“People gossip about my family because of Simone, but they love to gossip about me because I’m still around to remind them what happened. I’m tired of people putting their noses in my business. I can handle it, the censure, but I never wanted it to come back on Talen. Maybe I made a mistake in staying in Homer. I should’ve moved away like Wade.”
“Who’s being naive now? How could you possibly think that your actions wouldn’t affect Talen? Not to be rude, Miranda, but I would imagine by now you’ve run out of men to sleep with for your little no-commitment, one-night-stand marathons.”
Miranda stared, her mouth dropping open a little.
Mary shrugged and said, “Everybody knows. But the ones who love you, love you for your flaws and your strengths. Besides I can’t imagine what it’s like to live your life, having people talk about you and your personal tragedy over the dinner table as if it were their right to do so. You’re a strong person because you’ve had to be, but also because you were made to be. But I think it’s time to figure out what you really want, Miranda. Time for you to stop hiding behind that reckless, rash persona that you throw up when things get tough or emotionally complicated. It’s just time to grow up.”
Miranda swallowed, unable to believe what Mary was telling her, but there was no denying the logic and reason in her advice. It was true—it was time to grow up. The only problem? She had no experience in being mature and she was scared of herself.
“I don’t think I know how to be different, even if I wanted to be.”
Mary smiled. “No one knows how to be different, you goose. You have to take a leap of faith to be different. Make that choice and just go for it. Before I met Jim, I was an emotional, insecure wreck. I didn’t think I could go into another relationship after my first marriage had failed so miserably. How could I have not known that Peter was cheating on me with nearly everyone in town aside from you? I felt stupid and ugly and worthless and I was certain everyone was talking about me behind my back. But I knew I had to get myself together for Hannah’s sake. I didn’t want Hannah to see me as this weak, sniveling woman who didn’t know how to be without a man. And even though it was hard, and I was scared, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and put one foot in front of the other until I found that I could walk on my own. And then at the best possible moment, I met Jim.” She paused for a brief moment, as if unable to stop the warm smile that always followed when Mary talked about her new husband.
Miranda had to admit, it must be nice to feel that way about someone.
Mary continued with bright eyes. “And he is the man I’ve been waiting for. But I wouldn’t have met him if I hadn’t gone through what I did with Peter. There is someone out there for you, Miranda. I know it. I feel it in my bones. But you’ll never get to meet him if you don’t take that leap of faith. Open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone, instead of being so ready to toss him on his ear the minute you’re through with him. You might be surprised what you find.”
Miranda stared in wonder at her friend, unable to believe the poignancy of Mary’s advice. “When did you get so smart?” she asked, half joking, but only to hide the fact that Mary had poked at a very raw nerve. “I don’t know what to say. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
Mary smiled, relieved. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a while, but you know, that’s just not something you can jump into without some kind of invitation because it could be offensive if taken the wrong way and I would never jeopardize our friendship even though our relationship is mostly a work friendship.”
“I’m hard to get to know outside of the office,” Miranda acknowledged, realizing she had a true friend in Mary and not only a nine-to-five buddy as she’d thought. “And all this time I’ve been drinking alone,” Miranda teased, needing some levity before the conversation made her cry.
But Mary saw through her attempt and said, “You have a lot of people who care about you, probably more than you know. You are a very cool person, just a little troubled from everything that’s happened in your life. But you’re also the strongest person I know. Honestly, when I was going through my divorce and I thought I couldn’t handle one more thing being thrown at me, I thought of you.”
“Me?” Miranda repeated, bewildered. “Why?”
“Because you’re so strong,” Mary answered. “I thought of everything you’ve been through, from your sister’s death, the job, your family and you being a single mother, and I knew that if you could do it, I could do it. You gave me hope and you inspired me to be stronger, not only for my sake but for my daughter’s sake. And so I feel I owe you a debt, and if there’s any way that I can help you find happiness in your life, I want to do that.” Mary smiled and added, “And I’m not just saying this because I know my brother has a terrible crush on you. I’m saying it because I mean it.”
Miranda’s eyes watered, and she felt overwhelmed. “I don’t know what to say.”
Mary smiled brightly. “That’s easy. Say that you’ll apply for this job.”
Miranda wiped at her tears and laughed. “Okay. I will. But you’d better be on hand with tequila poppers when I get denied because Stuart hates me.”
“If that happens, and I say if in a big way, I will pay for all your drinks at The Rusty Anchor. But I have a feeling that even Stuart won’t be able to say no because you’re perfect for the job and he knows it.”
Miranda laughed. Wouldn’t that be crazy? Mary’s belief in her buoyed her optimism. For the first time in a long time she dreamed of something bigger than the satellite office could provide. The opportunity to make a difference in something she was truly passionate about was enough to give her goose bumps. Mary was right; she’d been allowing fear of failure to keep her pigeonholed in one spot. She didn’t know what she was going to do about Jeremiah but she could do something about her career. And perhaps her first step should be to pay a visit to Stuart and clear the air. If she didn’t at least do everything in her power to create a path to success, she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, because she would always wonder. Her mouth curved in a tremulous smile. “When does the application period start?”
Mary’s smile lit up her eyes. “This Friday.”
Perfect. She had time to brush up her résumé and put together a plan. It also gave her time to figure things out with Jeremiah. “Thank you, Mary. I never realized the swift kick in the ass that I needed would come from you.”
Mary grinned, openly delighted. “Happy to help. Now, when would you like to start processing the permits for moose season? I have three stacks that just came in this morning.”
Miranda moaned and grimaced at the idea of sifting through hundreds of permits, then sighed. “Give me a minute to come off of cloud nine and we can start in thirty.”
“Sounds good.”
Mary left the office and Miranda couldn’t help the smile that kept creeping up on her. The idea of actually having some kind of power to make a difference was enough to keep her grinning for days and temporarily blotted out the other stuff in her life that was tumbling down around her ears.
And for the moment, she was happy to focus on something positive for once instead of dwelling on all the things that were going wrong. Mary was right; time for change.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
STUART OLLY FLEXED his fingers and struggled to control his temper. He’d warned Jeremiah about Miranda but the vixen had somehow gotten her claws into him. This was trouble. Oh, this was bad. Not only for Jeremiah’s career but for the whole agency. He couldn’t have a blemish like this staining their reputation in the media. He wanted to fire Miranda but he couldn’t. Technically, if anyone was going to be fired it had to be Jeremiah because he was in a position of power over Miranda. Ostensibly, Miranda might’ve been coerced. Yeah, right. Miranda was a piranha, and if anyone had been coerced it was probably Jeremiah, the poor man.
He still remembered his son Isaac’s crestfallen expression after Miranda had discarded him like yesterday’s trash. The woman was a moral scourge and had been a pain in his side since the day they met. She was all the things he couldn’t stand in a woman: outspoken, brash, with balls big enough to rival a man’s. He wouldn’t go so far as to say women belonged in the kitchen but he certainly believed that when the gender roles were all twisted up and confused, it complicated relations. Yes, he was all about gender equality in public but privately...he wished things were just a little bit more clearly defined.
And what was he supposed to do with this information? If he fired Jeremiah, the press might catch wind of it and start poking around. It wouldn’t take much, a slip of the tongue by someone who didn’t know any better, and the story would come tumbling out. The scandal. A supervisor dallying with an employee. Lands sakes alive, the idea gave him heartburn. He steepled his fingers in thought. Maybe he could transfer Miranda to another office? Of course, the thought of foisting Miranda on someone else seemed like a bad idea. He sighed, irritated at the sudden turn of events.
Why couldn’t Jeremiah have listened to him? It was a simple directive: stay away from Miranda Sinclair. But he should have known—a young red-blooded American man would eagerly fall into the clutches of that green-eyed woman.
Either way, the situation had to be handled. And of course, the dirty work fell to him. He picked up the phone and dialed Jeremiah’s number. Jeremiah picked up on the second ring.
“Jeremiah, we need to talk,” he said, getting right to the point.
Jeremiah’s voice, on the other hand, was congenial yet cautious. “No problem. What about?”
“I think you know and, frankly, I’m disappointed.”
There was a long pause and Jeremiah said, “When would you like to meet?”
“I will see you tomorrow, 3:30 p.m. sharp. Do not be late.” Stuart ended the call without so much as a goodbye.
He couldn’t believe how disappointed he was in Jeremiah’s judgment. Perhaps there was something in Jeremiah that reminded him of Isaac, or perhaps of himself when he’d been younger, and knowing that Jeremiah had blatantly disregarded his solid advice really pinched his backside.
Well, he supposed the old adage was true: youth was wasted on the young because when the body was young and able, the brain was brash and stupid.
* * *
JEREMIAH PUT THE PHONE down and tried to quell the queasy feeling in his gut. He didn’t bother trying to deny Stuart’s suspicions; he’d rather face the situation head-on. Someone must have tipped off Stuart to Miranda and Jeremiah’s relationship—if you could call their wild, untamable attraction to one another a relationship. The question was, who? Then it hit him. Someone must’ve seen Miranda leaving his apartment on Saturday. It would have had to have been someone who knew them both, and someone who either didn’t like Miranda or didn’t like him. Seeing as he hadn’t been around for very long, he was willing to put his money on Miranda.
He squeezed the bridge of his nose, feeling a tension headache coming on. He knew this would happen. He’d known it would be a bad idea to pursue anything with Miranda, and although logic dictated that they keep their distance, he really disliked the idea of someone else telling him whom he could or couldn’t see. He was willing to admit his feelings were childish and immature but it didn’t stop him from bristling at the thought.
Still, now was not the time to make waves. He called Miranda into his office. “What’s up?” she asked. “Not that I’m complaining. I’d welcome anything that would give me a break from moose permits.”
Jeremiah smiled briefly and motioned for her to close the door. At his direction her open smile faded. “This seems serious.”
“It is.” Jeremiah didn’t see the value in softening the blow, so he laid everything out there. “Someone knows about us. I don’t know who, but it was someone who knows us both and reported our relationship to Stuart. I have a meeting scheduled tomorrow afternoon to discuss the situation. I wanted to let you know so you have a heads-up.”
Miranda sank into the chair, stunned. “I don’t understand. We don’t even have a relationship. And as far as I know no one was in the room with us when we were in that cabin and certainly no one was with us on Saturday. How could anyone have known?”
“The best that I can figure is that someone spotted you leaving my apartment on Saturday.”
“Yeah? So? You’re my boss. Maybe I was delivering paperwork. Maybe I was doing something work-related.”
“Whoever made the report must’ve seen something to make them believe that your visit was anything but professional.”
Miranda searched her memory and then grimaced. “Maybe my clothes were disheveled or maybe I had a look about me.... I don’t know.... Damn, I knew I should’ve gone out the back door.”
Jeremiah shook his head. “Listen, there are a million different ways to tear apart our actions but let’s not do that. I’m not about to let you pay for this mistake. I will take the heat.”
Miranda looked horrified. “You could lose your job.”
Jeremiah knew that. “I’m your superior and I’m in a position of authority. It was wrong. I’m willing to take responsibility.”
“No. I’m not about to let you take all the heat. I was a willing participant. Let me talk to Stuart.”
“Absolutely not. That’s a terrible idea. For some reason he does not like you at all. I think you’ll make it worse.”
Miranda scowled. “That man is a male chauvinist who tries to pretend that he’s anything but.”
“Be that as it may, he’s our boss. I will talk to him while you lay low and keep your head down.”
“I hate this idea. We will have to think of something else. Listen, we don’t know for sure that he knows anything specific. We can say it’s our word against whoever ratted us out. Besides, what proof is there aside from one person’s supposed word? It’s practically defamation of character.”
“I’m not going to hide behind lies. You start telling one lie and it leads to another until you have a huge mess that you have to try to remember and keep straight. I don’t have the energy for that. I’d rather handle the situation and move on.”
“Even if it means you could lose your job?”
Jeremiah exhaled and nodded. “Yes. If I have to lie to keep my job, it’s not a job worth having.”
Miranda’s eyes glittered. “That’s ridiculous,” she fairly snapped. She stood to leave. “If you’re intent on trashing your job, so be it. But I want to go on record as saying this is a terrible idea. And if you would just put your thinking cap on and think outside the box or whatever other cliché you can come up with, you might find a different way out of this.”
Jeremiah didn’t have a chance to respond before she had slammed out of the office. He was surprised by her vehemence, and oddly, he was touched by her refusal to let him fall on his sword. But all things being considered, he would willingly bear the brunt of Stuart’s anger if it protected Miranda. She had enough on her plate; she didn’t need that blowhard on her tail, as well.
It was the least he could do. For Miranda, he realized he would be willing to do so much more.
* * *
STEAM FAIRLY CURLED from Miranda’s ears. She wasn’t about to let Jeremiah just throw away his job but she didn’t know what to do. Likely Stuart wouldn’t want to hear anything she had to say and anything she said might make it worse, but she couldn’t stand the idea of sitting on her hands and watching Jeremiah walk to the slaughter. She wished Jeremiah would lie. It was one small tiny white lie.
All they had to do was coordinate their stories and whoever had ratted on them would look like an overzealous tattletale. But damn Jeremiah’s sense of nobility. She didn’t want Jeremiah to go. Aside from the fact that she liked seeing him every day, he was good
for the department. He was good for the office. He cared and he wanted to make change, which was far more than Virgil ever did. Virgil was a good guy but he’d been a terrible boss. For the first time ever they were looking at some positive changes within their office, which went above and beyond new pens and new staplers. It was all because of Jeremiah.
It was easy to say that losing Jeremiah in the work environment would be a huge blow because it was. It was harder to admit that losing Jeremiah on a personal level hurt more than she wanted it to. She didn’t want to have deep feelings for Jeremiah—wasn’t that the crux of this dilemma? If they hadn’t sparked off of that attraction none of this would be happening right now. They tried not to see each other; they tried to stay away from one another. But that attraction—whatever it was—refused to die. She craved his presence, his touch, his camaraderie, and he was part of the reason she enjoyed coming to the office every day. He was a good sounding board for her ideas and her concerns. And the idea of losing him over this made her crazy.
“Damn you, Stuart.”
Unable to just sit there and do nothing, Miranda tried to catch up on paperwork but the words blurred as she lost focus and after several attempts simply threw her hands in the air and gave up. She grabbed her coat and gloves and headed out. She needed to move. She needed to do something physical. She supposed now was a good time to do some fieldwork, if only to check some leads on the poaching case.
Jeremiah caught her leaving and hollered for her to wait. “Where are you going?” he asked when he’d caught up.
“Out to do something to keep my mind off your impending career suicide,” she whispered in an angry tone so no one else could hear them. “Fieldwork,” she added a bit louder for everyone else’s benefit.
That Reckless Night Page 18
