Just Between Us

by Cathy Kelly

  ‘What about Amelia?’ protested Stella. ‘I have to think about her. I can’t afford to risk hurting her by making a mistake with Nick.’

  ‘And what about you?’ Rose reached across the table and caught her daughter’s hand tightly. ‘You know that I love Amelia with all my heart, but I love you too. I don’t want to watch you give up a chance of happiness because it might not work out. What’s the worst-case scenario here? Nick comes into your lives and after six months, he goes out again. That happens in life. It’s already happened to Amelia,’ she added gently.

  ‘I know. That’s what kills me,’ Stella’s expression was sad. ‘I’ve already lost Amelia one father, I can’t bring another person into her life for them to go away again.’

  ‘Children are tougher than you think,’ Rose said firmly. ‘You and Glenn handled your break-up very well and there’s never been any bitterness between you over Amelia.’

  ‘That’s because Glenn’s so laid-back he’s nearly horizontal. You can’t fight with him, it rolls off him,’ Stella said. It was true: Glenn’s attitude to life in general had hugely helped their access arrangements. ‘Shit happens’ was his mantra. It used to drive Stella mad when she was married to him but came in useful when they were splitting up, when his philosophy made the issue of who’d care for Amelia very simple. From the ‘shit happens’ perspective, there was no point arguing over anything. Amelia would live with her mother, and Glenn would go with the flow.

  ‘I sometimes think that I failed Amelia,’ Stella insisted. ‘You wouldn’t have left Dad for anything because of us. I know,’ she added hastily, ‘that’s a crazy thing to even talk about because you adore each other, but you would never have contemplated divorce no matter what. You would have stayed together for me and Tara and Holly. I couldn’t do that for Amelia so I’ve failed her.’

  Her mother’s expression was unreadable and for an instant, Stella feared she’d offended her.

  ‘Mum, I was just using you and Dad as an example, naturally I didn’t mean…’ she began.

  Rose brushed the apology away. ‘Don’t be silly, darling,’ she said lightly, ‘I was just thinking, that’s all. You haven’t failed in the slightest. You did the right thing and Amelia is a wonderful, loving, funny little girl. I’m sure that having a largely absent father has had some effect on her, we can’t deny that, but would it be better if you and Glenn were married and hated each other with a vengeance?’

  ‘You’re right, I suppose.’ A picture of Nick telling her about the pain of his divorce came into Stella’s mind. Nick still insisted that his split from Wendy had been amicable, but he’d admitted that the divorce had been his idea and that it had taken a long time, and many arguments, for Wendy to agree with him. His moving back to Ireland, which he’d refused to do during their marriage, had infuriated her. ‘At least Glenn and I still get on and we never fought, even when we were married.’ Nick said the rows between him and Wendy when they’d been married had been pyrotechnic, particularly in the last year of their marriage. Stella actually couldn’t imagine Nick having a raging argument with anyone. He was calmly measured about everything.

  ‘So,’ Rose began, ‘when are you going to introduce Amelia to Nick?’

  Stella laughed. ‘I can see why Dad calls you the scourge of the committee ladies. You get straight to the point.’

  ‘It’s the only way to do things,’ Rose said proudly. ‘Hold on for a moment, we’re obviously not going to eat any more of this. Will I get us coffee?’

  ‘I’d love some.’

  Rose got to her feet gracefully and went to the counter for coffee, her slim figure and elegant bearing that of a woman half her age. And it wasn’t only her figure that was young: her mind was as open to new ideas as a twenty-something.

  Watching her, Stella thought once again what a remarkable woman her mother was. Rose possessed the uncanny ability to look right into people’s hearts and divine what was bothering them. She never judged or moralised. And her advice was always kind, genuine and sensible.

  Rose came back with two coffees.

  ‘Right. List the pros and cons of introducing Amelia to Nick.’

  Stella stirred one spoon of sugar into her coffee.

  ‘Well, we can imagine the pros. The cons are, they might not get on, Amelia might hate him and the idea of him. She’s never had to share me, you know.’

  Rose considered this. ‘True, but you won’t know until you try. There’s no point trying to second-guess a seven-year-old. What else?’

  ‘He’s not divorced that long,’ Stella added. ‘He’s over it, but he’s,’ she hesitated while trying to find the right word, ‘bruised. The split was very difficult even though they both agreed it was the right thing to do. And he hated leaving his daughters, I think that was the hardest part.’

  ‘Could you love a man who didn’t regret hurting his children?’ asked Rose sensibly.

  ‘No, you’re right. He adores them. He came back to Ireland because he couldn’t bear to be away from them, which didn’t, I gather, please his ex-wife.’ Stella couldn’t understand why Wendy was so apparently het up over Nick’s decision to move back to Ireland. He was closer to their daughters, and surely the girls’ welfare was paramount.

  ‘I’m sure it didn’t,’ Rose said briskly. ‘Darling, just one word of advice: do be careful about demonising this woman. It’s a bit like agreeing with a friend about how horrible her husband is when they’ve had a row, and then having her resent you for what you said when they inevitably make it up. Don’t forget that she and Nick were married for twenty years and eventually, one hopes, they’ll learn to be friends. You don’t want to be nasty about her only to have him resent that later.’

  ‘You’re right, Mum,’ Stella said automatically. The truth was, she was astonished by how much she disliked the sound of Wendy Cavaletto. In a very un-Stella-like way, she relished hearing about Wendy’s outbursts of temper. Of course, it was easier to be the replacement for a bitch than an angel.

  She stared out of the window and Rose sipped her coffee, looking around the gallery area in order to leave Stella to her thoughts. In one corner sat Mrs Freidland, and her daughter, both tight-lipped as though holding off on an argument because they were in public.

  One of the women who worked in Rose’s dentist’s office was at another table, sitting with her husband and two teenagers. The woman smiled in recognition and Rose smiled back. She remembered hearing that one of the teenagers had been hospitalised with anorexia not so long ago. Both girls were slender; it was impossible to know which had been ill. The whole family looked light-hearted, as if they hadn’t a care in the world. A brave smile was a remarkably good camouflage, she reflected.

  ‘I know I’m panicking,’ Stella said. ‘I just worry about things, that’s all. We’ve talked about Amelia not liking Nick. What if Nick’s daughters don’t like me?’

  ‘Everyone loves you,’ Rose reassured her briskly. ‘Stella, I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t. It might take time, yes, but you’ll win them over. If you and Nick have a future together, you can overcome all these things.’

  ‘You really think so?’ asked Stella suddenly, sounding like she used to as a girl when she needed reassurance.

  ‘Absolutely.’

  Stella smiled. Her mother was right. Somehow, and she really didn’t know how she’d done it, she’d kept a certain distance between her and Nick, just in case. That distance had been her insurance but now it was time to tear up the policy. Live dangerously. Take risks. Nick had asked her if she wanted to go away for a weekend. Anywhere she wanted.

  ‘I was thinking maybe a city break in Europe, would you like that?’ he’d asked, his eyes telling her that he knew it was a big step.

  She’d said she’d think about it. Sensible Stella, knowing that a weekend away would be a big step towards another destination: the bedroom. The electricity between them was incredible and so far, it had taken all of Stella’s self-restraint not to throw her inhibition
to the wind and clamber into bed with Nick.

  Suddenly, she wanted to phone him and say yes, a weekend away would be fabulous and how about Paris? She’d only been there once, years ago. And why didn’t he come to her house next weekend and meet Amelia? There could be no more creeping around. Nick was going to be a part of both their lives. Once she’d made the decision, excitement and a sense of the rightness of her choice, flooded through her.

  ‘Thanks, Mum.’ She gave her mother a smile that was full of sweetness. ‘You’re right.’

  At that moment, doubts assailed Rose. Her radar, once so reliable for other people’s problems, wasn’t as good as it had been. What if she’d given Stella the wrong advice? What if this Nick was on the rebound and needed the consolation of gentle, loving Stella to get his confidence back? What would Stella do then, having given him her heart and let him into both her and Amelia’s lives? What if the children all hated each other? What if…

  ‘You’re going to love him, Mum,’ Stella said. ‘He’s very special. He’s funny, clever, kind, everything.’

  Rose suppressed her fears. ‘Is this the man who was just a friend a few minutes ago, the man you’d gone out with on a few friendly dates?’

  ‘That’s the one.’ Stella grinned.

  ‘When do we get to meet him?’

  ‘Soon.’

  ‘You could bring him to our ruby anniversary party in April,’ Rose suggested wickedly, ‘and see if your Aunt Adele approves.’

  Stella laughed. ‘And put him right off me? I’d love to bring him – thank you – but he’ll need to be briefed before meeting Adele. But tell me, you’re going to organise the party? Tara, Holly and I are supposed to do that for your anniversary and surprise you. We’ve been talking about it for ages.’

  ‘Your father hates surprises. He’s very keen on a big party and has decided that we should arrange it ourselves, so don’t feel guilty. He says it’s old-fashioned to wait patiently for someone else to do it, and there’s nothing he dislikes more than being called old-fashioned. Besides, you three and I would go for a small family gathering, while your father fancies a big mad party where he gets to invite everyone he’s ever met.’

  ‘I’ll help with the food,’ Stella volunteered.

  Her mother grinned. ‘Don’t worry about the food, Daddy Warbucks has decided on caterers and a marquee.’

  ‘Wow,’ whistled Stella. ‘That’s posh.’

  ‘Yes. But your father thinks the more money you spend, the less work you have to do. In fact, it’s the other way round. I’ll never forget that celebrity Support the Children gala I was involved in. It cost a fortune and I nearly went deranged pulling the whole thing together.’

  ‘It’ll be fun, though,’ Stella said. ‘What a lovely way to celebrate the fact that you’ve been married for forty years.’ She felt a prickling of tears behind her eyes at the thought of her beloved parents. She was so proud of them.

  ‘Lord, is that the time?’ Rose looked at her watch. ‘We have to fly. Tara and Finn will be arriving soon and we ought to get home and see what your father and Amelia have been up to.’

  That evening, Tara sat on the bed in Stella’s old bedroom, engrossed in a book of Amelia’s. Amelia herself sat on the stool in front of the mirror while Stella brushed her hair. Tara was supposed to be finding a story to read aloud, but kept getting distracted by other stories as she tried to find the one Amelia wanted, which was a version of ‘The Princess and the Pea’. Tara wasn’t the only person who was distracted: Stella had phoned Nick with the momentous news about how she’d love to go away with him, and his response hadn’t been quite what she’d expected. She mulled over this as she brushed her daughter’s hair.

  ‘Ouch,’ said Amelia as her mother encountered another tangle and pulled.

  ‘Sorry, pet,’ said Stella. ‘I know I’m a horrible old mummy who hurts you.’

  ‘Is Mummy mean to you?’ inquired Tara.

  Amelia giggled and shook her head.

  ‘She is?’ said Tara. ‘I knew it. Cruel, horrible Mummy. Are you going to stay with me and Uncle Finn when Mummy goes away in a few weeks?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Amelia with enthusiasm. ‘Can we go to McDonald’s and a film like last time?’ Amelia had adored her last visit to her aunt which coincided with a weekend conference Stella had been on.

  ‘Definitely. But we can’t pick a scary movie,’ Tara warned. ‘Uncle Finn gets scared very easily.’

  Amelia scrunched up her nose and giggled at this.

  ‘You’ll have to be very good,’ Stella said.

  ‘I’m always good,’ Amelia announced with some indignation.

  ‘Saint Amelia,’ teased Tara from her position on the bed.

  ‘Done.’ Stella smoothed Amelia’s hair and planted a kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

  ‘Come here and find this story for me,’ Tara asked her niece.

  Soon Amelia and Tara were curled up against the pillows, with Tara reading aloud. She did all the voices, making Amelia wide-eyed with interest, and making Stella think fondly that her sister was wonderful with kids. And Amelia adored her Uncle Finn who would play endlessly with her and made her scream with a mixture of fear and excitement when he threw her up into the air and caught her expertly.

  When the story was finished, Amelia went downstairs to say goodnight to her granny and grandad and the two sisters were left alone.

  ‘I’m glad you’re going to Paris,’ said Tara, getting off the bed and examining herself in the mirror. She scrunched her hair a bit, making it stand up more than ever. ‘You need a bit of romance in your life. Now, if only we could get Holly fixed up.’

  ‘Holly told me that Joan and Kenny are determined to find a man for her,’ said Stella. ‘Poor Holly can’t put them off.’

  Tara chuckled. ‘Poor Holly is right. I can’t think of anything worse than being fixed up by that crazy pair. I don’t know how she still hasn’t met anyone decent by herself. She’s gorgeous and funny, although she’s wasted in that dead-end job.’ Tara was the only one who recognized that working in Lee’s wasn’t glamorous and was always urging her little sister to get out of the retail trade and into something else.

  ‘She’s different when she’s with us than when she’s with other people,’ Stella explained. ‘She really is shy, Tara, you just don’t see it because you know her so well.’

  ‘I suppose.’ Tara was thoughtful. ‘Finn has some cute friends, I could set her up with them.’

  ‘Not that Derry bloke, I hope,’ Stella said.

  ‘Hell, no. Derry’s a bit wild for our Holly. Anyway, he’s going out with a girl for ages now. She’s coming to Austria with us next week. There are ten of us going now, but I don’t know most of them…’

  ‘It sounds great,’ sighed Stella. ‘I’ve always wanted to go skiing.’

  ‘Finn says it’s great fun and I’ll pick it up easily.’ Tara sounded dubious.

  ‘You’ll be fine.’

  ‘I expect you’re right,’ said Tara. ‘I’ll find out on Tuesday. Finn’s taking me to the artificial slope after work.’

  Stella looked at her sister fondly. Tara had such confidence. Nothing fazed her.

  ‘When Holly comes to lunch tomorrow, I’m going to invite her out with Finn and me one night and set her up with one of his friends,’ Tara said decisively.

  ‘Ask her first,’ counselled Stella.

  ‘I promise. Now, when are you going to Paris? I’ll have to put it in my diary.’

  ‘Probably the weekend after you get back, but I’ll confirm when I’ve spoken to Nick later.’

  ‘I bet he was pleased when you phoned and said yes,’ teased Tara.

  ‘He was, but…’ It had been odd. Nick’s tone told her he was thrilled but his words had been oddly formal. When she’d phoned, he said he was in the car with his daughter, Jenna.

  ‘That’s great news, can I phone you back later?’ he’d said. ‘I’m with Jenna and we’re just going to meet Sara for a quick bite to eat. I�
�ll phone you tonight, OK?’

  Stella, who’d been expecting him to be openly delighted, had said that was fine

  ‘But what?’ demanded Tara.

  ‘He couldn’t talk, he was with his daughter.’

  ‘So? I don’t understand.’ Tara understood all right but she didn’t like what she was hearing.

  ‘I haven’t met his daughters. The divorce was hard for the children,’ Stella said. ‘Nick doesn’t want to rock the boat by introducing me to them until they’ve got used to the idea of him dating.’

  ‘SOS. Guilty daddy alert!’ said Tara. ‘If you’re his girlfriend, you need to meet his kids and they need to know about you. Put your foot down, Stella. This is important. Either he’s divorced or he’s not. Is he still pining after his ex?’

  ‘No, definitely no. She sounds like an awful cow,’ Stella began, and then remembered what Rose had said earlier about criticising Nick’s ex-wife. ‘But she’s probably just upset over the divorce.’

  ‘Stella,’ said Tara, trying to pick her words carefully, ‘please don’t be so kind and patient with everyone that you get walked on. If you’re serious about this guy, he needs to be serious with you and that means meeting his kids. OK?’ She hoped she hadn’t said too much because Stella was sensitive about being told what to do.

  ‘I know,’ Stella said, ‘but he hasn’t met Amelia yet, so we’re both guilty of trying to protect our kids.’

  ‘That’s fine,’ Tara said, ‘as long as him protecting his kids doesn’t hurt you. I want to meet this guy and see if he’s good enough for you.’

  Stella groaned. ‘You will, you will. And he is good enough for me. He’s wonderful.’

  Tara stared speculatively at her sister. ‘I hope so, for his sake.’

  On Sunday, when Holly heard about Stella’s weekend away with Nick, she got into the spirit of things. ‘There’s this new range of body lotions in the shop,’ she said enthusiastically. ‘They’re called Angel Cake and the best seller is the vanilla one and when you rub it in, it makes your skin incredibly soft and the scent is guaranteed to last for up to ten hours. I’ll get you a bottle.’