Compounding Traumas (Artemis University Book 6)

by Erin R Flynn

  Maybe.

  About halfway through breakfast, I unblocked his number and texted him.

  Tamsin: Thank you for the roses. Do you have time to talk today?

  Darby: Yes, of course. Anytime. Whenever you want.

  Tamsin: After breakfast? Meet me at our new room?

  I smiled at how fast he replied, giving him the new room number. It gave me hope he was excited and immediately agreeing. That meant he wasn’t holding lingering resentment and setting me up just to blast me, right? I hoped so. I’d only spent time with jerks before the guys here and even then, everything had blown up in my face.

  I finished eating and checked with Izzy she was going to meet up with Natalie and our friends before dropping off my tray and heading out. Darby met up with me at the exit, opening the door for me as he cleared his throat.

  “Hey, hi,” he greeted softly.

  “Hi.” I cleared my throat next, not sure what else to say. I kept walking, very aware of the eyes on us. Everyone was back on campus now with classes starting tomorrow, and there was lots of speculation about us since we were private and some people were still completely obsessed about me.

  Always.

  I let him into the dorm, and he followed me up the stairs to our new room. The tension built as I unlocked the door and allowed him inside, locking it behind him. After setting down the roses on my desk, I decided I wanted to do this right and went to my closet, opening a portal to my house and waving him to come with me.

  “So you really can just open a temp portal whenever so easily,” he whispered, studying it closely.

  I nodded. “No more secrets.”

  He smiled at me. “I’d like that.” He went through without hesitation, showing he trusted me.

  I went next, and we came out in my kitchen, the hobgoblins hard at work making tons of whatever with everything we were still harvesting from my private grove. I waved, but ignored their curious stares as I continued downstairs with Darby. Letting out a deep breath when we arrived at the portal to Faerie, I glanced at him. “Are you really ready for this?”

  “Yes. I want to be at your side in everything, Tamsin. If you’re not ready, I’ll be patient and wait as long as you need. But I’m ready.”

  I nodded, activating the portal and bringing him through. The sun was out and I angled my face up towards it as the world soaked up some of my magic. It didn’t take much, as if knowing I wasn’t there for that today, simply a bit off the top like a trim to my hair.

  “I’ve dreamed my whole life of being able to see Faerie,” Darby breathed. “It’s miraculous.”

  I chuckled darkly. “This has taken a lot of work to get here.” I held up a hand to hold him off. “We can talk about that later. I think we have other things to discuss first.”

  He nodded. “I love you, Tamsin.”

  A shiver ran through me, part of my soul healing at not only hearing the words, but feeling the sentiment from him. “Mel said there was more to our situation that I should know.” I licked my dry lips as I searched his eyes. “I don’t know what to do here, Darby. It seems too much and something that can’t be—” I gasped as he moved in a flash and pulled me against him.

  “I know it’s too much, but what we have is stronger than this hurdle,” he breathed against my lips. “Blood is not thicker than anything. I would give up my family over this if I found out the truth of them doing this to any supe. Any supe, Tamsin. But they did it to you, to your people. I didn’t have to even debate it. This is not them versus you. This is them versus what is right.”

  “Slow down,” I whispered, waiting until he nodded. I pulled away and led him over to a nice plush area of grass to sit down. “What does Mel mean there was more to what you thought? You knew there was more to rare game hunting. You thought rare supe hunting. That screamed you knew, and they hunted fairies.”

  His eyes went wide. “No, no, agra. I didn’t.” He blew out a long, slow breath. “You need context for this to make sense.” He waited for me to nod. “I don’t like my family. I’ve barely spent any time with them from the moment I could get out of the house. I even qualified for scholarships for a high-tier supe boarding school. I’ve barely spent any time with them since then.”

  I digested that a few moments. Okay, so most of what he knew or learned was before twelve or mid-thirteen. Again I nodded.

  “What I knew, and what is always said, is our family used to be rare game hunters. That was before I was really even born, so they don’t talk about it much. I’d heard a bit of this and that about humans setting down protections and it being that much harder. My dad works for a large game butcher now. It makes sense. My brother was groomed to take over, but is a logger, and Granddad does that now too.

  “There were a few times that Granddad got pissed drunk and would talk about the good days and hunts. It was the words he would use that wouldn’t match up. It hit me when I was ten that he spoke like they were people, not animals. And in my ten-year-old mind, I thought rare supes then. I had no basis for that, no real information. There was one more time since then and…”

  “What?” I pushed when he went quiet and looked off in the distance.

  Tears filled his eyes and he yanked off his glasses, roughly wiping them when they overflowed. “It was the one time I fucking respected them. It was right before I left for boarding school and—I thought—they were such—they hate the councils and all their bluster and corruption that I thought, I believed—”

  “You thought they were vigilantes,” I whispered, putting it together and saying it so he didn’t have to. “You thought it wasn’t ‘rare’ as in lions and tigers, but as in councilmen and maybe bad royals and Alphas.”

  “Yes,” he choked out. “Gods help me, but yes, that’s what I thought. I’m so, so sorry, Tamsin. For a moment I respected them. I actually thought—”

  “Oh, Darby,” I whispered when he broke down. I didn’t know how to gracefully pull him to me to hug and comfort him, so I crawled onto his lap and threw my arms around him.

  He clung to me and let it out. “There’s no way my ma and Gram didn’t know. My whole family is so dirty. I’m sick that their blood is in me. I don’t even know what to do, agra. And he took you. He hurt you. I want to kill him. I want to brand him and drain him for what he did to him. I want to kill all of them for being part of why I lost you. I love you with all of me. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and he took you from me.”

  That made me cry too. All I had ever wished for was to be wanted like that. Now I understood what Mel had been trying to tell me, even pushing for.

  “Please believe me and take me back, agra,” he begged. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t keep going on without you anymore. Everything is so empty without the light you bring to my life. I’ll do anything to get you back. I need you.”

  And I needed him too. With all the crazy in my life—lots I brought upon myself and I fully acknowledged that—Darby was the strength and stability that cut through it and figured out how to push me forward.

  “No more secrets,” I choked out.

  “Then there’s something I need to tell you that you’re not ready to hear,” he rasped, his throat raw.

  I flinched. “You’re still addicted to my blood?”

  “No, I could give two shits about your blood,” he chuckled, giving me a sad smile when I lifted my head and couldn’t hide my confusion. “It’s a sign a vampire’s found our mate. You matter much more to me than your blood ever could. That’s a fucking miracle given what your blood is to vampires, but I want you, not your blood.”

  “Oh,” I breathed, my eyes bugging out. “So how do we find out?”

  He sighed. “It’s not like shifters or dragons. It’s not a set thing. It’s more… It’s really more compatibility and yin and yang. Witches and warlocks, it’s the ability to easily combine magic that highlights a good match, or souls that will join together for soulmates. Shifters—their animals give them a leg up to find their mates. Dra
gons too. I have no idea on fairies as many aren’t—you’re a comitessa.”

  I worried my lower lips. “No more secrets.” I cleared my throat when he gave me a curious look. “I think I was born of a light fairy and a dark one.” I nodded when his eyes went wide. “I think that was why I was snuck out of Faerie. Someone could have found out during the war if my parents died. The fae dogs, who are used to dark fairies, work with me, but won’t swear to me.

  “Everything I’ve read seems to very accurately split my personality and qualities down the middle between light and dark fairies. I might have noble blood on both sides or not, but it might also explain why I’m so powerful. I’m really powerful, even for a fairy so young.” I shook my head when he opened his mouth. “I am, Darby. More than you know. I should be a mess and stunted as an unknown, but I’m not.”

  “Well, thank the gods you’re not, and if a banned match is what it took for you to have made it, then so fucking be it,” he whispered, hugging me to him. “I need to get my tattoo updated.”

  “I’ll do it after we finished talking.” I nodded when he gave me another shocked look. “Yeah, I can do that too now. I did a lot of studying over the summer. Tons of it. There’s a lot you missed out on or will learn now.”

  “I didn’t have a relaxing summer either.”

  Yeah, because he’d been working on blowing his family apart and outing the network of sick vampires. I cupped his cheek and leaned our foreheads together.

  “Please, please, swear to me that you won’t ever resent me for what you’re doing and what needs to be done later. That’s my biggest fear with getting back together. A year from now, you’ll hate me for all of this, and I’ll be completely in love with you and die from losing you all over again.”

  “Agra, you’re the only family I’ve had from the moment that fucker bashed in my noggin and took you,” he whispered. “You and this misfit family you’ve built that I want to be apart of. I was never really a Moore besides in name, and I always knew it. Now I know why. My fate was to be yours and to help end their madness and fucked up network. There’s nothing to resent. I want to do it. I just want to do it with you more.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and—”

  He brushed his lips over mine and he pulled me against him. “Don’t. Please don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. It was my family that put you in such danger, wanted to do such horrid things to you. I led you right to the worst possible—we both suffered traumas, and a break was what we both needed, even if it killed me to take. We should have had that distance for perspective.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, because it was all wrapped together, and you weren’t only dealing with me and my family stuff.” He sighed and cupped my face, kissing me again. “And there was a lot of vampire stuff dumped on you too. Collins. Holly.” He kissed my forehead when I flinched. “Are you going to be okay seeing them?”

  I admitted I had already seen Dean Collins at a meeting over the summer, but I hadn’t Holly, and I couldn’t get over that I would have to. How she wasn’t in jail or serious, serious shit for breaking the law of all councils by getting the location of my phone meant only for emergencies to protect supes was a joke.

  She got the typical slap on the wrist after giving the bullshit of being sorry and it was a youthful indiscretion. This time, with the added crap of female drama between young girls that was so easily dismissed by the council, I seriously wanted to kick her fucking ass for playing into the sexist gender roles the supe world was already up against. It completely worked, and she was given a stern lecture.

  Are you kidding me? Why didn’t they say something about her hormones ruling her or offer her smelling salts next time she got upset? And Holly would brag like she’d won something by pulling this over on them, except she’d set all women back by playing things this way and acting like she agreed with this sexist bullshit. So she hurt all women to save her own ass rather than own up to what she did.

  So I personally thought every woman who saw her deserved to deck her for that. Think the councils would lecture me for being hysterical then?

  Assholes.

  “You know part of it was they hoped it worked, or now they want someone else of a different species to be the one to pull the same to try and find me,” I grumbled.

  “It sounds too paranoid, which means you’re completely right,” he agreed. “The whole situation is insane, and this is before they find out you’re the last fairy. I’m terrified what it would be if they really did.”

  I snorted, but then realized he was. I cupped his face and made him look at me. “I’m not worried for me. I’ve been on the run since I was fifteen, and I didn’t have magic then, Darby. I only had Mel for help, and we had no real money until the past couple of years. Sort of. Things are way different now. I worry for you guys, but if the shit hits the fan, I want you to promise me you go home and let the dogs protect you.”

  He searched my eyes. “One of them is sworn to you, right?”

  I smirked at him. “I have five packs sworn to me and more that help me.” I nodded when his eyes went wide. “Yeah, so the councils have no idea who they’re fucking with if things go wrong. Trust me. I know I’m going to be outed one day, and I’ve got lots in place for when it happens. We’re just trying to buy me as much time as we can so I can get more answers here. I haven’t found anyone here yet.”

  “I’ll do anything I can to help, agra.”

  Instead of hurting, this time, my heart healed a bit at hearing him call me that again. “I missed you, Darby. I was dying without you too. My soul was.”

  “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that,” he rasped, wrapping himself around me tighter. “No matter what happens between us, you were meant to shine and fly high, Tamsin. You’re better than all of us combined, agra.”

  I snorted. No I wasn’t. I’d done so much wrong, and such dark things, that most days I couldn’t believe I was light anything, much less a light fairy that was supposed to be so good. I might fight for justice, but I was full of wrath and vengeance, not shining light. That was for damn sure.

  “Before you adjust my tattoo, will you tell me one other thing?” he muttered, waiting until I nodded. “You’re helping sneak out the hobgoblins, right? You’re doing something cool and badass and getting them free?”

  I snuggled closer and kissed his cheek. “For all their magic, hobgoblins can’t open portals. That’s all they need to get free. I just sneak in and open one where they stay at the estates. I go there after my run in the morning with Keya, and she leaves a magical message only hobgoblins can see, and then I go back and open a quick portal.”

  “You’re so damn cool, agra,” he chuckled.

  I swallowed a yelp when he stood with me wrapped around him, his balance and strength better than mine in that way, as I would have dumped us on our heads. He pulled out his phone and tapped it a few times before moving his arms around me. I smiled and snuggled against him as OneRepublic’s “Wanted” played.

  Knowing Darby, it wasn’t a coincidence that this song was playing. No, he knew with my history and upbringing that my greatest wish was being wanted. I maybe didn’t need to be needed like the song talked about, but I needed to be valued for what I did and who I was… And he did that. From the moment he’d paid attention enough to learn who I was, he’d done that.

  And when he hadn’t, he’d apologized for it. I found that to be rare in a man, which was what drew me to him first.

  “I love you, Tamsin,” he whispered as the song ended. “I know I won’t be the only one to love you, but that won’t ever change how much I will always love you.”

  “Me too, you prickly pear,” I murmured against his chest, sliding my arms around his neck.

  “But I’m your prickly pear again.” He let out a rare full laugh and picked me up, swinging me around before kissing me deeply. Then he asked me to update his tattoo. I agreed, hating to hurt him, but knowing it needed to be do
ne.

  It was time to leave Faerie then and get back to campus before anyone noticed we were gone. We said goodbye to the hobgoblins working hard while having fun, and I opened a portal back to my closet. Izzy still wasn’t in the room, so I asked him to sit, wanting to catch up on everything as if that could heal all our hurt from being apart.

  “You have no idea how to do this, do you?” he asked gently, tucking some hair that fell out of my tie behind my ear.

  “I’ve never had normal, besides you,” I reminded him.

  “Me neither, besides you, but I’ve seen it and people getting back together.” He pulled me to sit and leaned in, running his nose along my cheek. “Do you want to know how this works?”

  “Sure,” I chuckled.

  “We go slow, almost like we’re starting over, but know we’re not, as we want to respect the history we have.”

  I frowned. “We went slow after our last, um, thing. Why do we keep—you’re never going to keep wanting to date me if you never—going slow is going to suck for you.”

  He flinched. “You’re more to me than the physical and sex, agra. I’m not with you to get laid. It would kill me if I pushed you. I’m elated you’re giving me another chance after what happened, after we had other issues. So we go at our pace, and if I have any issues, I’ll talk to you, I swear.”

  “But we missed each other.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way too, but we weren’t together for months, so just do what feels right.” He leaned in and bumped my shoulder when I didn’t say anything. “What do you feel right now?”

  “You’ll think it’s silly.”

  “Can I tell you what I want?” He waited until I nodded. “I want nothing more than to hold you. I want to lie down and simply hold you. I want to feel that close to you again and like we’re together. I missed you so fucking much, I just want you in my arms.”

  Okay, so apparently he wouldn’t think it was silly because that was what I wanted too. I flopped down on my bed and smiled up at him.

  Tears filled his eyes again as he moved over me and gave me a long kiss before taking off his glasses and setting them on my nightstand. He laid down and slid his arm under my head, pulling me closer. I turned to him, wanting the closeness as well.