Slammer

by Tabatha Vargo

  Scoop touched my shoulder, stopping me. “If you’re in the hole, you can’t do anything. Remember that.”

  I growled, knowing he was right. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to choke the life from him, feel his heart stop against my fingers. Better yet, I wanted to shove him into the dryer and turn it on the highest setting. I was being accused of killing Carlos; why not actually commit the crime?

  My mind spun back to the day I found Carlos in the dryer. I smiled darkly, and the sick desire to see Jose in the same predicament swam in my gut. My stomach churned at the idea, and I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. I was a lot of things, but a sick fuck wasn’t one of them.

  Regardless of popular belief, I wasn’t a killer, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t want to beat him until he was almost dead.

  “Anyway, there’s good news, too.”

  I scanned his face to see if he was full of shit, but he grinned. “She finally quit.”

  And just like that, things felt lighter. Sure, I was going to miss being able to see her every time I went to the infirmary, but at least this way, she was still alive and she was safe.

  I didn’t respond. Instead, I nodded.

  Skipping breakfast, I spent my time in the yard, staring off into the skyline. Freedom had never been so important to me, but knowing who I had out there waiting for me made it vital. The knowledge that I had a shot at a real life, it was worth more than gold.

  I spent the morning alone, and I think even Scoop understood the importance of my solitude since he didn’t speak to me again until we were lining up for lunch.

  “Hey, man.” He eyed me, feeling out my mood.

  “What now?” I asked, sure that he was bringing me more bad news. “Let me guess, someone died?”

  “Actually, yeah, Miguel’s dead. They found him in the hall outside solitary. He’d been choked to death.”

  His words moved over me, and strangely, I didn’t feel as happy about it as I thought I would.

  “Do they know who did it?”

  “Nope, but I bet you can guess who’s getting all the blame.” He shrugged, shoving a still-frozen fry into his mouth.

  Me.

  Of course they thought it was me. Fuck, it was always me. I’d killed my girlfriend Sarah and her high school friend Michael. I’d killed Carlos, and now, I’d killed Miguel, too. I was fucking lethal apparently. Motherfuckers died just by looking at me.

  Fuck them!

  “Let them think what they want. Maybe now they won’t fuck with me anymore.”

  We ate lunch in silence, and I could feel the eyes of the room drilling me on the top of my head and my back. I fucking hated having so much attention on me, but it came with the territory when everyone in the building thought you were a killer.

  LATER, AFTER WORK detail, it was visitation time. Usually, I hung out in the rec room and watched TV, but when the COs called out the names of those who had visitors, this time my name was called.

  I looked over at Reeves, sure he’d called the wrong name.

  “Are you going to sit there and stare at my ass all day or are you going to get up?”

  I stood and lined up with the rest of the guys. In the back of my mind, I knew it was Lyla who was visiting me, but I still hoped it wasn’t. As badly as I wanted to see her, it wasn’t safe for her to visit me. Not to mention, what we had going on was no one else’s business. Her coming to visit me lit up a red light that flashed, We are fucking.

  I guessed in a way it didn’t matter since she didn’t work at Fulton anymore, but still, I didn’t want people to think badly of her because she was fucking with an inmate. They didn’t know our story. They didn’t understand us.

  The visitation room was all gray. Gray walls. Gray tables. Gray chairs. It was the most depressing place in Fulton, but it was the only place where people really smiled. That was exactly what I did when I stepped into the room and saw Lyla sitting at a table waiting for me.

  She was in a light green top and a pair of jeans. Her hair was down and had a bit of curl to the tips. She’d even put a little color on her face, not that she needed it. She looked fucking amazing. No. Better than amazing.

  “Hey, you,” she said when I sat at the table in front of her.

  The cuffs on my hands rattled when I placed them on top of the table, and my fingers flinched with the desire to touch her. She looked up at me under dark lashes and smiled, making my heart beat funny, but I knew I couldn’t soften in front of these people. As happy as I was to see her, I knew people were watching. They were always watching.

  “This wasn’t safe,” I said, my eyes scanning the room and landing on Jose.

  The side of his mouth lifted in a knowing smirk, and it took all the strength I had to remain seated.

  “I know, but I wanted to see you. I quit without saying goodbye.”

  Her fingers twitched, and she moved her hand a little closer to mine. Closing my eyes, I imagined she was holding my hands. I pictured her soft skin touching my rough and her sweetness pouring into me.

  “I’m glad you quit,” I said, my eyes moving over her face and taking in as much of her as I could. I was hoping she would never come back to Fulton. I’d hoped to see her again on the outside maybe, but never inside of Fulton.

  “Miguel’s dead.”

  Her eyes widened, and she licked nervously at her lips. “Did you?”

  I shook my head and chuckled sarcastically. “You know, everyone in Fulton thinks I did it. I guess it was stupid of me to think you’d know better.”

  At my words, she reached out and covered my hands. “I’m sorry. I just know how protective you are of those you care about. After he attacked me, I just figured…”

  I squeezed her fingers, stopping her and relishing in the feel of her skin against mine.

  “I didn’t kill him, but I would’ve. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  “Stop, Christopher. All that matters now is I quit. Our next step is getting the charges dropped against you. Give me time, and I’ll have you out.”

  “And then we can be together?” I asked, intertwining our fingers together and not caring who saw.

  She grinned, her face lighting up the room and making the gray in the room feel happy. “Yes.”

  I smiled, and then my eyes met Reeves from across the room. The look he gave me was full of hate and accusation. The proverbial cat was out of the bag, and everyone in the room could look at Lyla and me and know we were more than just nurse and inmate.

  I pulled away, not sure if they could still file charges against her or not since she no longer worked at Fulton, and her face dropped.

  “I didn’t think I’d ever get you out of here,” I said, turning my head and taking in the rest of the room.

  As long as I wasn’t looking her in the eye, I didn’t feel like I was falling. When I had the feeling I was falling, I wanted to hold on to her. Touch her and imagine she was the anchor that kept me rooted to the earth.

  “Oh, you begged me to quit every day, but I guess I didn’t realize how serious the situation was.”

  “I did a hell of a lot more than beg. Scoop placed the narcotic blame on you for me, and I slipped the knife in your pocket.”

  Her face darkened with anger. I knew there was about to be hell to pay, but suddenly, she burst into laughter.

  “I can’t believe you.”

  We spent the rest of our visit going over things about my case. The insider she was dealing with inside the police department had asked her to let him take care of it, and I agreed. It wasn’t safe for her, and I could tell there was a lot more about my case that she wasn’t telling me.

  Maybe the real killers were still a danger?

  Something told me that whatever she was holding back was something that would push me over the edge.

  “So there’s going to be a lawyer stopping by next week to talk things over with you. So far, everything is looking good for you. I think this might actually happen.”

  I’d
heard her, but I was too busy watching her lips move. I couldn’t wait to get her alone and be able to kiss her. Sitting across from her and smelling the scent of her hair and her skin was making me wild with want.

  We didn’t touch each other again during her visit, but when it was time for her to go, we stood and hugged. My eyes went across the room to Reeves, and his eyes burrowed holes in the back of her head.

  If anyone asked, she’d visited about the case. No one needed to know there was more.

  While I held her close, I whispered to her so only she could hear me.

  “God, I’ve missed you, Lyla, but you can’t come back here. I’ll see you on the outside, baby.”

  She pulled back with a frown.

  “Just trust me. Do you trust me?”

  She nodded.

  “Good. As much as I loved seeing you today, I need you to stay away from Fulton. Promise me you’ll stay away.”

  Her eyes moved across my face, sadness seeping in and transforming her expression. “I promise.”

  “Okay, everyone, visitation is over,” Reeves’ voice echoed throughout the room.

  I wasn’t ready to let her go, but I couldn’t keep her there. I couldn’t leave with her either. It was goodbye until things were smoothed over… until my case was taken care of and I was a free man. It was going to be hell without her, but I knew it was for the best.

  She smiled as we prepared to say our goodbyes, but instead of saying bye and turning to leave, she threw herself into my arms, not caring who was watching.

  “Stay safe in here, X. Come home to me.”

  Her words soothed every scar on my body, every broken part of me, and I couldn’t resist. I lost my hands in the hair at the side of her face and looked into her eyes.

  “I love you, Lyla,” I whispered for only her.

  Her eyes filled with tears and she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could respond, I was being pulled away from her and lined up with the rest of the criminals.

  From across the room, she smiled sadly back at me. Then she mouthed the words that would make the remainder of my stay at Fulton bearable.

  I love you too.

  CHAPTER 24

  x

  “COME ON, X, get your shit together, man. It’s time for work detail, and you need to work. You’re starting to look a little flabby.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “No thanks, big boy, your tits aren’t big enough for me. Not yet anyway. You keep this lazy shit up, and they might be soon.”

  I hadn’t come out and said how badly I missed Lyla, but Scoop wasn’t stupid. He could tell I was more miserable than usual. It had been a week, and I was feigning for her like a crack addict needing another hit. I dreamed about her at night and woke up to my nightmare every morning. It was pure hell.

  The walls of Fulton felt closer, more depressing, and I couldn’t shake the depression no matter how bad I tried. Things were going downhill fast around me, and even the COs had taken to treating me like shit ever since Lyla had showed up for visitation. Scoop was the only good left in Fulton, and I hated to think about leaving him behind when I was hopefully released.

  I was obsessed with the thoughts of leaving Fulton and being with Lyla forever. There were no other words to describe the deep ache that had planted itself in my center. It was obsession—dark and deep—and it felt good.

  As usual, Scoop was right. Working helped me focus and clear my head. Heaps of dirty linens, pillowcases, and uniforms lined the room in their respective bins. Having over five hundred inmates in all the blocks made for long days of washing, drying, and folding. Thankfully, we had some hardworking guys in the laundry. It wasn’t the manliest job, but it was strenuous work.

  The day stretched on, and we worked fast and hard, hoping to earn ourselves a little more time in the yard by finishing early. My back was to the door, and I was folding blankets when I was jerked away from my table by a pair of strong hands. Spinning, I came face to face with Jose. His face twisted into an evil grin.

  Three of his largest guys had caught me off guard, and because of that, they had a tight hold on me. Conveniently, the room had been cleared, but behind Jose stood Scoop, who was also being held by one of the Mexican Mafia boys.

  With a paper blade to his throat, Scoop’s face paled.

  “You’re making a big mistake, motherfucker,” I growled at Jose.

  He put his fingers to his lips, daring me to speak again.

  “I lost out on a lot of money because of you, Pendejo. If it wasn’t for you, our little redhead wouldn’t have flown the coop.” He sucked at his teeth and shook his head. “I’m tired of waiting and watching. I know your weaknesses.”

  My mouth dried and my teeth grinded together so hard my jaw ached. My biggest weakness was Lyla, and I’d kill him before he even had the chance to try to hurt her again. It didn’t matter if my case was under review or I was being close to be released. All that mattered was keeping her safe, and if I had to kill to do that, then so be it. I’d lived in prison for the last ten years of my life. I’d do it again until the day I died for Lyla.

  I lunged at him, his men holding me back and digging their fingers into my flesh. I lunged again, and this time, one kicked me in the back of my knee, making me bend to them. A towel came around my neck like a leash, tightly choking me into submission.

  “Are you finished?” Jose asked with a chuckle.

  Again, I growled and lunged toward him, the air being choked from my body as the men holding me tightened their grip.

  “What’s wrong, X? Can’t stand being helpless?” He stepped toward me and lifted my face to him. “I know where your allegiance lies, and I’m tired of certain people putting their noses where they don’t belong. I think it’s time to put an end to that.”

  He left me and went to Scoop before running a single finger over Scoop’s swollen cheek. Apparently, one of the motherfuckers had hit him already.

  In that moment, seeing him touch Scoop so softly, I knew exactly what he was up to. He wasn’t talking about Lyla being my weakness, he was talking about Scoop.

  My eyes moved over Scoop’s helpless face, and I could see how afraid he was by the tightness in his eyes and lips. Scoop had balls to be so small, but I’d never seen him so afraid. Worry etched his brow, forcing a few wrinkles across his forehead. His muscles were tense as he waited for the attack that we both knew was coming his way.

  “Don’t,” I said, earning another tug on the towel around my neck.

  Jose ignored me. Instead, he motioned to the two men standing behind Scoop, and they quickly stripped his uniform from his small frame.

  “Jose, come on, bro,” Scoop said, trying to save himself.

  Instead of responding, Jose backhanded him across the face and blood flew from Scoop’s lips.

  “I’m not your fucking bro.”

  They slung him across the table, his bare ass shining to the room around us, and my stomach turned. Scoop was looking at me, begging me with his eyes to help him, but I couldn’t. I’d fought and won against more men than this before, but they’d gotten the jump on me and I was as helpless as Scoop in that moment.

  Jose stepped up behind Scoop and started to unzip his khakis.

  “No! You fucking touch him and I’ll kill you!” Spittle flew from my lips, and I felt like a rabid animal foaming at the mouth.

  Jose’s head flew back as he laughed, his hand frozen on his hard cock. “You’re going to what? You’re going to kill me like you killed Carlos? I don’t think so. You take from us, we take from you.”

  He grabbed a fistful of Scoop’s hair, tugging his head back and forcing him to look me in the eye. I wanted to look away, but the men holding me forced me to watch. Their grimy fingers dug into my face, keeping my head straight.

  The man at Scoop’s side pressed the knife into the side of his neck, and a trickle of blood dripped to the table beneath him. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t stop this. I shook my head at Scoop and tried to relay
my sorrow with my eyes.

  Again, I lunged, and I felt my own blood beginning to soak into the towel around my neck.

  Jose pumped his dick a few times and stepped in between Scoop’s thighs. With a tense jaw and his eyes locked on mine, he pressed into Scoop with a quick, rough pump, making him scream out.

  With a jerk, Scoop tried with one last feeble attempt to get away, but it only pushed the blade deeper into his skin.

  I was forced to watch as the two holding him down banged his head into the table and his blood spilled down the side of his face. They slammed him down, pinning him to the table as Jose continuously shoved his cock into his ass.

  When Scoop opened his mouth to scream out, they shoved a dirty washcloth in his mouth, shutting him up. His eyes bulged from their sockets, and his face turned three shades of red as he lay there, helpless and unable to fight back, while Jose brutally raped him.

  I watched as the light in his eyes slowly dimmed. The boy he was slowly moved away from him until he was gone. I’d seen it before. He was trying to survive by removing himself from the situation, but by looking at his bland expression on his face as Jose stuffed his body repeatedly, I wasn’t sure he’d ever come back. He slumped against the table, all his fight gone completely, and sweat beaded across his face until he finally closed his eyes.

  I was going to kill them. There was no question in my mind. I wanted out, but in that moment, I wanted them dead more. Anger seethed in every pore of my body. When I got loose, there was going to be hell to pay.

  Finally, Jose finished with a groan before moving to the side and letting the others get their go. My eyes burned his face, and he grinned as he shoved his flaccid dick in his pants and zipped them up.

  The room filled with the erotic sounds of bodies beating into Scoop—the sounds of their heavy breaths as they took a piece of him one by one. They weren’t killing him, but still, when he opened his eyes, the spirit behind them was dead.