Gravity Happens

by Lizzie James

  Him. Not me.

  9

  Lauren

  “I want you and I know that you want me. I want this. With you. Right here.”

  They were the words that I had forever wanted to hear coming from his lips. I had imagined it happening since our teenage years, hoping that he would one day see me as the girl for him. The one that he couldn’t live without. Now...

  Why did he have to wait for me to finally find my own little piece of happiness with someone else before he realised what was always right in front of him the whole time?

  I ran out of the ladies' toilets, leaving him behind, and shot across the dance floor in my too-high heels. As I got to the staircase, I cringed when I saw Luke coming to the top of them.

  “Hey, Lauren. Have you seen...?” He frowned at me as I went straight past him.

  I couldn’t stop, and I couldn’t remember to be polite enough to answer him. I felt that if I stopped and spoke to Luke, I would burst into tears. Luke wasn’t only Thomas’s best friend: he was my friend, too. I knew that if I stopped, he would see too much and I couldn’t go to pieces here—not with Christopher downstairs. I didn’t want to have to explain it here.

  Grabbing a hold of the bannister to steady myself, I took the steps quickly and walked over to Christopher. I pasted a smile on my face, not wanting any more drama tonight.

  “Hey!” He put his bottle down on the table and turned to me. He reached out and placed his hands on my hips as he pulled me in between his legs. “Did you enjoy your dance?” His eyes flicked up to the balcony behind me. His easy smile turned into a glare when they came back to mine.

  “Can we go?” I asked.

  “What’s wrong?” He lifted his hand and tucked a loose curl behind my ear.

  “It’s nothing.” I shook my head and reached up, taking his hand in mine. “I just want to go. Can we go to yours?”

  His eyes widened in surprise at my words. “Sure.” He stared at me for a moment before he gently pushed me back a little for him to slip down off his stool. He grabbed my purse off the table and held it out for me to take. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  “I’m sure.” I flicked my eyes over my shoulder and sighed when I saw Luke and Thomas standing at the balcony, watching us. I turned back, giving him a smile before reaching up and entwining my fingers with his hand where it was resting on my shoulder. “I just thought it’d be nice to spend time together. Just me and you.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He bent down and kissed the side of my forehead as we left the club. “Just me and you sounds perfect.”

  Yes, perfect. Just me, you and the Thomas-shaped elephant sitting in the corner.

  “Come on in.” He held his apartment door open for me and flicked on the light, shutting the door after us.

  “You have a beautiful home,” I complimented.

  I expected it to be messy but as I looked around, I couldn’t help but notice how neat everything was. He had a brown sofa in front of a large TV screen that was mounted on the wall and there were a few magazines littered across the coffee table. His Christmas tree twinkled in the corner and I could see that he wasn’t big on Christmas decorations.

  “Sorry for the mess,” he apologised. He reached down and took my hands, pulling me closer to his body.

  “Yeah.” I rolled my eyes at him and squeezed his hands. “You have a real problem.”

  He laughed at me before he steered me to the sofa and pulled me down at his side. “So, if I haven’t said it already, you look really beautiful tonight.” He leaned down and kissed me before pulling back.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I ducked my head, not wanting him to see the guilt that I’m sure was written all over my face.

  He reached over and rested his hand on my leg, giving my knee a gentle squeeze. “Did something happen tonight?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?” I placed my hand on top of his, smiling when he squeezed my fingers.

  “Well.” He lifted his hand and moved it behind me on the back of the sofa. “You seemed happy until you had your dance with Thomas and then after, you came downstairs wanting to leave.”

  “I don’t see what you’re trying to get at,” I hedged.

  He blew out a breath and shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me.” He lifted our clasped hands and brought the back of my hand to his lips before he kissed it.

  “You really are a good guy, Christopher.” I smiled at him, secretly loving the way he was looking at me. “You’re so easy to talk to.”

  “I can’t be that easy,” he said, disagreeing.

  “Why do you say that?” I asked.

  “If I was so easy to talk to,” he started. “I’m pretty sure you would have told me what was up by now.” He slid his arm down off the sofa and wrapped it around my shoulders before squeezing me into his side. A few moments of silence passed until he spoke again. “Did Thomas do or say something?”

  I froze, turning my head and rested my forehead against the side of his neck. I didn’t know how to explain what happened tonight with Thomas. My thoughts were in a jumble, and putting them into words wasn’t going to do anyone any good, especially Christopher.

  How did I explain that I’d had feelings for Thomas since our teenage years? How did I explain that the moment I was in Thomas’s arms, I’d felt more alive than I’d ever done when I was with Christopher? More importantly, how did I explain that I was scared of how I was willing to risk everything for Thomas?

  “It’s nothing.” I shook my head at him. “Or at least it’s nothing I want to get into tonight.” I looked down at our clasped hands, noticing how late it was on Christopher’s watch. “It’s late anyway, so I should be going.”

  “Stay the night,” he whispered.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not asking for that.” His fingers rubbed over the top of my arm, comforting me. “I’m asking you to stay the night. I like you, Lauren, and I think what we’ve had has been good for the both of us. And…” He chuckled and I knew that he was feeling embarrassed. “And I’m here for you to turn to.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’ll stay.”

  He nodded and stood, pulling me up and leading me to his bedroom, turning the lights off as we went.

  I toed my shoes off at the side of the bed and pulled his quilt back and climbed under. I placed my head on the comfortable pillow before I felt him join me.

  “So, if I wake up covered in shiny plastic glitter discs tomorrow, I’ll know where they’ve come from,” he said, gesturing to my outfit. We both laughed at his words until I felt his lips press against my cheek.

  “Your glitter obsession secret is safe with me,” I teased. I turned my head, lifting my hand and threading it into the back of his hair and slowly pulled his lips down to mine. I parted my lips, pressing my tongue against his, closing my eyes and trying to shut off the way I was feeling and to erase the feel of Thomas’s touch with Christopher’s. I hated that it felt like I was using him, but right now, in his arms, I just wanted to forget how Thomas’s touch had made me feel.

  I froze as the image of Thomas holding me flashed through my mind. I pulled back from Christopher, not wanting him to feel that anything was wrong.

  “That was nice,” I whispered.

  “Good night, darling.” He kissed me again before he tucked me against his chest and tangled his legs with mine.

  I closed my eyes, cuddling my head back into the pillow. As I lay there in Christopher’s arms, there was one thought that kept going around my mind on a constant loop: I was lying in the wrong man’s arms and that the right one would never want me the way that the wrong man would.

  Waking up the next morning, I frowned at the sunlight coming through the gap in the curtains. Rubbing my eyes, I looked down at Christopher’s arm lying across my waist. I slid my hands to the edge of the mattress, using it to pull myself across. Quietly climbing out of the
bed, I cringed when he rolled over. Standing still, I was relieved when I heard his breathing even out.

  Bending down to grab my shoes, I tiptoed out of the room, gently closing his bedroom door before I walked over to the sofa and slipped my heels on. Grabbing my purse, I took my phone out of it to call a taxi. I cringed when I saw I had over ten missed calls from Thomas and Luke that didn’t end until three am.

  Just great. It would be fun dealing with that when I got home.

  I quickly called a taxi and left the apartment. I waited outside for a few moments, trying to ignore the strange glances I was receiving from some people passing by. They most likely thought that I was doing the walk of shame.

  Several moments passed and the taxi was pulling up. I climbed in and directed the driver to my home address before I turned my head, looking out the window and watching the busy streets of London pass me by. Too quickly, the taxi pulled up at the kerb. I paid the fee and climbed from the car, pulling my dress down and walked through the main door to the building.

  I took the stairs to the apartment slowly, attempting to prolong whatever was waiting for me behind this door. I’d either have super protective Thomas shouting because I stayed out all night or the Thomas that confused my mind and body. Neither was a Thomas that I was ready to deal with right now.

  I grabbed my keys and slid them in the lock. I slowly turned it, trying to be extra quiet in the hope that he was asleep. I took a step through the door, looking around before my eyes went to the sofa.

  Thomas was fast asleep, snoring into his arm. He was so cute when he was sleeping.

  I slowly walked across the room after quietly closing the door, heading for my bedroom. I stopped when Thomas’s voice rang out.

  “You’re finally home,” he gritted out.

  I turned around in time to see him sitting up. He leaned his elbows on his legs, clasping his hands. I couldn’t stop my eyes from trailing over his outfit: the same one as last night.

  “I rang you.” He stood up and slid his hands into his jeans. His gaze travelled down over my dress before he shook his head at me and walked towards his door. “Obviously, though, you were too busy to check your phone.” He walked past me, going straight to his bedroom and slamming his door closed.

  I jumped at the loud noise, feeling wetness leak from my eyes. The tears trailed down my cheeks and I knew Thomas thought that I had sex with Christopher last night. A part of me wished that I had but the other part… The other part of me knew I would never be happy with anyone who wasn’t Thomas. I knew, though, that I would never have Thomas. No matter how much I’d loved his hands on me last night, I knew that what I wanted was never going to be enough for him.

  Forever was never going to be enough.

  10

  Thomas

  As I stormed away from her, I knew I shouldn’t have slammed my door. I had hurt her with my words, but as bad as it sounded, that was what I meant to do. I threw myself on my bed, wanting to rush back out there, apologise and take her in my arms. I couldn’t, though.

  I hated to admit it, but she’d decided last night. She’d chosen his arms to turn to and it was something I guessed I would have to deal with. If Luke and my mother were right about her having had feelings for me, I had well and truly fucking blown it.

  Hating Christopher wasn’t going to get me anywhere. He hadn’t ruined my chance with Lauren. I had done that all by myself. Screwing every woman I found and parading it in front of Lauren since college had ruined any chance I might have had with her. I guessed it was my turn to be the jealous friend. The difference between Lauren and me was that she was good at hiding her feelings. I really wasn’t so good at it.

  I closed, my eyes, hoping to get another hour of sleep but was stopped by my phone ringing.

  “Hey, Luke.”

  “Is she home yet?” He sounded anxious, and I knew that her disappearing stunt last night had worried him just as much as me—disappearing without telling anyone wasn’t like her at all.

  “She just came home.” I played with a loose thread on my quilt. “She spent the night with him, I’m assuming.”

  “You sound bitter about it.”

  Well, he wasn’t stupid.

  “Shouldn’t I be?” I asked. “Disappearing like that isn’t like her, man.”

  “You know you sound like a hypocrite, right?” A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. “You’ve had more ass than a toilet seat and now that she is getting a little bit of action, you can’t turn into a jealous fool.”

  “I know,” I muttered. “Lauren isn’t like that, though, man. I mean, I didn’t think things were that serious between them.”

  “Are all your one night stands serious?” he snapped back.

  “No, but fuck, man. One night stands aren’t her, either.”

  “Talk to her!” he snapped. “You don’t even know she slept with him.”

  “You really think—”

  “I don’t think anything. You’ve been friends since you were both tiny. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk.” I heard him huff down the line before he spoke again. “If you don’t talk to her, you’re going to lose her, man, and that’s the cold hard truth.” He hung up without saying goodbye and I knew he was right.

  Talking to Lauren used to be the easiest thing in the world to do, but now it felt like the hardest. Now, it was starting to feel like there were too many lies and half-truths between us, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

  Climbing out of bed, I stripped out of my outfit from last night, grabbing a pair of jogging bottoms and an old T-shirt and left the room. I stood in front of her bedroom door, fidgeting for a moment. I lifted my hand and knocked against the wood. We normally just walked into each other’s rooms without invitation, but if she was feeling anything like I was, I needed this conversation to be on her terms. I made a promise to myself that from now on, it all had to be on her terms. If she hadn’t slept with Christopher, I had more to make up for than she did. If she had, then I guessed I would have to start being as patient with her as she had been with me.

  I went to knock again but stopped when the door opened, revealing her now barefoot and dressed in her navy pyjama set with sunflowers dotted all over it. She had scrubbed her face clean of makeup and her hair was falling down over her shoulders.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  “Hi.” I blew out a breath nervously. “I’m sorry about…” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder. “About before.”

  “That’s okay.” She shook her head.

  It wasn’t okay, but making people feel bad about themselves really wasn’t a part of who she was. She was too good for that.

  “Can we talk?” I asked. I was surprised when she nodded her head and stepped back, holding the door open wider for me to walk in.

  “Hop on up,” she said. She climbed up on the left side and patted the space on the right side. The bed had always been our spot. Whenever one of us had something we wanted to talk about, we’d usually set up camp on whoever’s bed. As I thought it over, I realised that since our teenage years in school, this was the first time I’d needed her advice.

  How pathetic is that?

  I watched her, not having a clue how to explain my feelings. Fuck, I didn’t even do feelings and now here I was, confused as hell at what to do. I stared at her, loving the way that she was looking at me. She had such an open and honest expression and it made me want to kick my own ass that she had been right here in front of me the whole time and I’d been too damn stupid to see it.

  “Is it serious between you and Christopher?” I asked. “I mean, is it?”

  Her eyes flicked down to the quilt between us before she slowly brought her gaze back to mine. “He’s nice,” she whispered. “But I…” She blew out an agitated breath. “I like him but he’s not…” She paused, and I knew she was struggling to find the right words to explain.

  “He’s not what?” I asked. I ducked my head to catch her gaze, urging her to continue.


  “He’s not you,” she whispered. She stared up at me from beneath her eyelashes, and it killed me. She looked so vulnerable and sexy.

  We stared at each other for a few moments. I don’t think either of us knew what to say, and whatever was said next was going to change things between us; it’d never be the same again.

  “Lately, I have been feeling things. For you.” I stared into her eyes, expecting shock or surprise but she just stared at me with a blank look. “If we are going to label it,” I said, hoping to lighten the situation, “I would say that I have been jealous.” Now she seemed shocked.

  “Of me?” she gasped. “And Christopher?”

  “Yeah.” I chuckled. “Trust me, it surprised me as much as you.”

  “I didn’t think that you did feelings,” she joked.

  I laughed. “I know. It hasn’t been very fun.”

  “Why not?” she asked. She was watching me for a reaction, and I knew whatever I said next was either going to make or break what happened next.

  “Because it has always been you and me and…” I reached over and placed my hand on her hip. “I want to act on my feelings with you, but they are new and I know I’ll fuck it up.”

  A sad smile appeared on her face before she reached up and threaded her fingers through the top of my hair. “Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered.

  I nodded my head, loving the feel of her fingers tickling the top of my head.

  “Your feelings for me are new, but I’ve had feelings for you…” She sighed. “I think I’ve had feelings for you since your mum took me in.” She shook her head. “I never expected our friendship to ever change, which is why I asked Christopher out.” Her eyes glistened up at me and I knew that what she was confessing to me after so long was hard for her. “I never thought that you would ever see me as anything other than your friend and roommate.”