoulder and walks back to the diner.

  I watch him walk and think about tomorrow…

  Oh, shit. What did I just agree to?

  That was totally under duress!

  God dammed Devil Penis Magic!

  Fine. Whatever. So I’m going to dinner with the uber sexy Chief of Belton Police. So I let him sleep with me.

  I’ll just have to sneak out and avoid him like the plague. No big deal.

  Except that makes me feel even worse. I know I’ll want more with him. Much more. Everything about him is addictive. And once I sleep with him, I have a feeling it will only get worse.

  “Ready to go?” my mom asks standing next to me as if having appeared by magic and pulling me out of my spiral into the World of Ree’s Heartbreak, Part Deux.

  “Yeah, let’s go,” I slip my arm through hers and we walk to my car so that we can go get a few supplies for the house.

  ***

  “Tell us everything! There is a lot of shit you’ve left out!” Kota accuses as she comes through my door. I step out of the kitchen and into the living room, look down the hall to see her and Malia coming down the hallway, weighed down with bags from Belton Hometown (our grocery and home wares store).

  Mom and I spent the day finishing the unpacking and decorating of my house. At four o’clock the last empty box was thrown in the garage to be taken out to the trash. It’s now six o’clock and I just pulled out the ingredients to make a grilled chicken salad.

  The girls set the bags on the counter and Malia says, “Put the salad shit away. We’ve got real food. You’re getting drunk and you need sustenance.”

  “I’m getting… What?” I ask.

  “We need information about the panty flaming incident outside Josie’s,” Kota informs me.

  “Ah, shit,” I mutter.

  “You got that right sister,” Malia says. Kota grabs the stuff I got out for my salad and puts it away as I stand at the island, watching them takeover my kitchen.

  “Sit,” Kota orders after getting things put away.

  I sit down at the island on one of the stools and watch as they both unload the bags pulling out three bottles of my favorite white wine, frozen meat galore pizza, three different kinds of cheese, crackers, chips and dip.

  My eyes go wide and my mouth drops open, “Jesus, Christ. Are we throwing a kegger?”

  “Maybe,” Malia shrugs as Kota opens one bottle of wine after putting the other two away and pours three glasses she got from the cupboard then hands me one. I take a large drink, preparing.

  “Okay, hit me with it,” I tell them.

  “Let’s cook this first,” Kota says taking the pizza out of the box and preheating the oven.

  “No, really let’s just get it over with,” I press.

  “You can wait, since you’ve been holding out on us,” Malia raises her brows at me, properly chastising me.

  “Fine,” I pout.

  I wait patiently for half an hour while the pizza cooks, they cut up cheese and get a platter full of snack foods ready, take it into the living room and set it on the coffee table. They give me two slices of pizza telling me, “Not yet,” and “Finish your pizza first.” By this time I’ve already started on my second glass of wine and scarf down my food. When it is nearly seven my doorbell rings.

  “I’ll get it!” Malia says ever so helpfully, jumping up from the stool she was sitting on next to me and running to the door.

  “What the…?” I trail off and look at Kota. She shoves the last bite of her pizza in her mouth while smiling knowingly at me, then takes our plates and puts them in the dishwasher. I hear commotion at the door and get up and go into the living room.

  Just as I step into the room five blasts from the past walk out of the mouth of the hallway as well as a sixth person I don’t recognize.

  Jacky Leonard was in my class in high school. We were friends but not super close. She now works at some insurance company in Des Moines and commutes every day. She has been married since right after we graduated high school to Phil and has two kids, whose names I can’t remember.

  Carmen Sutton was in my class as well, and her and Jacky have been friends as long as Kota, Malia and me. I recently found out that she is now the hostess at the Mandore, Belton’s nicest restaurant. She lives with a guy about a decade older than us that is the manager of the restaurant.

  Albie Pagani was a couple years older than me and she dated my brother Wyatt for two years in school. She now works at the hair salon in town, Mane Attraction, and is single as far as I know.

  The owner of that salon Erika Macintyre comes in next who is about nine years older than me followed by Arlene Yates, granddaughter of the owners of Belton Inn (and now Spa).

  The sixth person is talking with Malia. She looks around our age, has hair so dark it’s almost black, thin build with slight curves and beautiful green eyes that I can see all the way across the room.

  “Oh my god,” I breathe out when I realize what my friends are up to. I am only to tell this story once so that everyone can go out and give everyone the update on the Grayson and Ree Courtship.

  “Hey!” Jacky shouts and comes running to me, throwing her arms around me. “It’s so great to have you back! I’m gonna go put this shit away,” she says to my shocked self, holding up a couple bags that, I’m guessing, have alcohol in them. In fact, it seems everyone brought their drink of choice with them tonight.

  Guess the invitations stated BYOB.

  After Jacky walks away, everyone else comes up and says hello and goes to put their provisions in the refrigerator.

  “Ree, this is Tess Baskin, owner of Flip Out,” Malia tells me.

  Flip Out is one of the new businesses I saw on the square. It looked to have some awesome retro clothing in the windows. I haven’t made it in yet, but looking at Tess’s style and the way she tresses in almost a bohemian chic kind of way, I know that I need to check it out.

  “Hi, nice to meet you,” I attempt a smile, but it feels painful. I’m frozen to the spot.

  Tess laughs and says, “You too, girl! I just had to get a look at the girl that has caught the Chief’s attention. Especially since so many others have been trying.” She then heads into the kitchen with her own supplies.

  I hate that my belly curls again today, this time with jealously. Did anyone else succeed? Who were they? Did he sleep with them? Has he slept with half the town already?

  See, this is what I hate about relationships: paranoia. It seems that even though I’m telling myself repeatedly that nothing will

  develop from whatever it is that Grayson and I are, my stomach, ‘gina, brain, (and possibly my heart) don’t agree.

  Kota pours more wine in my glass and directs me to one of the two armchairs in my living room across from the sectional. I sit down and sink into the big comfy cushion, take a sip of my wine and watch as everyone else comes in and sits on the sectional, except Kota who sits in the chair next to mine.

  Thank God I have enough seating for everyone. I still have room for about two more people on the sectional. I look at Kota to see her looking expectantly at me, “Is this everyone,” I ask using a hoity-toity voice.

  “Yes, your majesty,” she replies with a bow of her head. Smart ass.

  I turn back to look at the group, take a gulp of wine and say, “Let the games begin.”

  “What does he kiss like?”

  “Have you slept with him?”

  “When did you meet?”

  “What did he say to you on the street?”

  “Today or yesterday?”

/>   “Both.”

  “When are you seeing him again?”

  The questions come at me and I quickly realize I am most definitely not drunk enough for this. I look at Kota and see her trying desperately to smother a laugh.

  “I hate you,” I whisper to her, causing the hold on her laughter to fray and she bursts into a fit of hysterical giggles. I roll my eyes and turn back to the group, “How about I start from the beginning?”

  “That would be good,” Malia answers, laughing.

  “Okay,” I take another large drink of wine, “Well, I met him on Thursday night at El Bait Shop.”

  “Wait. You were in a bait shop?” Carmen asks with an incredulous look.

  “No,” I shake my head closing my eyes, “it’s a bar.”

  “Oh… okay. Continue,” she says.

  “Thanks. Now as I was saying, we met at the bar and hit it off. I got drunk, too drunk.”

  “Oh hell yes,” Jacky says excitedly.

  “Oh, hell no,” I look at her. “I passed out in the cab when I was taking him back to my place.” Collective, disappointed gasps throughout the group. I nod my head despairingly, “Yeah. So I wake up the next morning, fully clothed, with no recollection of how I ended up in a hotel room. He must have taken me there and put my drunk ass to bed.”

  “Oh, God,” Arlene gasps. “Then what happened?”

  “I got the hell out of there,” I shrug, taking another drink of wine.

  “Wait, what?” Kota looks at me. “He didn’t say anything? C’mon give us something.”

  “He wasn’t awake when I left,” I shrug again.

  “What? More details please. What happened yesterday?” Erika presses.

  “Okay, so I was getting some cinnamon rolls from Gertrude’s and he was there.”

  “Here we go…” Albie rubs her hands together excitedly.

  “Apparently he doesn’t like it when women sneak out on him. He had a problem with it, made it known, forced me to walk with him back to my place.”

  “That man wouldn’t have to force me to do anything,” Tess says, fanning herself, the others nodding in agreement.

  I ignore her, “My mom was here and invited him in, he made plans for us to have a date last night. I told him no, he kissed me, I could say no more.”

  “I bet not,” Malia mumbles.

  “He came by, I ignored him, he broke in.”

  “What…?” Jacky gasps.

  I continue to ignore their questions. It will only take longer.

  “He kissed me again, better this time,” I say, giving each of them a heavy stare so that they catch my drift. By the glazed look on their faces, they catch my drift. “We argued, he invited himself over for the night, or I should say, he got me to invite him for a sleepover.”

  “Oh, dear sweet Jesus,” Erika breathes.

  “He refused to sleep in a spare room, or on my pull out.”

  “Wait,” Kota bursts out laughing, “You tried to get him to sleep on the ottoman thing?”

  “Yeah. What’s wrong with that?” I ask defensively.

  “Oh, God, Ree! That thing is horrible!” Malia exclaims, laughing as well.

  “What am I missing?” Tess asks.

  “We’ll show you after the story,” Kota answers her.

  “Okay,” she agrees.

  “Anyway,” I continue, ignoring their depreciation for the spectacular-ness that is my pull out, “He refused to sleep on it, forced himself into my bed and made me cuddle with him while I slept.”

  “Sure wouldn’t have to force me,” Carmen mutters with a smile on her face and a far off look in her eyes.

  “My mother walked in as our seven thirty wakeup call this morning, him and I argued, he left, he came into Josie’s, got pissy, took me out on the street and somehow talked me into a date with him tomorrow night,” I finish and take a deep breath after my run- on sentence.

  “Holy shit… That man is good,” Malia says.

  “Something like that,” I purse my lips out to the side.

  “Okay, that is a lot of information to break down,” Carmen begins, “but let’s start with… Why was Grayson in Des Moines in the first place? And at a bar?”

  “He probably goes there to pick up girls or something,” I shrug like it’s no big deal, when it is. It’s a very big deal. Don’t ask me why, I just know that it is.

  “Probably…” Carmen agrees, trailing the word off, her eyes going unfocused.

  “Okay, so you have a date with super sexy, panty melting Chief of Police Grayson Cole,” Malia says. “So what are you going to wear?”

  “I don’t know if I’m going to go…” I bite my lip and avoid everyone’s eyes.

  “Why the hell not?” Kota demands.

  “I was under duress!” I explain exasperated. “He’s some kind of conversational manipulator, talking me in circles until I agree with what he wants. He should be an interrogator for the FBI.”

  “Under duress? Really?” Kota looks at me disbelievingly.

  “Yep. Under duress. Maybe I’ll call 911 and make a complaint,” I nod, putting my glass to my mouth to take a sip. I notice it’s empty and frown at my glass. Miraculously, it begins to fill up again. I look at the golden liquid pouring in and follow its path to a bottle that is held by Kota. “Thank you,” I breathe out excited to have more. She shakes her head and smiles.

  “So you’re not going to go out with him?” Arlene clarifies.

  “Correct.”

  “I bet you do,” Jacky responds.

  “Nope.”

  “Fifty dollars says they do it!” Erika exclaims with a big smile. This then causes a massive bet to ensue while my brain trails off.

  The only thing I can think about is what the hell am I going to wear tomorrow night…?

  ChapterSix

  Fucking Flutters

  I spent all day actively not thinking about Chief Cole. And

  I, of course, never thought about the date that I am currently getting ready for. It never crossed my mind what I was going to wear.

  Which is why I am currently slipping into a figure hugging, long sleeved, nude lace, boat necked, open back dress with the skirt stopping about six inches above my knees. And also why I have paired this gorgeous dress with a pair of six inch nude pumps that have a kickass lace bow on the heel.

  Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.

  I went to bed last night, after everyone left, around midnight, exhausted and trying to think of a way to get out of the date with Grayson. Then I began asking myself, “Why shouldn’t I go? I mean, what’s the harm, right?” I can keep myself detached, enjoy a great meal, possibly have some great sex and move on from it.

  Then I thought to myself that maybe he is just taking me out because I bitched at him for trying to schedule sex like a business deal. Well, it was nice of him to listen and decide to put some effort into it, so I decided that I would go and slipped into a fitful sleep.

  I woke up this morning with a flutter in my stomach. I hated it and immediately became cranky.

  This was not a good way to start my day.

  This was made even more evident when I discovered a massive virus on my computer that made it crash. It was dead. It wouldn’t boot back up and I flew into a massive tailspin. I tried to recover as much of the hard drive as I could, but it was no use. My one stroke of luck was that I keep everything backed up. Since I had a couple projects that were due by midnight tonight I had to go to Des Moines and get a new computer.

  This did not make me happy.

  I purchased even more virus software than I had and had the store techs walk me through putting up impenetrable firewalls.

  I then came home, set up my computer and started working. I had a late lunch at Whitetail Bar & Grill with Kota; Malia was working and couldn’t make it. More people came up to talk to me about the scene (correction: scenes) of Grayson and I on the streets of Belton. And Kota, ever so helpful, offered up the information about my date tonight.

  Thankf
ully I didn’t know where he was taking me so that was less fuel to give the town. I kept hoping all day that he would just take me to Des Moines to eat, but I’m pretty sure my luck isn’t that good.

  After lunch I came home finished my projects, sent them off and cleaned the already clean house just to keep myself busy. About two hours ago I started my preparations for tonight.

  I slip the dress into place and walk to the bathroom and check to make sure that my hair is still pinned in place.

  I spent way too long on it.

  But it’s been a long time since I was on an honest to goodness date and I wanted to make sure that I didn’t disappoint the town. Swear. That’s really why I spent so much time getting ready.

  My hair still has the left side pinned back and I worked the curls to lay just right over the right side of my shoulder.

  I go back to the bedroom, slip on my heels then walk to my jewelry box and put in my pair of diamond drop earrings that my father gave me for my sweet sixteen.

  I walk into the closet and take a look at myself in my full length mirror. I have a moment of hysteria that I actually spent so freaking long on my appearance and that I actually look… grown up and elegant. A giddy feeling starts to steal through my body as I grab my beige clutch and move my items into it.

  I walk out to the kitchen, lay my clutch on the counter and pour myself a glass of wine. I stand there and take a sip then look at the time on the microwave: six forty-seven.

  I take a couple more sips of wine and my phone begins to ring. I grab it out of my clutch, look at the display and the number I don’t recognize, then answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Azaria?” God dammit his voice is amazing.

  “I’m dressed and ready,” I tell him. “I’ve decided not to back

  out. I guess this round goes to you Chief Cole, but the war isn’t over,” I inform him smiling.

  “Ree,” he says my name softly and the flutters start up in my belly again, but this time making me excited.

  Fucking flutters.

  “Though I should warn you,” I begin to ramble to avoid the flutter, “everyone in town is ready for this date. I went to lunch with Kota today and she decided to tell everyone that we had a date tonight. I feel it may be best for the city of Belton if we just go out of town for this thing.”