Home with My Sisters

by Mary Carter

  “I heard you were here,” he said to Carla. “I wanted to say hello.” Carla practically flew over to his side and enveloped him in a hug.

  “Don’t you look handsome?” she said. Hope could only imagine how she was going to react to the news about Faith and Charlie.

  “That was a quick trip downtown,” Faith said.

  “It’s been two hours,” Austin said.

  “Wow,” Faith said.

  “Would you look at that. Time flies when you’re also not having fun,” Joy said.

  “You should see the lights downtown,” Brittany said. “They’re so pretty!”

  “As pretty as ours?” Hope teased.

  Brittany pondered the question seriously. “Well, they have more downtown, but ours are really special.”

  “They sure are,” Faith said. She looked at the kids. “Sit down,” she said. “We have something to tell you.”

  Josh groaned. “Great. More surprises.” He glanced at his dad.

  Stephen held his hands up. “Nothing to do with me this time,” he said.

  “What?” Carla said.

  “Later,” Faith said. “Guys, we need to talk to you about Roger.”

  “What’s he done now?” Josh said.

  “Oh, honey, he hasn’t done anything.” She knelt in front of the kids and gave them the news.

  “Our grandfather?” Brittany said. Her eyes lit up. “I knew I liked him!”

  “That’s weird,” Josh said. He seemed at a loss for words. Silently, everyone turned and looked out the window toward the cabin. Hope wished more than anything that Roger was inside with them right now. Hope turned to Harrison. “Was Mr. Jingles out there with you?”

  “Sure was. He went back to the cabin with Roger. I mean your dad. What are we supposed to call him now?”

  “Roger,” Yvette said. “He wants to be called Roger.”

  Harrison nodded. “Mr. Jingles and Roger are thick as thieves.”

  “I’m so happy,” Hope said. She thought about how burdened she felt when that woman dumped Mr. Jingles on her. And here it was meant to be.

  Carla lurched forward. “I want to see him. I want to see my husband.”

  “She’s not getting this,” Yvette said. “She’s going to ruin everything.”

  “I just want to see him. Say hello.”

  “No,” Yvette said.

  “It’s going to happen sooner or later,” Faith said.

  “She ruined his life!” Yvette said.

  “Me?” Carla said. “You’re the one. You ruined all of our lives.”

  Hope sidled over to Austin. “If this doesn’t change your mind about how joyful Christmas can be, I don’t know what will.” Austin took her hand and squeezed it.

  “I have an idea,” he said.

  * * *

  They stood outside, with every single Christmas light on the lawn aglow. A practice run, Austin called it. He turned on the stereo system from the barn and soon carols played into the night air. A roaring fire leapt and crackled in the fire pit where Josh and Brittany were roasting chestnuts with their dad. Harrison and Joy were putting the finishing touches on a snowman and snowwoman.

  “He’s a white dude,” Harrison said. “Otherwise, he’s fine.” Joy threw a snowball at him and a fight commenced. Yvette refused to come out. She was watching from the windows. Roger had yet to emerge, but Austin insisted on letting him do it on his own. Carla was pacing in the snow, never taking her eyes off the cabin.

  “The community is going to love this,” Hope said, gesturing all around her. “Even if we can’t.”

  “It’s not so bad,” Austin said, holding up a sprig of mistletoe above their heads. Hope laughed and kissed him.

  Soon they heard the excited barks of Mr. Jingles from the direction of the cabin.

  “I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Faith said. “Mom looks like a rocket about to launch.”

  No sooner had Faith said it and it happened. Carla bolted toward the cabin, racing across the snow like a madwoman, sending snow flying behind her. From inside the house, Yvette pounded on the windows as if that would be enough to stop Carla. A few seconds later the cabin door opened and Mr. Jingles came racing out, in a direct beeline toward Carla.

  “Uh-oh,” Hope said. Mr. Jingles leapt on Carla and tackled her to the ground. Screams filled the air. Everyone but Brittany raced toward her.

  “Not fair,” Brittany said, hopping on one foot. “Not fair.”

  Hope kept her eyes peeled on the cabin door as she ran. It was closed again. Had their father seen Carla and refused to come out? Did that mean he understood a lot about what was going on, or did it mean he didn’t know who Carla was? The sooner they talked to his doctors the better. Maybe Yvette was right, maybe this should have waited. By the time Hope reached her mother, Austin and Faith had already pulled her up. Mr. Jingles was literally running circles around them and barking, as if to herd them in.

  “That’s Mr. Jingles,” Hope said to her mother. “Sorry.”

  “He’s a horse,” Carla said. Once again she was looking at the cabin door. “He doesn’t want to see me,” she said softly. “My heart is breaking.”

  Faith looped arms with her mother, and so did Joy. Hope completed the semicircle by standing in front of her.

  “It’s not about you,” Hope said. “I think he’s embarrassed for you to see him like this. I actually think it means he understands a lot more than we gave him credit for.”

  “Or he is just shy around strangers,” Faith said.

  Hope gave her a look, but Faith shrugged it off.

  “I’ve waited twenty-four years for this,” Carla said. “And he’s just going to shut me out.”

  “Let’s find some pinecones to leave by his door,” Hope said. “A little gift of love from all of us.”

  Carla arched a severely tweezed eyebrow. “Pinecones?”

  “Trust me,” Hope said. “He’ll love it.”

  Faith stepped up and clasped her mittens under her chin. “Then let’s go inside, pop some corn, and drink hot chocolate.”

  “Yay!” Brittany said.

  “Pinecones?” Carla repeated.

  “Dad left one for me on the porch as soon as I arrived,” Hope said. “Before I knew it was Dad.”

  “I want to leave one from me too,” Josh said.

  “Me too,” Brittany said. They all whirled around.

  “Sweetheart,” Faith said. Brittany had hopped all the way on one foot.

  “It’s okay,” Brittany said. “I’m getting good at balancing.”

  Austin stepped forward. “Harrison and I will go in and start the popcorn. Why don’t you guys take care of the pinecones as a family?”

  “I’ll join you two,” Stephen said.

  “You’re family too,” Faith said.

  “Thank you,” Stephen said. “But I think you guys can handle this one. I’m going to humble myself for a game of Scrabble with Yvette.”

  “I’ll get the sled,” Josh said to Brittany. “Stay here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Oh my God,” Faith whispered to Hope. “Are my children actually being nice to each other or am I hallucinating?”

  “ ’Tis the season,” Hope said.

  “A miracle indeed.”

  * * *

  They left a total of six pinecones in front of Roger’s door, all bunched up like a miniature family waiting for him to come outside. It was dark in the cabin and the curtains were shut, but Hope felt that somehow he was watching, somehow he knew they were there.

  “Shouldn’t we put glitter on them, or a bow or something?” Carla said.

  “Glitter!” Brittany said. “And a bow!”

  “I think they look good au naturel,” Faith said. Her eyes flicked over Carla. “Unlike some spectacles.”

  Brittany indeed found a red bow and set it gently on top of their family of pinecones.

  “Now what?” Carla said.

  “Now we leave him in peace for a while,” Hope s
aid. Once again they took Carla by each arm and gently led her back to the house.

  “Do you think he’ll know they’re from us?”

  “Have a little me,” Faith said.

  Hope and Joy laughed. She used to say that joke all the time.

  “Me to the world,” Joy said. She elbowed Hope.

  “I me it snows on Christmas Eve.”

  Carla groaned. “Not that old joke again.” The girls dissolved into giggles.

  “It never gets old,” Faith cackled.

  Carla shook her head. “And they think I’m the crazy one.”

  “I don’t get it,” Josh said.

  “Have a little faith, Joy to the world, and I hope it snows on Christmas Eve,” Brittany chimed in.

  “Oh,” Josh said. Then he started laughing. And Brittany started laughing. It was like music to Hope’s ears, so she could only imagine how good Faith felt in the moment. Her children, finally sounding happy. Hope wondered how much it had to do with the fact that their father was here. No matter what, kids always wanted the family together. Just like they still longed for their father. She understood how her mother felt. She, too, wanted to bust open the door. She glanced back at the pinecones, huddled by the entrance, waiting for him to greet them. For now, it would have to be enough.

  CHAPTER 37

  After taking Yvette’s advice and each drawing a name, the motley crew was in town doing their Christmas shopping. Although Hope understood the spirit of it, she still wanted to buy Christmas gifts for everyone. Especially since she had drawn Stephen’s name. She couldn’t imagine not getting a gift for her niece and nephew, not to mention her sisters, or her grandmother, for goodness’ sake, and then of course there was her mother, and father, and she’d already bought the sweater for Austin. Rules be darned, she was going to buy a little something for everyone. It was one of her favorite parts of Christmas. Buying gifts she thought others would like, wrapping them, addressing them, placing them under the tree. She wouldn’t go overboard, or anything, but she had to follow her heart. She hadn’t waited all these years to be together to not celebrate to the max. Horse and carriages were out in great numbers, and the shops were filled. Christmas was in the air. Their celebration was going to start a day after the Christmas lighting ceremony in town. They didn’t want folks to have to choose. It was to take place this evening and excitement was in the air. Every time she stepped into a shop and heard a bell jingle and felt the rush of warmth and sound of laughter within, Hope felt a surge of the Christmas spirit. This was what it was all about. Roger still hadn’t emerged, but when they woke up in the morning the pinecones were gone. Hope thought it was a fabulous sign, although Carla was still obsessed. They had an appointment with his doctor the next afternoon. It felt funny to be meeting without Roger, but Yvette had Power of Attorney, and would soon have to pass that on to one of them.

  Yvette had surprised Hope by coming out with them on the shopping trip. After they’d all finished they were going to have lunch together.

  Hope bought coffee mugs for Joy and Harrison with the town of Leavenworth on them, she bought new ice skates for Brittany for when she could skate again, she bought a new yoga mat for Faith, but then drew a complete blank on Stephen, Yvette, her mother, and her father. She met up with Faith in the cooking store and Faith told her that Stephen was going to take up painting, so Hope bought him some paints and brushes and a few small canvases.

  “We’d better get all those bags into my trunk,” Faith said. “Before the others see you’re cheating.”

  Hope laughed and they hurried out to Faith’s car. When she popped the trunk Hope saw a pile of shopping bags. “I see I’m not the only one,” Hope laughed.

  “Draw names,” Faith said. “Ridiculous!”

  “I’m going to say mine are from Santa so I don’t get in trouble,” Hope said.

  “Always the peacemaker,” Faith said. She shut the trunk, then looked left and right before speaking again. “I have an idea for Joy and Harrison,” she said. “But I need you to go in on it with me.”

  “I already got them coffee mugs,” Hope said.

  Faith laughed. “Busting the bank, I see.” Hope didn’t have a lot of money. Not the kind of money Faith had. What did she expect. Faith gently punched her. “I’m just kidding. And I’m not asking you to spend anything you currently have.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means we’re going to need Yvette’s permission for this one—some future inheritance.”

  “You’ve piqued my interest,” Hope said.

  “Get in,” Faith said.

  “What about lunch?”

  “They can start without us,” Faith said. “Christmas is about surprises.”

  * * *

  On the ride to the surprise, Faith gathered her thoughts. It was time to tell Hope the truth. Why she really left her. The truth of that summer. Faith had had crushes on girls, only girls, ever since she could remember, but she never acted on her feelings. Never dared to think about what would happen if she did. That just wasn’t who she was, who she imagined herself to be. Then, a few days after Faith turned seventeen, it happened. She met a girl on the beach. A beautiful, funny girl. A summer girl with chestnut hair and green eyes, and an infectious laugh. Whenever summer girl looked at her, Faith got butterflies in her stomach.

  “Why don’t you want Joy and me to go to the beach with you anymore?” Hope asked her one day.

  Faith remembered how a wave of shame enveloped her, how she couldn’t imagine telling her sisters how she really felt. That wasn’t how they saw her. It wasn’t how she saw herself. “No one’s stopping you from going to the beach,” Faith said. “And Joy complains too much about her sunburns.”

  “Fine. Just me then. You never want me to go with you. Why?”

  “Because I go there to meet boys, silly.” Lie, lie, lie. She was going there to meet summer girl.

  One day when they were in the ocean, underneath the bluest of blue skies, summer girl kissed her. And Faith had kissed her back. Boy did she kiss her back. Maybe that would have been the end of it. Or maybe it would have happened a few more times. Faith probably would have kept it as a memory, a delicious secret. If not for Melanie Hayes.

  Melanie Hayes was the most popular girl in school. And she’d always been jealous of Faith. And she saw her. She sat on her towel on the beach, watching Faith and the summer girl kiss. And it didn’t take long before she confronted her. Lesbian. Dyke. And worse. Lots worse. Wait until everyone hears this, Melanie threatened. The thought of everyone at school talking about her behind her back paralyzed Faith. But even more, she couldn’t imagine her sisters seeing her in a different way. They had her on a pedestal. She was ashamed. Ashamed of who she was and ashamed that she was ashamed of it. Faith did the only thing she could think to do. She slept with the first boy she could find, a geeky trumpet player on vacation with his rich parents. They did it on the beach, her first time, her first boy, her sacrifice, her salvation. Only this time, she saved herself.

  From the girl she didn’t know how to be, from the names she didn’t want to be called. When she found out she was pregnant, it was like angels had come down from the heavens to give her a do-over. Melanie Hayes was the first person she told.

  But she didn’t tell her sisters. Because that would mean telling them everything. Things she wasn’t even ready to admit to herself. At the time she didn’t want them to think of her that way, to have pictures in their head. Pictures like her kissing the girl on the beach. Her green eyes, her silky chestnut hair, her soft, insistent lips.

  Lie, after lie, after lie. That year, Faith told a lot of lies. Mostly to herself. Not that she’d do anything differently if she had it to do over. Because she had Josh. And Brittany. Hopefully that would one day be enough for Stephen too. Hopefully he would forgive her. How terrifying the thought of being a lesbian was to her then. How freeing it was to admit it now. Thank God the world was starting to become a place where you didn’t have to be a
shamed of who you loved. It was time to tell Hope she never meant to abandon her. She never stopped loving her and Joy. And she was never going to spend another Christmas away from them again.

  * * *

  They took a few roads out of town and twenty minutes later pulled into a long drive. A gleaming silver food truck sat on the lawn with a FOR SALE sign on it.

  “A coffee truck,” Hope said.

  “Right?” Faith said. “Isn’t it perfect?”

  “How did you find this?”

  “I’ve been looking in the papers.”

  Hope kept looking at the gleaming silver truck. “How much is it?”

  “They’re asking forty-five hundred dollars, but I think we can get them down.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know. But I think we owe this to Joy.” She reached in the backseat and brought up a book. Coffee and Cream was written across it. “Harrison showed this to me. It’s Joy’s.”

  Hope took it and began to leaf through it. Page by page Joy had been writing down her plans and dreams for the coffee shop. Prices. Varieties of coffees with cool names. Pictures of décor she liked. Even a script for how she wanted her employees to interact with the customers. Hope felt tears come to her eyes.

  “She’s put a lot of thought into this.”

  “More than we gave her credit for.” Faith and Hope locked eyes. “I’m so sorry I left you two,” Faith whispered.

  “Don’t,” Hope said. “You had to. For your baby.”

  “It was more than that,” Faith said. “I was ashamed.”

  “Ashamed? You?” Faith never had anything to be ashamed of. She was an “it” girl.

  “Melanie Hayes saw me kissing a girl on the beach and she threatened to tell everyone I was a dyke. And worse. I slept with Stephen a few nights later. All because I didn’t want you and Joy to find out and look at me differently.”

  “Oh, Faith.” Hope could feel her heart breaking. “You were our world. That would have never changed. Never.”

  “I know that now. I’m sorry I didn’t know that then.”

  Hope lunged forward and squeezed Faith until it hurt. “Let’s buy that coffee truck for Joy,” she said when she finally let go.