Dedication

by Aisling Weaver

  Her orgasm rolled up her like a wave, a rush of slick heat soaking my fingers as her grip tightened on me, pulling my lips to hers, feeding her moans and cries into me, letting me devour each sound, consume the rush of her pleasure. We were, in that one moment, more one, more together, than we had been in what felt like forever and I couldn’t stop the tears that slid down my cheeks to flavor our kiss.

  * * * *

  “Are you okay?” Elizabeth and I asked the question to each other simultaneously, drawing low laughs from each of us.

  “Gwen?”

  I met Emma’s eyes across the room, my stomach taking a lazy tumble as she smiled and turned her attention back to our breakfast, the movement letting her robe gape open. Shadowy marks, my marks, darkened the slope of her neck and curve of her breast, and I knew there were more. “I’m very much okay,” I answered, hearing Elizabeth’s relieved sigh echoed by a deeper one. “You?”

  Her chuckle tripped warmth down my spine. “Oh yes, very much so,” she replied and Connor’s familiar laugh reached me through the phone, a low, sexy rumble. I could hear the smile in her voice and my lips curved in response.

  “So things are good now?” Emma slid the pan into the oven and crossed to me, sliding into my lap when I offered a hand. My breath caught when she slipped her fingers beneath my own robe, seeking and finding the warmth of my skin.

  “Very much so,” Elizabeth answered, her voice taking on a sincere intensity. “Will we see you next month?” The gentle way she asked the question tugged at my heart just as surely as the way Emma looked down into my eyes, the most beautiful, serene smile curving her lips.

  “I don’t think so,” I whispered as Emma twined my hair around her fingers.

  “Ahh,” Elizabeth exhaled, “that’s good, my Gwen. Very good.” I hung in the space between her words and Emma’s grip on me, hearing more in Elizabeth’s words and seeing more in my wife’s brown eyes than I thought possible. “Keep in touch, okay?”

  “I will,” I promised and then shivered as Emma’s lips met mine and she slid the phone from my grip.

  “Thank you, Beth,” she said, her voice breaking slightly on her friend and my lover’s name. “Don’t worry, we will.”

  As she bid goodbye, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed my ear to her chest, listening to the steady rhythm, letting all thought leave my mind. If I’d learned anything over the months since meeting Elizabeth, it was to live in the moment. And in this moment, Emma sought my lips with hers and peeled my robe open, hands roaming, catching my breath in my chest and sending a zing of desire through me.

  “I love you,” she exhaled into our kiss and I answered, guiding her to the couch beside me.

  Chapter 13

  Extreme Unction

  Seven months later I knelt beside our bed. We were gifted with six months of remission, of bliss. Her fingers stroked the crown of my head, bare movements yet still enough to twist my heart. Another tear dropped to dampen the sheet covering her. “Gwen.” Her voice held little of her tone; the cancer had settled into her lymphatic system, stripping weight from her as the tumors fed on her vitality.

  “I’m here, my love,” I breathed, taking her hand and kissing her palm softly. “Would you like something?” She’d barely eaten in the four days since I’d brought her home from the hospital, respecting her wish to not spend her last days in that sterile, yet sick, environment.

  “Mead,” she whispered, lips curving into a teasing smile.

  “You got it.”

  The house barely seemed to breathe beyond our bedroom door. Even the stairs seemed to creak less, as if the imminent death of the home’s mistress held all in its grips. Just as my foot hit the last step the drop of the doorknocker broke the silence and I paused, staring. No one visited; Emma expressly requested no one be allowed to as the tumors devoured her, instead she wished to be remembered as she had been. Only I bore the burden of watching my heart’s mate surrender to the inevitability of her own mortality far too soon.

  Shadows shifted beyond the door and the wrap of knuckles on wood split the quiet this time. I crossed the entryway, still confused, and opened the door.

  The sight of the couple waiting there took me to my knees. Connor rushed to my side, catching me before I hit the floor and Elizabeth closed the door with a soft snick.

  “Shh, darling,” she said when I tried to stammer a greeting. “We’re here now.” As her arms closed around me, surrounding me in the safe, quiet sanctuary of their embrace my sparse grip on composure dissolved and the tears that I had managed to restrain to only emerging singly began to stream in earnest.

  * * * *

  “Hold me?” Emma’s fingers, twined with mine, tugged, kitten-weak. I’d been sitting next to her, tracing the lines of her palm over and over. With a gentle smile I turned and leaned against the headboard, curling her thin frame against me. Distant noises drifted to us, reminders of Elizabeth and Connor’s presence in the house. “What are you thinking?” Her lips brushed my jaw and I turned to press mine to hers.

  “I was thinking about our wedding vows,” I whispered. Her breath caught and my heart stumbled as she turned my hand palm up, her finger tracing a crease across my hand.

  “I, Emma,” she began, her voice just as soft and full of emotion as it was so long ago,” swear to you, Gwen, that I am yours, forever and always, so long as your lifeline crosses your palm and breath fills my lungs.” My chest jerked with a sob before I could catch it and she looked up at me, deep brown eyes just as warm as ever. “I will always be with you, Gwen.” Her arms slipped around me and for a breath her hug squeezed me with all the strength I thought was gone.

  “You called her, didn’t you?” I asked against her hair, kissing her crown.

  “I did,” she answered, her grip lessening as she tilted her head to offer her lips. I kissed her with slow, thorough intensity until she pulled back, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “You weren’t taking care of yourself,” she continued, only the husky rasp in her voice and high color betraying the effect of the kiss. “And you need her.” Emma brushed her fingers along my cheek and I caught my lower lip between my teeth as they trembled. “You need both of them.”

  “I need you.” The words slipped out before I could stop them and her breath caught, eyes welling with tears.

  “Thank you for coming back to me.” Emma pressed her brow to mine as I wiped the droplets from her cheeks.

  “Thank you for loving me.” With care I lifted her into my lap and curled her against me, sighing as she tucked her head under my chin and twined her fingers with mine.

  * * * *

  Emma faded in her sleep twelve days after Elizabeth and Connor’s arrival. At her request and against my reservations we all bundled into the car and made the trip to the beach. She was so light I carried her with ease to her waiting chair and tucked a blanket around her, smiling into her eyes when she caught my hand and kissed it. I sat on a blanket at her side and watched as Elizabeth and Connor played in the surf, chasing each other into the foam of the crashing waves. I could feel the impact of them through the sand and, for that time, felt a sense of peace descend.

  Until I rubbed my thumb across the back of Emma’s hand and she didn’t squeeze my fingers back. I knew before I touched her neck in search of a pulse that she was gone; her expression held no echo of the pain that had tightened her eyes for the last month and her eyes didn’t even flicker behind her lids.

  “Goodbye, my love,” I whispered, leaning up to kiss her softly.

  And, then, with the absence of her need for me there to hold me together I dropped my head to my arms and fell apart. Elizabeth and Connor found me, still sobbing, as the sun slipped horizonward. He carried me to the car as Elizabeth made the calls that needed making.

  If not for them, I imagine I wouldn’t have managed the next few days. Even with all the arrangements made beforehand it seemed there was always one more thing to tend to, one more question to answer. Elizabeth tended to all of
it with her customary competence and Connor stubbornly refused to let me sink into oblivion.

  “Gwen.” The box of Emma’s ashes sat on the coffee table. I couldn’t seem to get past the size of the box; there was more and yet less left than I expected of the woman I’d spent years loving. “Gwen.” Connor’s deep firm voice penetrated the fog I existed in and I blinked, turning as he sat beside me on the couch. “Come home with us.” My brows tugged together and I shook my head. “Yes, Gwen, you can’t stay here by yourself.”

  “Emma wouldn’t want you to, darling.” Elizabeth settled on the other side of me and I shivered as their hands slid down my back in soothing strokes. My body remembered them, wanted them, but my heart, my soul, was fractured.

  “I can’t,” I rasped, my voice raw from my grieving.

  “My Gwen,” Elizabeth exhaled, capturing my face in her hands and pulling my eyes to hers. She pierced me with her gaze, leaving me pinned and on display like a butterfly specimen. “What will you do?” Her change of tact caught me off guard and I took a shuddering breath.

  “I don’t know yet.”

  “Will you come to us later?”

  I blinked and looked, really looked, into her blue eyes. I saw and heard her uncertainty, for the first time, about me, us. Connor’s absolute stillness beat against my back. “I think so,” I answered, my honesty drawing a grunt from him and sent a flicker of expression across her face too quick for me to discern.

  “Okay.” She pulled me to her and pressed her lips to mine, a soft promise of a kiss. When she freed me, Connor caught me and did the same. “We have to leave in the morning,” she said quietly before standing and walking away. Connor stayed and I drew a shuddering breath when he held my gaze for what seemed an eternity.

  “Don’t do anything rash,” he warned in a low voice before following after Elizabeth.

  * * * *

  I let them leave and avoided all mention of the future. I had no clue what I would do, how I would move on. The still, silent oppression of the house crashed around me as they backed out of the driveway, Elizabeth raising a hand in farewell. I waved back, uncertain how long it would be until, if, I saw either of them again. I just couldn’t think past the hole in my life. Against all common sense I wandered through the house, the shell that had been our home, and let myself sink into memories. I sat in Emma’s favorite chair and wrapped the shawl she’d knitted our first winter here around my shoulders. Her perfume lingered in the fibers and a tear blazed the trail down my cheek for the rest to follow. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to fade away.

  Chapter 14

  Epilogue

  It seemed only right that I was on a beach again, watching wave after wave arch, curl and crash into the tail of the one before it. Spring’s chill still hung in the air but the sand beneath my bare feet radiated warmth from the sun above. My thoughts swirled in gentle eddies as I followed the edge of the waves along the strand, a reach of cliffs to my right, stretch of ocean on my left, narrow, golden sand ahead. The endless grains sprayed out from my footsteps, the chill wind whipped my hair and skirt around me. I felt scoured, cleansed, renewed.

  I paused as I drew close to the two I sought. Connor stood rooted in the sand, his feet dug in, I thought, deep enough to feel the perpetual chill of the ocean. Elizabeth leaned against him in the circle of his arms, her head tilted back against his shoulder, a slight smile on her lips. They basked in the sun, eyes closed, unmoving. A thread of uncertainty looped around my heart, hobbling my feet, and I caught my breath at their beauty. I could see the change in them, the confidence of their embrace, the rightness of their selves; I wondered that I dared disturb it.

  There was no way they could have heard me approach over the waves but somehow they both knew. As one they opened their eyes and turned to catch me in their gazes. Elizabeth smiled; an expression so exquisite it made my heart split. She held her hand out to me and I crossed the last of the space between us.

  “My Gwen,” she said, her voice so soft the thunder of the waves nearly devoured it. I caught my lip in my teeth and she cupped my jaw with a hand. “It’s been a long time.” No reproach colored her voice.

  “It was a dark winter,” I answered, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. The wind tossed my hair around my face and Connor reached past Elizabeth to tuck the unruly strands behind my ear, sliding his hand to the back of my neck, tugging me closer.

  “How does spring look, our Gwen?” His use of the possessive sent a shiver down my spine, one they both felt, and Elizabeth pulled me still closer, enough that her warmth radiated into me though a breath of distance separated us.

  “Brighter.” I licked my lips, my stomach tumbling with nerves. Eight months prior, as summer gave way to fall, they’d asked me to come home with them, trying, in their way, to hold me together as best they could. I wondered if their invite still stood after so much time had passed. I’d come apart, fallen into my grieving, until somehow I pulled myself back together, knowing Emma wanted me to live. As the longest night of the year ticked by, I let all the tears out then let them go, beginning the process of accepting my soulmate’s departure and her actions. She wouldn’t have called Elizabeth and Connor to my side if she’d not accepted their places in my heart.

  “Are you staying?” Connor erased the last of the distance between Elizabeth and I with a slight tug and I couldn’t help the sigh of relief as she caught me against her, one arm sliding around my waist as her lips caught mine in a kiss both tender and rough.

  “Yes,” I whispered when she freed my lips, my eyes searching hers and his. “If you’ll still have me.”

  Elizabeth spun me and my breath caught in surprise as she pinned me against the solidity of Connor’s chest. His lips dropped to my neck, teeth catching the tender skin as she nipped at my lips, the sharp caresses making me gasp. In the span of breaths they had me squirming and twisting between them, one hand hooked around his neck, the other around her waist. My months of abstinence saw my body crackle, a writhing live wire and I gasped, trembling when they paused.

  His rumble of laughter matched the crash of the waves, her eyes twinkled, bright blue, bluer than the sky above. “You’re ours, my dear Gwen,” Elizabeth said, quiet and solemn, “and we’re going to take you home and show you just how much we mean that.”

  ~finis~