by TJ Rudolph
I was awoken by a loud thumping on my door. I looked at the time on my phone next to my bed. It was only three in the morning.
“Grace, open up,” I heard Chase’s voice on the other side of the door.
I ran to open it, thinking that something was wrong. “Is everything okay?” I asked as I swung the door open.
He looked like he lost his words for a minute and then walked inside.
“Are you okay?” he asked me almost angrily now.
“Yes, I am fine,” I said unsure of what was happening. “What is up with you, Chase?”
His eyes fell on the leather jacket on my sofa and shot back to me. “You went home with Sebastian and I just thought… I just wanted to make sure that you are okay, that’s all.”
I laughed insincerely. “What? So, you thought I behaved like one of those floozies you spent the entire evening with? That I brought Sebastian home and what? Spread eagled for him!”
“I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry, Grace, that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s three o’ clock in the morning, Chase, you’re only getting home now and you don’t see me questioning you about your eventful evening. Or would you like to sit down and tell me who you screwed tonight?”
He had a wounded look on his face but said nothing which answered all of my questions and made feel even angrier.
“You don’t know me, Chase, and I don’t need your protection or whatever this is. Now please leave.”
I walked to the door and held it open. He walked out with his head hung and then I heard his front door slamming closed and him and Sebastian getting into an argument. I couldn’t hear what they were saying so I pushed my ear against the wall in my bedroom. “Just stay the fuck away from her,” I heard him tell Sebastian which followed a loud noise coming from his stereo.
Chapter 5
I was sleep walking through the day on Friday; I didn’t get any sleep after what happened with Chase and at lunch time the ever-observant Bobby noticed something was up. “Grace, are you okay? You’ve been looking weird today.”
“I’m feeling a bit sick, that’s all.”
She ignored that lie and moved her chair closer to me. “Is something going on with you and Chase that I don’t know?” she asked. “I saw you ignoring him today.”
I shook my head.
“Grace,” she said as placed her hand over mine, “I am your only friend here and you’re mine, so I think it would suit us best if we were open about things.”
I kept quiet and put my head in my hands. I didn’t know how to explain to Bobby what was going on, since I didn’t know what was happening between Chase and me either.
“Okay, I’ll start,” she said. “I kissed Dean last night and it got pretty heated and now I’m not sure how to look him in the eye. I promised myself that I would not get into a relationship in college.”
“Why not?” I asked, surprised at her revelation and momentarily forgetting my own issues.
“I’m just not a relationship type of girl, I had a serious boyfriend back home. He was a jerk and I said that I’d never again invest so much time in a guy.”
She looked at me expectantly.
I sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on,” I told her honestly. “He came to my room last night angry because Sebastian walked me home, even though he was probably out with some or all of those women,” I said disgusted.
“What? Why would he do that?” she widened her eyes.
“I have no idea, it was so weird. He was the one that made it clear that we are just friends and I agreed or maybe it was the other way around but whatever, he has no right.”
“I’m sorry to say it, Grace, but guys like that are usually bad news, just be careful.”
“Thanks, but there is no need, I intend on staying far away from that.”
“It’s a good thing he’s coming this way,” Bobby snorted, “because I would love to smack him upside his head right now.” I watched Bobby’s eyes follow him to the table. I didn’t look up, although I could smell him standing next to me.
“Hey, Bob, can I talk to Grace for a quick second?” Chase asked.
She didn’t budge or answer him.
“It’s okay,” I told Bobby.
“I’m watching you, Chase,” Bobby grunted as she got up and brushed pass him. I felt a bit more empowered having a girlfriend like her.
“Grace, can we do this somewhere else?”
“You know what, Chase, it’s fine. You obviously had too much to drink last night. So, let’s just let it go.”
“I wasn’t drunk, Grace, I don’t drink.”
“A college boy not drinking, that is unbelievably shocking,” I retorted.
“I have my reasons,” he said. “So, will you give me that moment?”
I looked at the black watch on my wrist, “I have to go and I said it’s all good.” I got up, grabbed my back pack and walked away.
“Fuck!” I heard him say, then bang something on the metal table. But I didn’t care, I made up my mind last night. Chase was everything I had hoped he wasn’t and I wasn’t making that mistake again.
After our last class, I told Bobby that I wanted to spend the night alone and she agreed but said we were going out Saturday.
I walked straight to the studio after class; I needed to paint. When I walked in, Aaron was sitting up against the wall and I nearly burst into tears when I saw him smiling up at me. I pulled the brown rug next to him and sat down.
“Having a bad day?” he asked.
I sighed, “yeah I guess you could say so.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really…”
We sat quiet for a long time until I got up, picked up my paintbrush and put a blank canvas on the easel.
“Everything is just so hard without you, Aaron,” I murmured as I started painting. “Starting a life, doing life without you is hard. I feel lost in this world without you,” I said as a stubborn tear ran down my cheek.
He came to stand next to me. “Tell me what’s been bothering you”?
“I can’t,” I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel right, speaking about those things to you. I mean I know you’re not really here, it’s just me but…”
“I am here, Gracy and you can tell me,” he said in a familiar gentle voice that made me feel safe.
I continued dipping the paint brush and stroking it on the canvas. “There is this guy, Chase. I don’t know, I think I might like him or I am not sure exactly what I feel. When he is around me, I feel strange, like the way I used to feel when we were together. But I know his end game and I know I am going to be left hurt. He’s the use ‘em and lose ‘em type and I can’t deal with losing another person I care about. I mean he’s been a great friend these past few weeks, but every time I am with him, I feel like I want more.”
“Grace, you know what I have always loved about you? You are wise beyond your years. I have never had a problem that you couldn’t fix.”
“You didn’t have real problems,” I choked out a laugh.
He smiled, “well you had very real problems and you always solved them yourself, even though you were too young to deal with everything life threw at you. And I have no doubt that as always you already know what to do.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “You have been no, and I mean no help at all.”
“You’ll be fine, Gracy, just trust your gut, it has never let you down and if you’re still unsure it looks like you have already painted the answer,” and then he disappeared.
I sighed wishing he would stay longer and stepped back to look at the painting and what Aaron was talking about. I looked at it, shocked at what it was portraying. An array of dark colors covered the canvas almost completely, but out of the darkness was a bright red sun bursting forth.
I cupped my face in my hands, wanting to ignore the hidden meaning behind it. Knowing that it was a representation of how I pictured my life to be and that stupid red sun was a boy who I wanted so desperate
ly to get out of my life. That sun was my light in this world of darkness. And if there was one thing I learned since the day I started putting paint to canvas, was that paintings never lied.
I didn’t hear the door creak open as I stared at the painting and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I heard someone clearing their throat.
I looked around and saw Chase with his hand in his blue jeans. “I’m sorry to interrupt you,” he told me, “but I really need to talk to you.”
I quickly took the painting off and put it behind an old bookshelf as if Chase would see right through it.
“What do you want, Chase?” I asked bluntly.
“I just… I’m really sorry about last night, you’re right, it wasn’t my place.” He bridged the gap between us and stood close enough to me to make my heart flutter. “It’s just that Sebastian has a bad rep with girls and I didn’t want him to take advantage of you.”
“And I suppose you have a clean track record, when it comes to girls?” I snapped.
“Grace, I just want you to be safe that’s all.”
“And why is it that you feel the need to protect me?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly.
“You really don’t need to worry about me, Chase, I am fine and I have been since before you came into my life.”
“I know, I’m sorry Grace and I don’t want to ruin what we have, I mean our friendship.”
“Oh yes, our friendship,” I muttered.
“Please, don’t walk away from me, I know I screwed up. Just give me another chance.”
My heart ached as I observed his face; he seemed so vulnerable. Like a man haunted by his own demons.
“Please, let me make it up to you?”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
He thought for a moment. “Let me cook something for us, tonight at your place.”
“You cook?” I raised a brow, “seriously?”
He grinned. “I will even try my best not to burn it.”
I laughed. “Fine, I hope I don’t die of food poisoning or choke on it.”
“Don’t worry I know CPR,” Chase said.
I laughed again as I locked the door. “Rather let me die than put your lips on mine,” I teased.
He didn’t laugh or say anything to that and we walked in silence back to our building.
“I will be right back, let me get all the ingredients,” he said as he walked off to his room.
He came back with a brown paper bag filled to the brim with ingredients and a bottle of red wine. “I thought you don’t drink,” I eyed him skeptically. “I don’t,” he said as he lifted the bags onto the counter, “this is for you, apparently it is the perfect pairing to a great pasta dish.”
“Assuming that it will be great,” I teased.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” he told me as he took out the pasta and put it in a pot.
“Do you need some help?” I asked from the sofa.
“You just sit there and let me do all the hard work.”
Twenty minutes later, my stomach started grumbling, aroused by the amazing aroma creeping up my nostrils. “So how are you finding college life?” Chase asked with a dish towel draped over his muscular shoulder.
I shrugged. “It’s okay, still getting into the swing of things.”
“That’s because you spend most of your time cooped up in the place or in that dingy studio, you need to get out more.”
“You sound like someone I know,” I told him.
“And who would that be?”
“An old friend of mine… How far is that food, it smells delicious,” I said changing the subject.
“Nearly done,” he said as he walked over to me and sat down next to me on the gray sofa. “Just give it some time to stew.”
“So where did you learn to cook?” I asked as I sipped the wine he poured me.
“I cooked at home sometimes for my mom, she wasn’t too good at it and we needed to eat. So, I picked up some books from the library and it just became my chore, I guess. Although I must admit, I enjoyed it much more than I expected.” He smiled as if he was reminded of something pleasant in that memory, and then his expression suddenly changed to something unreadable as he pressed his lips together in a hard line.
“So how about you?” he asked as he turned his entire body toward me and lifted his left leg onto the sofa, bending it sideways.
“Nothing much to tell,” I said looking down at my feet, “pretty boring life.”
“Now somehow, I find that unbelievable,” he raised his brow. “Tell me what your life was like in our home town. How come I never saw you around?”
“I kept to myself mostly, I had a lot of things to do at home and I never really had a chance to hang out with you cool kids,” I smirked.
“You didn’t miss much,” he said standing up and removing the food from the stove. “Where do you keep the plates?”
“Bottom drawer, under the sink, left side.”
He took out the plates and dished a chunk of food onto each one. He pulled out a chair and motioned for me to sit down.
When I sat down on the black barstool, I took a forkful of the creamy pasta he had made and it was even more delicious than it looked.
“I can’t believe you actually made this amazing dish; I don’t think I have eaten anything better.”
“That’s really sad, Grace.” He looked up at me. “You really should get out more.”
I chuckled. “Maybe it’s the wine, it really is perfectly paired with this food. Thank you, this is beyond amazing.”
“Anytime,” he winked.
“So you never told me what your issue is with Sebastian, I mean I assumed since you two are in a band together and his your roommate, you at least liked the guy.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” he said, “Sebastian is a great friend. But he’s… a bad boyfriend… a real lady-killer.”
“Peas in a pod,” I retorted.
“No, he’s actually worse than I am,” he snorted.
I actually flinched at the thought of Chase being with other women.
“Like I said, it’s just that I care about you and fair warning as a friend, you should stay away from him.”
“Warning noted,” I said as I suddenly lost my appetite.
“By the way, he said. “The band is playing at The Round House tomorrow evening again, you and Bobby should come.”
“I think I will give it a miss, not really my scene.”
“I thought you liked The Bleeding Hearts?”
“I loved them, they were amazing. You were amazing but I just don’t fit in with that crowd.”
“You think I’m amazing?” he grinned.
