California Sunshine

by Tamara Miller

  "People are gonna think what they want anyways. Ugh, I'm so hungry!" I exclaimed. Getting a laugh from Josh.

  "Well eat silly."

  "I'm gonna as soon as I get home. I think I'm gonna order from a place called Taste of Italy. They have the best food ever. Yup. I'm orderin' as soon as I get home."

  "Well, when I come visit you'll have to show me this place."

  "Sounds good." Then it hit me what he had said. "Wait. You're gonna come visit?" I asked.

  "Of course I am. Don't know when, but it's only fair don't you think?" he asked.

  I shrugged. "I guess. I mean, I didn't really go to Cali to see you. I went to see Ashley and Mike, odds were ever in our favor though apparently."

  "Yes, they were. So you almost home?"

  "Yeah. 'Bout ten minutes away. I'll probably hang up in five so I can get inside, order food, and call Ashley. But I'll call you back after if that's alright?"

  "You know it's fine. I might go out to get some beer. If I don't answer I'll call you back asap."

  I smiled. "Sounds good. Well, I'll talk to ya later. Bye."

  "Bye." he replied and we both hung up as the cab pulled up outside my house.

  After ordering my food and talking to Ashley, which in and of itself felt like forever, I got ready to take a shower. Nothing ever felt better than a shower in your own bathroom, and going to bed in your own bed. It was like heaven. I was convinced that if heaven was hot showers and your own bed, then I was ready to die ten minutes ago. I stepped into the shower, steam swirling around my body and I instantly relaxed. Heaven. I thought and sighed.

  I finished my shower and got dressed in black leggings and a baggy army green shirt. My hair was still wet when I dialed Josh's number again.

  "That was a long wait," he answered.

  "I'm sorry. Ashley wouldn't shut up and I took a shower. I'm absolutely convinced showers and my own bed is what my heaven is gonna be."

  "Sounds like an awesome Heaven. Don't be sorry, though, I was just giving you hell."

  "Alright. So did you go get beer?"

  "Yeah. You get food?"

  I laughed, "Yeah, and ate it while I was talkin' to Ash. She wouldn't shut up about us so I figured I'd just set the phone down on speaker and eat. What she don't know though is I was watchin' TV, so I'm not too sure what all she said."

  He laughed. "I like you more and more."

  I smiled. "I'm glad. But that's our secret alright? She cain't know."

  "Your secret's safe with me."

  Josh and I had talked until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

  "Get some sleep." he had said which made me smile.

  I yawned. "Okay. I'll try to shoot you a text sometime tomorrow. I'm not sure how busy I'll be."

  "Don't worry about it. I'll be at work 'til 5."

  "Okay. I'll talk to ya later. Goodnight."

  "Goodnight. Sleep well."

  "You too. Bye."

  "Bye."

  And with that, we hung up and I set my alarm. I curled up in my bed, pulling the covers tightly around me. For the first time in a really, really long time I fell asleep with a smile.

  It didn't last long because a few hours later I woke myself up crying. My heart was beating out of my chest. I ran a shaky hand through my hair. I tried to steady my breathing, but I couldn't. I tossed the blankets off me, slowly slid out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I looked in the fridge and realized I had no booze of any kind. I slammed the door shut angrily. I sighed heavily and decided to make me a cup of tea. I rolled my eyes and groaned as I waited for the water to boil. I was trying to fight my heartbreak with annoyance, but it wasn't working. The pit in my stomach continued to grow and I couldn't stop it. The storm was coming, and it was going to be worse than normal.

  Chapter 8

  Weeks had passed and it was now October. Josh and I had talked almost every day. Sharing pictures of our day's when we could. Of course, Mike and Ashley were still asking if we were together, every time though we told them no. I think they stopped buying into our answer, but we didn't care. We knew the truth, and that's all that mattered. I hadn't told Josh about my recurring nightmares. I didn't want to drag him down with me, so I kept it to myself.

  I had the weekend off so I decided to fly to Cali to surprise them all for Halloween. I had a rental car ready and waiting when I got there. I wanted my own way around instead of depending on Josh or Ashley and Mike. Josh had been telling me about a Halloween party he had been wanting to go to if I could be there. So I had bought myself a costume and made plans to go to this party.

  I landed at 7:30 PM California time. I loaded my suitcase into the rental and made my way to the hotel I was staying at. Once I was checked in and settled into my room it was already 8:30 PM. Traffic had been horrendous. I called for a cab, told them my location and what time they should be there. I curled my hair and half pinned it up with a beautiful diamond barrette. I lined my eyes in black and smudged black eyeshadow along my eyelid and underneath my eye. I put on dark red lipstick and moved on to my dress. I had bought the prettiest ball gown I could find. It was black tulle, maroon satin over it. Black jewels adorned the breast of the dress. I grabbed my ticket and sterling silver masquerade mask and headed downstairs.

  While I was waiting for the cab my phone began ringing. It was a picture from Josh. He was in a suit with a black masquerade mask on. I smiled and sent a picture from earlier that day.

  "I'll take a better picture once I'm ready. Have fun!" I sent.

  "I can't wait to see your costume. I will, you have fun as well. Still wish you were here." I read and quickly put my phone back in my clutch as the cab pulled up next to me.

  I arrived at the party shortly before ten. I gave the bouncers my ticket and they let me in without a problem. I walked around for a while, trying to find Josh. I was half-assed looking for Ashley and Mike, but I really wanted to find Josh. I gave up for a while and walked over to the bar.

  "What can I get ya?" the bartender asked.

  "Grim Reaper, please? More Rum than Kahlua."

  "You sure about that?" he asked.

  I nodded. "Absolutely," I replied.

  "I love your dress!" I heard a girl shout over the music. I turned to see if they were talking to me or someone else. When I faced her, her eyes widened. "Jo?!" she asked in shock.

  "You weren't supposed to know I was here!" I exclaimed as she threw her arms around me.

  "Does Josh know you're here?" she asked.

  I shook my head. "Not yet. I've been lookin' for all y'all but got tired and decided I needed a drink. Help me out here. Please. I want it to be a surprise. Ask him to go get drinks or somethin'. Send him here and I'll wait."

  "You're crazy! You gotta tell me something first, though, do you have feelings for him?"

  I chewed on the inside of my lip. "Why?" I asked. I had to know before answering.

  "'Cause I think he has feelings for you. Just a hunch I have, but tonight all he's talked about is how he wishes you were here. Now, tell me. Do you have feelings for him?"

  I nodded. "Yes. I do. But you can not tell him! Please! Just send him down here. I know you're an expert at this crap."

  She giggled. "You two are gonna be great together."

  "So you've told us a million times!" I exclaimed as she turned and disappeared into the crowd.

  I paid for my drink and stood off to the side, waiting for Josh. In that moment, I felt like Cinderella, only, in a darker version.

  I spotted him walking towards the bar. My heart was beating like a caged bird in my chest. I took another sip of my drink to calm my nerves and stepped forward as he got closer.

  "I'm sorry. Excuse me," he said, going to walk around me.

  "No. Please excuse me." I replied.

  His eyes widened and he just stared at me. "Jo?" he asked.

  I laughed. "Yup. Surprise." I said, winking at him.

  "Was Ashley and Mike in on it the entire time?"

  I shook my head
. "No. Ashley complimented my dress and found out it was me. I asked her to send you down here. I've been lookin' for y'all for what seems like forever."

  "I'm so glad you're here. This has definitely made my night. How long are you in town?"

  "Until tomorrow night, unfortunately."

  "Think you could make an exception?"

  I bit my bottom lip, mulling the idea over in my head. "We'll talk about it." I said winking at him.

  "Well, would you care to dance?" he asked, holding his hand out for me to take.

  I smiled. "I'd love to." I replied, placing my hand in his as he led me out to the dance floor.

  After our dance, he led me back to the bar and bought me a drink. While we were waiting I looked up at him. "So I hope you like my surprise."

  "I love your surprise." I caught something in his voice that told me he wanted to say something else, but I ignored it.

  "There's the beautiful should be couple." Ashley said, walking up.

  I gently pushed her. "Would you shut up?" I asked.

  She giggled. "Y'all looked good dancin' together."

  "Are you buzzed?" Josh asked, cocking an eyebrow. My heart sank.

  "Kinda. How'd ya guess?" she asked.

  He smiled. "Southern twang came out. You're starting to sound more California every day, but when you start getting buzzed you can't hide it anymore."

  She laughed. "I know. Shh." she said, holding her index finger up to her lips.

  Just then Mike came walking up. "Well, well, well. Ash told me you were here. I almost didn't believe her until I saw Josh dancing with someone and I knew she was telling me the truth."

  Josh placed his hand gently on the small of my back, making me look up at him. He smiled, and I returned the smile. "I wouldn't dance with anyone else. I came for the drinks, but her being here made my night." I blushed, looking down momentarily until he leaned in and whispered. "I knew you would look ravishing in red."

  My blush deepened. "Thank you." I whispered in reply.

  The night flew by, Josh and I had danced several more times. Sipping from each other's drinks when we were sitting with Mike and Ashley. I could tell that they were catching on to something I wasn't. Either I wasn't, or I was doing what I was good at, which was ignoring the obvious. I always tried my hardest to not expect much from life, because when I thought it was going my way, it always took a hard left at 'fuck-you-ville'.

  "So where are you staying?" Mike asked, obviously noticing that I had been quiet.

  "Millennium Biltmore."

  "Well, you should stay with us," Ashley added.

  Josh leaned over. "I think you should stay with me." he whispered.

  I looked at him, our eyes meeting. "Well, I have missed that bed." I whispered in reply.

  "They don't have to know. Just say you're still staying at the hotel."

  I smiled.

  "What are you two love birds talkin' about?" Ashley asked.

  I turned, facing her once more. "Nothing. We ain't love birds."

  "Not yet." she replied.

  I groaned. "Ashley. Leave her alone." Josh said, staring straight at her.

  "You know it's gonna happen!" She exclaimed.

  "Maybe. Who knows? For now, though, we're only friends. Stop trying to set us up--"

  Before Josh could say anything else, she held her hand up and stopped. "I know, I know. If ya'll want to date you will. I get it. I just see how ya'll look at each other, and sometimes I wonder if you're both oblivious."

  I had had enough of this. "We're not oblivious. I ain't stayin' with ya'll I'm gonna stay with Josh. Think what ya'll want, but I'll stay in the spare bedroom. Nothin's gonna happen unless we both want it to. Now I'm done! I'm done with this stupid conversation that comes up every time Josh and I are around each other. I like him, he likes me. We know that! We've known that for a while! It ain't no damn secret, but there, it's out in the open now. We talk about more than y'all give us credit for. We text, we've Skyped a couple of times. We. Are. Friends! If somethin' more happens, well then it happens. But I don't need you meddlin' anymore!" I exclaimed, grabbing my clutch and finishing my drink before walking away from her. And away from so many things that had been holding me back.

  I was standing outside when I felt Josh's hand on my back. "Are you okay?" he asked, sounding worried.

  "I'm fine. I'm sorry. I cain't take her bein' so, so, ugh!" I exclaimed. I was too frustrated to even say how I was feeling at that exact moment in time.

  "Come on. Let's get out of here."

  "Thank you, but I've gotta go back to the hotel to get my stuff first."

  "Well mind if I tag along?"

  "Not at all," I replied as a cab pulled up in front of us.

  Before I changed at the hotel Josh had asked to get a picture with me, and if he could post it to his Facebook. I had agreed. After all was said and done, I was in sweats and a white t-shirt.

  "It ain't glamorous, but it's me." I said, walking out of the bathroom.

  "I think you're beautiful no matter what." He replied as my phone dinged. I turned the screen on and noticed that he had tagged me in his post:

  "Look who flew all the way from Nashville just to go to a Halloween party with me? #Besties #MostGorgeousGirlInTheWorld."

  I giggled and quickly liked it, adding my own hashtag to the comments:

  "#BestiesForLife."

  His phone dinged. I watched the smile spread to his eyes, and part of me fell even more in love. Wait...what? Love. No. Like. I reminded myself but then got upset for not allowing the love to let it's way in.

  "We ready?" I asked, grabbing my suitcase.

  "When you are. I'm just along for the ride remember?"

  I smiled. "I do remember. I'll come back in the mornin' and get my rental."

  "Sounds like a good idea." he replied, leading me to the door and down the hallway to the elevator.

  Once we were back at his place, I realized that it was later than I thought. It was close to 3 AM. He took my suitcase into the spare room and I followed him. I flopped down on the bed on my stomach. I could hear him chuckle. I turned to look at him.

  "I missed this bed."

  "Yeah, I've missed you," he replied.

  My heart began beating rapidly. "You missed me?" I asked, making sure he'd really said that.

  "Like crazy." He sat down on the bed and I sat up next to him.

  "Well, I don't feel crazy for missin' you now," I whispered, our eyes locked on each other.

  "It isn't the liquor talking either."

  I nodded. "Good. 'Cause I mean it."

  "Think we should still take it slow?" he asked.

  I nodded once again, slower this time. "Please."

  "But I want to kiss you."

  "Then kiss me." I whispered, barely loud enough for me to understand over my rapid heartbeat.

  He gently put his hand on the side of my face and moved in. I met him in the middle, our lips colliding with the others. It was a passionate kiss. Full of want and desire. His fingers slid into my hair and pulled me further into the kiss. I could feel myself falling, falling further into the darkness. But this time, the darkness wasn't so scary.

  Chapter 9

  I woke up the next morning, the kiss replaying over and over in my mind. It was something I wouldn't soon forget, and with any luck, he wouldn't either. I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the side table to check the time. The digital clock read 7:30 AM. I laid there for a few minutes, trying to figure out if I wanted to get up or not. Finally, I slid out of bed, grabbed my toiletries, and headed to the bathroom. I had just finished brushing my teeth and hair when I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

  I made my way out of the bathroom and slowly opened the door.

  "Good morning beautiful." Josh said, handing me a cup of coffee.

  I smiled, taking the cup. "Good morning handsome."

  "So I gotta ask, are you leaving tonight?"

  I sat down on the bed. "I don't know yet. I'm torn, on on
e hand I know I need to get back so I can get back to work, but on the other I just want to stay here."

  "Forever?" he asked, smiling.

  I couldn't help but laugh. "Somethin' like that." I replied, blushing.

  "I can arrange that." he said, sitting down next to me.

  "Whoa--"

  He stopped me. "I'm kidding. Kind of. You're pace. I've got to tell you, though. You're breaking down walls I never allowed anyone to break down. Ever."

  "Mmhmm. Yeah, you're doin' that to me. I find myself thinkin' of you way more than I probably should and it's scary. I'm tryin' to let my heart free, but I just cain't. Not yet, maybe not ever. And I ain't sure you deserve that. I know you don't, you deserve somebody that can love you without question. And I'll always question my feelin's, my thoughts. I'm full of doubts and insecurities."

  "Let me help you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but let me help you. I'm not giving up on you, or us. I know deep down inside that there will be an us, and when there is, I'll love you like you've never been loved before."

  "Just give me time, please. I'm not sayin' no, just, not today. That kiss last night, though, whew." I said, fanning myself with my hand.

  He laughed, "Yeah. Tell me about it. I had a little trouble going to sleep."

  "You too?" I asked, winking at him.

  We were sitting on the couch, I had decided not to go back until tomorrow. "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"

  "Anything."

  "Can we build a fort? Please?" I asked.

  He laughed, "We can build a fort. Where?"

  "Right here!" I exclaimed.

  "How many blankets do you want?" he asked.

  "How many you got?"

  "Well if I take the comforters off the beds, six."

  "Perfect. I'll help." I said going to get up, but he grabbed my hand, pulling me back down.

  "First, one kiss."

  I smiled, a slight blush crossing my face. "Just one," I whispered, leaning into him. When I did, he pulled me into his arms and for the first time in forever, I felt like I belonged somewhere.