My Coyote Ugly Life

by Jessica Spoon

  “How dare you!” I say louder and stand up, pushing my chair back so hard that it falls over.

  “Ree, what the fuck?” He remains sitting and looks at me like I’ve lost my damn mind.

  “I can’t believe you have the balls to come back here.”

  “What is your problem?”

  “You!” I point my finger at him. “You are my problem Ryder Hobart Jacobson!”

  “Hey,” he hisses at me, “I told you that in confidence. It was my grandpa’s name.”

  “Yeah?” I put my hand on my hip. “Well, there’s a lot of things that were done back in the day that ceased to mean shit to you.”

  “Ree, I think you’ve gotten some misinformation,” he tells me with a hard expression on his face.

  “Oh, I’ve gotten some information alright. And I cannot believe you! You are just not to be believed!” I point my finger at him again. “I come in here to have lunch with my best friends and you think you can just walk right up to me and sit down like nothing ever happened?” I place my hand on my hip and hear the bell above the door chime, but don’t bother looking to see who it is. “Do you have any idea what we went through? The state you left her in? Huh? Do you?” By this point I have moved closer to him and began physically poking him in the chest.

  He catches my hand in his to stop the poking, “What are you talking about?”

  I yank my hand back, “Pfft. Like you don’t know.”

  “I don’t,” he says with a half angry expression.

  Eesh. If I wasn’t so angry that expression would totally freak me out. I had no idea Ryder could look so scary.

  I begin to talk when I’m cut off, “Ree.” My head snaps to the right to see Kota and Malia standing in the doorway. Kota’s face is pale and her eyes are wide, bouncing between Ryder and me.

  I look back at Ryder, “Rat bastard,” poke him one last time, grab my purse off the table, look at Josie who is standing frozen to the spot behind the counter, her eyes are wide as well, but I’m in such a daze caused by my anger that I only note this though (as well as the fact that the place is packed and I gave them yet another show); it doesn’t cause any reaction from me and tell her, “I’ll pay you later for the tea.”

  I step around Ryder and walk to my girls. He stops me with a hand on my arm, “Ree, wait. What the hell is going on?” he asks his eyes at the door staring at Kota like… like he did when they were together.

  “Asshole,” I spit at him and rip my arm out of his grip. I walk to my friends and announce loudly, “We can’t eat here, anymore, let’s go,” then I grab their arms and steer them out of the door.

  We then went to Bert’s gas station and got a few sandwiches to eat for lunch. Malia and Kota didn’t bring up the scene I made that will have the whole town buzzing and I was still too angry to ask any of my questions. I just sat there and stewed in my own anger and betrayal.

  When we left I turned to them and said, “Tomorrow, I want answers. Be prepared.”

  “Ree…” Malia says.

  “No, you’ve both been holding out on me. I realize I haven’t been around and I’m sorry for that,” I drop my voice and look Kota in the eyes really hoping she understands, “Really sorry. But I kept in contact didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, Ree. You did,” Kota looks away.

  “So tomorrow night, my house. We talk. I didn’t like being blindsided like that,” I continue with a low voice.

  “Okay, Ree,” Malia smiles sadly at me.

  We go our separate ways and as my two best friends walk away from me I wonder if I’ve actually been there for them.

  Am I just the worst friend ever? Or did they purposely keep things from me? Do I have the full story about what went down between Ryder and Kota? Or did I just get the sugar pops and candy cane version?

  These thoughts plagued me the rest of the day, even when I went home and started working. It plagued me so much that I didn’t even get ready for whatever Grayson and I are doing tonight.

  Which is why I slammed my knee into the corner of the desk. I had looked at the clock and realized it was already six thirty so I jumped up and BAM! I have no idea what time Grayson is coming because he didn’t tell me this morning when he left and I haven’t heard from him all day.

  At least I don’t think I have…

  I check my phone for the first time today and see four missed calls, two voicemails and five texts. I ignore all of them (knowing they will just be about the scene at Josie’s) looking for something from Grayson. I see a text that he sent:

  Be there in about an hour.

  It was sent an hour ago.

  “Shit!” I exclaim and run to the door.

  I look out, see that he’s not here and unlock the door for him then run back to my bathroom and jump in the shower.

  “Ree!?” I hear from the living room just as I’m rinsing the conditioner out of my hair.

  I poke my head out of the shower door and call back, “I’m in the shower! Be out in a minute!”

  I condition my hair a second time, shave my legs, wash up, and rinse my hair out in record time. I grab my towel, dry off part way, wrap it around my body then step out of the shower. I grab another towel and twist it around my hair. I then hurry to the sink, brush my teeth and apply moisturizer to my face.

  I walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom then let out a scream.

  Grayson is laying on my bed, back to the headboard, dressed in a dark blue button-down pin-striped shirt, open at the collar, tucked into his dark wash jeans and watching me with lazy eyes and his fucking half smile.

  “Hey, babe,” he says quietly after working his eyes up my body.

  “Uh… hey,” I reply. “Do you mind waiting in the kitchen?”

  “Nah. I’m good here,” he smiles.

  I take a deep breath to calm myself and just walk away into my closet. I close the door behind me and put on some underwear and a bra.

  I put the towel back around me and poke my head out the door, “Where are we going?” I ask him.

  His eyes move from looking out the patio doors to me, “Mandore,” he answers me.

  I close the door to the closet and roll my eyes.

  Of course he would want to go to the Mandore. I don’t exactly have the time it takes to get ready for that. Or do I…?

  I poke my head back out, “What time?”

  “What?” he asks, clearly holding back a laugh.

  “What time are you wanting to go there?”

  “Whenever you’re done,” he shrugs.

  “Grr,” I growl and close the door again hearing his laughter through the door.

  I don’t want to keep him waiting a long time so I decide to keep things basic. I pull out a pair of black slacks and a maroon cap sleeved blouse with a ruffle collar and hang them on the back of the door. I change into a pair of cotton shorts and a tank to wear while I do my hair and makeup.

  I usually just do it in my underwear, but… since he is just going to sit out there and wait, I don’t really want to walk by him practically naked.

  Not on a first date, anyway.

  I walk back to the bathroom, dry my hair and gunk it up good with some product to get the curls to lay descent without spending too much time on it (well, more time). My hair is pretty thick and the whole drying it process takes a while.

  I apply smokey makeup, walk back to the closet (trying very hard to ignore the fact that I can feel his eyes on me) and change into the clothes I set out and a pair of heels that match my blouse. I grab a black glitter clutch and walk out of the closet and to the living room where I left my purse (again ignoring him).

  I begin to put the necessities in the clutch when I feel hands settle on my hips making me freeze.

  One of Grayson’s hands slide up my waist, then move to my back, and up to my neck where he moves my hair over one shoulder, then settles his hand back on my hip as I feel him move closer. I feel his lips against the side of my neck and goosebumps rise on my skin, making me close my eye
s to keep the coming ‘gina quiver internal.

  His tongue touches my neck causing me to shiver. So much for keeping it internal.

  “Chief…” I whisper on a ragged breath.

  “You look beautiful, Azaria,” he breathes against my skin.

  Um.

  Wow.

  “Thank you,” I open my eyes back up. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

  I feel his smile against my neck. “Okay,” he says and kisses me again before moving away.

  I put the rest of my things into the clutch and turn to face him.

  “Hi,” I smile.

  “Hi,” he smiles too.

  “You have a great smile,” I tell him, in somewhat of a daze.

  He laughs and moves his hand to my hair, stroking down where the red strands are.

  “Your hair looks nice like this,” he says quietly, his eyes slowly coming to mine, completely captivating me.

  “Um,” I reply coyly, “thanks. Kota thought I needed something different and I usually just let her do what she wants.” Why am I telling him this? He doesn’t care.

  “She does good,” he smiles, then turns, sliding his arm around my waist and leading us to the door. “Your door was unlocked, again,” he points out, raising his brows at me, after we step onto the porch and I turn to lock it.

  “I unlocked it about five minutes before you got here,” I roll my eyes, then turn to walk down the stairs; him still beside me.

  “Hmm…” is all he says.

  He walks me to the passenger door of his black F350, beeps the locks and opens the door for me.

  “Thanks,” I say as he helps me struggle up into the truck. Even with the running boards it’s quite a ways up for a shorty like me.

  He walks around and gets in the truck starting it up.

  And… now it feels awkward.

  Why does it feel awkward?

  We’ve slept together like three times. Yes, we haven’t actually slept together, but still. Plus, he’s shared some pretty deep thoughts, we’ve had dinner with my parents, and he pretty much declared his feelings for me straight out.

  Okay, so it wasn’t a hearts and flowers, pouring your heart out, undying love confession, but he made it very clear that he really likes me.

  So why do I feel awkward?

  Oh, yeah! Because I haven’t been on an actual date in years.

  “Ugh, first dates suck,” I complain.

  “Babe,” he laughs, “this is hardly a first date.”

  “Well, it kind of is, isn’t it?” I argue. “I mean, yeah, we’ve spent a bit of time together, but this is like a real date. Both parties have consented to partake, there’s probably going to be a goodnight kiss, you know, if you play your cards right,” I smile at him and he laughs. “Either way it’s kind of the start of something, you know?” I ask him seriously.

  He moves his right hand from the steering wheel, replacing it with his left, and grabs mine. He brings it to his mouth and kisses my palm.

  Insert swoon here.

  “Yes, it is,” he says against my hand, looking at the road.

  I watch as he drops my hand from his mouth and places it on his leg, covering it with his own. My eyes follow this movement.

  I blink.

  My stomach flutters.

  Dammit.

  His thigh feels amazing under my hand and it’s itching to move higher up and see what else those jeans are hiding from me. My mind then spins off in a tangent, thinking of all the things I would love to do with him. All the things I’d love for him to do to me.

  Now that I’ve accepted this… whatever this is between us, I’m excited to move on to some of the more appealing extracurricular activities a semi-whatever-this-is-kind-of-relationship stuff entails.

  And it will be good. I know it.

  When you… live a life like I have… you learn certain things about guys and how they translate sexually. How they walk… stand… dance… All these things show you what moves a guy is going to have behind closed doors.

  There’s the guy that struts; he usually either sucks in bed but thinks he’s a God because some girl (who wouldn’t know good sex if it slapped her on the ass) said how amazing he was (or because she didn’t want to be a bitch and hurt his feelings). Or he has a small package and thinks that being cocky will make women believe that he is amazing. Either way, it’s not good.

  Some guys are reserved and can be a crapshoot. They can be descent, awkward and fumbling, or pretty out of this world. This is usually the ones I go with and end up with awkward and fumbling.

  There’s the shy, quiet guy who is pretty awesome if you have the balls to tell him what to do and how to do it. This can be tiring after a couple times when they don’t catch on.

  Then there is the Holy Grail.

  These Holy Grails are rare as in never found. They live in our fantasies. We make them up and hold all other men up to this standard. They know just what women like and are very skilled at it. This is usually because they have been, or still are, a massive man-whore. If you can get past the fact that they have probably been with over fifty women, you are in for a treat. They are the men that make you weep because the sex is too good to be true.

  A man like Grayson Cole.

  I could tell that first night within five minutes that he would be fantastic in the sack. Even the way he sat said a lot about him. He was aware of everything and everyone around him, he was attentive, he sat with just this air about him that screamed confidence. Not cocky, just confident in his abilities as a man that he didn’t have to announce them. He was more of a hands on guy.

  As soon as I realized these things about him, I knew I wanted him. A lot. I mean, hell, no one actually finds a Holy Grail. I did not want to pass that up.

  Until I found out who he really was.

  And now that I’ve accepted this… whatever… I can’t wait to have my turn with a legend.

  Yay me!

  We pull into Mandore at seven thirty and the place is packed.

  “Did you tell anyone we were coming here?” I ask, staring out the windshield at the building, a bit panicked.

  “Yeah…” he says slowly, clearly noticing my ‘a bit panicked’ tone. “Why?”

  “Who did you tell?”

  “Jacobson,” he answers.

  This immediately sets my teeth on edge.

  It appears Chief Cole and I have some things to talk about over dinner.

  “Why?” he asks again.

  I don’t answer. I take a deep breath and pull my hand away to open the door and face the firing squad.

  Grayson holds tighter onto my hand, “Ree.” I look at him, letting my irritation show on my face. “Shit,” he says quietly. “What’d I do now?” he closes his eyes and slowly opens them back up.

  “Ryder Jacobson,” I say as an answer.

  “So?”

  “He’s a fucking gossip,” my voice is dripping with malice.

  “What the fuck?” he’s clearly surprised by the anger in my voice. He shakes his head, “Look, it’s going to happen either way. We may as well get it over with, Ree,” he finishes softly, his thumb stroking my hand.

  I take another deep breath, try to let the anger go (but I only partly manage) and nod, “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  I reach for the door handle to open it, but he stops me, “Babe.”

  “What?”

  He nods his head towards the restaurant, “I’ve got an audience.”

  “Okay…” I tilt my head to the side, confused.

  “Let me get the door for you, so I don’t come off as an asshole.”

  I roll my eyes and smile at him (just a little), “Okay.” He rewards me with his panty creaming half smile and steps out of the truck, coming around and helping me out. “Thanks.”

  I move to get out of the way of the door but his body keeps me pinned behind it. I look up at him confused as to why we are still standing here.

  “You look gorgeous tonight, Ree,” he says brushing my h
air behind my shoulder.

  Insert swoon.

  “Thanks, Chief,” I whisper.

  He bends and brushes his lips against mine causing my anger to completely melt away leaving only the quiver and flutters.

  “Let’s get this show on the road,” he says sarcastically, pulls me forward then closes the door. He winds his arm around me as we walk to the restaurant.

  “We can run, you know,” I tell him when we’re five feet from the door.

  “Run?” he laughs.

  “Yeah, it’s not too late.”

  “Ree, it will be fine,” his hand squeezes my hip and he pulls me closer.

  “You don’t know these people like I do. They’re ruthless.”

  He leans his head closer to my ear just as we make it to the door and whispers, “I’ll protect you.”

  I roll my eyes as the door is opened for us by Carmen Sutton.

  “Hey guys,” she smiles, “I’ve already got a table ready for you.”

  “Of course you have,” I reply dryly, looking at everyone looking at us.

  “Behave,” Grayson says low, humor lacing his tone.

  Carmen takes us to a back booth that is semi-private.

  “Thank you,” I tell her, my voice full of gratitude.

  “Hey, it’s your first date,” she shrugs, “I’ll do what I can, but you know, sitting in this corner isn’t going to deter them,” she nods her head towards our audience.

  “Ugh. I know,” I reply and slide into the seat. Grayson follows me in and Carmen sets the menu’s down.

  “Lily will be your waitress,” she tells us.

  “Lily? Erika’s daughter?” I ask her surprised.

  “Yep,” she smiles.

  “Dear God,” my eyes go a bit unfocused as I try to do the math then come back to Carmen. “Is she old enough yet?”

  “Yeah, she just turned sixteen,” she answers in a tone that mimic’s my surprise.

  “God, we’re getting old,” I mumble.

  “Yeah,” she agrees.

  “Oh, Jesus,” I look at Grayson to see him rolling his eyes.

  “I’ll see you guys later,” Carmen smiles and walks away.

  I say goodbye and look back at Grayson, “Jesus, what?”

  “You’re hardly old, babe,” he shakes his head, his arm going around the back of the booth, turning towards me and his other arm resting on the table, fencing me in.