by Abby Crofton
Max yawned and snuggled his face into my side. “Is Mom gone?” he asked in a still-sleepy voice. I ruffled his hair and was grossed out when I came away with something sticky on my hand. I made a mental note to make sure he took a shower before he got dressed for the day.
“Yup, just you, me, and Ellie today. Plus chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast,” I added.
“Why are we sitting here, then?” he exclaimed. “Come on, I want pancakes!” He tugged at my arm, trying to get me off the couch and into the kitchen.
“Hold on,” I said, pulling him back to the couch. I might have been a weakling, but I was at least able to prevent a nine-year-old from bodily moving me. “We have to wait for your sister to wake up, and then I’ll start cooking.”
I realized my mistake as he yelled, “Okay!” and ran up the stairs, presumably to wake his sister. I tried calling him back, but it was too late. I thought of following him, but gave up on it a second later. Ellie had to get out of bed at some point. A few hours earlier than planned was fine.
When I heard a yell, a thump, and finally a door slamming, I got up to start the pancakes. And find an ice pack for any bruises caused by the mystery thump.
Ellie came down after Max had polished off two pancakes (and taken a shower; I’d bribed him with a promise of extra cookies later if he washed his hair extra well). She sat at the kitchen table, and I placed a plate and silverware in front of her groggy form while pushing the stack of pancakes closer so she could reach them easier. Ellie was thirteen, at the age when she was trading Go-Gurts for Greek yogurt and chicken nuggets for plain salads. I hoped she wouldn't be one of those girls who obsessed about her weight, but she had a good head on her shoulders, so all I could do was trust her to stay healthy and not go overboard. It was a good sign that she added two pancakes to her plate, even if she skipped the syrup.
“What are we doing today?” Max asked as he ran his fingers through the syrup on his plate and then licked it off. I grimaced, but figured it was better than him trying to drink it straight from the bottle.
Ellie looked up, too busy chewing to say anything, but the questioning look on her face indicated that she was curious too. Now was the time to tell them that I had a guest coming over.
I wiped my mouth with a napkin, mostly for something to do while I tried to think of the best words to use.
“So,” I started, looking from the syrup-covered face to the semi-bored one, “I don’t really have anything planned, except for around one. A friend of mine is supposed to come over to say hi and stay for a little bit. I told your mom, and she said it was okay, but before then we can do anything you guys want.” I hoped no other information would be needed. I was wrong.
“Is it Marie?” Max asked excitedly. “If she’s coming over, can she bring Bob? I have a new video game we can play if he can come,” he said. I had forgotten that while Max was two years older than Bob, they went to the same school and knew each other. When Marie had come over while I was babysitting in the past, she’d sometimes brought Bob with her, and the boys would be glued to their games for hours.
“No, Marie isn’t the friend who's visiting today. But I’ll let her know to set up a time where you and Bob can hang out together soon,” I reassured Max. He looked disappointed, but not for long.
“Is your girlfriend coming over?” he asked with a sly smile. I could feel my face heat up. I had never told the Jessups I was gay.
“No, she’s not my girlfriend. And don’t go saying that to her,” I scolded, already picturing the awkwardness if Max were to call Kate my girlfriend while she was here. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Max. Kate’s just a regular friend.”
“Relax,” Ellie chimed in. She looked at me in exasperation. “We all know that you’re a lesbian. My mom and the short Mrs. Philanuzzi are in the PTA together at my school, and they were having a meeting here. Mrs. Philanuzzi told Mom that Madison told her that everyone was talking about how you came out during chemistry. Mrs. Philanuzzi said it was a lot easier to be gay now than when she was a teenager,” Ellie explained, rolling her eyes to show her annoyance.
I was speechless. The story of my outing had traveled outside of school to the community at large. For some reason, I had thought that it would stay confined to school, but I’d been so wrong. It should have been obvious. Kids talked to their parents and parents talked to other parents, and before you knew it my neighbors were discussing the fact that I was gay. I was a little annoyed at the unnamed Philanuzzi mom who was spreading details of my life to whoever would listen. I really had to meet that family soon.
“I came out in English, not chemistry class,” was my response. For all my gripes, that was the part I had chosen to rebut? Maybe it was just easier to focus on the mundane details than the more worrying idea that I was a subject of gossip.
Ellie shrugged, not caring about my inconsequential correction of her retelling. She stood with her plate and walked it over to the kitchen sink. “I’m just saying that no one cares that you’re gay. You like girls, so what? You're exactly the same person you were before. So no big deal, unless you get, like, a supermodel for a girlfriend, but even then it will only be interesting because there aren’t a lot of supermodels around here.” She rinsed off her plate and placed it in the dishwasher.
As she walked away, I tried to come up with something to say, but nothing was coming out. Deciding that the conversation had gone about as well as could be expected, I told Max to put his own plate in the dishwasher and then proceeded to clean up breakfast.
Max and Ellie were self-sufficient enough not to need that much supervision, but I still checked that they weren’t looking at websites they weren’t supposed to and weren’t eating too much junk food. Ellie was mostly on her phone, and a couple of times I casually strolled behind her to make sure she wasn’t sexting or being lured to a rendezvous by an online predator. Each time, she was playing some innocuous Internet game, which was a relief.
Max was alternating between his video games and a building project he was working on with Legos. One entire side of his room had been cleared out, and he was constructing a perimeter of some larger structure. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer when I asked him what he had planned, and when I asked Ellie, she said that he hadn’t told anyone what he was doing. All they knew was that it was going to be big and that he had been planning it for a long time. Every birthday and Christmas, the only things he asked for were Legos. He had over a dozen boxes of different sets, which he was cannibalizing for his project.
“Mom and Dad are hoping he’s not planning anything that will blow up, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to end up being something super nerdy, like a giant wizard or something. You want to throw in any guesses about what it might be?” she asked as we sat on the back deck. Max stayed in his room, having declined my invitation to join us when Ellie and I had decided to sit outside.
I thought about it for a few seconds. “I’m going to say a truck. No, wait, I’ll change that to spaceship. He still likes spaceships, doesn’t he?” I asked. Before trucks and spaceships had been rocks and animals. Every time I came over, it seemed that Max was fascinated by a new topic. He would bury himself in the subject, asking for help finding websites and books for weeks, and then one day it would pass and he would be on to the next thing.
“No, he was done with spaceships last week. Now he’s all about the ocean. My dad was planning on taking him to the aquarium this weekend, but then they found something wrong with his heart when he went to the doctor on Thursday. That’s why he had to go in for emergency surgery.” Her eyes slipped away from me and looked out at the backyard.
So that was why Mr. Jessup was in the hospital. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, Ellie. It’s actually good that they found whatever was wrong early. It’s easier to fix these things before anything bad happens.” I could only imagine what it would feel like if my dad were in the hospital for major surgery. Both kids looked to be holding up fine, but I did notice that neither was as ta
lkative as normal.
Ellie didn’t respond, only continued staring. I was distracted when my phone buzzed with a new text message. When I saw that it was from Kate, I sat up straighter in my chair and hurriedly opened the message. I was half hoping that she was canceling today, but instead she asked if she could come over early. I texted back that she could and then quickly received a response. She would be over in ten minutes.
I stayed frozen in my chair until Ellie asked, “Who was that?”
“My friend Kate is coming over earlier than originally planned. She’s on her way. Do you want some lunch? Let’s go ask Max if he’s hungry.” I needed a task to occupy myself with until she got here or I’d worry myself into an ulcer.
Ellie got this shrewd look on her face. “Oh,” she drew out. “It’s your friend. Who is not your girlfriend. But do you want her to be your girlfriend?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. That was a look I would have expected from Marie, not the thirteen-year-old girl sitting next to me.
“Let’s go get lunch,” I attempted to repeat, but my voice had suddenly gotten very high, and I wasn’t sure she understood what I had just said.
“I’m not hungry. Do you like this girl? You can tell me, I can totally keep a secret,” she encouraged. Then her face truly brightened for the first time that day. “I can help you!” she exclaimed excitedly. “I’ll mention what a great babysitter you are and how nice you are, you know, stuff like that. And how you’re looking for a girlfriend, and then I’ll tell her your type, which will be a description of her. It’ll totally work, I saw it on a show once,” she promised.
Oh geez, now a kid was trying to be my wingwoman. Why were all the people in my life trying to play matchmaker? Did they all really think I was that clueless and hopeless on my own?
“Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll need help,” I said quickly, trying to derail Ellie’s current line of thought. “She’s just coming over to hang out, that’s it. Please, please don’t do any of that,” I begged.
“But you like her, don’t you?” Ellie pressed.
Before I could answer, I heard Max at the door that led out to the deck. “Who does Haley like?” he said loudly. “Is it that girl who’s coming over? I knew it!” he shouted with glee.
At that moment, the doorbell rang.
I was really hoping that it was not Kate at the door, but I had a feeling my luck wasn’t that good. By the way the two kids had frozen when they heard the sound of the doorbell, I figured they had the same thought. The three of us stared at each other until Max broke his gaze away and disappeared back into the house. I quickly followed, Ellie behind me, because if it wasn’t Kate at the door, I didn’t want him talking to strangers. And if it was Kate, I definitely did not want him talking to her.
He ran fast with those short legs of his. The front door was already opened when I reached the entranceway. Just as I had predicted, Kate was on the other side of the opening. She moved her gaze from Max to me when I came into her view. She went from looking politely interested in whatever Max had been saying to excited at the sight of me. Or I was reading way too much into a friendly look.
I put my hand on the edge of the door just above Max’s head to open it wider. He turned to me when he felt the door move seemingly on its own.
“Your friend is here,” he said unnecessarily.
“Yes, I see that,” I responded not unkindly. “Thanks for getting the door, Max, but I think I can handle it from here,” I said, subtly trying to get him away from the doorway. I guess subtle didn’t work on him, though, because he didn’t move. Grabbing the back of his shirt, I gently pulled him backward into the house until he was behind me.
I smiled at Kate. “Hi,” I said, sort of dopily. It was just so great to see her again. I had not realized I’d missed her until she was standing in front of me again.
She smiled almost impossibly wider. “Hi,” she almost giggled back. “I’m glad I got the right house. I mean, it wasn't too hard, your house is just down the street, but I got a little nervous when I heard some shouting as I was walking up. Was that you guys?” she asked, concern on her face.
Before I could think of a plausible answer, Ellie came to my rescue.
“That was my brother,” she said as she smoothly stepped into the doorframe. “He can be a loud idiot sometimes.”
Max yelled out a disgruntled “Hey!” that everyone else ignored.
“I’m Ellie, and that was Max,” she said as she held out her hand for Kate to shake. Wow, the Jessups had taught at least one of their kids good manners.
“Hi, I’m Kate,” she responded as she shook Ellie’s hand. I belatedly stepped to the side.
“Sorry, come in,” I said. As Kate walked through the doorway, she passed Ellie, who gave me a thumbs-up behind Kate’s back. I gave Ellie a sideways glare, but Kate must have seen it because she gave me a confused look. I tried to play it off as an itch near my eye, but I didn’t think she believed it.
Max came running past us, not satisfied with the lack of attention he was getting. He slid to a standstill and was almost bouncing with the excitement of a new person around. Poor Kate had no idea what was coming.
“Kate, how long have you known Haley? She’s been babysitting us since I was little. She lives three houses away that way”—he pointed in the opposite direction of where my house was—“and she has a sister and her best friend is Marie and Marie has a brother named Bob and—”
“Max!” I interrupted before he described to Kate every person he knew. “Why don’t you give Kate a tour of the house?” I suggested, knowing that if he had a task to complete, he would be less likely to blurt out something that would embarrass me.
It worked. Kate and I followed Max as he led us through each room of the house, describing what each room was used for and seemingly every piece of furniture located within. When we got to the kitchen, while Max was narrating the contents of each drawer and cabinet, I whispered an apology to Kate about suggesting the tour. It was probably not what she had expected when she’d agreed to come over today.
“That’s okay,” she whispered back. “He’s very cute, and I don’t mind. How long have you babysat him and his sister?” she asked as Max described how the water dispenser on the refrigerator worked.
“A little over four years. Their parents needed someone to watch the kids after school for a couple hours until their dad came home from work, and they knew my family from the neighborhood. It’s been pretty good timing. When I go to college next year, Ellie should be old enough to stay by herself with Max. So they won’t need me anymore anyway,” I explained.
Max announced, “Let’s go to my room next. It’s upstairs,” and we dutifully followed him. The tour continued this way for about twenty minutes until we were back in the front hallway. Ellie had stayed in the living room, watching television, while the rest of us had been traipsing through the house. We joined her, and that was when I got nervous. It turned out to be for good reason.
“So, Kate,” Ellie started with false nonchalance, “did you know that Haley likes girls?” I had to give her credit for being straightforward, but I still wanted to crawl into a hole and bury myself for years and years. Kate didn't give any outward sign that she was surprised by the question, but she surprised me with her response.
“Yes, and I also know she's single.” I was even more surprised when she looked away from Ellie and said, while staring at me, “And she knows that I'm single too.”
Was she sending me a message? As she turned back to Ellie and they started talking about movies, I furiously analyzed what Kate had said. She could have just been confirming that I remembered our previous conversation in my room (as if I would ever forget it), but I knew immediately that I was stretching. Or trying to talk myself out of believing something good. If she was sending me a message, then I was reading it loud and clear for once. Now I just had to figure out how to act on it.
I tuned back into the conversation as they were talking about a new movie that
had come out yesterday.
“We were supposed to see it yesterday,” Ellie said, “but then all the stuff with my dad happened and my mom said that we have to watch it another weekend.”
Kate was sympathetic. “I'm really sorry that your dad is in the hospital. Haley told me when we were making our plans for today. I'm sure he's going to be fine and home soon.”
Ellie mumbled a quick “Thanks” in that awkward way people did when they didn’t know what else to say and wanted to change the topic. Kate must have picked up on it, because she immediately switched the conversation.
“I was going to see that movie tomorrow, but my best friend backed out at the last minute,” she said, obviously disappointed. “I already bought the tickets, so I have to find someone else to go with now,” she continued.
Ellie perked up. “Haley isn't doing anything tomorrow, are you, Haley? You can go with Kate,” she said as if it was the ideal solution to Kate's problem.
I gave her a quick glare to let her know her meddling was not appreciated, and she returned it with an innocent smile.
“That sounds great,” Kate exclaimed. “If you're not doing anything, I would love it if you came with me. If you don't want to see this movie, we can try to see something else,” she added.
Before I could think about it, I heard myself saying, “No, that's fine, I've actually been wanting to see that movie. I read that the dust storm scene looks really good on the big screen, and I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Like Ellie mentioned,” I added pointedly.
We agreed to meet at my house tomorrow before the movie and drive to the theater together. Max began complaining that he was hungry, and since it was lunchtime, I told the kids I would make them sandwiches and snacks. Kate immediately offered to help, so we both went to the kitchen, leaving the kids in the living room. It was the first time we had been by ourselves since she’d arrived.
