Compounding Traumas (Artemis University Book 6)

by Erin R Flynn

  “I hear you, I do.” He cleared his throat and I heard a door open. “What do we tell Izzy?”

  “Nothing. That’s Tamsin’s job to tell her friends. Plus, the little witch is crazy smart and intuitive. She’ll put it together when I’m cool with you showering Tamsin.” He snickered. “You better get in with Izzy though, as she was super pissed you guys interrupted their fun, and not only because you upset Tamsin. Izzy was planning to ask a hot girl to dance. Her first time doing it.”

  “Oh awesome,” Lucca groaned. “I’m so fucked.”

  They brought me upstairs and moments later, Izzy was opening our door, telling Lucca to fuck off.

  “What happened to Tams?” she gasped, clueing me in that Ray took off the cloaking charm.

  “I’m sure she’ll explain later, but she needs fuel,” Lucca answered. “Can you use my Portal Chow account and order her whatever you guys would want? I’m going to shower her so she doesn’t wake up gross.”

  “Why would she be… Ahhh, yeah, give me your phone, Romeo.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t care if she’s your mate. She’s my best friend, and even if you’re a bear, I’ll find a spell to skin you alive if you hurt her again.”

  “I didn’t say we were mates.”

  Izzy simply snorted. “If you weren’t, you’d be anywhere but here, drowning your sorrows in gallons of booze because you lost out on the golden ticket to a happy life. That’s what you guys won, bear. You won everything by fate mating you to her. Earn it. Deserve it, or her friends won’t support you, and you’ve seen how good we are at keeping people from her. Not to mention, the hobgoblins would burn you alive.”

  “I get it. Just give me time to wrap my mind all around it.” He cleared his throat this time. “What are her favorite flowers?” There was a pause. “What?”

  “The ones Craftsman and Darby used to make with magic for her,” Izzy said gently. “It’s sweet you’d want to spoil her though. I’ll help you do it if you keep being nice. Now go shower her before she wakes up gross.”

  There was more she said, but I completely fell asleep then, mostly waking when we were in the shower and he was washing my hair.

  “Why are you so depleted?” he whispered. “It’s like a weird form of exhaustion. It’s almost like when the master’s students are completely sleep-deprived, studying for their last finals and finishing degree papers.”

  “I’ve been having trouble sleeping,” I mumbled, my mouth working faster than my mind kept up with. “I use healing runes to cover it up. No one knows. I have too much to do and people to help. My personal shit can’t get in the way of saving my people.”

  “Ohhh, kitten,” he rasped, hugging me to him. “How long has this been going on?”

  I snorted, snuggling up against him. “Since I came into this fucking world. There just used to be ways to keep it all at bay.”

  He went stiff, immediately understanding my meaning. The “ways” were Craftsman, Darby, and even Hudson. They helped me sleep peacefully, and at times, even kept the nightmares away. But I didn’t have them anymore.

  “We’ll figure something out,” he murmured before brushing his lips over mine. “I’ll come up with a way to sneak into your bed and hold you at night without people finding out.”

  I snorted. “Right, because that’s completely selfless. For one, you’d take up most of the bed and probably feel me up all night.”

  He chuckled and pressed his lips against my ear as if worried someone would overhear us, even with the shower. “I know you’re a secret snuggler, kitten. I figured that out when we spent the weekend at your resort. You snuggled with all of us any chance you got. I’m part bear; I know snuggling and who needs snuggles.”

  “Tell anyone, and I’ll castrate you, bear,” I threatened, not having the energy to put any real malice in my voice.

  “All of your secrets are locked away in my tat.”

  It was hard not to laugh. He included my inclination to snuggle in the super powerful mind locking tattoo? Oh, that was too fucking funny.

  “I’m hanging her robe on the doorknob,” Izzy hollered to us. “We’re going to get food. Zack brought the first round to fuel her up. See ya in a bit.”

  “Thanks, Izzy,” I called back to let her know I was okay.

  “It’s cool. I totally abused his Portal Chow account to order tons and check out even more on his unlocked phone. I’ll fill you in later.” She paused. “No more sex or I’ll clip your balls, bear.”

  We waited several moments until we were sure she was gone, but I wasn’t really sure what to say. I realized Lucca wasn’t waiting, but dying of laughter, his face in my hair covering the sound. He threw back his head and let it out, gasping for air as he hugged me to him.

  “What did she find on there that was so good?” I teased, losing my mirth when he flinched. “What?”

  “Um, I figured she checked my browsing history on there or used other apps I had to spoil you, which I would want.”

  “But?” I pushed when he didn’t continue.

  “I figured she’d snitch that any porn I’ve watched has a redhead in it. For a while.”

  “That’s not why you flinched.”

  “Um, no.” He cleared his throat when I pulled away. “I remembered what else was saved on my phone. From before I even met you.”

  Ahhh, we were back to what he’d said earlier that implied there were lots of women in his past. “Let’s finish in here and get me food so I can think clearly and not simply beat you up.”

  “Yes, dear,” he drawled, snatching away the soap when I tried for it. He made quick work of finishing both of us before I could argue. Plus, it felt too good. Fine, I didn’t really want him to wash me when we might have a problem, but I was seriously tired.

  A couple of minutes later, I was sitting on my bed in the short bathrobe I had gotten to keep from the photo shoot, and he had my towel wrapped around his waist. Izzy started us off with a few Five Guys burgers and fries. I had always thought they were overpriced hype… Until I’d tried them, and then I was a convert and the extra money was worth it.

  “All I can think about is having you again,” he muttered as I took a huge bite. He cleared his throat as I raised an eyebrow at him. “Is it just me? I mean, it was amazing for you too, right?”

  I let him stew on that as I took my time and chewed, even taking another bite before wiping my mouth and answering. “It was good.”

  “Good?” he coughed, staring at me, half like he was about to shake me until I admitted it was more than that, and the other half of him dying to show me how amazing it was again.

  I shrugged and went back to my burger, taking my time to respond. “You made certain promises of how things would be that helped make me cave. However, you didn’t mention that your idea of fucking was at least four times, and with such vigor that I couldn’t even enj—finish the last time.”

  I had started to say “enjoy,” but his face looked crushed at the idea I hadn’t. Yes, we did need to discuss this, and I did it this way to keep the conversation light, not to hurt him. No, I didn’t really expect him to seriously do that every time before any round of sex… But I also couldn’t always have sex like that. It had been way, way too much, and I needed to know it was like a first-time mate thing.

  “I will gladly pay my debt, kitten,” he chuckled, leaning in and wiping something off my lip. “And yes, every time. And I know what you’re dancing around. Yes, bears do like to have sex like that, and yes, I will—at times—be that vigorous, maybe even worse now and again. It won’t be the norm though. I lost all fucking control for a few different reasons.”

  I nodded, letting that sink in a few minutes. “Because we’re mates.”

  “Yes, but also what I said about you running from me, my bear seeing you not being fair with me. Also, the serious danger you’re in and concerns of us being mates that could make things not work out.” He licked his lips as he stared over my body. “And lastly, because you just felt so godsdamn goo
d, kitten. I didn’t know sex could be like that. You made me completely lose my head.”

  I gave a happy hum, but then narrowed my eyes at him. “Before you lay the groundwork for the next time you maybe get laid, let’s discuss all the women you’ve had before.”

  He frowned. “You aren’t—I wasn’t a virgin. You weren’t either.”

  “I figured, but we’ve not discussed it,” I clarified. “You make the fifth man I’ve slept with though.” He winced and I nodded. “I get the feeling that number isn’t the same for you.” Technically, my number might be six, as Darby and I had started having sex when he’d almost drained me, but well… I chose not to count it.

  It was my fucking body and choice. People could stuff it if they didn’t agree.

  “Um, no, my number is higher. Much.” He cleared his throat and squirmed, looking almost adorable, no matter how big he was.

  “Hmm, how much bigger? And when did you stop having all this sex while trying to—”

  “None since I wanted you,” he cut in, nodding when I gave him a curious look. “Like, for real wanted you. You seemed to totally hate me when we met—understandably, now that I know the whole story—but it wasn’t like you were an option and um…”

  “Mason made it seem like there was something between us,” I filled in, knowing the topic was still a hard one for both of us.

  “Yeah, he did. Without getting into all the details, the last time was September last year.”

  That took me a moment. Wow. Just wow. It was ridiculously sexy and sweet that he hadn’t slept with anyone since then because he was into me.

  “Okay, so how many did you sleep with in high school and one year of college?” I asked.

  “Um, so, well… The thing is that—so there’s no—it’s not a good answer.” He cleared his throat and about shoved his burger in his mouth.

  “Really? I couldn’t tell from the way you’re acting,” I drawled, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “Can you tell me why at least?”

  “Please don’t freak out, kitten,” he whispered, begging me. “Let me explain.”

  I flinched, wondering if I had been stupid all over again. “If you have a fucking betrothed or some shit—”

  “No, but I did,” he sighed. “Before we met. It had been set up since before I could talk even. That’s why I was such a slut. I was trying to sow all my oats before I was mated off after I graduated, to do what was right for my sloth.”

  “What happened?” I asked gently, noting how stiff his body was, the anger coursing through him at the bullshit he’d been sold.

  “She ran off with someone right after she graduated from college, my freshman year. She didn’t go here, but she was several years older than me, the only daughter of another Alpha close to us with whom my father wanted to combine the sloths. She was completely in love with someone—I think maybe even her mate, since she risked everything to run off—and didn’t want the mating, her family either.”

  “I thought you said it was in the works forever? Didn’t her parents set it up?” The pained look he gave me said it all. “Your father was screwing them over to get more power. Your mating would combine the sloths, and you’d take over one day, but he was in charge now and until you did.”

  “Yes.” The one word hung in the air between us. “I don’t want to give you more reasons to hate him and not want to be near me, but yes. I know my mother didn’t show you her best side the first time you met, but—”

  “But she didn’t know me from any psycho off the street,” I defended, shrugging when he gave me a surprised look. “I don’t blame her at all. I didn’t know how nuts Artemis and this society was back then, so yeah, I don’t blame her at all for standing with her mate and your family. She did the right thing when she figured out what I am and what your father was plotting. I’m completely cool with your mom.”

  The brilliant smile he gave me made him look even sexier, and my heart actually fucking fluttered. Damn men were dangerous sometimes.

  “She flipped when she found out my father was putting the screws to that sloth, and everything else he had done. She forced him to undo it all and not seek retribution for humiliating him because my betrothed ran off on me. She also put her foot down that he got his one chance to make an alliance for our family and fucked it up, so the next chance for a good match was mine as the one-day leader of our sloth.”

  “I really like your mother now. I don’t know how she mated to such a—”

  “It was an alliance mating, but I know they did really fall in love,” he mumbled. “She says he was a different person once.” He sighed. “I remember him different as a child, but sometimes I wonder if he really was, or that was just what I saw through the eyes of a child.”

  “Lucca, I’m the last person to ask about what families or healthy relationships are.” I gave him several minutes to settle with that, finishing our burgers and the food. “So seriously, what’s the number?”

  “Please don’t make me answer that,” he groaned. “At least until you’re a fraction as into me as I am you.”

  Fair enough… For now.

  11

  Lucca was ridiculously sweet and attentive the rest of the day, not even blinking at the spread Izzy had ordered for us. He kept fussing over me, amusing Ray and Zack, so I was pretty sure it was a shifter thing. And he was not happy he couldn’t spend the night after the first time we had sex—or just always—but Izzy had put her foot down and said she wasn’t going to listen to me beat him because he got frisky.

  He couldn’t even deny it, which made the whole thing even funnier.

  The next morning, I went for my run and picked up Keya, immediately noting the color change of her skin that told me she was worried.

  “People are talking,” she warned me. “Be careful, Tamsin.”

  “I always wear the fairy rune to keep my aura calm and muted,” I told her. “The rest, I’m well equipped to handle. Trust me.”

  “I do,” she promised. “Implicitly.”

  Good. Mourn had the place set up to go next and was working on a plan. I did make sure to find Chief and explain the change, so we were keeping people on their toes, promising to keep him updated.

  In turn, he filled me in on the hundred or so dead birds they left at that kettle we’d rescued the hobgoblins from, making sure people saw them. Nice.

  I hurried back and found Izzy impatiently waiting for me. I simply raised an eyebrow, shocked she was up so early without me dragging her out of bed for breakfast.

  “We didn’t get to talk last night, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she explained with a huff as if it was a given.

  I nodded, sort of accepting the chastising for not thinking of her being concerned on my own. “It’s a lot to process, and I’m trying not to regret that I caved because he doesn’t deserve that, but I truly thought we wouldn’t be mates.”

  “You thought you were caving for a one-shot of hot sex and comfort,” she muttered, bobbing her head.

  I sighed. “I’m not sure there was enough blood to my mind to think that deeply in the moment, but yeah.” I shrugged when she gave me a confused look. “One of the hardest parts of losing them was losing that connection and physical, that—I can’t explain it without seeming shallow.”

  “No, I heard Mel saying the withdrawal from good sex, and having someone in your bed all the time was one of the worst parts of a breakup.”

  “Yeah, it makes it all so much worse. I felt so lonely and all alone, more than I already did, which is a big problem for me, given everything else going on.” I sniffled and quickly wiped under my eyes. “But I have no idea what I’m doing, or going to do, so I appreciate you kicking him out last night. I’m—I planned to not have anything to do with any of them ever again.”

  She shot me a look that she didn’t think that was smart, but kept her mouth shut, which I appreciated. Greatly.

  “We do need to talk about what I found in his phone,” she blurted, seeming ready to explode w
ith the need to get it out. “There was so much porn in his history. I mean just—everything was black guys banging redheaded women porn.”

  “He told me.”

  “Did he tell you he was watching stuff with redheads, or it was all BBC porn with them?”

  I knew what that meant, but frowned. I knew black people who thought BBC stuff was racist, even labeling porn as interracial in this day and age was considered that as well. I shook my head. This was one of the last things I needed to worry about in this crazy world. If Lucca wanted to watch that, it was up to him.

  “So does he have one? A BBC?” she asked me.

  I winced. “I think most find that label racist, like that’s all black men can be for porn.”

  “Oh, shit, ouch. My bad, but don’t dodge the question. Is he hung?”

  “Yes, Izzy, he’s got a monster,” I chuckled, but then smirked. “And it likes me.”

  She snorted. “Of course it does; you’re sexy as fuck. Okay, one more bad thing, and then off to breakfast as food service starts today.”

  “What?”

  “Um, there was a lot of stuff in his phone that would upset me if I was to get involved with him, and I like Lucca, so I didn’t want to make this a thing before, but now that you might get involved, and I saw his phone, you need to know that he was a huge slut, and he’s got them all in his phone, and some of it wasn’t good like at all.”

  I blinked at her, trying to sort through that one huge ramble. I slowly nodded. “He told me he’d been with a lot of women, but wouldn’t give me the number until I was more into him. I know.”

  “I think there’s more to it,” she pushed, twisting her hands together. “There was a whole folder of pictures of women labeled ‘admission whores.’ I think he realized girls in high school were sleeping with him because his dad is the head of the school board at Artemis.”

  “Oh shit,” I hissed. “Wow, his father really has been a fucking pain for him, as I ran from him because of that asshole, and he’s going to be one of our biggest hurdles.”