A tear fell down her cheek followed by another. “I’m so sorry, Kaden—I would have never slept with you if I’d known.” Her breath caught on a sob. “I’m not the sort of woman who would trap a man like that. Not after what I’ve been through.” She shook her head. “I know you don’t believe me, but—”
He walked over to her, placing a finger over her lips, cutting off the words. “It doesn’t matter.”
He eyes were wide, broadcasting how vital it was to her. And because it was, it had to matter to him. He’d been in a lot of tough situations in his life—hell, they’d turned him into the man he was today.
But he knew—with everything in him—nothing had ever been as important as the next few minutes. Gently, he said, “I believe you.”
She pushed his finger away. “You do?”
“Yes, I do.”
Her brows bunched together. “You’re just saying that.”
“I mean what I say, Sierra. You should know that by now.”
She shifted in her seat, but remained silent. Several heartbeats later, she sighed and tension seemed to leave her body. That sound did more to him than any lovemaking ever had. He captured a strand of her hair and wrapped it around his index finger, liking the way the strands felt, like the slide of silk.
“You don’t know what your belief means to me, Kaden.”
“Yeah, maybe I do.” He could see it in her eyes. Her honor was important to her. To him, as well.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
In that moment, he wondered how he’d ever doubted her.
“There’s more to tell,” she stated. “After a while, I knew what a mockery our relationship was, but it ended the day he came home and found me asleep. I was sick with pneumonia. He yanked the covers off me and pulled me out of bed.” Unconsciously, she rubbed her wrist, as if still trying to eradicate the memory. “He dragged me into the family room and pointed out dust on the coffee table. How dare I be so trifling when he was working so hard to provide a living for us, he asked.”
Kaden took the wrist she held and massaged it himself.
“I apologized to him, Kaden, for being a disappointment. I actually apologized. Then, as I was cleaning the table with the rag he’d thrown at me, I saw what I’d become.” She shivered. “He told me it was a good thing I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I was too much of a failure to be a good mother. When I finally worked up enough courage to call home and asked for help, I swore I’d never sentence myself to that sort of degradation again.”
Kaden struggled to keep his grip relaxed. Carefully speaking the words, he said, “I’m not Tim.”
“No. You’re not.” Her gaze lowered to his hand. “And that may be worse.”
Tenseness returned with her truthfulness—the truthfulness he respected and yet found agonizing. “What do you mean by that?”
She remained silent.
“Sierra, look at me.”
After several long moments ticked by, she did. “You’re two times the man Tim was. You made me...”
In her eyes, he spotted the clash of emotions, candidness battling hesitancy, making hazel eyes shimmer and flash, reflecting the burning flame.
“You swept me away, Kaden, making me overlook my vow not to be involved with another man. And then when I...”
“Had an orgasm?”
Sierra nodded. “At least with Tim, I could keep that part of me hidden. But you—” She stared at him. “You didn’t stop until I was satisfied. I lost control, Kaden. You took it.”
The bright side was, at least he had the same physical effect on her that she had on him. Not that it helped any.
“Later, I told myself it was okay, that it was only a one-night stand, and I’d never have to see you again. Even when I found out I was carrying your child, I thought it was okay, that you wouldn’t want a family, that I was safe.”
“You were wrong.”
“Yes.” She shook her head, dislodging the strand he’d curled around his finger. “Don’t you see, Kaden? This will never work. I refuse to allow myself to lose control again, of who I am, become some man’s marionette.”
He placed his hands on her shoulders. “You think that’s what I want? Sierra, if I wanted a trophy, I’d display the ones I won in the rodeo. I don’t need trophies on my shelves, and I sure as hell don’t need one on my arm.”
“Good thing,” she responded. “Because that’s not who I am.”
“Why did you think I was attracted to you in the first place? I like your vivaciousness, your receptiveness, your enthusiasm to live life to the fullest. I knew what I was getting into with you, Sierra. It was you I wanted, not some woman I could manipulate.” He leaned forward. “And having sex isn’t the same thing as losing control in a relationship.”
“Maybe to you, but to me, they can’t be separated.”
Kaden exhaled a frustrated breath. “Tim wasn’t a real man, and he didn’t know how to treat the woman he was fortunate enough to have. He didn’t deserve you. But let’s get one thing straight, once and for all, Sierra. You’re going to be my wife, not just someone to warm my bed and give me a hormonal release.”
* * * *
Looking into the earnestness reflected in the depths of his eyes, she nearly did lose herself.
“I will do everything in my power to make certain you always feel you’re respected as my wife. We’re going into this marriage with our eyes wide open. There are no pretenses, no love. Even after you sell your place, you can keep the money. If you don’t want a joint checking account, that’s okay, but I’ll add you to mine and you won’t have to explain your purchases. We can draw up a prenuptial agreement if you’d like.”
She stood up and moved away from him. “It’s not simple for me.”
He shoved a hand through his hair, loosening the leather tie there. “I need to tell you something, Sierra.” He moved across the room and stood looking out the window, his back to her. “Something I’ve never shared with anyone else.”
She paced the room, unable to contain the energy swirling within her.
“My mother brought home a man one night when I was about eight.”
The coarseness in Kaden’s voice halted her steps. She folded her arms across her chest, waiting. She’d never head this in his tone before, and defensiveness that cut through the years and exposed pain.
“It was a few days before Christmas. Andy Dunn’s dad took me and Andy to the department store—they’d brought in a Santa Claus for the kids. When I climbed onto his lap, I told him that I wanted to meet my dad, find out who he was. I’d always wondered, figured Mom knew even if she’d listed his name as unknown on my birth certificate.”
Sierra’s heart ached.
“I was positive he’d like me if I could just meet him. I swore to God every night I’d be good, as long as I could have a daddy like Andy.”
Sierra’s lungs seized painfully.
“Then my mother brought home a man. Dave Cullooyah was his name. I’ll never forget it. He was tall, had dark hair like mine. His skin was bronze and his eyes dark, like mine. My mom was lighter skinned and had hazel eyes, so I thought...”
Sierra placed a hand over her stomach. “You thought he was your father.”
Kaden turned then.
His eyes were as shattered as his voice. “Everyone I knew had a real family. Andy had the best. I was the only one who didn’t have a father.” He closed his eye briefly. “I called Dave Daddy. I knew Santa had brought me what I wanted more than anything. I ran up to the man, hugged him around the knees. I’d never been happier in my life.”
Sierra braced herself for what was to come. She knew it couldn’t be good.
“He hit me, telling me to get away from him, told me I was a no-good bastard.”
“Oh, no!” Her heart twisted. “Oh, God!”
“It gets better. Mom was horrified by my behavior. She yelled at me, slapped me herself—across my face. I never inquired about my father again and I stopped believing in Santa Claus. D
egradation, Sierra? I’ve experience my share too.”
In the blink of an eye, Sierra was in his arms, her hand between them, resting on his chest. His heart raced; his jaw was tight with what she knew was the effort of keeping his feelings locked away.
He lowered his head, and she offered her mouth, wanting to help him to forget. No man had ever shown her this sort of soul-baring truthfulness, and it stripped her defenses. His kiss switched back and forth between soft and comforting, probing and commanding.
“We’ll figure out how to make it work between us,” he stated when she swayed against him, on the edge of succumbing. “But I won’t allow my kid to grow up without a normal family.” He didn’t say another word, but left her, slamming the door behind him and making her jump.
She hurt for the boy he’d been.
But the man he’d become at times frightened her.
Sierra crossed the room to where the ring still lay abandoned on the floor. She picked up the ring and ran her index finger over the band. Why did a simple piece of jewelry represent so much?
She had spent several years trying to forget Tim. Until now, she thought she’d been successful. But Kaden had unearthed the scars that were there, scars that pushed through time and ripped a hole in the future.
Kaden’s words reverberated throughout her. She’d heard the pain he hadn’t wanted to reveal and wondered how much more was there and how deeply in was buried. He’d lost his own innocence at age eight, then a few years ago, lost the baby he’d thought was his, a child he loved.
He’d fight her, she knew. He had no choice.
And because this was also her baby, she had to do the right thing, too.
She’d been in Jacob’s nursery, had seen the book Kaden had been reading. He’d even offered to stay home with the baby and take turns with changing diapers and feeding time. If she were to ever special order a daddy for her child, it would be someone like Kaden. He’d be a great father, no doubt.
Sierra held the gem to the light. Was it possible for her to be both a wife and mother without losing herself again?
Did she have any option but to try?
No matter how hard she looked at the ring, no magical answers reflected back at her.
* * * *
He knew he’d used every option he had. There was no way he could force Sierra to marry him. But he’d prayed he could convince her. Candidness had been his last hope.
He’d ensconced the memories of his mother and that Christmas—the same year he’d gotten coal in his stocking for ruining his mother’s relationship with Dave Cullooyah. Revealing his past had taken bucket loads of bravery, but Sierra was worth it, this battle was worth it.
Her doubts were concrete, something he wanted to gather up and throw away. That meant he had to court her, prove to her he wasn’t the brute she’d once been married to. Kaden needed restraint, needed to be less stubborn. He had to do what he could.
Because this time, he would not lose his child.
* * * *
“Where am I supposed to go?” she asked.
“Your shop.”
Sierra narrowed her eyes. He rested against the doorjamb, not entering the room. It was definitely a good sign that she hadn’t gone back to her own room and locked the door.
She put down the magazine she’d been staring at. “Why?”
“Because I know you’re about to have a fit over wondering how your cousin in coping without you.”
“I don’t believe you, Kaden.”
He exhaled loudly. “No scrupulous agendas, I promise.” He wondered how he didn’t flinch at the white lie. “Besides, I figured we need some more food with the way we both eat. Unless you’d like to stay here while I got to town?”
“I just need to get my purse.”
The magazine fell off the table the couch to the floor, falling open to the centerfold.
“One hundred and one ways to improve your love life?”
“That’s not the article I was reading,” she responded, refusing to meet his gaze while heat traveled up her neck.
“Too bad. I was wondering what number thirty-five was.”
“Number thirty-five?”
“My lucky number.”
She took the magazine from him and scanned the article before throwing it back on the couch. Her cheeks turned a darker hue of red and he laughed, determined to find out what number thirty-five was, and more importantly, practice it.
Hell, maybe they could try all of the ideas, not that their love life needed a lot of improvement. That one night had boggled his mind. If it got any better, Kaden wondered if they would ever leave their bed.
He entered the garage, then opened the passenger door of his SUV.
“I thought you only had the truck.”
“There’re a few things you don’t know about me yet, Sierra. But I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” He offered her a hand up.
“I can step up by myself.”
“Yes, I know. But I want to assist you.”
She frowned.
“Assist, Sierra. Assist.” Lowering his voice, he added, “It’s okay to accept assistance. Besides, didn’t your mother ever tell you your face would freeze like that?”
“Like what?”
“A permanent frown.”
“No. I never frowned when I was growing up. And I’m not frowning now.”
Their faces were only centimeters apart. “You’re frowning.”
“I’m not.”
While she debated, he ran his thumb over her lip. She gasped in shocked. “Now you’re not frowning. Up into the SUV, Sierra.”
She didn’t debate any further.
Round one to him. He had her off kilter, and he’d touched her twice without her trying to escape. That left him feeling pretty jovial.
Several minutes later, the feeling was fading.
Assisting her cousin, Sierra was clearly in her element. There was a short line of people, and while he leaned against one of the counters, she started waiting on customers, writing up an order to ship out of town, then helping Flora Trier pick out a dress that would flatter her complexion and figure.
The woman was a major pain in the— With a look in the older woman’s direction, he broke off the unpleasant thought. Even though Flora was finicky, Sierra didn’t bat an eye.
At the back of the clothing shop, women everywhere, he was suddenly self-conscious of being male and out of place in an all women store. He was left out of the conversation until the sheriff’s wife, Ida Fay, walked in. Then he became the topic of discussion.
He decided he preferred being excluded.
“Well, young lady, has Kaden come to his senses yet and proposed marriage?” the woman inquired.
Kaden looked directly at Sierra. Intuitively, she’d met his gaze and he mouthed, “I’ll handle it” to her.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Ida,” he started. “Nothing would make me happier than to marry Sierra Walker. She’s an exquisite woman with a big caring heart. But it’s her choice. If and when there’s a date set, you’ll be one of the first to know.”
Ida patted her immaculate hair. “I’ll hold you to that.”
Sierra gave the woman the bag that had been held back for her, and Kaden exchanged a knowing look with his bride-to-be.
A short time later, the store finally thinned out. Since Eve was at the back, he and Sierra were left alone.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play coy with me, Kaden Stasso.” She stepped from behind the counter to poke a finger in his chest.
He’d seen insulted, agitated, unhappy, gentle, but this... Her eyes flashed fire and her tone held a note of tautness he couldn’t define.
She aroused him to no end.
“Why did you tell Ida there’s no date, and it’s up to me if and when we get married?”
“Oh, that.”
“Yes. That. Start explaining,
mister.”
“The date could change.”
“It could?”
“I’d marry you this weekend, if you’d agree. Who knows? We could elope.”
“We will do no such thing,” she replied.
“I could kidnap you. It would give Ida something to gossip about for years to come.”
Sierra tilted her head back, her dark hair falling away from her face, framing it. After a long, exasperated sigh, she looked at him. “You’re incorrigible.”
“I do my best.”
“And what’s the deal with me being an exquisite woman and nothing making you happier than us getting married?”
“You are exquisite.” He captured one of her hands and raised it to his mouth.
“Kaden! Stop it.”
“Stop what? Kissing you?”
“No, the wacky statements.”
“Then I can kiss you?”
“Yes. No!” She jerked her hand away. “You’re irritating me.”
He laughed.
“So,” Eve said, exiting from the back and laying a stack of skirts on the counter. “Looks like love. What are the wedding plans?”
“You too?” Sierra gasped.
“It’s the bride’s right to plan the wedding,” Kaden chimed in. “And she doesn’t want to set the date.”
“What?” Eve said, eyes widened in shock. “I know you’re still not thinking of trying to raise this baby on your own.”
Kaden crossed his arms over his chest.
Frazzled, Sierra pulled the ponytail band she always had on one wrist off and pulled her untamed hair back.
“Especially when this wonderful man just told the entire town he wants to marry you.”
“Thank you,” he said to Eve, smiling.
“He’s not wonderful,” Sierra replied.
“You wound me.”
“You hush up.” After scowling at him, she scowled at her cousin. “I came here today to get away.”
“And disobey doctor’s orders?”
He’d have to send Eve a gift, thanking her for the support.
“If you get married soon, we can make your dress from a simple design, but it will still be elegant. Otherwise, we might have to order a special one.”
The Price of Passion Page 8
