California Sunshine

by Tamara Miller

"Ash, baby, don't give her hell." Ashley laughed and nodded, stirring the noodles, but I knew I was in for a very long two weeks. "So has she talked to you about going out Friday night? We're going to the Greystone Manor. I think you'll love it." He said pouring himself a glass of wine and that's when I realized that they were like an old married couple.

  I giggled. "Sounds good. You know I like a good bar or club."

  "Oh, we know." They both said in unison.

  My eyes flew up. "What's that supposed to mean?" I felt a little hurt, but wouldn't give into those feelings until I knew for sure what they had meant.

  Mike laughed, "No, no, not like that. You light up when you're having fun, though. Happy looks good on you." He nudged me gently and I smiled, looking back down at my wine. Thinking about the last time, I'd really been happy. It has been a while, I'll admit that. But I'm happy now, happy being completely free. It's lonely, but it's peaceful. No fighting, no wondering, no worrying. I was pulled out of my thoughts by the doorbell.

  I quickly looked at Ashley who was moving around the kitchen and then at Michael who stood slowly and made his way to answer the door. When he returned there was a couple following him and all of a sudden my anxiety took hold. I'm not good with a lot of people, and especially with people I've never met before. Ashley should have warned me.

  Ashley rounded the island and hugged each of them. "Laney! Matt! Glad y'all could make it. This is Joanna, everybody calls her Jo, though. Jo, Laney and Matt. Matt works with Mike, Laney is a first-grade teacher."

  I smiled, "Nice to meet y'all."

  "Finally! I get to meet the notorious Joanna!" Laney exclaimed smiling widely and I looked at Ashley out of the corner of my eye.

  "Notorious huh? Well, I hope she only told you the true stories." I replied, standing. I walked around the island and sat my empty glass in the sink.

  "What happened to sipping?" Ashley whispered.

  "New people. Got anything else that ain't wine?" I whispered back.

  "Not 'til after supper. You'll be fine."

  "What are you two over there whispering about?" Mike asked and I so badly wanted to glare at him.

  "Nothin'." I said, probably a little too quickly, but that was the fun part of anxiety. It was going to shine a magnifying glass on your insecurities and let those shine like a motherfucker.

  "Y'all ready to eat?" Ashley asked, saving me from the bus that I had just thrown myself under.

  "Of course. I brought dessert. Hope everyone likes cheesecake." Laney said, halfheartedly smiling at me.

  Mike took the dish from her and sat it in the fridge. "None of us are picky."

  I felt very, very out of place. And of course, my brain was in overdrive, yelling at me for making such an amateur mistake.

  Chapter 3

  Supper had been fantastic, but the conversation had been less than that. I had stumbled through answering every question that Laney and Matt had for me. It wasn't fun and I was less than thrilled to still be sitting at a table with four other individuals that were talking and laughing like I no longer existed. I slowly and quietly gathered my plate, put it in the sink and disappeared outside. I was really missing home right now, I loved Ashley and Mike, but if I would have known I'd be the fifth wheel I would have just stayed behind.

  As I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself I saw headlights in the driveway and a few minutes later a guy was walking up the sidewalk.

  "Hey. How are you?" he asked politely.

  I nodded. "Fine. How are you?"

  "I'm good. Hey is Mike inside?"

  "Yeah, he is. Matt and Laney are in there too." I replied.

  "Ah, the infamous Laney. By the way, I'm Joshua, and you are?"

  I looked up at him. "My name is Joanna, but everybody calls me Jo."

  He nodded, "Cute name. Well wish me luck, I'm going in."

  I laughed, "Good luck." I replied as he disappeared inside.

  I moved out to the front yard, lying on my back watching the stars when I heard footsteps. I looked up to find Ashley standing there. "Hi," I said, somewhat quietly.

  "Spill it." she said, lying down beside me on the grass.

  I sighed heavily and looked behind me. "Just kinda feelin' like the fifth wheel I guess. Didn't mean to disappear."

  "You know I worry about you right? I didn't mean to isolate you inside, it just kind of happened. Not living so close I found friends, so trying to balance everything is gonna be hard."

  "I know. I have friends to ya know. It's not like I just go to work and go home. I go out with friends." I replied.

  "Sometimes. Most of the time since everything with Lance, you don't go out. I know ya don't 'cause you call me when you could be out havin' fun."

  I giggled. "There's that southern twang. I know. It's just some days are harder than others. Sometimes I just sit at home and wonder what the hell I did to deserve to be cheated on and lied to."

  "You didn't do nothin' wrong and you know it as well as I do. He was just an asshole in the long run."

  That's when we heard several pairs of footsteps. "Well, you two look comfortable down there. Star gazing?" Mike asked.

  Ashley nodded. "Yeah, and talkin'. I'm sorry y'all my best friend needs me." she said, sitting up slowly. She looked between the four of them standing there.

  "Everybody needs a best friend." Joshua said and I nodded.

  "Yeah. They do." I replied, almost in a whisper as I noticed a shooting star. I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish. No matter how old I got, I'd always wish on a shooting star.

  "Totally understandable. Ashley call me sometime this week and maybe the three of us could go to lunch or something." Laney said and I felt bad for not liking her at first. I needed to start giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.

  "Sounds good Laney," Ashley replied, and I knew she felt caught in the middle. It was as if we were kids, trying to choose between friends.

  "No, it really does sound good Laney. Maybe Wednesday? Would that work?" I asked, taking the bull by the horns. I wasn't going to put my best friend, my sister, through all this crap that I was good at putting people through.

  "Sounds great!" Laney said, a little too enthusiastically.

  "Well Mike man, I'll catch up with you later." I heard who I assumed to be Josh say. I arched my back slightly and looked behind me and our eyes locked. I quickly went back to laying how I had been, feeling awkward and embarrassed.

  When I woke up the next morning, I took a shower and decided that I was going to make the most of this trip that I could. I wasn't going to let my anxiety get the best of me. I quickly threw some cut off jean shorts on with a black tank top and my flip flops. I was tying my hair into a messy bun as I walked into the kitchen when I heard Mike and Ashley talking.

  "Was she really alright last night?"

  "Babe, Mike, she was fine. She just felt a little...isolated. That's all, but can ya blame her? She got here and then we had Laney and Matt over. I can only imagine how that must have felt."

  I bit my bottom lip, trying to push the anxiety back.

  "Alright, alright. Well, I've gotta go to work. You two have fun, don't get into too much trouble." I heard him say and knew I had to make my entrance.

  "Good mornin'," I said, heading for the coffee pot.

  "Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Mike asked.

  I smiled and nodded. "Yes. Like a rock actually."

  "That's great. Well, you two have fun," he replied, grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

  "I'm sorry about last night," I said, sitting down at the table with Ashley. My coffee in one hand, an apple in the other.

  "Don't apologize. You know it's fine, I've been your friend since kindergarten. Is that all you're havin' for breakfast?"

  I nodded. "Yeah. I was gonna see if you wanted to take me to buy somethin' to wear Friday night when we go out."

  Ashley's face lit up. "Of course! I'm ready when you are."

  I smiled. "Well, shouldn't we be headin' out?" />
  We had been gone all day. Ashley had taken me to her favorite places to shop, I found the perfect outfit for Friday night. We were sitting at a restaurant called Eat. It had been Ashley's idea since I obviously knew nothing about places to go for food.

  "So you met Josh last night? What did you think?" Ashley asked.

  I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "He seemed nice I guess. I don't know Ash, we pretty much just introduced ourselves and that was it."

  "He's a really good guy--"

  I interrupted. "I'm sure he is, but you're thinkin' about doin' somethin' stupid. Don't. Please."

  "Oh come on Jo! It's been seven freakin' months! You need to get laid."

  "Yeah well that goes without sayin', but I ain't into hookin' up and you know that," I replied, taking a sip of my tea.

  "Why not?! Once isn't gonna hurt you!"

  I glared at her. "Because I don't want just a hookup. I want it to mean somethin'. You know why I'm like that too."

  "Yeah, but at some point, you gotta let go of the past and live in the now. Say a guy were to walk up here in ten minutes and ask for your number? What would you do?"

  "It depends on what my gut says."

  "You can't listen to your gut all the time Jo. Give your head and heart a chance."

  "Yeah Ash, I gave my head and heart both a chance and see where it got me? Not able to trust nobody."

  "Okay, okay, fair enough. At least, talk to a guy. That won't hurt will it?" she asked, taking a bite of her salad that I thought she had forgotten about.

  "No. That won't hurt nothin'. But I ain't goin' out of my way either." I replied, smiling.

  When we got back to the house I put my stuff away and put my bathing suit on. Ashley was getting ready to meet Mike for dinner so I was going to take the time to check out their massive pool. I grabbed a towel and headed outside. I dove in, and when I surfaced Mike and Ashley were standing there.

  "We're leaving. We'll be back later, you still love pizza right?" Ashley asked.

  I laughed, wiping the water out of my face. "Yeah I still love pizza. Y'all have fun." I winked and went back under the water. I didn't need her acting like my mother, and as much I'd love to have a mom, I didn't need my best friend trying to play the role.

  I was sitting beside the pool, working on my third whiskey and coke when my phone began to ring. I looked at the screen and ignored it as I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe Lance was calling me, tonight of all nights. He hadn't called in, at least, two months, and I wasn't going to start answering now. I took a long sip of my drink, set it back down calmly and chunked my phone into the pool. I had to smile as I watched it sink, once it was out of my sight I realized that it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  After I finished my drink I stood, grabbed my towel, looked in the pool and smiled once again before turning to go inside. Just as I made it through the back door, Ashley and Mike came walking through the front.

  "How was y'alls date?" I asked.

  Ashley smiled, looking up at Mike. "It was great!" she replied, lifting her left hand.

  I gasped and took her hand in mine. "No way! Congratulations!" I exclaimed, wrapping them both in a hug one by one.

  "Thank you. I've actually been planning this for a while." Mike said.

  I smiled brightly at him. "Well, you did great! I'm gonna go take a shower and change. I think I'm gonna go for a walk." I hugged Ashley, "Congrats again." I whispered as I turned towards the room I was staying in.

  I had just laced my sneakers when there was a soft knock at the bedroom door. "Come in," I called.

  "Hey, you okay?" Ashley asked, walking in and sitting down next to me on the bed.

  I raised my eyebrow, "Yeah. Why?"

  "Mike spotted your phone in the pool."

  I smiled, "Oh. That. Well, Lance called, so I tossed it in the pool instead of answering. I'll get another one when I get back to Nashville."

  "What if somebody tries to call ya?"

  I shrugged, "Nobody's gonna call me."

  "What about Caleb? Michelle? You never know Jo."

  "Well, Caleb and Michelle both know I came out here to spend time with y'all. So if they need me and cain't get me they'll call you. Besides, my brother will be just fine. He barely calls me when I'm in Nashville, if he calls me now somethin' would really have to be wrong." I said, looking at the floor.

  She heavily sighed. "I'm sorry. Look go for a walk. We'll be here."

  I nodded. "Thanks. I'll be back later." I said, standing and heading for the door.

  "Jo?"

  "Yeah?" I stopped and looked back.

  "Give somebody a chance."

  "I'm open to it if it happens, but like I said, I ain't lookin'." I replied and disappeared, closing the door behind me.

  When I got back it was late so I closed the front door as quietly as I could. I felt like I was sneaking in so I had to giggle to myself. I walked quietly to the room, and when I flipped the light on that's when I saw it. A phone sitting on the bed with a note. I walked over and grabbed the sticky note and began to read:

  "Jo -

  You need a phone. It's just a cheap prepaid to get you by for the next week. I'm proud of you for not talking to Lance, dudes a creep. Keep your head up beautiful, it'll get better.

  Mike"

  I smiled and quickly opened the box. In all the years I'd known Mike he had become a second best friend and I'd always be proud to say that he was like a second brother to me.

  Chapter 4

  Today was Friday. Tonight we were all going out, and I was feeling a mixture of excitement and dread. I was excited to go out and experience nightlife in California, but I was dreading it because I had a feeling that Ashley was going to try and get me to dance with guys, or talk to them. I spritzed some salt water spray in my slightly wavy hair and scrunched it with my hands. I took one last long look in the mirror and decided that it was the best I was gonna get.

  I put my high heels on and grabbed my clutch. When I stepped into the living room Ashley's face lit up like it was Christmas day. I couldn't help but laugh, but I still felt nervous. I ran my hands down my dress to smooth out the imaginary wrinkles that had somehow become clear in my head.

  "You look gorgeous love," Ashley said, standing and taking my hands in hers. Trying to calm my fears like she had so many times before.

  "Absolutely stunning," Mike said, watching us as he stood.

  I smiled, looking down at the floor. I hated letting my anxiety get the best of me, but it was out of my control. I had practiced many, many techniques to keep the demons at bay, but they all worked for just a short time. I had finally given up and just let it be. If I ever found someone new, they'd have to know how to let me be.

  We arrived at the Greystone Manor and found our table. We ordered our drinks when Ashley looked at me.

  "So we're waitin' on somebody else."

  My heart sank to the pit of my stomach as I swallowed hard. Before I could answer I saw Mike stand and shake someone's hand. I looked up to see Joshua standing there and before I realized it my breath had caught in my throat so I took a sip and slightly smiled at him. He gave Ashley a hug, breaking his eye contact with me. For a moment, my heart stilled until he sat down next to me.

  "Nice to see you again."

  I smiled and nodded, "You too."

  "That dress looks really good on you."

  At that moment, it felt like the world was closing in on me, and it felt like my whole body was shaking. Which on the inside it probably was, considering I hadn't had someone other than Ashley and Mike compliment me.

  "Thank you," I whispered, feeling trapped.

  After supper, we went upstairs to the lounge. Mike led us over to a corner couch with a little table. They slid in together, Josh held out his hand, motioning for me to go ahead of him. I smiled slightly and slid in next to Ashley. We all ordered our drinks, Ashley, and Mike fell into conversation as though Joshua and I weren't even there.

  "
I think it's crazy that they're finally engaged," Josh said, propping his elbows on the table and looking at me.

  I nodded. "I know right? It's about time, though."

  "How long have you known them?"

  "Well I've known Ashley since kindergarten, and I've known Mike for the last four years. How long have you known Mike?"

  "I've known him for the last sixteen years. We went to college together."

  I smiled and nodded, taking a sip of my drink. "That's awesome. I bet it gets kinda hard to stay in touch, though."

  Josh shook his head, setting his beer down. "Not at all. We work together."

  "Even better then."

  "Yeah. So what do you do in--?" He trailed off, his brows furrowing together.

  I laughed. "Nashville.I actually scout new talent. Listen to demos, go to bars and see bands. I'm the one who finds 'em and signs em."

  "Nashville. I've always wanted to visit the South. Your work sounds amazing. You like it?"

  "I love it. Kind of missin' it, though. Two weeks and I don't know what to do with myself." I replied.

  "Sounds familiar. I love work, but it's nice to get away and just take some time for yourself too."

  "I do take time for myself. Almost every weekend. I either go hikin', or I just stay home and curl up on the couch with a good book."

  Josh nodded. "So you like the outdoors? You only go hiking, though?"

  "I love the outdoors. No, every once in a while I'll meet up with friends for a bonfire or ridin' four wheelers. If it gets me outside, I'm all in."

  "And what about your boyfriend?"

  I inwardly cringed. "I don't have one."

  "Oh, I'm sorry. That's what I get for assuming a beautiful woman like you would have a boyfriend."

  I laughed. "Well, I had a boyfriend. That's a long complicated story that I'd much rather not talk about right now, though."

  "Well, one night before you go back home I'd love to hear this story."

  I took another sip of my drink and realized that Mike and Ashley had disappeared. "Sounds good. So what about you? Girlfriend?"