Stand (Southern Heartbeats Vol. 1)

by Jennifer Rebecca

  I take the beer that’s handed to me and sit back and wait for their intervention of my life. Sam leans back in his seat like he’s king of his domain. Holt leans forward with his wrists resting on his knees. Here we go.

  I knew we’d get here eventually. I just didn’t think these two would bring out the big guns so early in the game. They aren’t messing around. But I knew, sooner or later, we would arrive at this destination.

  Right after Angel left my office, I lost it. I mean I mother fucking street car named desire all up in this place except instead of Stella, I screamed Angel over and over again. I screamed her name and tried to go after her, but her fucking father stopped me. He held me back and wouldn’t let me go, whispering things that were fucking with my already fucked head. Things like, Let her go. and You’re not good enough for her and my personal favorite, Look what you’ve done to her.

  I was still screaming when Sam and my dad came running down the hall, hell bent for leather, only to find I had lost my ever-loving mind. I screamed and raged some more. The new arrivals still didn’t know what was happening, but they soon figured it out.

  When I realized everything I had lost, I gave up. I slump down the wall and buried my head in my hands. She’s gone. That’s all I could keep thinking. She’s gone. She didn’t let me explain. Wouldn’t listen. After everything, she just walked away. Because in the end, they all walk away.

  Sam and my dad were screaming at me to tell them what happened. I couldn’t answer. I just sat there wallowing...like a girl... with Mayor McDoucheypants scowling at me from his place in the corner. Asshole.

  Eventually, my dad told me in the nicest, manliest way possible to get my happy ass up or he was calling in the friendly guys with the funny white jackets and the butterfly nets. For fear of what would happen after they shot me with a tranquilizer gun, I got my happy ass up, grabbed my keys and headed home. I walked Steve up to my mom’s and told him to stay with her. Then I went home and got as drunk as I could, hoping against hope that the pain in my chest would fade. News flash: It didn’t.

  “So what are you going to do?” Sam asks me. I look up realizing I had zoned out for a while. Whoops.

  “About?” I ask. Holt just shakes his head mumbling something about someone having shit for brains.

  “Angie. Obviously,” Sam snaps.

  “What about Angie?” I ask.

  “What about Angie? What about Angie?” He asks. Sam gripes.

  “Do you love her?” Holt asks me, oddly quiet.

  “Of course,” I answered, meeting his eyes.

  “Then go get her,” he growls.

  “You didn’t see her. She doesn’t want me. I hurt her,” I tell them.

  “You fucked up for sure. And dollars to donuts, you’ll do it again. You have a dick; it’s bound to happen. But bottom line, if you love her go get her,” Holt says softly.

  “He’s right man,” Sam tells me. “Look at Katy. She had the world in her hand and lost it at eighteen. Is that what you want? You want to walk around this town with a cloud over your head and everyone knowing you loved and you lost? That all that’s left for you is death so you can join the one you love on the other side? Or are you going to fight? Don’t you think if Katy could go back and change one thing so he came from that tour, tell Will she loved him one more time, she would?”

  “I never told her that I love her,” I say choking back the less than manly tears.

  “Buddy, she’s wearing your grandmother’s ring,” Sam says to me. “If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

  “Maybe you should tell her now,” Holt tells me. But I just nod. I have to get my shit together for my Hall of Fame induction. Maybe after that, I’ll find her and tell her how much I love her. How sorry I am when we’ve all had time to cool down.

  “Okay. I’ll think about it,” I tell them. “So, what does it feel like to be the coach of the Under 6 league soccer champs this season?” I ask Sam.

  “Damn good,” He tells me on a soft smile. “Tomorrow morning is our last game of the season. It’s going to be awesome!”

  “I can’t wait to hear all about it,” I laugh as I tell him. But I never would. That morning, Sam and his daughters were on their way to their soccer game, the last game of the season when they were hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly. I can’t help but think about Aliza now and Sam’s own words of living life while you can, because in the end life is too damn short. And I miss my friend.

  Angellica

  I can’t stop crying. This is ridiculous. I think my body actually ran out of tears hours ago, maybe days, but my body is still sobbing. This morning, I cried so hard when I woke up that I threw up all over my bathroom. So then I spent the next hour sobbing and scrubbing like I’m Cinder-freaking-ella. It’s a charming quality.

  My head is pounding from crying for so long. My voice is hoarse, but I don’t care. I know I should get up and take some aspirin, drink a bottle of water or twelve, and move on with my life. But I just can’t.

  I’m lying in my bed facing the door when I hear a knock. I don’t want to talk to anyone, so I roll over and face the wall instead. If I’m really quiet they’ll go away. I hope. But like always, my luck is absolute shit. I hear the knob turn and the door push open. I hold my breath and close my eyes. Soft steps cross the plush carpet of my bedroom. The bed gently depresses next to my back just a little.

  “Baby girl, it’s me,” Aunt Mable whispers. I can hear the tears clogging her throat. She brushes her hand over my hair like she did when I was little, and I feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks. I guess I had some more in me after all. “I have something I have to tell you.”

  “No,” I shake my head because I just can’t handle it right now. “No. I’ll be ok,” I tell her.

  “No, baby. Listen,” she implores me. “When we were young, your mother and I. We grew up here in Tall Pines.”

  “I already know this stuff, Aunt Mable,” I tell her sweetly.

  “Hush, I’m tempted to swat your behind for interrupting, this is hard enough,” she tells me.

  “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll listen,” I tell her.

  “When we were growing up, Mayor Hart was just George, and he was mine. He wasn’t the cold, hard man you see today. He was sweet and kind and he loved me very much. He wanted to run away and get married, but I wanted to wait. We were both in college. He was studying political science and I was studying nursing.

  “His dad, the then Senator, felt he needed to learn a lesson. And my sister, your mother, was never one to shy away from opportunity, she went to the same party he was at one night. His father had just told him that if he married me, he would disown him, take his trust fund, and have him kicked out of school. The Senator liked everyone right where he wanted them to be, doing what he told them to.

  “At this party George was licking his wounds deep in a bottle of whiskey. When Renee walked up to him, he thought she was me. We looked close enough alike that deep in the throws of intoxication, he wouldn’t have known. I know that now. Anyway, she talked to him. He told her all about what happened, and she told him she would never leave him, no matter what. And then she suggested they go back to his apartment…. and well, it’s your parents, so yeah. I think you can figure out that was about nine months before you were born.

  “When George woke up he was terrified. He knew he had made a horrible mistake. He was furious. He yelled at her and Renee just laughed. She said she would tell me and he would never see me again. But it was worse than that. I saw them.” My breath hitches in my chest. I know how bad that feels. Watching Joe and Erin. But it’s nothing compared to losing Cody.

  “I walked into the apartment looking for George and found him in bed with my sister. So I ran. I wouldn’t listen, and I didn’t care. I moved to New York and became a nurse. I mostly raised you because Renee was a total shit. I know it’s not nice to speak ill of the dead, but still,” she shrugs. It’s the truth, so what can she do?

  “But where d
o I come in? How come he didn’t want me?” I ask.

  “Oh, I forgot. A couple weeks later, Renee found out she was expecting and she and the Senator demanded George marry her and fall into the family fold again. But he said no. He would never marry her because of her part in things. He owned his role in it all, it was a mistake, but hers, was cruel. So he sent her packing. Said he would do everything else his dad wanted but marry, if he couldn’t have me.

  “Renee had no choice but to come to me and beg for help with the baby. She wasn’t going to raise you on her own. George knew she would. He figured by giving you up, you would end up in my care and far, far away from the Senator. He felt it was the best he could do by you. But you have to know, he’s looked out for you your whole life. He’s the one who set up this opportunity for you after the fall out in New York.”

  I was reeling. I cannot believe the words, the picture Mable painted. How sad to be so unwanted, and yet so loved all at the same time. Mable, I guess did the best she could with a crappy situation, when she was very young. I guess I can relate, I did pretty much the same thing. And Cody didn’t sleep with my sister. I’ve actually never been so glad that I don’t have a sister before now.

  “I see you’re thinking things through. Moving forward, we can go in any direction you want to go, love. But now, we have to do something important.”

  “What’s that Aunt Mable?” I ask.

  “Baby, Saturday morning, Sam and the girls were killed in a car crash. Drunk driver. We have to go call on Aliza.”

  “Oh, no,” I gasp. Poor Aliza. And poor Holt…And Cody.

  “Yes, baby. So while you’re thinking about the relationships in your life and who you want to keep and who you don’t, maybe remember that life is short, and that some of us make bad mistakes with the best of intentions,” she takes a deep breath. “And also, that I’ll love you forever.”

  “I love you too. Let me clean up real quick and we can go see Aliza.

  When we knock on the front door, a beautiful woman with long black hair answers. She looks sad, but thoughtfully, towards the stairs. I’m assuming this is where Aliza is living out her grief.

  “We’re here to see Aliza,” Mable says.

  “I’m Hannah, I’ll tell her you called, but she’s not really up to it right now,” the woman tells us.

  “Okay, we’ll come back later,” I said. “My aunt made these maple blondie squares,” I try to hand the package off to Hannah.

  “Hannah, was that the door?” Aliza asks. “Oh, hello Mable, Angie. Come on in,” she tells us. We follow her into the living room where we all take a seat, where Hannah places the tin of blondies on the coffee table.

  “I’ll just go make some coffee,” Hannah says to everyone and no one.

  “Thank you,” Aliza looks at her softly. Before looking directly at me. Her eyes staring into mine. It’s unnerving.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” I tell her. Instantly feeling like a chump for saying it because there are no way that those words can ever be enough.

  “Thank you,” she says before taking a deep breath, shoring up her courage. “Sam was the great love of my life. It kills me that he and the kids are gone. It kills me. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat because they were the very best parts of me. Do you understand?” She asks of me, her eyes locked on mine.

  “No,” I shake my head.

  “Don’t throw away your happiness out of hurt and anger. Sam did so many stupid things. God, he could make me crazy. But, I loved him so much. And he loved me. Don’t lose that.”

  “Okay,” I say stunned.

  “The funeral will be Tuesday at eleven o’clock. Anyway, I’m tired,” she says politely as she stands.

  “We should be going,” Mable says. Oh, now she chimes in. Thanks for letting me hop on the train to crazy town with a grieving widow. Or was it really crazy? Could she be right?

  Tuesday rolls around before anyone in this town is ready. I quietly dress in a simple black dress with cap sleeves and a tastefully rounded neckline. I open my jewelry box and Cody’s ring winks at me. How I wish I could put it on with confidence and claim him as mine. But how can I believe any of it was true? How can I not?

  I meet Mable downstairs and we head to the church without words. Today is not a happy day. The church is tall and white and beautiful, and filled with the whole town. Sam was not only a local hero returned home, but also a beloved football coach.

  The service is sweet and sad and full of love. Sam’s life was so full of love and nothing was more prominent than the love he had for his family. His friends and family spoke often of how Aliza and the girls were his world. The service is wrapped up in a slideshow of photos from his life to Old Dominion’s Til It’s Over. Pictures of Sam in his uniform, overseas, playing football, marrying Aliza, the birth of the girls and so on swirl through the music and beautiful words of loving while you can. It freezes on a picture of Sam and Aliza with their arms wrapped around each other and the girls. Everyone is smiling at the camera except for Sam who is looking at Aliza with all the love in the world in his eyes.

  I see Cody as we all shuffle out of the church like cattle. He has been tasked as a pallbearer for one of the girls. Those who served with Sam, including Holt, are in their uniforms as they escort Sam’s flag draped coffin. Cody looks devastated. When our eyes meet, he nods once before looking away. I see the Mayor, my dad, and he does the same. I know what I have to do, but this isn’t the time or place.

  Angelica

  My palms are sweating as I weave my way through all of the people in the stadium for Cody’s Hall of Fame induction. Well, sweating is a term we should use loosely. My hands are like fire hoses gushing with sweat because I am so fucking nervous. Who in the world thought it would be a good idea to declare my undying love for a retired NFL player at his own induction ceremony? In front of millions? Shit, I’m going to have to change my identity when Cody shoots me down. I’ll have to go incognito. Do you think I’ll look okay as a brunette? Maybe a redhead? Oh, fuck. Who am I kidding? There is no possible way to conceal this ass.

  I’m on the field with all of the press and the who’s who of the professional football world. I look up, the stands are packed with fans. My heart beats a little faster because this is all for Cody and I want him to have everything possible in life. He already has my heart; Even if he doesn’t want it.

  I push my palms flat on my belly hoping to stop the Cirque du Solie act that’s swinging around in my gut. My head is pounding. And I have to pee. I look up from my hiding spot behind some guy who obviously moonlights as a mountain range and see Holt taking the stage. Jim told me the order of speakers when he slipped me my pass and we cooked up this little scheme to humiliate me and my whole family for the rest of my life. I know I have time so I duck into the restroom.

  I quickly do my business, which seems to happen more and more frequently these days. I should really have that looked at. I will. I swear. When I get home. Mark was right when he said Nurses make the worst patients. I have no desire to spend my free time in a hospital. Give me some Motrin and call it good.

  I place my purse on the counter and turn the taps on to wash my hands. I wet a little paper towel and try to blot some of the sweat from my forehead, then my upper lip, and my pits. This shit is getting out of hand. I’m waving more paper towels around trying to create a breeze to dry my over active sweat glands when the door pushes open and I am greeted with the snarl of a face I will never forget.

  “Well well. Look what the cat dragged in?” Kimmy says to the two groupies that followed her in. Her over inflated boobies are bobbing around in a dress with way too many sequins for a daytime event.

  “Look how sweet her little pink dress is?” One of the crew mock coos. Honestly, I could give two shits. But they caught me doing my dying bird mating dance to clean up the shit show my nerves are causing on my look.

  “Do I know you?” I ask as I pull my compact out of my purse and begin to powder my nose.


  “Does she know us?” Kimmy asks and then answers her own question. “I know you know who I am. I remember you from the hospital, that night... so long ago.”

  “That was some fun times,” I say off handed. I grab my lip gloss and swipe some on.

  “And I see you’ve done pretty well for yourself; Filling in my rightful place at Cody’s side these last few months, but all that is about to end,” she tells me.

  “Huh?” I ask. Because honestly, I have no idea.

  “Come now,” she laughs and her flying monkeys chime in. “You had to know it wouldn’t last. He would always come back to me. I just can’t wait to get my ring back and buy a new house here in New York,” she babbles.

  “New York? What about Texas?” I ask. Cody would never want to leave Tall Pines.

  “I’m not living in that shit hole,” she states.

  “Well, I for one, like that shit hole,” I say ramping up my mad. I’m pretty sure Kimmy went off the deep end a while ago, but still. I’m mad. “What about his team?” I ask.

  “What about them?” Kimmy asks back.

  “You’re crazy, aren’t you?” I ask. “Cody has no idea you’re here.”

  “Really?” She purrs back. “Because last night we agreed to go to dinner,” she says. And it could happen, but this feels off. Still, my hands are starting to sweat again. I wonder if this is how Carrie felt at the Prom.

  “I don’t believe you,” I tell them.

  “Who cares what you want because I want him back and nothing, and I mean nothing is going to stand in my way. Do you hear me little girl?” She snaps. “Because who would want a fat ass like you when they could have this perfection?” She asks with a sweeping gesture up and down her skinny body and inflated boobs. But the damage was done.

  “Eeeaaarrrppp,” I fling a hand over my mouth. I shake my head back and forth furiously to try and convey the back the fuck off message. Shit’s going down. Mayday!!!! But Kimmy, dumb fuck that she is, just stands there staring at me with her head tipped to the side in the universal sign of what was that?