by Mary Carter
“Shouldn’t we get him into a hospital?”
“Maybe.”
“I can’t believe this is all happening at once. I have to tell Faith. If anything happened and I didn’t tell her . . .”
“Okay. But let me talk to Josh first,” Austin said. “Let me explain to him why I have to betray his trust.”
“I just can’t keep that kind of secret from my sister.”
“I understand. I’m very sorry I didn’t say anything before. I was going to. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. Because of my brother. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.”
“Is there any doubt that it was Josh who called you?”
“It was shortly after you gave him the note. It was a San Francisco number. And it sure sounded like him.”
“What exactly did he say?”
“He just expressed frustration about the family. He asked if you could easily kill yourself by drowning.”
“Oh my God.”
“But the pond is frozen. And he tried to make a joke out of it. Look. I know it’s not a joke. I truly think he’s only in the very early stages of considering it.”
“I can’t believe this. This hurts so much.” Hope looked out the window again. Josh and Brittany were headed their way. “I want to follow him around every second now.”
“Are you angry with me?” Austin asked softly.
“You shouldn’t have kept this to yourself.”
“I was trying to figure out how and when to say something. I was torn. I still am.”
Hope was torn too. Should she confront Josh or talk to Faith first? Faith should know before she brought her girlfriend to the log house to meet the kids. That was the last thing Josh needed right now. Suddenly Hope remembered something Josh said in the restaurant. Something about Faith keeping the butter knives away from him. “I think he might have attempted suicide before,” Hope said. She told him about the incident at the restaurant. She expected to see a bit of relief in Austin’s eyes. If Faith already knew, then Austin couldn’t be entirely blamed. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“We have to find out. If he has threatened it before, it raises the level of concern,” Austin said. “The longer he’s actively been contemplating it, the more danger he’s in.”
Hope nodded. “We’ll talk to Faith before we confront Josh. Get all the facts.”
“Let’s do it quick,” Austin said.
Hope grabbed her phone and called Faith. It went directly to voice mail. Hope left a message asking Faith to call right away.
“There’s so much going on,” Hope said. “All at once.” And to think. Just a few weeks ago, Christmas was the biggest thing on Hope’s mind. Now it seemed so unimportant. Their grandmother was actively dying. Her father was alive. Brain-damaged but alive. Their mother was on her way. Faith was breaking up her family. And Josh was contemplating suicide. There just wasn’t any reason to celebrate Christmas this year. She could hear Josh and Brittany in the mudroom now. She took a deep breath. All these secrets were getting to be too much to bear.
* * *
Hope and Austin played blackjack with Josh and Brittany. Hope was doing her level best not to stare at Josh. She’d practically accosted him when he said he was going to his room, and thus the game of blackjack.
“Why don’t we go into town?” Josh asked. Austin looked at Hope. She was thrilled Josh wanted to get out and about, that was probably a good sign, but what if they ran into Faith and Charlie?
“I’m free,” Austin said.
“We could go sledding and Christmas shopping,” Brittany said.
“I thought you were making presents,” Josh mimicked.
“I need supplies,” Brittany said, biting her lip.
“Great,” Hope said. “Let me call your mother and see if she wants us to meet her somewhere.”
“I don’t want to hang around her,” Josh said. How painful to hear him talk so of her sister. But he was hurting, and what Faith was doing was reckless.
“I’ll just let her know that I’m kidnapping her two favorite people in the world so she doesn’t worry,” Hope said with a wink. She purposefully averted her gaze from Josh so that she didn’t have to take in his sarcastic reaction.
Hope hurried to the window as she listened to Faith’s cell phone ring. Roger, correction, their dad, was outside, rearranging the Christmas decorations. Faith’s voice mail kicked in.
“Where are you?” Hope said. “Josh and Brittany want to go into town and I’m bringing them.” She clicked off. She sounded angrier than she’d meant to. But seriously. She didn’t want to start lying and covering up for Faith, but she certainly didn’t want to encourage a collision either. Roger was just outside and it appeared as if he was just plugging and unplugging Christmas decorations. Hope was determined to get him to come to town with them. She whirled around and headed for the mudroom.
“What did Mom say?” Brittany asked.
“I just left a message,” Hope said. “I’m going to invite Roger.”
“Good luck,” Austin said. Hope threw on her coat and shoved her feet in the boots. There was at least a foot of snow on the ground so she wasn’t exactly racing across the lawn but tromping, her feet sinking deeply into the snow as she went. Roger stopped and watched her. She was breathing heavy by the time she was a few feet from him. He watched her, then broke out in a smile when she was near. She took a moment to really look at his face. It was still hard to know for sure. People definitely aged differently, and this was not the handsome young father she remembered. Was it him? Were these the same eyes? Tears pooled in her eyes before she could stop them. Roger appeared startled for a moment and then reached a gloved hand toward her. A dam broke in her then and she threw herself into his arms, weeping. At first he was stiff; then his arms went around her and he hugged her.
“My girls,” he said. “My girls.” Hope heard him say it and she cried harder, but when she pulled back and wiped her tears, she did not question him any further.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Don’t be sad,” he said.
“You made me feel better,” she said. “Please come into town with me. And Josh, and Brittany.” Your grandchildren. “And Austin. Please. I want you to come with us.”
“Town,” he said, frowning.
“Just for a little while. As soon as you want to come home, you let me know and we’ll come right home.”
“No,” he said. “No town.” Then he turned around and headed for his cabin.
* * *
My girls. He said my girls. Hope was lost in thought as Austin’s truck bounced along the road. “Are we going sledding?” Brittany said.
“Why not?” Hope said. Screw Faith. She still wasn’t answering her phone or calling her back. Why not go sledding? “Does that sound good?” Hope asked Josh.
“Sure,” Josh said. It was way better than his typical “Whatever.” Austin and Hope exchanged a little smile. After they parked they headed directly to the sledding hill. Butterflies danced in Hope’s stomach at the thought of Austin’s arms around her waist. It had been several days since that kiss and she’d been thinking about it nonstop. From the looks he was giving her, so was he. It was early in the day and there wasn’t a long line to sled. Before she knew it, they were up next. Josh wanted his own sled, which left Brittany, Austin, and Hope to share one. The threesome took off first with Brittany in the front, Hope in the middle (as always), and Austin in the back. He did indeed sneak his arms around Hope’s waist shortly after the sled started its descent. Brittany’s delighted screams filled the air. They were halfway down when they heard another raucous scream from behind. Josh was a wild man on the sled, and he seemed to be purposefully zigzagging down the path, leaning his body side to side to produce the slaloming effect.
“Careful,” Austin shouted just before Josh’s sled slammed into the back of theirs. The sled veered off path and headed straight for a tree. Hope screamed, as the image of Brittany’s head collidin
g with the trunk terrorized her. She threw her hands over Brittany’s head as Austin desperately tried to right the course of the sled. Josh flew past them, zooming sideways down the hill. Why hadn’t Hope listened to Faith? Austin managed to steer them away from the tree, but the violent change in course tipped the sled and soon they were careening down the final leg of the hill, precariously balanced on the side, in danger of falling out. And as soon as the fearful thought struck Hope, it happened. Brittany tumbled out of the sled, and then to Hope’s horror the sled tipped upside down. Hope’s face was crushed into the snow as she felt the sled run over the top of her body. Where was Brittany? Was she okay? This time it was Hope’s screams that filled the air and they were anything but joyful.
CHAPTER 31
Hope, Austin, and Josh were in the waiting room of Cascade Medical Center. Hope’s eyes were swollen from crying. She couldn’t stop replaying the event in her mind. Although he hadn’t meant for them to get seriously hurt, she couldn’t help but think that Josh had purposefully clipped their sled. By the time Hope’s body had stopped rolling down the hill and she’d crawled over to Brittany, she’d been relieved to see that Brittany was conscious and crying, then horrified to see the position of Brittany’s leg, twisted behind her at an unnatural angle, and realize it was broken. Faith still wasn’t calling her back, so Joy and Harrison were out looking for her. The doctor had just popped in to say that they were almost finished setting Brittany’s leg and they could visit in a moment. Faith was going to kill Hope. Austin kept reaching over to squeeze Hope’s hand, but she was finding it a challenge to accept the comfort. Josh was wide-eyed and worried sick about Brittany. Hope had to admit to herself that that alone brought her some relief. He had snuck off to the bathroom and when he came back his eyes were red and his lashes wet with tears.
“Come here,” Hope said. Josh took the seat next to her and she put her arm around him. “It was an accident.”
“I was trying to pass you, not hit your sled,” Josh said.
“I know,” Hope said. She suspected he might have hit their sled on purpose, but she knew in his teenage brain that he thought it would be funny and didn’t intend on driving them straight for a tree, flipping them over, or breaking his sister’s leg.
“The guy who worked there said I was being reckless,” Josh said. “Are they going to arrest me?”
“No,” Austin said. “You just can’t sled there anymore.”
“Good,” Josh said. “I don’t want to. Mom was right. It’s too dangerous. You should have listened to her, Aunt Hope.”
And now the blame was squarely on her. Austin squeezed her hand again. “Brittany is going to be okay,” he said.
“She has a broken leg,” Hope said. “She’s going to spend the rest of the holidays in a cast.”
“I want to be the first to sign it,” Josh said. Hope swallowed. “Aunt Hope?” Josh said.
She looked at him and waited. “What are you going to tell Mom? I mean, are you going to say it was my fault?”
Austin and Hope exchanged a look. She didn’t know much about boys, or boy energy, or what all their teenage hormones made them do. “Here’s the thing,” Austin said. “We know you were trying to have fun, but you were also a bit reckless.”
“It was an accident, I lost control,” Josh said.
“I know you didn’t mean for us to get hurt,” Hope said.
“That’s right, I didn’t,” Josh said.
“But I think you knew you were going to bump into our sled,” Hope said.
Josh jumped up. “Don’t tell Mom that. You’re going to, aren’t you? You’re going to tell her it was all my fault.”
“Josh, please sit down,” Hope said.
“Everybody always thinks everything is my fault. Now it’s going to be poor little Brittany. I wish I had broken my leg instead. Nobody would care then, would they?”
“Of course we would care. How can you even think we wouldn’t?”
“Nobody wanted to come here for Christmas. Just you. You made everyone come.” Josh had never spoken to her like that or glared at her like that.
A nurse came into the waiting room. “She’s in her room. You can go in.”
Josh barged ahead, almost running. Hope followed, her eyes once again filling with tears. Austin grabbed her hand. “This is not your fault,” he said.
“I think he hit us on purpose,” Hope said. “But I don’t think he meant for this to happen.”
“I know,” Austin said.
“So what do I say?”
“You tell the truth. He’s going to have to deal with the truth.”
“What about his state of mind?”
“You mean the suicidal inclinations?”
Hope nodded. “This adds stress,” Austin said. “We’re definitely going to have to tell Faith everything. I’m sorry. I should have done this from the start.”
“It’s not your fault,” Hope said. “It’s mine.”
“Don’t say that,” Austin said.
But Hope pulled back from his touch. “Josh is right. I pushed for this. A happy holiday. A happy family. I pushed for this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a happy Christmas. Or a happy family.”
“Makes me a bit naïve, don’t you think?”
Austin slipped his arm around Hope’s shoulder and this time she didn’t shrug it off. “You’re being too hard on yourself. Let’s go see Brittany.” Hope nodded and hugged the teddy bear she’d bought in the gift shop. Austin held the flowers and cards. Hope’s cell phone rang and she headed for the room. It was Faith. Hope answered, but the minute she said hello the connection was cut. Cell phones weren’t allowed in all areas of the hospital and the reception was shoddy. Hope texted Faith.
Cascade Medical Center
Sledding accident
Brittany okay but has broken leg
A few seconds later her phone dinged.
Ha-ha. On my way back to the house
Turn around
Not joking
Enough. You’re joking.
Hope entered Brittany’s room. The poor girl was grinning despite her leg in a giant cast and propped up on pillows. Her grin grew when she saw the teddy bear and flowers. Josh stuck to the side of her bed, nervously playing with the sheets. Hope engulfed her in a huge hug. “Your mom thinks I’m joking. Mind if I take a picture?”
Brittany smiled for the camera. Josh jumped out of the picture at the last minute. Hope sent it to Faith. When her phone dinged back, the sound went straight through Hope’s heart.
OMG!!!!!! I’m seriously going to kill you
Hope showed Austin the text. He smiled and squeezed her arm. “I’ll do my best to stop her,” he said.
* * *
Brittany was propped up in the living room of the loft near the Christmas tree and the roaring fire. Austin and Hope were still waiting to talk to Faith privately, but she wasn’t giving them the time of day. Josh, on the other hand, was watching every move they made, still seemingly terrified that they were going to tell Faith he had rammed them on purpose. Which, of course, they were. Hope was getting so weary of secrets. Especially Yvette’s. She was resting, having just come back from the doctor, and Joy was the bubbliest Hope had ever seen her. Hope hated the thought that Joy was secretly thrilled that Faith was livid with Hope. Roger was standing particularly close to the window, every so often holding up something for Brittany’s delight: a pinecone, an ornament, an ice skate.
“Roger is so funny!” she said. Hope couldn’t help but notice the look Joy and Harrison exchanged. Joy didn’t have any idea that Roger was their father, and why would she? Hope was dying to tell her, but of course she had already promised Faith they would do it together and Faith was once again in the driver’s seat, now playing the martyr, the loving mom who had tried to protect her children from breaking a leg sledding, but defeated by dumb Aunt Hope who had never raised anything but dogs. Austin was the only bright spot in all of this.
“
Do you want to go to my place later?” he whispered.
“I want to go now,” she said. He laughed. “Yes,” she said. “Later.” Later couldn’t come soon enough. Christmas was a week away, the only saving grace—would they all just part ways after Christmas? Wait for Yvette to die? The doorbell rang. Faith hurried over to it and soon Charlie came into view, smiling. Hope smiled back but felt sick. How could she bring her here? What was this going to do to Josh? They hadn’t had time to tell Faith about Josh’s call to Austin. This was a nightmare. Faith was introducing Charlie around the room as her friend Charlotte who just happened to be in the area. Hope gathered from the look on Charlie’s face that Charlotte wasn’t her real name at all. Regardless, she smiled and started to hand out presents.
She was like Mrs. Claus, distributing sudden cheer. She had presents for Brittany and Josh, and even little tins of cookies for Hope, and Joy, and Granny. Faith allowed the kids to open them, which was a relief to Hope given that she had already opened hers and was on her second cookie—a delicious chocolate and almond concoction. These were much fancier than the sugar cookies Hope made. Would you look at that? Faith was in love with a woman who baked cookies. She wondered if she made kale chips. It somewhat endeared her to Charlie. Still, the timing couldn’t be worse. Wasn’t Stephen on his way? As soon as he’d found out about Brittany breaking her leg, he announced he was coming to spend Christmas with them. Josh seemed thrilled, so at least there was that.
None of them had heard from Carla, her Facebook page had gone quiet, and she wasn’t answering her phone. This was so typical of their mother. To dramatically announce she was coming here and then disappear.
“We need to do something positive with this group,” Hope said to Austin. “Something to get us in a Christmas mood.”
“Skating is out,” he said. Hope gave him a look. He laughed.
