“I can’t do this. I can’t do this,” he cries and turns on his heel to walk away from me. I stop him.
“You can and you will.” I turn him back towards the door and watch as he stares at the hearse with all the flowers. The beautiful baby pink and white flowers that spells out mummy. My heart skipped a beat when I first saw that, so I can only imagine how Ethan feels seeing those. “I’m here with you, I’ll walk out with you.”
“Stay with me,” he pleads. I hate what I’m about to do and say to him. I know he needs me, but so does his daughter.
“Ethan, I have Lucy to think about. If I stay by your side all day, so does she.” His eyes leave mine and with that single act, I know he’s still not ready to acknowledge his daughter. “I’ll walk with you to the car.”
I take his hand as we walk toward the waiting cars; Dad is standing waiting on him. Ethan doesn’t look at me again, even when I kiss him and tell him I will see him at the church. He doesn’t know it yet, but I will be right beside him in the church with Lucy in my arms. It was the midwife’s idea. She is as keen as the rest of us for Ethan to spend time with Lucy. I also have a meeting this afternoon with the health visitor; she’s coming out to the house to see us.
“How is he?” Stephen asks, as I get in the car.
“I don’t know. I truthfully don’t know.”
“He’ll get there.” Stephen rubs my arm as I start the car.
I fed Lucy just before leaving, so I should be okay until after the service and the burial, before she needs to be fed again. Which is fine with me, I do not intend going onto the restaurant for something to eat. I still can’t get my head round all the funerals that turn into a right old knees-up party.
IT HAS TO BE SAID, I let the whole formality of the funeral overtake me. It was emotional, everything about it. Ethan was not pleased with me for having Lucy in my arms during the whole service. I know he wanted to reach out to me, for me to support him and I felt guilty about not being there for him. That had to be a first for us. I have always been there when he needed me.
I’m now on my way back home with Stephen, Ethan and Lucy. Ethan didn’t want to stick around after the graveside either. Stephen didn’t have to come with us, but he wants to make sure I’m okay, he seems to think Jeff will be in touch again today. I put my phone on silent before we entered the church, because it buzzed the whole drive. I have a feeling Jeff is up to something, but I’m trying not to think about it.
So far Ethan hasn’t said a word to me, since the church. Actually, he didn’t speak to anyone else either. Stephen is sitting in the back with Lucy, I did try to get Ethan to go there, but he was having none of it. He knew what I was doing. So Stephen is trying to soothe her, she has decided now is time to eat.
Drawing into the street, I catch sight of Jeff’s car in my drive way.
“Shit!”
“What’s wrong?” Stephen asks.
“I have a visitor,” I tell him, as I park in Ethan’s drive.
“Stephen will you take Lucy inside for me and I will deal with him.”
“No.” I stare at Stephen. “There is no way I’m leaving you on your own with that arsehole. Look what happened the other night. Do you think for one minute I am letting him put his hands on you again? Ethan will have to take her.”
Ethan gets out the car quickly and shakes his head at Stephen before entering the house, without Lucy. Her dummy has settled her for the time being, but I know it won’t last long. I have gotten used to her different cries in the last few days and this little one is hungry.
“Stephen, please I can’t leave her upset. There is milk for her, all you have to do is put it in a bottle and feed her. Please?”
“Okay. The front door is to be left open, so I can hear what is said. He lays one finger on you and I expect you to scream,” he says taking Lucy’s car seat from me. “Be careful. I mean it.”
“I will,” I tell him, as he walks inside. I turn and face Jeff, who is out of his car and now walking toward me. “Can I help you?” I ask through my almost gritted teeth.
“I’ve tried to get you, more than once today.”
“As you can see I’ve been a little busy today,” I answer him quickly.
“Was the funeral today?” he asks, with a smug grin. Seriously. What’s to grin about at a funeral? A young life taken far too soon. Lindsay had so much to look forward to.
“You knew fine well it was today and you should have been there for your friend.”
“I couldn’t get away from work, that’s why I was calling you earlier.”
“That explains the call. But what about all the bloody text messages you’ve sent?” I ask him.
“I wanted to get your attention.” He moves closer to me, his face only inches away from mine. I don’t think I can bear to be this close to him.
“Well you have it, for one more minute, and then I need to get in and see to Lucy.”
“A minute? Is that all I get after two years, a fucking minute,” he shouts angrily at me. His eyes darken and face brightens. “Libby, I thought I meant something to you?”
“I could say the same. You say you love me, yet treat me so bad. The bruises I was left with, having to explain them to my family. My dad.” I see the concern at my last words. Yes, I’m aware just as he is, my dad could make things difficult at the bank. Dad and Simon, Jeff’s boss, are very close friends.
“You still do mean something to me. I love you, that hasn’t changed. You choose to care for Lucy without consulting me,” he says in a softer voice. “You should have discussed it, and we could have done this together.” How the hell does he manage to sound so sincere?
“After the way you were with me, that night. You really expected me to still come to you and discuss this? I don’t know what planet you’re on, but it’s not the same one as me. You hurt me both physically and mentally that night. I’m not someone who will let a man walk over the top of me,” I snap, turning away from him.
“I’ve been doing it for months, why the sudden change in you now?” He takes hold of me and turns me back toward him.
My temper blows and I slap him across the face. “You bastard.”
“Truth usually hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. I suppose learning the truth about you has hurt. I can’t believe I wasted two years of my life on you.”
“Not wasted and you will spend more than that with me. You and me we belong together. We will be together. We will have our own family and you will belong to me,” he tells me bluntly.
I surprise myself in being able to keep a straight face. I have an urge to burst out laughing at his boldness. There is not a hope in hell, in any of that happening, with him.
“I’ve told you, I don’t want to be with you. Whatever it was between us, is well and truly over.”
“Is that because you want Stephen?” he asks.
“Stephen is my friend, nothing more.”
“That’s not how he sees you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. He loves you; it’s obvious to everyone around. And you lead him on.”
“How the hell can you say I lead him on?” I shout back at him.
“Because you do. You have led me on, letting me believe we had a future together. You’re nothing but a tease and one of these days something bad will become of that.”
“We could’ve had a future, but you ruined your own chances at that with your behavior. Please leave I don’t want you here. Not now, not ever. We are through. We have nothing else left to discuss.”
“But I love you, Libby and I need you.” His voice is much softer; he sounds more like the Jeff I fell for. But he’s not fooling me with his act. He’s shown his true colours these last few days and in my eyes there is no way back for us.
“But I don’t love you. Now I need to go and see to Lucy, I have a lot to do today.” As I look at him, I see a sadness wash over. “I’m sorry Jeff, after what’s happened between us things could never be the same a
gain. Good-bye.” I turn and walk away leaving him standing in the drive.
I close the front door behind me and sag against it. I could have done without that today. Today has been hard enough and I’m only halfway through it. I have no energy left in me, the funeral was draining but having to deal with Jeff—it has taken every last ounce of energy I have left. I stay leaning against the door, until I hear his car leaving.
“Libby. What’s keeping you?” Stephen calls. I walk through and find him in the living room with Lucy in his arms. I pause watching him. It should be Ethan, looking so content and happy with his daughter in his arms. “Well, I’m waiting for an answer?”
“Nothing. I just needed a minute.” I walk toward them. “Would you like me to finish feeding her?” I ask him.
“No, I’m fine with her, although I’m not changing her nappy.” I laugh.
Stephen has been a rock these last few days for me. I did think it might be awkward between us, with him knowing some of the intimate details of what went on with Jeff. But he hasn’t brought it up again, even though I got the feeling over the last few days, he’s wanted to talk to me about it.
“That’s fine I will change her after she has finished her milk.”
“Sit down. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong,” I reply sitting on the couch.
“Libby, I’m not stupid. I can always tell when there’s something wrong and right now, there is something. I can only presume it’s Jeff.”
“I don’t know exactly what’s wrong. It’s probably just today. It’s been an emotional day so far.”
“You have a lot going on, it’s bound to have an effect on you. Even though I know you will claim you are fine.” He smiles at me. “You do know I’m here for you any time of day or night if you want to talk?”
“Yes, I do. Thank you.”
“So tell me what that piece of shit wanted.”
“To tell me he loves me and wants to be together. Or should I say told me we will be together and would have a family.” I sigh heavily. Stephen is almost finished with Lucy as he sits gently rubbing her back.
“You wouldn’t go back to him, would you?”
“No, I couldn’t after everything. I’ve seen another side to him, one I don’t want to see again in a hurry.”
“Just wanted to double check. I am working this afternoon, but I’d much rather stay and make sure the three of you are okay.”
“We will all be fine and you need to be at work,” I tell him. “Can’t have you slacking, just because you think you can get away with it. And anyway, I have a busy afternoon ahead, so I will be occupied.”
I WAS RIGHT, THE AFTERNOON was busy. Not only did the health visitor come to see Lucy, but the doctor paid us a visit as well. Both of them are really happy with Lucy; she seems to have re-gained the little weight that she lost in the first few days. The doctor is still concerned about Ethan, and if I’m truthful she’s not the only one. I know it’s still really early days, but I did think he would be showing more of an interest in his daughter, by now. As I look at her lying in her crib, what’s not to fall in love with. She is perfect.
Ethan hasn’t spoken to me, since coming home. Part of me hoped he would ask what went on with Jeff and me. I just want him to start showing an interest in something. Anything would be better than nothing, watching him stare blankly into space. Hopefully now the funeral is over, he will. I can only imagine how hard this is for him.
SIX WEEKS LATER
I WOULD LOVE TO SAY life is brilliant, but if I did I would be lying. I’m still living in Ethan’s, looking after both him and Lucy, and I’m back at work. Lucy is doing really well. I can’t believe how much she has changed in six weeks. Her eyes are now a dark brown, just like her dad and her hair is light brown. She is sleeping all through the night, and I have to admit to feeling the benefits of a full night’s sleep. She is more alert during the day and has just started smiling.
Mum and Moria have been a godsend to me, with looking after her during the day for me. They have both been in their element with her; this is the first grandchild for each of them, and as expected she is spoiled rotten. This is a little girl who will have everyone wrapped around her finger.
The first week I went to work was tough. I didn’t expect it to be so hard, working at the hotel during the day and then looking after Lucy and Ethan when I went home. I made it my goal to get into some sort of routine for us all and I think I’ve managed that, these last few weeks.
Now, Ethan well he seems to be getting . . . Why tell a lie, Ethan hasn’t made great progress at all. Having said that, he has moved from his bedroom and spends the day in the living room, staring into space. He’s depressed, and I’m completely lost on how to help him. I know it’s hard for him, given everything he’s lost. It breaks my heart every time I look at him.
He still won’t spend any time with Lucy, not even holding her, but I’m working on him. The doctor and health visitor have advised me to leave Lucy in the same room as him when she is upset. We are all hoping that he will eventually go and see to her, if I leave them alone often enough. So over the past days, I’ve left them alone when she cries. In the hope he will go to her. At first, I would stand in the doorway and watch him. But it wasn’t working; he’s made no attempt to see to her when she’s been upset.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I also have to be truthful, and admit to getting really attached to Lucy. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to hand her back to Ethan if this goes on much longer. I love this little girl with all my heart; I never expected to feel this way about her. Handing her back is going to be difficult. I know I will always be here when she needs me.
Now as for Jeff, he was . . . how shall I put it, a pain in the fucking arse. I don’t swear a lot, but he really does bring out the worst in me. His phone calls in the first two weeks after the funeral were constant. From the begging and pleading with me to get back together with him, to the threatening and abuse because I refused to see him. He came by the house in person a few times, as well shouting all sorts through the letterbox, which I ignored.
I persevered and didn’t give in. For the last week and a half there has been no contact from him, and that suits me just fine. Because I was ready to give in and let Stephen do it his way. I’m hoping he has finally taken the hint—we are well and truly over. There’s no going back.
I think I will steer clear of all men for a long time. Men are more hassle than they’re worth. Kirsty seems to have the right idea, as far as men are concerned. She doesn’t do relationships. I’m also going to be busy at the hotel and here as well for the short-term future. No time for a relationship.
Kirsty and Stephen have been constant visitors. I think they both wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to give in and see Jeff. They really didn’t have to worry about that. Ethan won’t talk to Stephen; when I’m around I get the feeling there is something he is hiding from me. Seeing as he’s not speaking to me, I haven’t pushed the subject.
Right now I should be getting ready to go to work, but Mum isn’t well and Moria has plans today. So I’ve had to call Luke and let him know I won’t make it in today, which he totally understands. I know Dad says I can have as much time off as I need, but I hate letting Luke down. Dad might own the hotel, but I don’t like taking advantage of the situation. Dad has made it clear that Luke is in charge of making sure I will one day become an excellent manager.
Luke isn’t even in the hotel today; he asked me if the staff had any problems, could they contact me today, as he was unavailable. I told him that should be fine. If any problems do come up, I should be able to deal with it on the phone, or by logging into the hotel computer system.
So that now leaves me having a day at home with Lucy and Ethan. It looks as though it’s going to be a beautiful day; maybe I will take a walk to the park this afternoon with Lucy in her pram. I think I’ll ask Ethan if he wants to come with us. The fresh air will do him the
world of good. He’s been stuck inside for too long now. Time for some tough love for my brother today.
So, I now have the morning the do some housework both here and in my own house. I have been neglecting next door, as of late. I’ve only been in my own house to collect more clothes. I now have more clothes here in his house than I have in my own.
After I have fed and changed Lucy, I put her in her crib in the living room; Ethan is sitting on the couch watching television. Well, I think he’s watching it.
“Can I get you anything?” I ask him. “Maybe some breakfast.”
“Not just now.” I shake my head at him. Although I’m slightly pleased he’s answered me. He usually just grunts or waves me away. “I’ll have something in a bit.”
“Okay.” Twice he’s spoke to me; this is progress.
I make my way back into the kitchen to tidy up the mess I have made. I have last night’s dishes to wash and bottles to sterilize. I also need to do some washing, I had no idea one little girl could go through so many changes of clothes in a day.
I’m busy with the washing when my phone rings.
“Libby, hope I’m not interrupting?” Karl asks.
“No, I have a few minutes to spare. What can I do for you?” I ask Karl, the hotel chef.
“We have a bit of problem,” he tells me. “And I can’t get a hold of Luke.”
“No, I know he’s off today. You had better tell me what’s wrong.”
Karl starts telling me about a problem with housekeeping. It seems one of the guests have complained about items going missing from their room. We don’t get far into our conversation when I hear Lucy crying. I know she will be fine leaving her for a few minutes, it won’t do her any harm.
I carry on talking with Karl, trying to sort things out. It turns out there has only been one member of staff cleaning the guests room for the past few days. So, it appears we have a suspect.
I’ve been working on employment law and staff contracts the last week, so this is all fresh in my mind. Karl and I talk through what should be happening with the employee. He is more than capable of dealing with this, he just wanted to ensure either Luke or I were aware of the situation.
Family Ties: A Captured Series Novella Page 7
