Miranda’s mouth fell open and she appeared speechless. “What happened?” she asked, recovering.
“An ATV accident. Tyler was riding on our property and being reckless. He took a turn too sharply and flipped the ATV. It rolled over him, killing him instantly.”
Miranda covered her mouth, pain in her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she breathed, shaking her head in horror. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry.”
Jeremiah jerked a short nod and hugged the frame back to his chest. “I know a thing or two about blame and guilt. I don’t have it all figured out—not by a long shot—but I do know that if you don’t put it in its place, it will eat you from the inside out. Your sister, my son...they were taken from us, but we didn’t cause their deaths.”
“Why do you blame yourself? It was an accident.”
“My ex didn’t think Tyler was old enough to handle the responsibility of an ATV. I didn’t agree. I bought the ATV against her express wishes,” he admitted, feeling the weight of that decision settle on his chest. He couldn’t possibly convey in words the regret he suffered every day for that one decision. “She blames me for Tyler’s death and a part of me agreed. If I hadn’t allowed my guilt for being a workaholic to override my good sense, my son might still be alive.” He shrugged but there was too much pain in that single motion to come off as nonchalant or flippant. “But there’s no way of knowing. Maybe it was just his time.”
“I hate that saying.”
He smiled. “Me, too. The last well-meaning person who said that to me nearly got my foot in their ass. But sometimes the only way to cope with something we can’t understand is to cling to well-meaning but ultimately useless clichés. Most people don’t know how to navigate a person’s grief. I tried to remember that they meant well but it didn’t stop me from wanting to rip their heads off.”
“That’s why you left Wyoming.”
“Yes.”
“And why you freaked out when you found out that I have a son.”
“Yes.” He placed Tyler’s picture on the coffee table facedown and returned to his seat. “Miranda...I would find a million different ways to make a relationship with you work if it weren’t for the fact that I can’t face the idea of fulfilling a father-figure role again. I’ve tried really hard to get past it, but ultimately, it hurts too much.”
Miranda’s mouth curved in a pained smile. “You assume too much, Jeremiah. I’m not interested or looking for a daddy for my son. If I were, I’d be smart about it and accept Otter’s offer of a date.”
“My landlord?”
“Yes. He’s had a crush on me since high school and he’s a really great guy who would treat my son like his own. But I don’t feel anything for him.”
Why did that give him a sense of relief? What a selfish bastard he was. He forced the words out. “Miranda, you deserve a good man. Your son deserves to have someone in his life he can relate to. Eventually, he’s going to have needs you can’t fulfill.”
“Such as?”
“How are you going to teach him to shave?”
“How hard can it be?”
“Boys need a father. You’re probably a great mother, and I would never say that you’re not capable of wearing both hats, but you have to know that you can’t be everything at once without sacrificing somewhere.”
“I can handle it,” Miranda said. “Besides, I’ve been doing it by myself for so long, I don’t think I’d know how to allow someone else in.”
“With the right person, co-parenting is a great give-and-take. My ex-wife and I used to have it right until things unraveled.” He’d like to say it was Tyler’s death that had unraveled their partnership, but the truth was, he and his ex-wife had been falling further and further apart for years. He’d used work to patch the holes punched in his marriage, which had only served to make things worse. Hindsight was twenty-twenty, right? “I wish I could be that man for you,” he said.
His quiet admission caught her breath and her eyes welled. “I wish I could let you.”
He smiled and knuckled her cheek softly. “We’re a pair to draw to, aren’t we?”
She nodded and he dipped down to capture her mouth with his. He knew it was wrong. The right thing to do was to help dry her tears, suggest a few days off to collect herself and then get back to his day. That was how her supervisor would handle the situation. But what about the man who craved the touch of her skin beneath his fingertips, the sound of her breathy moans in his ear or the simple pleasure of holding her quietly as they drifted off to sleep? Everything was blurred in his head but it didn’t seem to matter because his heart was in control at the moment. Their tongues danced and slid along each other in a sweet tango that nearly broke his heart at the sadness he tasted in her tears. He wanted to shelter her, protect her and chase her pain away, but how could he possibly do that when he’d likely end up causing more pain in the end?
He couldn’t offer her what she needed. So why wasn’t he letting her go?
Simple—she made him feel alive again.
And he wanted more.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THEY WALKED SLOWLY to his bedroom and tumbled to the bed. Their kisses became urgent as need eclipsed good sense. Miranda knew it was a bad idea to keep falling into bed with Jeremiah, but she desperately needed to feel something aside from this gaping hole of sadness and loss anchored in her chest. Logic and reason had nothing to do with her decision to sleep with Jeremiah again after staunchly telling herself it would never happen again, and she wasn’t going to pretend that there was a future in what she was doing.
They both knew where they stood.
And they didn’t care at the moment.
Jeremiah pressed urgent kisses down the center of her quivering belly, pausing to plunge his hot tongue into the bowl of her navel, teasing the sensitive spot in a simulation of what he wanted to do to her. She closed her eyes and threaded her fingers through his thick hair as he dipped lower to nuzzle the apex of her thighs, teasing the sensitive area without actually descending to that hot, aching spot that pulsed with need. When Jeremiah’s tongue finally delved between her damp folds, she was nearly breathless and shaking. She thrilled at the feeling of his strong, firm hands gripping her hips and holding her to him, nursing and teasing her secret pleasure nub as he slipped a finger inside her while his tongue worked dark magic on her clitoris. Within minutes Miranda was writhing, losing herself to the explosive pleasure that radiated pure happiness throughout her body as waves upon waves of sensation zoomed down her nerve endings, leaving her weak and gasping.
Jeremiah kissed her inner thigh and then climbed her body to stare into her eyes. “I can never seem to get enough of you.” She didn’t need to answer; he already knew she felt the same.
Miranda rose up and framed his face with her hands, pulling him to her. She tasted her own musk on his lips and it thrilled her to have something so primal between them. He responded by eagerly slipping his tongue between her teeth and coaxing her to dance with him again. She didn’t need much persuading and they rolled until he was on his back and she straddled his straining member. The heat of her core teased him into delirium and his grip on her hips became urgent. She didn’t tease him long and slid onto his hard penis, groaning as he stretched her with his thick length. She shuddered as she moved sensually, riding him slowly as to milk every last moment with him until its inevitable conclusion. “Jeremiah,” she moaned, loving the sound of his name on her lips. He tensed beneath her as he thrust against her heat, and as she reached her second climax, Jeremiah quickly followed. She collapsed against him, both of them breathing hard as they recovered, until she could climb off and roll to her back beside him. As the sweat dried on their bodies, awareness of their situation returned.
After a long moment, Miranda regarded Jeremiah. “What now?” she asked as her heart rate slowly returned to normal an
d the sweat dried on her skin. She tried not to sink into sadness but reality was fast stomping on the euphoria of their reckless abandon and there was no stopping its intrusion on the moment.
“I don’t know.”
“Me, either,” she murmured, sighing. “We can keep saying we’re not going to do this again but somehow we always end up right where we started.”
“You’re irresistible,” he said with a short grin that she found adorable. She appreciated the compliment but it didn’t solve their problem. She rose up on her elbow and he tweaked her nipple with a half smile. “Any solution that pops into my head sounds unrealistic. I’m open to suggestions.”
“I was afraid you were going to say that. I don’t have the answers, either. All I know is I could spend a lifetime in your arms and I don’t have a lifetime to spare. I’m not going to suddenly stop being a mother and you’re not going to suddenly stop being traumatized by your son’s death.”
His expression dimmed and he agreed. “Stuart Olly would have a fit if he knew about us. Even if we didn’t suffer from the tragedies in our past, we work together and that’s against the rules. I would never jeopardize our jobs for something that we don’t even understand.”
She nodded and settled against him. “So...we’re back to square one.”
“Yeah.”
Great. “So are we going to sneak around? Clandestine meetings in hourly-rate motels like two dirty cheaters trying to hide their extracurricular activities?”
“They wouldn’t have to be dirty motels,” he said mildly. “I’d spring for a nice place to have my way with you.”
She gasped, then realized he was joking and laughed. “Such a gentleman...”
He shrugged. “At times.”
The laughter subsided and they simply held each other, naked and sated, until it was time for Miranda to pick up Talen. They shared one last lingering kiss inside the safety of his apartment, and then Miranda left with more questions in her head, a troubled heart, but a body that felt deliciously loose and satisfied.
She supposed two out of three wasn’t bad, right?
Yeah...right.
* * *
OTTER’S HEART TOOK an uncomfortable lurch as he saw Miranda leaving the studio apartment he rented to Jeremiah Burke. It could be work-related, he thought, but even as he wanted to justify why Miranda would legitimately be seen leaving her boss’s place on a Saturday he couldn’t deny that she had the look of a woman who was doing the walk of shame. Her glorious dark hair was tousled and her movements were swift and furtive as she ducked into her Range Rover and drove away.
Immediate and visceral rage bubbled from an unknown place and he wanted to shove his fist into Jeremiah’s face for being so lucky as to have garnered Miranda’s interest but he held it back by the thinnest margin. What a jerk, coming into town and setting his sights on Miranda. What made Jeremiah so special? And he’d been the idiot who’d offered Jeremiah a place to live. The irony was sickening.
Otter stared until Miranda’s Range Rover disappeared down the street. Disappointment mixed with sharp pain welled in his chest. He’d hoped maybe with time Miranda might see him as more than a friend. More than that goofy kid who had tried to impress her with his fancy car or his business sense. It was bad enough he’d had to suffer through her brief relationship with that criminal Johnny but now he was supposed to patiently wait for this new terrible idea to run its course? When was it going to be his turn with Miranda? If she’d just give him a chance, he’d show her that he was the best man for her.
“You’re a great friend, Otter,” Miranda had always said to him whenever he’d tried to broach the subject of a date. In other words: you’re not good enough for me, so stop dreaming.
Well, if Miranda was too busy screwing up her life with her boss, maybe he had to help the situation.
Maybe if he wasn’t always playing the good guy then Miranda might respect him. It was apparent she liked a little edge, a little danger in her relationships. He could give her danger. He could be a bad boy.
He could be very bad.
But first, he had to remove the distraction. Miranda couldn’t possibly see what was right in front of her face with Jeremiah constantly in her sights.
Why did it have to go this way? He’d actually liked the guy—he’d seemed like a decent fellow, someone who might be fun to spend some time with tipping back a beer at The Rusty Anchor.
Otter sure as hell wasn’t going to share a beer with the man now.
Hell no.
A man had his pride. It was bad enough he’d had Miranda. Otter scrubbed at his eyes as if he could rub away the images that his imagination kept throwing at him with masochistic zeal.
It simply wasn’t fair.
He was the better man for Miranda.
He’d show her. Somehow she’d see that he was the man who would make her happy. Not Jeremiah. That guy was a one-way street to disappointment.
He’d make sure of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MIRANDA SAT IN her office, her thoughts in a jumbled mess as she went through the motions of doing her work. This was new territory for her. She’d never had to consider another person in her life or how they might fit into it, not that she was trying to figure out a way to fit Jeremiah into her life, but it did pose interesting questions about where she wanted the direction of her life to go.
Normally, she wasn’t an introspective type of person but it seemed as of late she had plenty of reason to question every decision that she made. The revelation that Talen was sad that he didn’t have a father had really caused Miranda to take a step back and reevaluate a lot of things in her life. She’d always felt she was doing the best for her son by shielding him from her romantic life but the fact that she’d made no attempts to be committed to any one person apparently hadn’t been the right choice after all. In a way, it smarted to know that she wasn’t enough for Talen. Intellectually, she knew Talen had the right to his feelings, but the knowledge that he wanted more stung just the same.
Mary walked into her office with a smile, holding a piece of paper in her hand. “Did you see this?” she asked, handing over the printout. “I think it’s perfect for you. You should apply.”
Miranda glanced at the job listing printed from the federal wire and read over the requirements for the job of Special Services Enforcement Officer. The flicker of excitement at the possibilities made Miranda’s heart race. It was her dream job. Higher pay grade, more focused attention on poaching and the opportunity to make a difference at the legislative level. But just as Miranda allowed her imagination to run away with her, reality came crashing down, a rude and unwelcome visitor. There was no way she’d get the job.
“Mary, you know Stuart Olly would never consider me for this job.” She handed the paper back. “But thanks for letting me know.”
Mary frowned. “You’re just as qualified as anyone else for that job. Stuart should put aside his personal feelings and consider your professional merits because that’s all that matters.”
Miranda loved Mary’s naive outlook. “You and I both know that that’s not how the world works. Frankly, if Stuart had been able to find a way to fire me before now he would’ve done it. He and I are never going to be friends. He’s already put in a few choice words to Jeremiah about me.”
Mary gasped, appalled. “Is that legal? That doesn’t seem legal. Aren’t there rules, laws protecting employees? Like some kind of confidentiality clause?”
Miranda shrugged. “Probably. But sometimes people feel okay bending the rules. Particularly when they’re at the top.”
In hindsight, Miranda never should’ve slept with Stuart’s son. But in all fairness, it was so long ago that she barely remembered the encounter and Stuart’s son, Isaac, had long since moved away and married a flight attendant. Why Stuart chose to ho
ld the past against Miranda for this long, she had no idea. But the fact remained, Stuart did not like her and never would. Which meant if he had anything to say about her getting a better position within the department, it just wasn’t going to happen. Miranda tried to make the best of it. “I love my job here. Why would I want to leave?” she asked with a quick shrug.
But Mary saw through her false cheer. “Miranda, as much as I love having you around, you’ve outgrown this office and position. Making copies for mailers and doing permits for recreational hunters is frankly a waste of your talents. You need to be out there making a difference because not everyone shares your passion and we need people out there who are passionate about the things that matter.”
Miranda stared at Mary, surprised at her friend’s statement. She had always considered Mary as a little flighty, with a stereotypical blond personality. Miranda loved her but never really took her seriously. But clearly, she hadn’t given Mary enough credit. “Thank you, Mary,” she said with a smile. “I appreciate your confidence in me. I really do. And I would love to apply for this job...but to be honest, I’m afraid of getting my hopes up and being completely smashed by the rejection. There’s been a lot happening in my life in the last few weeks that have really knocked the wind out of my sails. I’m not sure I can take another beating.”
Mary looked concerned and took the seat opposite Miranda. “What’s going on?” she asked.
Miranda sighed, not sure she wanted to share, or which part she should share and which part she should keep to herself. She knew for certain she couldn’t talk about Jeremiah, so she decided to talk about Talen. “It seems Talen is feeling out of sorts. He’s been making comments about not having a father. It’s kind of thrown me for a loop.”
“Oh, honey, I’m surprised it hasn’t come up before now,” Mary said. “Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit. And Talen is a very smart boy. Hannah has quite the crush on him from what I hear.” The women shared a smile and a chuckle, and then Mary said, “Miranda, I would never overstep my bounds and tell you how to live your life, but sooner or later Talen was going to realize that you play by your own rules. There’s nothing wrong with that but it does make for a harder road to travel especially when everybody wants the people around them to be the same.”
That Reckless Night Page 17
