“There won’t be anything deceptive about a pastor marrying us, Sierra. We will be living together as husband and wife.”
“But love won’t be a part of it,” she protested.
“No. If it makes it easier for you, we can have the word left out of the vows.”
Seven years ago, in front of a reverend, in a church filled with family and friends, she’d promised to love Tim with every part of her being. He’d put a ring on her finger, but hadn’t meant one word of the wedding vows he’d uttered.
“I will do right by you, Sierra Walker, even with the last breath in my body.”
“Honor?”
“Yes?”
“Trust?”
He remained silent.
Honor would have to suffice. He’d give her nothing more. Maybe he wasn’t even capable of giving anything more.
“If I wear a ring, it has to be a modest one,” she stated.
“Okay.”
* * * *
It wasn’t, though, she found out a couple hours later. Since he’d taken her to his house after the doctor’s visit yesterday, Kaden’s first stop was by her place so she could pick up clothes and toiletries, then he’d driven straight to the most exclusive jeweler in Missoula.
“Kaden, you said small.”
“Size is relative, Sierra.”
“If you’re Jennifer Lopez.”
He chuckled.
Then, scaring the heck out of her, he went right to the exact ring that caught her eye. Waving an attendant over, Kaden said, “We’d like to see this one.”
Sierra squeezed his arm. “That’s one of the biggest rings they have.”
“Looks medium-sized to me,” he responded. “Isn’t that right, sir?”
“You have a good eye. I’ve been making rings for a long time,” the gentleman stated, removing a princess cut diamond from its velvet holder. “It’s about medium-sized.”
He handed the ring over to Kaden. “Take your time with it. If you need me, my name is Beau.”
“Thanks, Beau. Let me have your hand, Sierra.”
“Kaden, I can’t take this ring.” Yet, even as she said the words, the diamond caught a ray of sunshine and refracted it in several directions.
“Won’t hurt to try it on.”
It fit. Darn it to heck and back. It fit perfectly, and it looked beautiful.
“Yes, sir,” Beau said as he came back over. “No doubt about it. That ring is meant for you.”
“Do you like it?” Kaden asked.
Her heart began to race when she realized it was way more than just a piece of jewelry. It was a symbol of her commitment to their marriage of convenience. Suddenly, it weighed a ton.
Kaden took her hand in his and placed the ring beneath the jeweler’s lamp while Beau gave Kaden all the information about the stone.
“Would you like to look at another one? Kaden asked her.
“A smaller one,” she replied.
“This is as small as I’m going to purchase.”
“It’s too expensive,” she countered.
“Nothing cost too much for my future wife. And if you like it, I want you to have it.”
In that moment, nothing else existed. She looked at him and was astonished by the genuineness reflected in the depths of his eyes.
Tim had wanted to own her. It had been all about him, what she could do to make him happy. Right now, Kaden seemed to be focused on making her happy.
“We can look at another one,” he rejected.
Sierra shook her head. She wanted—desperately—not to like the ring, but it was more magnificent than anything she’d ever owned.
“We’ll take it,” he told Beau.
All the breath expelled from her lungs.
“Good. Now, this is part of a set. This wedding band goes with it,” Beau added. “Would you like to try it on as well?”
“No,” she told the kind man. Right now, she’d had all she could handle.
“Do you have a matching band for the groom?” Kaden asked.
“Yes, I do.”
“You’re planning on wearing a ring?”
“Of course. You aren’t the only one taking a vow, Sierra.”
“I know but—”
“Sierra, a ring is a symbol of my commitment to you and our child.”
With a sigh of surrender, she agreed. With each step he took, he brought her closer to the unavoidable.
Kaden needed a larger size than what was in stock, and he wouldn’t purchase it until Beau swore to have it ready in a week or less. She doubted she’d ever known a man more commanding than her fiancé.
“Now, miss, would you like to wear your ring?”
Before she could respond, Kaden spoke. “We’ll take it in a box.”
While she slipped the gem off her finger, he told her, “I want to give it to you later, when we have some privacy.”
Her mind froze at the thought. The idea of them alone again in his home sent shivers racing down her spine.
“Want to grab a bite to eat?” he asked when they were outside.
Summer’s warmth beamed down on her, and for several moments, took her concern along with it. And the idea of being fed definitely appealed to her. It has been hours since breakfast.
“I’m sure we could find a place nearby serving lunch.”
“How can I refuse that offer when I’m—”
“Always hungry?” he finished.
She smiled at him.
“Wish I had a camera. A smile like that’s worth all the money in the world.”
He held the door open for her, and she wondered what it might be like if he believed in love, if she believed in love.
Her grin dimmed. Happily ever after might happen for some people, she knew, but she definitely wasn’t one of the lucky ones.
* * * *
“Have you thought about the guest list?” Kaden asked.
Sierra looked up from the book she was pretending to read. She’d tried flipping through a magazine earlier, but it hadn’t held her attention. Out of desperation, she’d picked up a book she thought would preoccupy her, but hadn’t had any luck with it either.
Unfortunately, the reason she couldn’t focus on the words in the book was due to the magazine article she’d come across. Surely there couldn’t really be a hundred and one ways to improve her love life. And even if there were, she didn’t care.
Being uncreative in bed had caused her problem, and there were no paragraphs that dealt with what to do after you’d had a spectacular night of passion. “A guest list?”
“For our wedding.”
“I doubt we’ll be inviting that many people.”
His massive frame filled the doorway. He blocked the late afternoon light, and she wished he’d remain there, but he wouldn’t.
“I’d only planned to invite my family,” she stated. “Maybe a few of your close friends.”
“You don’t want a big wedding?”
“Not really. I already had one. I don’t need another.”
“I’m okay with a small wedding.”
“You’re scaring me, Kaden. It’s not in your nature to not put up a fight.”
“At this point, I just want you to set a date.”
“You don’t give up, do you?”
“No.” He smiled, and her lungs forgot what they were supposed to do next. “Two weeks?” he asked.
“Three,” she offered.
“Deal.”
She’d been had. The moment the counteroffer left her mouth, she knew it.
“I’ll call Vernon and have it arranged. Morning or afternoon?”
In the morning, so that she had all day and night to get through with him? Or afternoon, where night wouldn’t be long coming? He’d already informed her there’d be no closed door between them. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Did you have a place in mind for our honeymoon?”
“We’ve already had it.”
He moved then. In a few quick strides, the sound
of his boots loud on the wooden floor, he came near her until she had to tilt her head back in order to look at him.
He filled her line of view, made her stomach fluttery and tense.
“We’ll have a honeymoon. There’s no doubt about it.”
She couldn’t breathe.
“I expect my wife to sleep with me, and I mean that in every sense of the word. I’m just giving you the opportunity to get away for a few days, if you’d like.”
The wood in the fireplace crackled and popped.
“Um...”
“I can make love to you as easily here as at a fancy location. It’s your choice.”
She didn’t know how to respond.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment all day,” he stated, his voice raspy, like it was before he’d kissed her, made love to her.
Kaden went down on one knee before her.
This close, he was even more overwhelming.
“Let me have your hand, Sierra. I want to put my ring there. I want the world to know you belong to me.”
Her heart pounded in her chest.
Kaden reached for her hand and held it steady when it shook. His head was bent. She squeezed her eyes shut, and regretted it instantly when images came of desperately tugging at Tim’s ring, trying to rid herself of his claim.
This wouldn’t be the same, not at all. The world didn’t have enough places for her to escape Kaden’s conviction.
The past and present blended together, asphyxiating her.
Sierra yanked her hand back, sent the ring falling to the floor.
“Sierra?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this, Kaden. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
“All right, all right,” he responded, his tone low and soothing, a contradiction to anything she’d ever heard from him except during lovemaking.
He pulled her close to him.
Kaden was the one man she shouldn’t look to for consolation, yet he was the only one she desired. As he rubbed her back, murmuring indecipherable words, her highly emotional state faded away. When she shuddered, he moved away, not stopping until he stood across the room by the fireplace. She sucked in a few deep breaths, collecting herself.
He tapped a finger on the mantle. Even from her chair, she saw the tension gathered in his shoulders.
“I need you to help me out here, Sierra,” he said, stilling his finger. “I’m trying to understand what’s going on here.” He cupped the back of his neck, giving it a brief rub.
It took a great deal of strength to look at him. He was more virile than any other man Sierra had ever met. Brazen. Gutsy. Warm hearted. And dang it—her future husband.
“Why do I frighten you?”
“You don’t.”
“But you don’t want to be intimate with me.”
“No,” she confessed, looking him square in the eye.
“You didn’t like it?”
She had no choice but to be completely honest with him, as well as herself. Finally forcing herself to meet his gaze again, she replied, “That’s not it.”
“I could have sworn I satisfied you. That little moan, the way you dug your knees into my sides, the way you collapsed beneath me.”
Something was occurring inside her, an aliveness. A feeling of realization made her understand she was woman to this man, that they were meant for each other, regardless of how hard she fought it. “I—you—yes, you did.”
In all her years of marriage, Tim had never asked these sorts of questions. He’d never cared enough. “But it was the first time I ever—” She stopped when she realized she’d revealed too much.
“So, you’re trying to tell me you were married and you never experienced an orgasm until we made love?”
When she remained silent, he swore harshly. “What sort of marriage did you have?”
“Not a good one,” she confessed, trying to recapture her emotional distance from him.
“Tell me about it, Sierra. I need to hear every single detail.” Where he’d been compassionate earlier, he was now emitting unrefined masculine energy. “Neither of us will leave this room until I know why the thought of being intimate with me again scares the living daylights out of you.”
Chapter Six
Patience had never been one of Kaden’s strong points. Unfortunately, for as long as he was going to be involved with Sierra, he had to attempt to develop it. He just wished it wasn’t so damned hard to do.
Kaden wanted to travel across the room, take hold of her shoulders, hold her, kiss her, something, anything to break down the impregnable wall around hear heart. He ached for her, and he hadn’t felt anything this profound and forceful since he’d held baby Jacob in his arms for the first time.
“Sierra, I’m waiting,” he stated, moderating his words, even though it was one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. “Why do you act like becoming my wife will send you to a place from which you can’t return?”
“Because it will.”
Her soft words reverberated around the room and pounded in his chest. She saw this situation—him—as penance for her sins.
“It’s about control,” she continued. “I don’t want to lose it again. I promised myself I never would. A wedding band is a manacle that will confine me to you, and I won’t be able to escape.”
Beneath his breath, he cussed up a storm.
Before he could come up with something to say, she spoke again. “Everything you’ve guessed about my relationship with Tim is right.”
“Including the fact that you didn’t have a good sex life?”
“Sex was one of my duties as a wife.”
Kaden’s stomach turned. The thought of a woman making love to him out of a sense of obligation made him sick. “A duty?”
“At least three times a week, if not four.”
“He told you that?”
“Every time it was time to have sex.”
“Whether you wanted to or not?”
“My needs didn’t matter. Tim needed the release to deal with his stress.” She blinked slowly, then looked at Kaden through the long veil of her dark lashes, not hiding anything. She had the ability to make him want to take care of and posses her at the same time. “After the first six months, I didn’t want it. Ever.”
“So why did you stay married to him?”
“If I had a nickel for every time I’ve asked myself that question.” She tried to smile, but it fell flat. “When I met him, I fell in love, head over heels. I wouldn’t have married him if I hadn’t been in love.” She shook her head. “I was young, out on my own for the first time. I’d gone to Missoula to attend college and Tim had already graduated. He had a good job, his own place. I was wowed by his attention to me—a nobody from a small town.”
“A nobody?” The words made Kaden’s head pound.
“That’s what I thought.”
“And Tim agreed?”
“No, not at first. He deluged me with attention, took me to his place, encouraged me to make dinner instead of us going out.”
“He wanted you to take care of him.”
“Yes. But I didn’t see it like that then. He asked me to marry him, and I was enamored. He was older—wiser, I thought—and I believed he only wanted the best for me. I definitely wanted the best for him.” She frowned. “He had his own apartment. If I moved in with him instead of staying on campus, I could save my parents some money. We agreed that after I graduated, we could start a family. I wanted at least two kids—Tim said he was fine with that.”
This time, the tension in Kaden’s stomach felt stretched to the limit, on the verge of snapping.
“I told you about my infertility, Kaden. I wasn’t dishonest with you. I didn’t deceive you that night.”
He tapped his finger on the mantle, but remained silent. At this point, her words didn’t matter. She was carrying his child. That was his main concern.
“After I graduated, he persuaded me to stay home. It would be better if I became a stay-at
-home mom, that he earned enough money to support a family. I loved the idea—it was my idea of a perfect marriage and a perfect family. But pretty soon, he called me lazy.”
Kaden couldn’t hold back his disdain. He knew how hard she and her cousin worked to make their store a success—hours of exertion and effort every day.
“A few years later, I had no money, no checkbook, and no baby.” Protectively, her hand covered her stomach. He’d seen her do that several times, and each time, something inside him turned over.
Leah had done little but gripe the entire time she’d been pregnant—she was losing her shape, feeling fat, the baby moved too much, she couldn’t get comfortable.
But Sierra, with the way the baby was so important to her, he couldn’t be angry that she carried his child, even if he still felt she’d been dishonest.
“I didn’t even like trying to conceive, not after...”
The blood seemed to drain from her face. He needed to put an end to this. “Sierra, stop.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted. “If we’re going to—you have the right to know why I—why the thought of being married again frightens me.”
His hand gripped the mantle.
“I went to the doctor. At first she told me to relax, that I was stressed out. I tried everything—trying to get in the mood, wearing sexy lingerie, taking my temperature, but when he—” She paused and took a steadying breath, meeting his gaze directly. “I didn’t like it. Tim just got in bed, then rolled on top of me.”
“Whether you were ready for him or not?”
She looked at the floor.
Fury filled Kaden. He slapped his hand against the mantle. He thought of nothing except the burning urge to wrap his hands around the bastard’s neck and make the cowardly jerk hurt the same way he’d hurt Sierra.
“After several more months passed, I went back to the doctor and asked Tim to do the same. They did a lot of tests. It was horrible. But I would have done anything. We’d been married for three years and nothing had happened. According to Tim, the doctor said his sperm count was good—”
“Not good enough.”
She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. “And said it was a problem with me.”
“That jerk of a husband lied to you.”
“That’s what Dr. Askew thinks had to have happened.”
The Price of Passion Page 7
