My Coyote Ugly Life

by Jessica Spoon

  I tilt my head and purse my lips to the side, “Nope.”

  “My glasses, babe,” he reminds me with a grin and a slow blink.

  “I think I’ll keep ‘em,” I tell him.

  “Babe,” he deadpans.

  “What? They look good on me.”

  “Hmm… I suppose you’re right,” he winks. “Okay, but I’ll expect payment.”

  “I would never steal from an officer of the law,” I place my hand over my heart and modulate my voice to sound like a true Southern Bell.

  “Sure,” he rolls his eyes.

  “I’ll make it worth it,” I grin at him.

  “Of that, I have no doubt, babe.”

  I lift my arms and wrap them around his neck, “See you soon, Chief.”

  He lowers his mouth to mine in his own version of a very thorough and not-at-all quick kiss.

  My car horn honks, causing us to pull apart. I turn around to see Kota waving her hand for me to hurry up and I stick my tongue out at her.

  I give Grayson a quick kiss again then turn back around and get in my car.

  “Finally,” Kota complains.

  “Oh shut up,” I smile.

  “Stop it you two!” Malia scolds us with a huge grin. “Are you ready to have more fun than a tornado at a trailer park?” she asks excitedly.

  “Hell yes!” I cheer, put the car in gear and follow Grayson down the road.

  “So you two seem to be spending a lot of time together now,” Kota says when we are on the road for about five minutes. “As in… every night,” she grins, taking a drink from her bottle of water.

  “We have been,” I smile without looking from the highway.

  “It’s been over your One Month Rule, too,” Malia adds.

  “It has,” I nod.

  “And you’re not freaked out?” Kota asks.

  “Oddly enough… no,” I shake my head. “I’m happy. So deliriously happy that I don’t think I could change it even if I wanted to. I’ve learned so much about him. And myself, for that matter.”

  “What do you mean?” Malia asks.

  “Well…” I begin, “Like all of my little quirks turn him on,” I grin at them.

  “Oh god…” Kota laughs on a groan.

  “He’s a good man and I don’t feel like I have anything to worry about with him,” I explain more seriously. “There’s no games. No mind-play like I’ve always been used to. Everything is just so straight forward,” I tell them, losing myself in a daze for a bit. “I have even less of a filter than usual. Whatever I’m feeling or thinking, I just spit it out without even realizing it… And he always responds honestly. Never harsh… Just… honest.”

  “Wow,” Malia breathes out.

  “I know,” I agree. “It’s like he always knows the perfect thing to say. Not in a way that it seems like he’s trying, but in a way like… God this sounds stupid.”

  “What?” Kota asks, genuinely curious.

  “The way he responds to me, and I to him for that matter, is like we just complement each other. We don’t try to say or do the perfect thing… it just works out as our own version of perfect.” I turn and look at both of them and their glazed over eyes. “Sorry. That probably doesn’t make any sense,” I shake my head. “I can’t think of a better way to word it.”

  “It makes perfect sense,” Kota chokes out and turns to look out the window.

  “Hey,” I call her, reaching my hand out and taking hers. “What is it?” I ask when she looks at me.

  “I had that once,” she says, holding back the tears.

  “And you will again,” I assure her.

  “Not like that,” she argues. “It’s like fate, Ree. You and Grayson. You’re soul mates. I know, I know,” she interrupts me as I’m about to disagree, “You don’t believe in that. But what better way is there to explain it than that? You are an extension of the other. It’s comfortable and has been from the first moment you met right?”

  I nod my head and swallow hard, refusing to believe in soul mates.

  “I had that…” a tear falls from her eye.

  “Like I said, you will again,” I squeeze her hand.

  “You will, Kota,” Malia cuts off her argument. “Ree is right. We both will.”

  “Exactly,” I smile at Malia.

  Kota doesn’t respond.

  She just nods and squeezes my hand tighter.

  We ride in silence the rest of the way to the lake.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Twat Taps and Cuntcicles

  “How’s Ree doing with everything, Cole?” Chance Hayes asks.

  They all got settled into camp about half an hour ago and now all of the guys are searching the woods around their campsite.

  As a precaution.

  “She’s doing… remarkably well, actually,” Grayson answers.

  He’s amazed, though he really shouldn’t be, at the calm with which she has taken everything that has happened over the past couple of weeks.

  They have spent every free moment they have together lately. And for the first time in his life, Grayson is blissfully happy.

  Aside from the fact that there is a mad man after the most precious thing in the world to him.

  It started that first night at El Bait Shop.

  He knew it then, really, now that he looks back.

  It was the night he found the love of his life.

  He has fallen more and more in love with Azaria Gable with every breath she takes.

  The thought doesn’t scare him, surprisingly.

  Doesn’t bother him that he has fallen so hard and so fast.

  No… what bothers him… is that it will scare the shit out of her.

  They have been dating for over a month; passing her rule without even a peep from her.

  She may not have noticed with everything that is going on and he is too afraid to bring it up to her.

  Yes. For the first time since Grayson Cole was just a little boy, he is afraid.

  Afraid to lose something so magnificent he never thought he would attain it.

  And now that he has been blessed enough to be able to hold Ree in his arms every night, he can’t do anything to rock the boat.

  He just has to wait until she falls for him… if she falls for him… then all the other bullshit will just fade away.

  “It’s not surprising really,” Koby remarks.

  “What’s not?” Jerald Taylor asks.

  “That she’s handling everything as well as she is,” Koby answers.

  “No, not really,” Taylor smiles, shaking his head.

  “What’s the deal?” Grayson lifts his chin to Taylor.

  “What do you mean?” he furrows his brow in confusion.

  “With you and Ree?” Grayson clarifies.

  The rest of the guys stop walking and look between Grayson and Taylor. It’s been building for a while. His infatuation with Ree. It’s been driving Grayson crazy for weeks, but he’s managed to keep it to himself. But with the reverence in which he talks about her constantly, he can’t keep it in any longer.

  “Jealous?” Taylor grins.

  “Don’t push me,” Grayson growls out.

  “Chill, Chief,” he laughs. “Ree and I go way back.”

  “Yeah, I noticed. So does Jacobson, but I don’t see him hanging on her every word,” Grayson responds.

  The men’s heads bob back and forth between the two and their throw down.

  “Ah, hell, Cole. Calm down,” Taylor says, setting Grayson’s teeth on edge. “Ree was the only person who was openly nice to me back in school,” he explains. “I was a scrawny kid who was constantly bullied and had the shit beat out of me. Ree saw it and somehow put a stop to it,” he shakes his head, “I don’t know what she did, but she just started talking to me one day and everything stopped.

  “I figured it would get worse. The prettiest and most popular girl in school talking to me and having me sit with her at lunch? Things had to get worse…” his eyes connect with Grayson’s.
“But they didn’t. Things got better. Much better. People started to treat me with respect and I started going out to parties and school functions.”

  He rubs his hand across his buzz cut hair, “We’ve always had this brother-sister bond since then. Sure, I wanted something more in high school. She was my guardian angel. But she made it clear that she only wanted to be friends. Eventually our bond changed and developed into what it is today. I just like jerkin’ your chain sometimes, but it’s all in fun,” he grins at Grayson. “Still… to this day, I wish I knew what she did,” he shakes his head again.

  “She talked to me,” Ryder says, hands in his pocket.

  “What do you mean?” Taylor asks.

  “She told me what she saw and threatened to tell Kota that I was a bully if I didn’t stand up for you,” Ryder says, shaking his head with a faint smile. “I was head over heels in love with Kota then and I didn’t want her to think anything negative of me, not to mention the fact that what they did was wrong and fucked up. So I told them to leave you alone, or they could answer to me and my friends,” he shrugs.

  “Our girl is quite the puppeteer, using us all as her own personal marionettes,” Taylor laughs.

  “Yeah, she is,” Ryder joins in then looks at Grayson, “Be sure to keep an eye out for that.”

  “I’ll do my best,” Grayson grins.

  “So we’re good?” Jerald asks him.

  “We’re good,” he pats him on the shoulder.

  “Great. Now that our vaginas are properly aired out, shall we get back to the women?” Blaine asks, with a bored expression.

  “No shit,” Chance Hayes agrees.

  “Yeah. Let’s go,” Grayson says and they begin to walk back.

  “You didn’t know there were cameras?” The guys overhear Tess laugh as they approach the campsite.

  “How was I to know!?” Ree exclaims. “These bitches didn’t tell me! And why would there be cameras at a pool?”

  “A hotel pool?” Albie laughs. “Why wouldn’t there be cameras, Ree?”

  “It’s an invasion of privacy!”

  “What is?” Declan asks as they make their way to the group of girls sitting around the fire.

  “Nothing,” Ree quickly says, feigning a face of pure innocence.

  “Oh… something,” Kota grins.

  The guys all pull up a seat, Grayson sitting next to Ree.

  “What?” Grayson asks her. She looks away from him and shrugs her shoulders, taking a drink of her beer. “Kota?” he looks to Ree’s best friend who loves to talk about the Adventures of Azaria Gable.

  “Er…” Kota trails off for a moment before making her decision. “Okay. But you can’t get pissy with us.”

  Grayson tips his head, a confused and amused look passing over his face.

  “Okay,” he agrees.

  “Don’t do it Kota,” Ree warns. “I’ll never speak to you again.”

  “Babe,” Grayson grabs her hand and pulls her closer to him. She looks up at him. “I won’t judge. Promise,” he smiles the smile at her that he knows she loves.

  “Hrmph,” she pouts. “Fine,” she gives in to Kota.

  “Okay, well a couple years ago we were at a bachelorette party for an old friend,” Kota says. “We got a party bus and went bar hopping around Des Moines. We got back to the hotel around two in the morning, but none of us were tired. So we drank some more and decided we wanted to go swimming.”

  “The only problem was,” Malia says, “is that the pool was closed.”

  “Well, that wasn’t going to stop us,” Kota smiles, “or Ree,” she adds matter of factly.

  “Oh God… Kill me now,” Ree groans, dropping her head back and making Grayson smile.

  “Anyway,” Kota ignores her. “So we all go down to the front desk to see what we can do. Well, right away it’s obvious this guy has a thing for Ree,” Grayson clenches his jaw to keep from saying anything. That’s one thing about this ‘love business’ he doesn’t care for: jealousy. “So Malia convinces Ree to work her magic and get the guy to let us in.”

  “He was putty in her hands,” Malia smiles. “All she had to do was just bat her eyelashes a few times and he was hooked,” she laughs.

  “Yep,” Kota grins at Ree who is shaking her head in mortification. “Okay. So the problem was, that we didn’t bring swimsuits with us. We didn’t think we would need to…” Oh shit, Grayson thinks as he can see where this is going to go. “We agreed to swim in our underwear, it covers just as much as a swimsuit, only Miss Ree was wearing a push up bra that had some padding in it,” she grins.

  All the guys look at each other somewhat confused until Malia explains.

  “If you get that padding wet, it doesn’t dry very well. It was the only bra she had brought with her and she didn’t want to go home in a wet bra the next day.”

  “Oh, shit,” Koby echoes Grayson’s thoughts.

  “Yeah…” Kota grins. “Ree takes her bra off and says, ‘It’ll be fine. I’ll keep my underwear on’.”

  “Then the next day when we’re leaving,” Malia laughs, “we find out the night clerk got in big trouble for letting people skinny dip in the pool. Ree was horrified! She didn’t know there were cameras!”

  “How did you not know there were cameras?” Chance laughs.

  “I was drunk, okay?! I didn’t have all of my faculties!” she argues.

  “Oh, babe,” Grayson shakes his head, smiling.

  “Ugh,” she groans.

  He leans closer to her and whispers in her ear, “Maybe we’ll do some skinny dipping later tonight, okay?” her eyes light up and a wide smile spreads across her face.

  “Okay,” she agrees.

  “Oh my god!” Kota cries. “Do you remember what Angie did?”

  “How could I forget?” Ree laughs.

  “Who? What?” Declan asks.

  “Angie was the bride to be,” Ree explains. “She took all of her clothes off to swim and constantly made us take pictures of her naked and send them to her fiancé. She was very demanding about it, too,” Ree laughs. “I remember just holding my phone up and saying ‘click’ because I knew she’d regret it in the morning and she yelled at me, ‘You didn’t take a picture! You just said the word click. Take the picture and send it to Peter!’ I laughed so freaking hard I almost peed!”

  “You did pee. Don’t remember?” Malia asks.

  “Yeah… I was trying to avoid that confession,” Ree glares at her. “Thanks… friend.”

  “Didn’t he text you the next day, too?” Kota asks.

  “Yeah,” Ree laughs. “On the way home he text me and asked if I would email the pictures to him because he knew she would make him delete them from his phone.”

  “Did you?” Colt asks with a grin.

  “Of course,” she nods. “They were getting married and he deserved to have them. Though, she wasn’t very happy when she found out that I had emailed them,” she laughs. “Hey, you can only guide drunks so far,” she takes a pull from her beer.

  “Do you remember the picture?” Malia asks, bringing up a new subject.

  “Oh my God! Who could forget!?” Ree breaks out into a loud fit of laughter.

  “What?” a few of the guys ask looking around with grins, wondering what crazy story these girls are going to tell next.

  “Peter sent Angie a cock shot,” Kota laughs so hard she has to catch her breath before she can continue. “And she made all of us look at it.”

  “Oh hell,” Blaine shakes his head. “Poor fucker.”

  “Poor my ass!” Kota hollers. “Let’s just say that Angie is a very lucky woman.”

  “So not what a bunch of guys want to hear,” Grayson mumbles, with a grimace on his face.

  “Angie is so lucky that Kota nicknamed Peter TC!” Ree bends over and begins to slap her knee, trying to catch her breath from her hysteria.

  “Which is short for Thunder Cock!” Malia laughs.

  All of the girls break out giggling like drunken sorority gir
ls, while the guys chuckle, mostly because the girls’ reactions are fucking funny.

  “And then we made him dance to AC/DC’s Thunderstruck at the wedding with us!” Kota adds.

  “Like I said, poor fucker,” Blaine takes a drink of his beer with as much of a smile as he is usually able to manage.

  “Fuck, that was a good time,” Ree sits up and wipes the tears from her eyes.

  “Okay, what else you got?” Chance asks.

  “What do you mean?” Kota asks him.

  “Let’s hear some more of your crazy stories.”

  “There aren’t any more,” Ree quickly says.

  “What about Apple River a few years ago?” Malia asks.

  “Dammit woman!” Ree says. “Don’t give them any more fuel!”

  “Oh come on, baby,” Grayson leans over and nuzzles her neck. “We love hearing about your adventures.”

  “Pfft,” is her response, making him laugh.

  “What happened at Apple River?” Colt asks.

  “I’m with Ree on this one… Can we not talk about it?” Albie takes a drink of her Strawberita.

  “Why…?” Chance asks her. “Got something to hide?”

  “Just what a dork she can be, probably,” Tess grins. “Let’s hear it. What happened to poor Albie?”

  “Which part?” Malia asks Kota. “The part where Albie tried to get money for breast enhancement surgery or the part where the guy offered us his apple?”

  “Both,” Kota grins.

  “Okay. So Apple River, in case you don’t know,” Malia begins, “is a float trip. You go and camp and then spend a day floating down the river and getting drunk. It’s a blast. Made more fun when you take crazy and fun drunks like Ree and Albie.”

  “Oh this has to be good,” Colt says.

  Malia grins and continues her story. “So we get up at seven in the morning and get on a bus that takes us upriver. We get on a raft with our coolers and follow the current back to camp. So we start drinking pretty heavy first thing in the morning. We had jello and pudding shots that we downed like it was the life force of all that is good and right in the world. Albie, not used to drinking on our level at the time, got shit-faced pretty damn quick.”

  Albie hangs her head, shaking it.