Dani, surprisingly, has been the most patient with her. I don’t know if maybe Harlow has told her something, anything, for Dani to be so lenient about her actions. Shit, if you saw the way Dani was a few years ago and the way she is now, you would think that she had a twin because it’s like night and fucking day. She doesn’t yell or get upset with Harlow for any reason. She always says that it’s okay and she just needs to get used to things or that we have to understand that she obviously went through something and we just have to give her time. Fuck that noise, I say.
Blaze, if it weren’t for Dani, would have probably gone ape shit crazy on Harlow by now. But instead, Dani just tells him to take a walk or to go into her office. The past couple of days, as soon as she sees one or the other coming into the same room, she rushes Blaze out of there before either of them can say anything. She knows he’s had enough. Fuck, I think she knows we’ve all had enough, but we don’t know how to get through to Harlow. We don’t know what we need to do to get the old her back, or at least have her talk to us about what’s going on.
Toby was patient the first few days, but the more he saw the cold shoulder that Harlow was giving his wife, he was done. Now, whenever Harlow is in the same room with him, he just glares and then walks out. And if Sara is in the room, he makes sure that he drags her along with, though she never fights him. It’s wearing her down the way Harlow is treating her, but like Dani, she thinks it will all pass and she’s too fucking understanding. She said that she knows what it’s like and after some time, things will go back to normal. Again, fuck that.
And then there is Harlow herself. She doesn’t talk to anyone unless she has to. She snaps or barks at people, including customers, when she does talk. Sometimes, I even feel like she’s baiting us to see how far she can push until we finally do snap. I don’t know what she thinks will happen if she does succeed in that, though. Does she think we’ll just tell her to fuck off and leave again? That we don’t want her around? If that’s what she thinks, she’s fucked in the head. Maybe it’s time for some tough love. I don’t know but something has to give. And finally, the day comes when it does.
Sitting at my desk, I’m going over my schedule and list of clients and what they want done for the next week. I like to figure out what needs to be sketched out beforehand or what I need to make sure I’m prepared for each client and job.
I have a guy that wants a black panther that looks like it’s climbing on his ribs, around his side, and up onto his back. Now, I’m a great fucking tattoo artist, but my style is a little different. But Dani, on the other hand, can be very versatile with every style of tattooing, so I think it may be a good idea to get her opinion and possibly even some coaching on this one. I know this guy wants it as lifelike as possible, so I need to be on my game and make sure to cover my ass on every angle.
“Dani,” I yell, hoping she’s not with a customer, but knowing even if she is, they won’t care. Our clients are great like that. We are professional in all the areas we need to be, but we still like to keep a very, I don’t know, homey feel to the shop. We treat all of our clients like our friends, like family. Even if that means joking around and fucking off around them. They love it, and it makes things easier on those that work here too.
A few minutes pass, and Dani still hasn’t answered me, so I decide to get her here another way—pissing her off, one of my favorite things to do to her.
“Dani! Stop fucking your old man in the storage closet and get your ass over here.” There, that ought to piss her off and get her to come here. Though, she may not be as willing to help me out now, but I’ll deal. I’ll just play the “clients deserve the best, so they come to the best” card with her. Gets her every time.
Not even three seconds pass before I hear her kick something and storm in my direction, cussing me out the whole way. This is gonna be fun!
She comes storming into my room, and the second she sees the shit-eating smile on my face, she gets even more pissed! It’s a hilarious sight, but scary too. I’m man enough to admit a pissed off Dani scares me.
“What’s up, buttercup?” I say in a sugar sweet voice, hoping to annoy her more. I don’t know why I push her buttons, but I do. I just can’t help myself sometimes.
With her face red with rage and her eyes blazing with mirth, I realize I love this girl. I love her in a way a person loves their best friend, in a way that a brother loves a sister, in a way that I never want to see her hurt but always happy. I already knew I cared about Dani, but after everything that went down between us I guess I was afraid to admit I loved her, for fear that no one would get that it was a different kind of love, myself included. But now I see the difference. You can love someone you aren’t in love with, and that’s okay.
Before she can say anything to ruin my revelation, I get up and grab her up into a crushing hug, no longer afraid to show or tell her how I feel. “I love you, Dani Girl,” I say into her hair.
Instantly, I feel her deflate before she wraps her arms around me too, squeezing me tight. “I love you too,” she answers back, tears evident in her voice.
“Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me,” I hear from the doorway.
Letting go of Dani, we both turn to see Harlow standing there, looking at us both with confusion, anger, and unmistakable pain in her eyes, but she quickly covers the hurt with contempt.
“Harlow, what are you doing here? You aren’t scheduled to work today,” Dani says in answer, which was the wrong thing to say, and she knows it too when she watches the rest of Harlow’s sanity leave her eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something by showing up unexpectedly? I didn’t realize I couldn’t come here on my day off, but I see now why you wouldn’t want me here,” Harlow says to both of us, but then she directs her gaze solely on Dani. “So tell me, how does it feel to have all the brothers slaving for you?”
“Harlow, I don’t know what you think is going on here, but you’re wrong. And of course you can come by on your day off. What is the matter with you? Ever since you came back, you’ve been off your rocker,” Dani says while keeping her calm. I think she’s finally had enough too, or maybe this time Harlow has gone too far.
“Off my rocker, huh? Didn’t know you were keeping such close tabs on me and how I’ve been acting. But I’m sure you have your reasons,” Harlow says as she looks back and forth between me and Dani.
I step forward to put myself between the two women, knowing this is about to get outta hand and fast, but Dani puts her hand on my shoulder, stopping me. And of course, Harlow zones in on that one touch.
“Oh, I get it now. It wasn’t enough that you fucked him once, you had to come back for more, am I right? Or, maybe, Blaze isn’t giving it to you like he used to anymore. Having kids must put a huge strain on your sex life, huh? So since you aren’t getting it enough from your man, you have to get your rocks off elsewhere, so you come to the good ol’ dependable Louie. Isn’t that what you called him, Dani—dependable?”
Harlow barely finishes that sentence before Dani quickly steps up to her and slaps her, hard, across the face. The force of the hit causes Harlow’s face to jerk to the side, and her whole body goes with it.
Dani moved so fast I didn’t even see it coming, so I’m sure Harlow was surprised as fuck. And holy shit, that slap must have hurt like a bitch, my ears are ringing from the sound of it alone.
When Harlow finally turns her face back toward us, I can see a handprint, clear as day and red as can be, on her face. And it looks like her lip was split open a little bit, because there are a few drops of blood on her bottom lip.
I feel like I need to do something, anything, to stop what’s going on right now, but I’m so shocked that I just stand there and watch two of the three women I care about in my life standoff toe to toe.
The first to break the silence is Dani. “I have had enough. You walk around like the world has wronged you and that you’re all alone, but you’re not, Harlow. We’ve been here from the very
beginning, but you don’t get that, do you? We are family!”
“I don’t have a family—” Harlow starts to say, but she’s cut off.
“Yes you do!” Dani yells. “From the first day you started working here, you became our family and we became yours. But you walked away from us—not even telling us what happened, where you were going, and when you’d be back—if you’d be back. For all we knew, you fucking died, Harlow! How the hell were we to know, huh? But then you come back, and we were so fucking happy that you did. But what you’re doing, the way you’re acting and treating those around you, it needs to fucking stop. I’ve stayed quiet because I thought you’d snap out of it, or shit, at least talk to me about what’s been going on. Whatever chip you have on your shoulder, share it with us. We’ll help you carry it, honey. That’s what family does—we will be there for you and help you walk those hard roads so you aren’t alone. So, please, just tell us what is going on, Low. We love you and just want to be there for you.”
I watched Harlow’s eyes the whole time Dani said her piece, and with every word Dani spoke, it was like I was watching a little piece of Harlow leave her body, until there was nothing left. There is now nothing in her eyes—no hurt, no anger, no confusion, no love. Just nothing. She’s completely broken. Void of anything that resembled the girl we once knew.
I take a step toward her to take her in my arms, but my movement snaps her out of wherever she just was. A little bit of clarity touches her eyes, and then she’s gone. She turns around on her heels and runs out of the shop. But this time, I won’t let her get away.
I briefly glance down at Dani to make sure she’s all right. She nods. “Go get her. Bring our girl back, Louie.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I’m out the door in two seconds and chasing after the girl that got away once before, but I won’t let her run a second time. This time, she’s gonna face what’s happened, whatever it may be, but she’ll have me this time. She’ll have all of us. Because Dani was right—we’re fucking family.
Chapter 6
Harlow
After running out the door, I walk at a fast pace down the street, trying not to draw unwanted attention.
I have no idea where I’m going, but I don’t want to stay here. I wish I could just hail a cab and book it out of this town—out of this state, for that matter—but something inside is stopping me. As much as I want to run and never look back, I can’t do that again. I won’t. I know I need to face everyone here and explain, it’s just harder than I thought it would be. I don’t want to see the pity in their eyes or for them to say it’s okay when it’s not. I just need to get away for a while, even if it’s only a few blocks. I want to be alone and figure out what just happened and why I reacted the way I did.
I honestly don’t know what overcame me. I mean, I know Dani doesn’t feel that way for Louie—she never did. It’s always been Blaze for her. But seeing her in Louie’s arms like that hurt. It cut me so deep that I had to cut back. I wanted them both to feel even a fraction of what I’ve been feeling for the past two years. Pain. Anger. Hate. But fuck, that slap across my face hurt, even though I deserved it and probably so much more.
Licking my lip, I taste blood. I figured it broke open because it stung like a bitch, and tasting the blood only confirms it.
Since I got the news two years ago, I haven’t been thinking rationally about anything. Not like I’ve ever really made good decisions, but it’s even worse now. I know that if they only knew what I was going through or what happened, that things would be different, that they could and would help me. But I’m not ready to share that with them, I don’t know if I ever will be able to. Their pity would just be too much and they won’t understand. Sure, they’ve all been dealt a shitty hand in life in their own way, but nothing like what happened to me. It’s just not the same. There’s no way they will be able to understand.
A few minutes later, I come up to an old playground. It looks like it hasn’t seen any playtime from a child in ages. It’s all rundown and broken—just like me.
Something pulls me closer and makes me stop at the swings. I feel a connection to this place, or at least to a memory of a place like this, but I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to think about coming here with my brother or the feelings of being carefree, loved, and not alone. And I sure as shit don’t want to think about how it makes me feel now that all of that is gone. I just want to sit down and forget everything, if only for a few minutes.
Taking a seat on one of the swings, I close my eyes and give myself a little push until I start to gently swing. It’s peaceful sitting here alone. With the outside world shut out.
But then the memories take hold and I can picture myself years ago—as a little girl, begging to go higher. I wanted to touch the sky, but as soon as I got that extra push I needed, I was so scared, crying, begging to stop. I didn’t want to fall, but there was always a voice saying, “You won’t fall, Princess, I’ll never let you go.”
In the quiet of the night, I can almost hear it now.
“Harlow?” Hearing my name snaps me back to the here and now, where I’m once again alone. Where I feel the pain and anger and hatred.
I don’t need to open my eyes to know who’s here with me. It should shock me that he followed me, but deep down I think I knew he would. That I needed him to.
Louie won’t let me go far, at least until we talk about what happened all those years ago, the night before my world ended. I should have pulled him aside as soon as I was back and got it out of the way, that way nothing would hold me here anymore, but I suppose I was afraid. Afraid to end whatever it is that’s going on, afraid to not have anyone again, even if I don’t really have him in the first place. But mostly, I think I was afraid to end the one thing holding me here. Him.
“Come to scold me for what I said at the shop?” I calmly ask, needing to keep the edge in my voice. I pray it will push him away, but dread it at the same time.
And there’s also a part of me that knows I deserve his scolding and his anger. I deserve that and so much more. He should hate me. I want him to hate me. It would make this so much easier. I only wish I could convince myself that it wouldn’t crush me, that I don’t care if he never wanted to speak to me again after tonight. But I do.
“No.”
“Then you’ve come to talk about what happened with us before I left?” I ask the next question with a little more heat, but also with hesitancy because as much as I know we need to talk about it, I don’t want to. I just don’t have it in me to fight anymore though, so I guess it’s gonna happen whether I want to or not.
“Nope,” he says, which makes me open my eyes to look at him.
Once he sees my eyes on his, he adds, “Not yet, anyway.”
Well, at least he’s honest. Just not sure what it is he does want to talk about. If not what happened at the shop and it’s not what happened with us years ago when he took my virginity, then what?
Closing my eyes again, I ask, “Well, what is it you do want, then?”
He’s quiet so long, that after what feels like hours, I open my eyes again and see that he’s sitting on the swing next to me, staring right at me.
“Why did you leave?” he asks quietly. I know what he’s referring to, but I try to delay it as long as I can.
“Does it matter? I left and now I’m back. Let’s just leave it at that,” I say before digging my feet in the dirt to stop the swing and get up. Not waiting for him to either say something or stop me, I start walking back toward the shop, wanting to get away from Louie and desperately needing to quiet the chaos inside my head. Stopping at this park was a mistake. It made me feel. Feel everything, but mostly it made me feel the loss and heartache. And now with him here, trying to dig deep inside my head for answers I don’t want to give, I’m desperate to flee. I’m desperate to drown out the voices inside my head and the aching hole inside my chest. I think I have a bottle of something that will do the trick.
I
don’t make it even five steps before Louie grabs me by my arm and hauls me around to face him. “It just does. Now tell me. Why the fuck did you leave? Why then? Was what we did really that bad? Do you regret it that fucking much?” He’s angry now, but not as angry as I am that he won’t let it go.
“And if I do regret it?” I say through clenched teeth.
I don’t regret what happened, at least not in the way he may think. But since he’s bringing it up and making me dredge up all these memories—memories of not only the way he made me feel, but what happened after. How after I gave myself to him, I was left with nothing—I want to piss him off and make him think that I do. I want him to hurt like I hurt.
He just stares at me, searching for the truth, but I won’t let him find it. I can’t, because if he knows what happened, then it makes it real. And if it’s real, then that would mean that it’s over. If it’s over, then that means I need to forget, and dammit, I can’t fucking forget it. It’s carved on my skin, it’s in my soul. It fucking haunts me while I’m sleeping and even while I’m awake.
Finally, he speaks. “I don’t believe that. Not for one fucking second. It may have happened at the wrong time and you may want to regret it, but you don’t.”
The way that he seems so sure, like there’s not a doubt in his mind that I don’t feel that way, makes me even angrier. How fucking dare he! He doesn’t know what I think! He doesn’t have the right to stand there and judge me or tell me how I feel.
“You don’t know jack fucking shit! I wish that night with you never fucking happened! If it didn’t, then he’d still fucking be here! He’d still be a part of my life and the past two years of feeling worthless and like I was to blame wouldn’t have fucking happened either. I wouldn’t be standing here right now feeling like all the air in my lungs were gone. I wouldn’t feel like I died and am now living in a constant state of agony. If I would have never let you fuck me, he’d still be here! But it did fucking happen, and now he’s gone.”
Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #3) Page 6
