He didn't answer, just pulled me into his lap. "So Mike and Ash are having a party tonight. Wanted to know if I was going. I didn't tell them you were here, I just said I'd think about it."
"Hmm," I said my index finger next to my mouth. I crinkled my nose and looked sideways at the sky. "I dunno. I kinda liked our party last night."
"Well, it's settled then."
I laughed, "Nah. Kinda wanna go party. You can get a better look at what I'm really like 'fore this goes to far."
"Well I'm not going anywhere, so show me every dark dusty corner of your soul and I'll show you mine. Nothing's going to change my love for you."
I smiled, leaning back against him as he wrapped his arms around me. "Do you realize how much that means to me? I may be scared and a little confused, but I love hearin' you say you love me."
"Good, because I love saying it," he leaned in close, "I love you." he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around me as if he was trying to protect me from all the hurt I'd ever felt. Maybe he was trying to fix me. My heart swelled as I realized that I never wanted this to end.
"Guess what," I said, my eyes closed.
"What?" he asked.
"I love you more than you'll ever know. More than I'll ever be able to explain. You've done somethin' to me. I ain't sure what it is, or when it happened, but I know I've never felt more alive. More in love, than in these last few months, hell even in these last couple of days. I will forever trip over my own insecurities, but I promise to always try to show you how much I love you."
"I'm not sure what to say to that. Thank you? It doesn't seem acceptable. I will forever make sure you know you're loved. Now, about that party? You wanna go?"
I laughed. "Sure. I'm gonna have to change first, though."
"I like this."
"Yeah, well it ain't what I party in. Come on." I said, standing and going to pull him up. "Come on babe! Please?" I asked, playfully pouting.
He let me pull him up, and when I did he almost tackled me as he kissed me. Biting my bottom lip gently. "You're adorable."
"What happened to beautiful?" I asked.
He smiled. "Oh you're beautiful, but that pout made you adorable," he replied, taking my hand as I grabbed the leftover pizza.
We showed up way earlier than the time they told Josh, just so that when Ash saw me she wouldn't make both of us look like idiots. That and so that when she found out Josh and I was officially a couple she wouldn't freak the fuck out and draw even more attention to us.
Josh had texted Mike to let him know that he was on his way and Mike had given him the go-ahead to come on in. So when we got there, we walked in and for a second, I thought Ash was going to pass out.
"NO WAY!" she shouted, almost jumping on me.
I laughed. "Yes way. Get off." I said, shoving at her. I finally gave up and returned the hug.
"When the hell did you get in?" she asked.
I smiled, "Yesterday around two y'alls time."
"And you weren't gonna tell me?"
"No. I wasn't."
Just then I realized that Mike was staring at the two of us. "So wait. You knew and didn't, at least, tell me?" Mike asked Josh.
"I told him not to. We made these plans like Friday. Since somebody had to text him." I said, shooting daggers at Ashley.
"You were cryin'! What was I supposed to do?"
"Well it worked out for the best," Josh said, walking up behind me, putting his hand on my hip.
"No way! Y'all are finally together?" Ashley asked, that southern twang coming out.
Josh smiled, "Yes we are. Since last night. See. I told you if we wanted to date each other we'd take care of it ourselves."
Ashley playfully punched him. "I get it alright! Oh I'm so happy! So first Thanksgiving with somebody. Oh no! Do your parents know?" she asked.
I swallowed hard. "I've met them. Kind of unconventional, but they don't know we're together yet. We'll let them know tomorrow. And I don't need your loud mouth blabbin' either." I said.
She smiled widely. "Fine! Okay, well since you two are here. Y'all can help set up." she said.
I giggled. "Fine. Where's the liquor?"
"You should know where it's at. Don't mix nothin' to strong."
I looked at her, my eyes just slits. "Why? It's a party, people are supposed to get drunk!" I exclaimed.
"Fine. Save enough for those that can't handle your version of strong."
I smiled. "Yes ma'am."
I found the alcohol, a cooler, and some ice. "Hey. I know y'all have fruit. Bring it here."
"What kind?" Ash called.
"Don't play stupid," I mumbled. "Strawberries, oranges, pineapple!" I called back.
"Alright! Hold on!" I heard her muffled voice call out. I cocked an eyebrow curious as to what she was doing. I shrugged and went back to pouring booze into the cooler.
Not too much longer she came walking in, the fruit already sliced. "Please don't tell me it was in your fridge like that."
"Actually, it was. I don't like having to do it every time."
I rolled my eyes. "You sound spoiled."
"Maybe I am," she said, disappearing back outside. Leaving me alone with alcohol. I looked to make sure the coast was clear and dumped another bottle in and then added the fruit and juice. I smiled as I stirred it. Let's see how many of these Cali princesses are gonna get drunk off their asses tonight. I thought as I got rid of the evidence.
Chapter 13
Everyone had showed up and the party was raging. I was three glasses of "punch" in, dancing with Ashley to the music. I was far from buzzed, so I kept an eye on the crowd that was drinking my mixture.
I felt Josh's hands slip to my hips. "Baby, people are complaining that there's no more punch. Wanna take a break and go make some more?" he asked.
I turned and kissed him, pushing my body against his. "Sure," I replied after pulling away.
I went over to the cooler and began dumping booze in when a blonde haired, blue eyed barbie reject came walking up. "Are you here with Joshua?" she asked.
I looked at her slowly. "Why?" I asked.
"I'm Alexis. And you're not from around here. So are you here with Joshua?"
"Look, I don't know what you want. Or why it matters who I'm here with, but you can take your plastic as plastic can be, barbie reject ass back in there and away from me."
She glared at me, "Or what?"
"Or I'm gonna fuck you up. Yeah, I'm here with Josh, and what? Still tryin' to stake your claim? He's moved on." I smiled, dumping another bottle in.
"Bitch he hasn't moved on. He'll never move on. He's just using you as a distraction." she said and that's when I spotted Ashley and Mike walking in.
"Well if that's all it is, I'm a damn good distraction 'cause he don't talk about you at all." I winked at her.
I saw Mike disappear, probably to go get Josh to stop the crazy that was about to happen. Just then Alexis shoved me. I couldn't help but laugh, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the worry all over Ashley's face.
"That the best you got?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"I will destroy you."
I laughed again, "Don't break a nail." I said, pouting at her and rolling my eyes.
I never saw what was coming next, though. She grabbed a bottle of vodka and threw it at me. She narrowly missed, the bottle hit the edge of the counter and shattered, glass flying and skittering everywhere. A piece made its way across the palm of my hand. Crimson spread just like the anger inside of me.
"Shit." I heard Ashley whisper.
I stepped on the broken bottle and drew closer to this Alexis bitch. "You've met your match whore, 'cause the only thing that's gonna be runnin' through your mind as I beat you're fuckin' brains in is all the dick you sucked. You won't be suckin' on nothin' else but a fuckin' straw." I growled as I grabbed her by the throat.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered.
"Too late," I replied as I drew back and punched her square in the mouth.
/> That felt good. Do it again! The voices were saying. Before I could though she reached out and tried to scratch me.
"I'll break your fuckin' hands." I whispered as I slammed her against the wall.
"Get off of me! Somebody help me!" She began screaming.
Blood was still oozing from my hand as I began slamming her against the wall. Over, and over again.
"Jo. Jo! Get off of her!" I heard Ashley yelling.
Just then I felt familiar hands on me. "Baby, Jo, come on. Don't kill her."
I grabbed the back of her head, making her look at me. "Just remember I'm crazier than you." And with that I slammed her head against the wall and walked away, grabbing a bottle of whiskey on my way out.
I was half way down the road when I heard a vehicle slow down behind me. I took a shot from the bottle but kept walking.
"Joanna!"
I rolled my eyes, I did not need Ashley here right now. I was fine, pissed, but fine.
"Joanna Faith McMillan!" she shouted, stopping me dead in my tracks. I turned slowly around and glared at her. That's when I noticed she was with Josh in his truck.
"Y'all leave me alone!" I yelled.
"No! You're drunk, you're bleedin', and you're pissed. Now get your ass over here!"
I saw Josh turn to her and say something, I was too far away to make out what it was, but it looked like they were having a conversation. I just stood there, frozen, when Ashley began walking towards me slowly. When she reached me I handed her the bottle.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
She shook her head. "You have no reason to apologize. She's gone, everyone is still at the house. Let's get you back and wrap your hand. Josh is worried about you. He wants to talk to you." she said, and my heart sank. I nodded. I had no words and no breath.
I was sitting on the bathroom counter, Ashley was wrapping my hand, Josh, next to me. I still hadn't said anything.
"All done. I'll give y'all sometime." Ashley said, grabbing her kit and leaving the bathroom.
"If you don't wanna be with me anymore I'll understand," I whispered.
Josh tilted my chin up so that I'd look at him. Instead of saying anything he kissed me passionately. "I'm not walking away from you. I told you I'm here no matter what. She was so out of line. I didn't know she was here or I would have stopped her before all this happened."
I took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have lost my cool."
"No. You had every right. She was out of line. She had no right throwing a fucking bottle at you. That pisses me off, and now she knows."
I looked into his eyes. "What are you talkin' about?" I asked.
"I let her have a piece of my mind."
I groaned, "I'm sorry." I whispered, closing my eyes.
"It was for the best. I'm with you, I'm in love with you. I haven't loved her in a long time. I told you she was the spawn of satan."
I smiled slightly. "Yeah. And what does that make me? I almost bashed her head in."
"Look, Ashley told me why you lost your cool. Why didn't you ever tell me about what really happened the night you found Lance in bed with that chick?"
I sighed. "'Cause what was I supposed to say? 'Oh, and by the way, my temper's so bad that I'll beat the shit outta anybody that messes with me or somebody I love?' Yes, I took a baseball bat to her car and a sledgehammer to his. I've got problems."
"Not gonna lie that scares me a little."
I winced. "Yeah. Might as well be up front now then. I get my anger issues from I'm assumin' my grandpa. Maybe, my grandma, I'm not sure. Both had tempers while I was livin' with 'em. When my parent's died, my brother chose to go live with my Aunt who could only take one of us. I went to them. Any little thing I did I'd get slapped around. I learned to internalize all the hurt and anger until I got older. I started gettin' made fun of at school. 'Look at Joanna. Her parents died and her grandparents hate her!'. 'Look at Joanna, she's so skinny. I bet she's anorexic.' It just all became too much. One day this girl called me out after school. I showed up by myself and after her and her friends beat the shit outta me, I learned that the weak ain't gotta chance in hell at survivin'. Since then I've been a fighter 'cause I refuse to be weak. My junior year I got expelled for beatin' the shit out of a girl who called me a whore. I beat her head into the locker. She went to the hospital and I ended up in jail. Ashley's parent's paid my bail 'cause they knew what I was goin' through. After that though my life kinda spiraled. I started drinkin' every night, partyin', doin' drugs. Then one night the unthinkable happened--." I stopped, wiping tears from my eyes.
"I think I know where you're going with this."
I nodded. "Well, I ended up pregnant. First time ever, to lose my virginity, my innocence like that? Well, when my grandparents found out they told me I deserved it. I believed 'em, so I took the money I'd been savin' and went on a binder. Nobody heard from me for at least a week. In the end, I ended up losin' the baby, which part of me is so thankful for, but the other part of me hates myself. After that, I stopped takin' drugs and calmed down on drinkin'. I got a part time job waitin' tables and as soon as I turned eighteen I got the tattoo on my side that you asked about. One night, though, right before graduation my grandparents laid into me about my tattoo and about how I was destined for hell 'cause I was a sinner through and through. So to prove a point, I bought some pills. I took a handful and drank a bottle of vodka. Ashley's the one who found me and called the ambulance. After that, the relationship between us was broken. I graduated and moved. I ain't talked to 'em since, and my brother don't know how to talk to me. I don't tell you all this to get sympathy or pity, I tell you this so you know that I ain't some sweet, God-fearin' southern belle. Me and God? Our relationship is about as non-existent as mine and my grandparents."
"Wanna know something?" Josh asked. I looked up at him in reply. "I think you're remarkable. You've gone through hell, by yourself and came out on the other side. You made it through your shitty life, and now? You're a successful woman, who knows what she wants. Yeah you might be scared, and I know your shy, but I also know that if you would have ever really known love you'd not have as many demons. I don't pity you, that makes me sound like an asshole, but what does pity do? Nothing. It doesn't fix anyone's past. But I know that I'm gonna show you love that you've never known before. Yeah, I know you're gonna have a hard time believing me, and I understand that fully. But tell me something right now. How bad do you want this?"
Without any hesitation, I answered with my heart. "Worse than I've ever wanted anything in my whole entire life."
"Then let me help you. I'm not promising to fix you, I can't do that, but I am promising you my heart. It may not be much, but to me it's everything."
"Listen to me closely. I'll change my mind a thousand times and I'm gonna try pushin' you away. That's who I am, but if you keep my heart safe, I'll keep yours just as safe." I replied, sitting up and putting my hands on his chest.
"I'll never let anything happen to your heart. I swear."
For the first time in my life, the walls that had guarded my heart my entire life came crumbling and crashing down.
After our in-depth talk in the bathroom, Josh and I went back to the party like nothing had happened. There were a few girls that stayed away from me, but everyone else acted like I hadn't ever lost my cool. I met a lot of nice people and found that not everybody was as superficial as I thought they were going to be. It also made me realize that the saying was true. Never judge a book by its cover.
Somehow I found myself doing shots with Ashley and a few other people. Josh and Mike had joined us for a couple of rounds but went back to their beer and friends. It was nice to feel like I belonged somewhere, and now, I belonged to someone who I knew actually loved me. And for once I found myself being incredibly thankful the night before Thanksgiving.
Chapter 14
I woke up the next morning in the spare bedroom of Ashley and Mikes house. The sun was streaming through the window, right into my face. I groaned, g
rabbing my pillow, but dropping it when a sharp searing pain shot through my hand. I sucked in a breath and looked at my hand, the day before re-playing in my head. I rolled over to find that I was alone. Weird. Where's Josh? I thought as I slowly sat up. I looked down and realized I was in one of Ashley's t-shirts and that made me slightly worried. I went into the bathroom and found one of the extra toothbrushes that they kept in the bathroom just in case. I popped one out of the package and proceeded to brush my teeth.
Once I was done I grabbed a hair tie and threw my hair up in a messy bun and threw my jeans on. I walked into the kitchen and straight to the coffee pot.
"Hangover?" Mike asked.
"I don't even know right now. I think I found my limit. And blew past it." I said as I poured coffee into a cup.
"Oh yeah, you definitely blew past it," Josh said.
I bit my lip and winced. "How bad was it?" I asked.
Mike laughed. "Oh, you two were the life of the party."
I took a drink and scrunched my nose, "Ugh, nope cain't do black." I said, grabbing the creamer from the fridge and pouring some in.
"Want some coffee with your creamer baby?" Josh asked.
I smiled. "Just a little. So what happened?" I asked, sitting down at the table.
"First, what do you remember?"
I shrugged, "Uh." I paused, trying to remember anything. "I remember taking shots--" My eyes widened. "Oh my God." I turned quickly and faced Josh. "I didn't embarrass myself did I?"
A devilish smile played on his lips. "Explain embarrassed."
"I didn't strip or nothin' did I?"
He laughed and pulled me closer. Kissing me on the forehead. "No baby, you didn't."
I exhaled slowly. "So what happened?" I asked.
"Well, you and Ashley decided you needed to dance," Mike said.
"Okay?" I asked.
"For everybody. On the island. She almost fell, but I caught her. You two are crazy. You know that?"
"Sorry," I replied, just a little louder than a whisper.
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