Ethan's Daughter
Page 17
She slowly lowered her coffee to the table. “Why would spending the night together change anything as far as me meeting Anna?”
His brow creased and he looked deep into her eyes. “Doesn’t it show you that this—me and you—is more than just friendship? It is to me, at least.” He walked to the table and sat beside her, gripping his coffee. “Look, I’m not the type of guy to pressure a woman—to pressure anyone—but I like you, Leah. A lot. The problem is, with everything going on...”
“You still need to help Anna. I understand that.”
“But you won’t come with me to meet her?”
“No.” She shook her head and pushed her plate away, her appetite gone. Meeting his ex was a step too far, too heavily into personal territory, when things had just started to move forward between them. “I’m sorry, but meeting Anna when our growing feelings toward one another are still so new is just too scary. I really don’t see why I need to meet her. Not yet. You’re helping her. Isn’t that enough? She wouldn’t want me sticking my nose in. If things continue to go well with us, then sometime in the future—”
“It’s not that I expect you to meet her. I just hoped.” He looked at his plate and then her, his gaze wary. “You do know I won’t let Anna say or do anything to upset you?”
“What if I’m the one to say something that might upset her? She must be feeling unbelievably scared right now.”
As much as her heart wanted to trust him, Leah had seen far too much during her career to believe that anyone could really ever promise to look after anyone else, no matter what their feelings. “I know you’d like to think you can look after me, protect me even, but there are no guarantees. I care about you and I care about Daisy, and now that Cat knows—”
“You want to step away from the trouble I’m in.” He shook his head. “Or Anna’s in, at least.”
His voice had cooled and Leah stilled.
He picked up his fork. “I get it, but I need to see Anna, whatever your feelings, so no problem.”
His dismissal scratched at her heart and she swallowed against the pain. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”
“Everything is still too unsettled. Too risky.” He looked at her, his gaze distant. “Maybe everything is just getting a little too serious for you. I don’t know. But whatever it is, that’s okay, because I’m a serious person and I can’t see that changing anytime soon, but maybe you’re right. You only have to look at our different lives to know we’d have trouble making this work. Right now, I’m worried for Anna’s safety because she’s Daisy’s mum. I need to know she’s okay and that she makes the right decision as far as the people threatening her are concerned. I’d also prefer she left Marchenton as soon as possible.”
Was she losing him before she had any chance of calling him hers? Leah cleared her throat. “What have any of those things got to do with me meeting her?”
“You’re a nurse.”
She frowned. “And?”
“And I assumed you’re used to dealing with people with emotional problems. People who have been in violent domestic situations. It would do some good to have you talk to her, but if you don’t want to do that, I won’t force you.”
Annoyance rose inside her. “I haven’t known you long enough to get mixed up with your ex, Ethan. That shouldn’t be a reflection on my professionalism. You aren’t asking me to see her as a professional. You’re asking me to come and see her as your...whatever, but certainly not as a nurse.”
“Fine. I get it.”
“Do you?” She glared. “Because I’ll do all I can to help, like talk to Cat Garrett, but I refuse to speak with a woman who not only walked away from her two-year-old, but hasn’t contacted her in any way since. I know you had a part in your marriage breaking up, too, but you stayed. If you had seen kids struggling as I have...” She exhaled a shaky breath. The last thing she wanted was to fill Ethan’s head with scenarios he would automatically imagine happening to Daisy. “Look, I have nothing to say to your ex-wife. I’m mad at her for leaving you and Daisy. I am mad at her for coming to Templeton and putting you both in danger. I might be a nurse, but I’m a person, too. When someone puts people I care about at risk, I have a hard time softening my words. I don’t think me telling Anna off will help anything, do you?”
His jaw tightened. “No.”
“So, we’ll leave it at that.” She picked up her fork, her fingers trembling. “You go see her and, if you want to talk to me later, I’m more than willing to listen.”
“If I want to?”
She held his gaze, her mouth drying ever so slightly. “Yes.”
He slowly shook his head. “Whether I like it or not, Anna’s here and in a hell of a lot of trouble, and I won’t rest easy until the bastards threatening her are caught. That means I have to see her. I have to do all I can to make sure she’s okay.”
“Of course you do.” A horrible, shameful pang of loss stabbed at Leah’s chest. He wasn’t hers. He was Daisy’s. He was Anna’s. She should feel nothing less than respect and care for a man so protective, so loyal and strong. So why did she feel as though her words had just severed whatever bond had begun to form between them?
She dipped her head, her eyes burning with the pitiful sting of tears. Had she always been this selfish? “I understand.”
“Good, because this can’t keep happening with us.”
“What can’t?”
“The way we feel so differently about what should be done, how we should react. My feelings for you make it too hard if you’re not with me one hundred percent. I’m reaching out to you, but you’re not willing to step forward. I respect that. I really do. So, until this is sorted out...” He sighed. “Maybe we were wrong to let things get this far between us. We have to stop before one or both of us gets hurt.”
Silence fell, heavy and oppressive, until he abruptly stood, his chair legs scraping over the floor tiles. He put his arm around her shoulders and rested his head on hers. “I’m not pushing you away. I’m trying to keep you safe. I have no right to ask you to wait for me until this is over, so I’m giving you the chance to walk away. That’s all.”
He pulled back and Leah stared into his eyes as he sat on his haunches beside her. Fighting her pathetic tears, she cupped his jaw and tried to smile. “You’re a fabulous guy, you know that?”
He smiled softly, his gaze roaming over her face, then coming to rest at her mouth. “Anna used to say I was boring. I can’t help worrying you might agree with her, eventually.”
Leah shook her head. “Don’t lump me in with your ex. That will only annoy me. Right now, I’m sad but not annoyed.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks for understanding. This will be for the best in the long run.” Straightening, he glanced toward the kitchen door. “I think I should go.”
Loss ached through her body. “At least eat your breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll walk home and clear my head a bit before going to see Anna. You sure you’re okay?”
She forced a smile. “Of course. I’m always okay.”
“Good. Then... I’ll see you around.”
She lifted her hand in a half-hearted wave. “See you.”
His gaze lingered on her face before he gave a curt nod and left the kitchen. Leah sat stiffly, counting his footsteps to her front door, breathing again only when it closed behind him. Exhaling, she shut her eyes, and the tears she’d been holding back fell.
* * *
ETHAN GOT OUT of the taxi outside the halfway house in Marchenton. He’d heard enough stories about the converted three-story Victorian house to know that Jay Garrett, DI Garrett’s entrepreneur husband, had pretty much turned it from a run-down drug haunt to a place where people felt safe for however long it took to see their abusers behind bars.
Ethan strode up the short pathway to the painted front door and pressed the buzzer.
“Welcome to Jordon House. How can I help you?”
Ethan leaned toward the intercom. “I’m here to see Anna Holt. I called earlier. My name is Ethan James.”
“Ah, yes, of course. Come through to the reception area, Mr. James.”
A buzzer sounded and the door clicked open. When Ethan entered the house, he saw a sign to his left saying Reception, and he entered the small room. The midmorning sun streamed through the tall windows, lighting the seascape paintings on the walls and the light blue rug on the floor.
Behind a large oak desk, a woman in her late fifties stood over a younger woman at a computer, pointing to something on the screen before them. She glanced at Ethan before turning to flash a smile at her colleague and give her shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll be right back.”
The older woman came around the desk and held out her hand, her smile warm. “Mr. James. Katherine Halliday. It’s a real honor to meet you.”
“Ms. Halliday.” He took her hand. “Nice to meet you, too.”
“I’m a huge fan of your novels. I’ve always hoped to catch a glimpse of you in Templeton, but never have. It’s great to finally meet you.” Her smile wavered. “Even if the circumstances aren’t as happy as I would’ve hoped.”
He slipped his hand from hers, once more hating his fame when there were much more important matters to think about. “How was Anna last night?”
“Good. She settled in well enough. Although she did pretty much hide away in her room last night. She ate some breakfast in the main dining room this morning, though, so that’s something. Come on. Let’s go find her.”
Ethan followed Katherine Halliday along the short corridor to two rooms at the back. She peered around the first door and then the second, but Anna was in neither. Katherine turned to face him. “My guess is she’s hightailed it back to her room. Follow me.”
The house was bright and airy, the decor warm and welcoming. Yet as Ethan followed Katherine through the house, the aura of desolation and fear coming from several of the women he passed was palpable. Unable to even imagine raising his hand to a woman, let alone actually striking her, Ethan felt anger at the faceless abusers who had hurt these women burning inside him.
How had it come to be that Anna should spend even a single night in a house such as this? Part of him itched to ask her to stay at the cabin with him, but with Daisy barely remembering her mother, it was impossible. So what was his excuse when their daughter was staying at his mother’s?
“Here we are.” Katherine stopped outside a closed bedroom door, softly knocked and pushed the door open. “Anna? I have Mr. James here to see you.”
She gestured him inside with a tilt of her head and he brushed past her into the small bedroom. “Thank you.”
“Anna?” Katherine folded her hands together, her eyebrows raised. “Would you like me to stay? Or are you happy for me to leave you alone with Mr. James?”
Ethan met Anna’s gaze from where she sat propped against the pillows on her bed. She looked tired, but marginally better than she had yesterday. She managed a small smile. “Alone is fine. Thanks, Katherine.”
“You’re welcome.” She turned to Ethan. “I’ll be around somewhere if you have any questions before you leave.”
He nodded. “Thank you.”
Katherine quietly closed the door and Ethan walked to the end of Anna’s bed and sat. She looked at him before swinging her legs off the side and walking to the window. She crossed her arms. “I’ll be leaving shortly.”
Surprise rippled through him. “Leaving?”
She glanced at him. “These women are driving me nuts.”
“What women?” Any empathy he’d had for Anna and her current situation waned under the derision in her eyes. “The women who have been in situations I don’t want to even think about? The women who are trying their best to get their lives back, as well as see the people who hurt them put away? Those women?”
“Yes, Ethan, those women.” She whirled away from the window and tossed an overnight bag onto the bed. She fisted her hands on her hips and glared at him. “I’m not the same as them. I shouldn’t be here. I’m trying to start over, not get anyone sent to prison. I don’t want to speak to DI Garrett again, either. I’m not sure I even want to speak to you.”
He shook his head in frustration.
Anna crossed her arms again. “I shouldn’t have come to the Cove. It’s as though the place is stuck fifty years behind the rest of the world. I’ve got people to see, places to be.”
He held her gaze. “I’m trying to help you, but you have to help yourself, too. I’m not your husband anymore. I have no legal obligation to help you, but I’m trying for Daisy’s sake.”
“For Daisy...again.” She huffed a laugh and threw her hands in the air before striding to a chest of drawers and pulling them open. She snatched out some T-shirts, shoved them into the bag. “I wish you’d been this concerned about her when she was born. No, scrap that, the first two years of her life. What happened, Ethan? When I left, you realized she was there? You had a personality transplant? What?”
Guilt poked at his conscience and he shoved it firmly away. She wouldn’t make him feel useless. Not again. “Maybe I changed because I had to, but whatever my failings seven years ago, you’re in no position to throw them back in my face now. I’m working hard. Daisy’s happy and well looked after. I’m a good father to her. Anything else is none of your business.”
“And what about this Leah?” Anna sneered. “Is she being a good mum to my daughter?”
He stared at her before leaning back and screwing his hands into the bedcovers. “I’ve barely known Leah more than a couple of weeks. She has no say over Daisy and doesn’t try to have one.”
His ex-wife stared at him, her blue eyes calculating. She lifted her chin. “Maybe it would be a good idea if I met her.”
Ethan tensed. “What?”
“Well, as Daisy’s mother, don’t you think I have a right to meet the woman you are bringing into our daughter’s life?”
“You have no right over anything I do or say with anyone.”
She narrowed her eyes. “She doesn’t want to meet me, does she? I wonder why. Wouldn’t be because, as you so vehemently deny, she really is trying to edge in on my territory?”
“Your...” He looked to the ceiling in a bid to curb his burgeoning temper. “Daisy is not your territory. She stopped being that a long time ago.”
“So it’s just sex, right? You and this Leah are all about the sex and to hell with our daughter?”
He glared, conscious that what Anna suggested wasn’t too far from what he had insinuated to Leah before he’d walked away from her...albeit for her own good. “We like each other. That’s all you’re going to find out.”
She gave a triumphant sneer and turned back to the chest, opened another drawer and extracted some underwear. She pointed the panties and bra at him. “You need to guard that silly, soft heart of yours, Ethan. Give this Leah time and she’ll realize how much of a loner you are. How you flit from one decision to the next at breakneck speed, always doubting yourself. No one can put up with being with someone like that for long.”
He pushed himself off the bed. “I didn’t come here for this.”
“So why did you come? To save me? I don’t think so.”
He clenched his jaw. “I came here to see if you’ve decided what you’re going to do next. Have you?”
“Yes. I’m goin
g back to Bristol.”
He swiped his hand over his face and stared at her. “Back to Harry.”
“Yes, Ethan. Back to Harry. I haven’t got a lot of choice, have I, seeing as you won’t give me the money to start over somewhere else?”
He closed his eyes and tipped back his head, breathing deeply. Enough was enough. He’d walked away from Leah for this? Told her that Anna had to become a priority for the time being? Maybe he was as stupid as Anna believed him to be.
Dropping his chin, he opened his eyes. “If I’m your last resort for help, I’m assuming your parents don’t have a lot to do with you anymore, either.”
“They haven’t since I left you and Daisy.” Her eyes flashed with anger. “You pretty much saw to that when you told them I’d left, and then went on to file for full custody.”
“Which I won, partly because you couldn’t even be bothered to show up for the hearing.”
“Daisy didn’t fit with what I wanted back then.”
His anger hitched up a notch. “And she won’t fit with what you’ve got going on now, either.”
Their glares locked before Anna spun away and grabbed some shoes from beneath the bed.
Ethan planted his hands on his hips. “I still speak to your parents once a month on the phone. They speak to Daisy and see her over the summer, too.”
She straightened and looked at him, her shoulders slumping. “I know.”
“Well, don’t you ever ask them if I’ve changed my mind about you seeing Daisy? If there is any way you could start forging a relationship with her again? Or don’t you care?”
“I don’t care.” She opened her eyes and they glinted with tears. “I can’t care when I’m in this mess.”
“And before then?”
She turned away from him and tossed the shoes into the bag. “You might be the big-shot author these days, but the rest of us have to struggle to make a living. I don’t have any money to look after her.”