The Prospects

by Daniel Halayko

  Major Disappoint swept his dark purple cape back. “Soon the town of Butterfield will be under hundreds of feet of water, and the Young Sentinels cannot stop me!”

  The brick wall to his right fell apart. A young man with stone skin beneath his football helmet and pads stepped through the hole. “Two-minute warning? Coach says it ain’t over ‘till the last whistle.”

  “Time for your most hated game, Rock Jock,” said Major Disappointment. “Let’s see if you’re up to par! HAHAHAHA!” With a flock of his wrist Major Disappointment pulled a thin string that tipped a bucket full of golf balls in front of him.

  “Curses! Golf!” screamed Rock Jock. “The only sport I’m not the best at!”

  “That’s right!” said Major Disappointment. “And with the other Young Sentinels buried in my radioactive anthill, there is no one who can stop me!”

  “Well,” said a lisping, lilting voice, “losing to you really would be a major disappointment. But all you did was bug us.”

  Major Disappointment spun around and faced the boy with teased hair and a rainbow suit. “You? But how?”

  Stardancer sashayed into the room. Her spangled leotard sparkled in the lights. “Your little pets were hardly worthy ant-agonists for us.”

  “But it’s still too late! You will never …” Major Disappointment’s mouth opened as Stardancer performed a variety of ballet moves in the midst of a flickering light show provided by Pinwheel. “Oh, so graceful.”

  He watched so carefully he didn’t notice Cantrip appear beside him until the tuxedo-clad magician extended his empty hand. “Before you let that timer count down, you should know the town of Butterfield is home to Butterfield Bakeries,” he flicked his hand, “where they make the world’s best fruit pies!”

  Cantrip spread his fingers again. A goopy mess of crushed cherries and glazed dough fell from his fingers.

  “Oh, damn,” he said.

  “Cut!”

  Everyone stopped at the director’s word. Lights dimmed and cameras went down as the recording crew murmured to each other.

  “Ira, you idiot,” Stardancer said, “You had one trick, one stupid trick, and you flubbed it.”

  “I waited too long by the studio lights,” he said. “It melted up my sleeve.”

  “It’s a pie. How do pies melt, mister magician?”

  “Uh, excuse me,” said Knockout Rose, “If we’re taking five, can I get a bathroom break?”

  “Stay where you are,” said the director. “We have to do reshoots. You’ll have to stay tied up in the same position.”

  “Seriously? I’m supposed to be tough. Why do I get tied up all the time?”

  “Because you can’t act,” said Stardancer. “You have no powers and no talent, which is why you’d be the easiest to replace.”

  Knockout Rose muttered, “This isn’t how I want to spend a Saturday.”

  “Well, you weren’t going to spend it cleaning your half of the room. I swear, it’s like living with a pig.”

  “I’m not the one who gets puke all over the toilet seat.”

  “But you are the one who gets a little fatter every day.”

  “Personally, I don’t like the script,” said Major Disappointment. “I mean, my character is supposed to surrender after one bite of a fruit pie?”

  The director replied, “You’re moved by its irresistible deliciousness.”

  “But if I only eat it because I’m hypnotized by Stardancer, how does that make the pie irresistible?”

  “Butterfield sponsored this, their copywriters wrote the content.”

  “Fine. But when I throw the golf balls at Rock Jock, can’t I say something like, ‘You can’t overcome that handicap!’ I mean, handicap. It’s a golf joke.”

  The director rubbed his eyes. “We’re making this for kids. They won’t get it.”

  Rock Jock stepped on a golf ball. “I can crush these without falling. They’re like Styrofoam peanuts to me.”

  “Golf balls are your weakness,” said Pinwheel. “Our brilliant writers established that you can’t handle a sport that doesn’t involve grappling with sweaty men. You should read something other than team playbooks.”

  “Steve, the cameras aren’t rolling,” said Rock Jock. “I’m the one who finished Game of Thrones, not you.”

  Without breaking character, Pinwheel said, “I’ll pretend you said something unimaginative and homophobic. It’s called acting. I suggest you try it.”

  “Fine. Um … shut up or I’ll break your limp wrists.”

  The director said, “Let’s take it from Cantrip’s entrance. Places, everyone. And … action!”

  Cantrip said, “Before you do anything else, you should know the town of Butterfield is home to Butterfield Bakeries,” he flicked his hand, “where they make the world’s best fruit pies!” A fresh and intact pie appeared in his palm.

  “The best in the world? Bah!” Major Disappointment grabbed it. “I’ll be the judge of …” He took a bite. “So sweet and delicious! How could I want to destroy the place where these come from?”

  “For the first time,” said Pinwheel, “Major Disappointment is pleasantly surprised.”

  Stardancer looked into the camera. “And you, too, will be pleasantly surprised by the fresh fruit flavor in the new cherry-strawberry pies. Butterfield Bakeries – it’s love at first bite.”

  A beeping cellphone drowned out the word “bite.”

  “Cut,” said the director. “Who brought a phone?”

  “That’s mine,” Stardancer ran behind the cameras and grabbed her Coach handbag. “It’s our manager’s ringtone.”

  Knockout Rose slipped out of her boxing gloves and walked off the set. “That’s it, I’m going to the bathroom.”

  “I didn’t say take five,” said the director.

  Rock Jock took off his football helmet. “It’ll be longer than five minutes. Stardancer doesn’t do short conversations.”

  Pinwheel looked at the old man in a padded purple suit who played Major Disappointment. “Hey, didn’t you host the Weekend Horrible Horror Films for the Raleigh TV station?”

  “That was me,” he said as he took off his goatee and mask. “Grandpa Ghostly.”

  “Those were the highlights of my Saturday afternoon. They were the worst movies, but you cracked great jokes before the commercial breaks.”

  “I read cue cards for a paycheck.”

  “All the same, I enjoyed it.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Twenty. Why?”

  “When I was your age I ran from audition to audition to get any job I could. My biggest role was a bit part on a crappy sitcom that didn’t last a season. After a lifetime of work and training, the best I can get is a crummy commercial with a bunch of kids in tights forcing me to eat pie in front of a green screen. And it films on a Saturday, no less.”

  “Yeah, breaking into acting is hard. You wouldn’t believe how many auditions I went to before landing this gig.”

  “When you’re young, you wear out your shoe’s soles. When you’re old, you wear out your own soul.”

  Stardancer came back. “You’re not going to believe this, but there’s a riot outside Madison Square Garden. The New York Guardians asked us for help.”

  “Us?” said Rock Jock. “Is this another one of those beef-up-the-numbers gigs?”

  “All we have to do is stand behind the police barricade,” said Stardancer. “There’s already news crews there, so we can get free publicity.”

  “And the manager likes anything free,” said Pinwheel.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” said the director. “I need that last shot with the tag line.”

  “Ugh, fine,” said Stardancer. “Everyone, take your places. Where’s Kayleigh?”

  Knockout Rose returned to the set. “I’ll need a minute to get the ropes right.”

  “Forget it, the van’s waiting,” said Stardancer. “Keep her out of focus. Cameras, zoom in on me. Lights, action!” She grabbed the pie from Cantrip
and stared into the camera. “And you, too, will be pleasantly surprised by the fresh fruit flavor in the new cherry pies. Butterfield Bakeries – it’s love at first bite. Cut. It’s a wrap.”

  “Hey, I’m the director,” said the director.

  “Then do your job, dumbass,” said Stardancer. “Should we start over for Steven Spielberg here?”

  “Actually,” said the cameraman, “I think we got it.”

  “I don’t care anymore,” said the director. “I am not getting paid enough to put up with the worst diva this side of Celine Dion on a Saturday. Get the hell off my set.”

  “I’ve been making commercials since I was five, I know what I’m doing,” said Stardancer. “Young Sentinels, let’s go.”

  Pinwheel and Rock Jock lingered to catch up with Knockout Rose as the rest of the team headed for the exit.

  Rock Jock said, “Usually you have a better comeback with Jackie pulls this crap. Are you okay?”

  Knockout Rose pulled her boxing gloves out of the ropes. “No, I’m not. I’m fed up.”

  “Jackie isn’t much worse than usual.”

  Pinwheel “Her name is Stardancer, you lumbering lump of cold lava, and I’m her loyal sidekick.”

  “She’s only part of it,” said Knockout Rose. “I’m sick of always getting tied up because perverts write our scripts. Every adventure I get tied up or tied down or strapped spread-eagle to some stupid machine.”

  “It’s not Kayleigh getting tied up, it’s Knockout Rose,” said Rock Jock. “You’re not your character.”

  “Not everyone can be someone else,” said Pinwheel. “Only the truly gifted can become anything.”

  “And, unlike Steve, you don’t stay in character after the cameras stop.”

  “I’m taking this opportunity to practice my craft as much as I can,” said Pinwheel.

  “All the same,” said Knockout Rose, “if I wanted to go into bondage modeling, I could’ve done that. It would’ve paid better.”

  “I’m questioning my life choices too,” said Pinwheel. ”I talked to Major Disappointment long enough to think that could be my future.”

  “You’re a good actor, Steve,” said Rock Jock.

  Knockout Rose said, “Plenty of good actors don’t become movie stars.”

  “We’ll get our break if we work for it,” said Rock Jock. “As soon as Steve and I save up another thousand, we’ll go to LA.”

  “You’re leaving?” asked Knockout Rose.

  “Goin’ out west,” said Pinwheel. “It won’t be San Francisco, but it’s only a seven-hour drive away.”

  “So you’re getting out of here and didn’t invite me?”

  Rock Jock said, “You don’t seem like the kind of girl who’d share an efficiency with two guys.”

  “The bathroom alone would be a catastrophe,” said Pinwheel. “We assumed you’d say no.”

  “You two keep this job bearable,” said Knockout Rose. “Without you, I’m stuck with Jackie and Ira.”

  Cantrip hesitated before getting into the van. “Last time, when we did a beef-up-the-numbers gigs against the Sewer Scum, I almost got slugged. We aren’t going to be in danger this time, are we?”

  “Ira,” Stardancer said, “for once in your life, act like a man.”

  Rock Jock patted Cantrip’s shoulder. “Stay behind me, and I’ll stay behind the cops. We’ll get through this, buddy.”

  Steve licked his fingers and sharpened a spike in his hair. “And I do look forward to the unimaginative insults New York’s least finest sling at an easy target. I wonder if they’ll come up with the only gay joke I haven’t heard before.”

  The doors closed behind Knockout Rose and Pinwheel.

  Stardancer took a bite out of the pie. “Eww. It tastes like cardboard and cough syrup.”

  “It’s not a real pie,” said Cantrip. “It’s vegetable shortening and dyed jelly. It’s a prop. That’s why the first one melted.”

  “Don’t take that tone with me.”

  Rock Jock said, “You’d think someone who did commercials for years would know what a prop is.”

  “Shut up, freak,” said Stardancer.

  “Maybe I missed something,” said Cantrip, “but why is our manager making us go to a dangerous place?”

  “Because the media will be there, and we need publicity,” said Stardancer. “Our videos aren’t getting the response they used to.”

  “We’re also getting crappy reviews,” said Rock Jock, “but we deserve that. I wrote a whole backstory for my character the writers haven’t incorporated.”

  “No one wants drama from a big rocky guy,” said Stardancer. “’Oh, I’m so sad, I’m big and ugly and have stone skin.’ Who’d care about a thing like that?”

  “Maybe you can have a love story going with Venus di Milo,” said Pinwheel. “I’m sure she’d be the smart one in the relationship.”

  “Steve, seriously,” said Rock Jock, “we’re not on set. You can break character.”

  “Method acting is good enough for Dustin Hoffman, so it’s probably too good for me,” said Pinwheel.

  The van went down a few blocks and then stopped.

  “We could’ve walked,” said Knockout Rose.

  They got out of the van and followed Stardancer to the line of policemen.

  “This is bad,” said Cantrip. “It’s like a giant mosh pit.”

  A police officer snorted. “Hey, look, superheroes. Guess we can take it easy.”

  Another officer in full riot gear said, “Nice tights, fruit loops,” to Pinwheel.

  Pinwheel whispered, “No, not a new one.”

  A third said, “You know why cops don’t wear leotards? Because we’re not idiots.”

  Stardancer ignored them. “Stay sharp, Young Sentinels. We’re working without a script, so do everything I say.”

  “Why is she team leader again?” asked Knockout Rose.

  “She tests best in the focus groups,” said Rock Jock. “The camera loves her.”

  They watched the mob for several tense moments. Pinwheel whispered, “I’m as cool as Han Solo, I’m as cool as Indiana Jones.” Knockout Rose struck confident poses. Cantrip straightened his sleeves. Rock Jock stood as still as a statue. Stardancer stretched.

  In the middle of the crowd, a man in a ratty trench coat and gas mask pointed at the Young Sentinels. At his psychic command, the mob surged towards them. The officers in riot gear pushed back but either fell or retreated.

  “I can do magic, I can do magic.” Cantrip removed his top hat and looked inside. He whipped out a bag of marbles and threw them on the ground.

  That did nothing to stop the mob from grabbing his tuxedo’s sleeves.

  “Oh, crap, we gotta help him.” Knockout Rose ran into the crowd and punched everyone around her.

  Pinwheel wanted to run behind the police officers, like Stardancer did. Instead he generated the most intense flashes of light he could muster.

  Rock Jock stood still, too scared to move.

  “Rock Jock,” Pinwheel shouted with a lisp, “Get in the game.”

  Rock Jock finally moved. He put out his arms and ran into the crowd, letting his natural weight push back anyone who got close to him.

  The crowd began to fall away. Pinwheel threw a flash of light into the face of a man wearing an unstrapped helmet and a hooded sweatshirt. Knockout Rose followed up with a punch that sent him rolling back into the crowd.

  Knockout Rose slammed her gloves together and yelled. “You want some? Who wants some?”

  Pinwheel grabbed Knockout Rose’s elbow from behind. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She tore free. “They’re wrecking the city.”

  “Not our problem. We don’t get paid enough to fight. We barely get paid at all.”

  Knockout Rose and Pinwheel fell back behind a metal barrier.

  Cantrip hugged his knees. “Magic. I only wanted to do magic. I just wanted to make people happy.”

  Rock Jock caught up with them.

&n
bsp; Stardancer yelled, “What are you doing here? Go out there and kick some ass.”

  “Fine,” said Pinwheel. “You first.”

  “It doesn’t feel right hiding,” said Knockout Rose. “They’re … they’re calming down? What happened?”

  In an instant the people changed from a chaotic mob to a confused rabble. People who were shoving and hitting anyone or anything they got close to looked at their bleeding hands in confusion. The few who looked at those around them were too ashamed to look for long. In the distance was the poorly harmonized strain of a dozen voices singing “Kumbaya.”

  Stardancer pirouetted past the police. “Did you see that? Did you see what I just did? I calmed down this whole mob with my hypnotic dancing.”

  “Uh, don’t people have to see you to be hypnotized?” asked Cantrip. “You were behind a barrier.”

  “I guess they don’t,” said Stardancer. “Wow. I’m more powerful than I realized. We got to work this into upcoming episodes. Oh, photographers to the right. Show your good sides, everyone.”

  Rock Jock pointed at the man in a trench coat and gas mask, who now also wore a helmet and had his hands cuffed behind his back. “Is that guy a villain? He looks like a villain.”

  Stardancer strutted. “We got him! The Young Sentinels saved the day!”

  As Cantrip tried to pull a rabbit from his hat, unaware that is was already in his curly hair, Knockout Rose patted Pinwheel’s shoulder with her boxing glove. “Are those other superheroes on the other side of the crowd?”

  Pinwheel squinted. “I see at least three costumes. A boy in gold tights appeared out a blur, so that makes four. Yeah, it’s a team. Don’t know who they are, though.”

  “Let’s talk to them.”

  “But we’re here for free publicity. Our manager’s going to be mad.”

  Knockout Rose walked away. “Good. I don’t give a damn. We almost got killed so he could make more money. He always says I’m replaceable, so let him fire me.”

  Pinwheel ran after her. “You almost got killed by charging into the crowd. Are you auditioning for Red Sonja or something?”

  “I pretended everyone attacking Ira was Stardancer. After that, I couldn’t stop punching.”