by Amy Bellows
Lewis rushes for the front door wearing his white marshmallow coat, which always makes me want to wrap my arms around him and give him a huge hug. And a kiss. And other things.
Why are we not hanging out at my apartment tonight again?
We’re building bridges, I remind myself. Getting our friends and family used to us.
So his dad doesn’t cut me into a million pieces and hide me in his freezer when I give his son a pebble.
“Hey.” Lewis pulls on his knitted hat with the puffball on top, which does nothing to make him less adorable.
“Is there any chance you’d listen to me if I told you not to go tonight?” his dad says.
Lewis takes in a deep breath. “I’m an adult, Dad. I get to choose my own friends.”
They’ve had this conversation so many times, I could recite it by heart.
“If you’d only explain why, then maybe I would understand,” his dad says.
If he knew why, he definitely wouldn’t understand. But I keep my mouth shut. Telling him our plan to be mates isn’t going to make tonight any easier.
“Would you really listen? Because every time I’ve tried to talk to you about this, you don’t want to hear what I have to say.”
His dad sighs. “Why polar bear shifters? Why not humans instead? At least they—”
“Stop. If you can’t be polite to my guests, maybe I need to move out.”
His dad’s eyes widen.
Lewis winds a scarf around his neck. “C’mon, Todd. Let’s go.” He steps outside to the dark green carpet in the hallway.
“Lewis, I didn’t mean…”
He turns back and waits for his dad to finish. His dad simply stands there with his mouth open.
“We’ll talk about it later, okay? But you need to decide if you’d rather live with me or lecture me about my friends. You can’t have both anymore.”
My little spitfire penguin shifter. If anyone can make a bond like ours work, it’s him.
“I’ll be back tomorrow around noon,” Lewis says.
His dad’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t say anything this time. Lewis used to tell him he was spending the night with a penguin shifter friend every time he slept over at my place, but we’re trying to be as honest as we can now. That doesn’t come without its share of awkward moments.
In one year, we won’t have to do this anymore.
I nod to Lewis’s dad.
He pauses for a long time before nodding back.
14
Lewis
Once Todd pulls out of the parking lot of my apartment building, we thread our fingers together on the middle console. I close my eyes. We spend so much time with other people now that every second I spend alone with him is precious.
“The party tonight is at Ansel’s house,” he says.
Despite my initial reservations about Ansel, he’s the best supporter of our friendship right now. Well, our only supporter.
“It’s his twenty-second-and-a-half birthday.”
I grin. “Seriously?”
Todd smiles back and nods.
“He’s so ridiculous sometimes. Okay. Let’s make a bet now. How many people do you think will growl at me? I’m betting on five.”
He whistles. “That’s high. I’m guessing two. Definitely Mara. She growls at everyone. And I’ll throw in an extra unknown growler for good measure.”
I rub my thumb along the sensitive skin on his palm. He swallows hard, giving me a fiery look that makes me wish we were going to his place instead of Ansel’s party. Some days the drive from the penguin shifter side of town to the polar bear shifter side is the only time we get to touch each other.
“Two is way low. But if you’re willing to lowball it, it’s your loss. More blowjobs for me,” I say.
The car hits a patch of ice. Todd eases his feet off the pedals and waits for us to coast before accelerating past it. “Is that what we’re betting? Does that mean you won’t give me a blowjob if I lose?”
I’d love to have Todd’s big cock in my mouth right now. But I want it in my ass even more. It’s taken him a long time to get the entire thing inside me, but I can finally handle it now. And I want it as often as he’ll give it to me.
“If you lose, I want you to suck me off, then fuck me while I’m still sensitive.”
He releases my hand and reaches across the console for the front of my jeans. He has to navigate underneath my puffy coat, but by now, he could probably find his way to my cock in his sleep. I moan as his hand cups me.
“Let’s skip the party,” he says.
“We can’t.” Blowing off a party thrown by the one guy who accepts us is a bad idea.
He rubs his fingers up and down my bulge. “Let’s skip this whole year. Time travel with me to next year, when I can claim you as mine.”
God, if only that were possible.
He squeezes my cock. I’m so hard right now that my self-control is slipping. What I wouldn’t give for an entire night at Todd’s place. We could have sex, play video games, and have sex again. It sounds like heaven.
“Let me take you home for just an hour. Then we’ll go to Ansel’s,” he begs, slipping his hand underneath the waistband of my jeans.
I want him so much. But if we go back to his place, I know we won’t go to the party. It will be too tempting to stay inside and make love all night.
“We can’t, Todd. We have to go. Let’s just hit the party for two hours, okay? Just two hours, and you can take me home.”
Todd releases my cock and puts his hand back on the steering wheel. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just… this is so hard. I had no idea how hard this would be.”
The tension in his voice makes my stomach cramp up. Does he regret committing to me? Will he change his mind? If he was with another polar bear shifter, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. Maybe a polar bear shifter would have agreed to go back to his apartment with him.
What will I do if he decides I’m not worth the trouble?
He glances over at me. “Shit. You’re worrying again.”
I shake my head, even though he’s absolutely right.
“Regardless of how bad things get, you’re stuck with me for life, okay? I’m not having second thoughts, and I never will.”
I thread our fingers together again. “I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s a lot, you know?”
“Yeah. I do.”
Once we hit the polar bear shifter side of town, the eclectic local shops selling everything from homemade dog treats to artisan coffee line the streets. The shops are all painted bright colors, and many have vibrant murals along the sides. Todd’s shop is two streets down in the “Jewelry District,” which is a little more subdued since penguin shifters shop there too. But this street is all polar bear shifter, and I love it.
Street art is sprayed all over the sidewalks—even in the winter. The streetlamps have different colored bulbs. Ansel lives above his omega mother’s shop at the center of town. It’s a high-end clothing store that makes most of its money online, just like Todd’s jewelry shop.
Finding parking on the polar bear shifter side of town is always difficult, which is why I bundled up. The parking spaces along the street near Ansel’s place are full. We end up parking two blocks away next to a microbrewery. Reluctantly, I let go of his hand, and we brave the sidewalks of what polar bear shifters call “Merchant Avenue.” Even in the dead of winter, they walk along this street on the weekends, chatting and shopping like it’s the middle of July. They don’t seem to mind the cold as much as the humans or penguin shifters in Anchorage. It’s the first week of December, so a man across the street is carrying a string of garland to his car. Polar bear shifters don’t celebrate Christmas the way penguin shifters do. They celebrate Winter Solstice. Next year Todd and I can celebrate both of our holidays together.
Todd waves to a few people as we walk. With my knitted hat I get fewer stares, unless they notice my eyebrows or eyelashes. But in December the sun sets at around th
ree o’clock in Anchorage. Even under the colorful streetlights, it’s difficult for people to tell. We reach the back staircase to Ansel’s place, lit up with the same white twinkling lights my dad likes to wind around the branches of our Christmas tree. Garlands like the one the man was carrying line the handrails.
“How much do you want to bet Ansel’s half-birthday party is going to be extra?” Todd says. He’s wearing a leather jacket with no hat or gloves, even though it has to be below freezing.
“That’s not even a real bet. Of course it will be.”
We scale the steps that are heavily salted to combat the ice. At the top we find Ansel’s bright yellow door with a huge wreath made of silver ornaments, welded together with what looks like glitter.
“I made that for him last year.” Todd knocks on the door. “We hand-make all of our gifts. Just so you know.”
Amazingly, after a year of meticulously explaining our different cultures to one another, stuff like that still comes up.
The door swings open, and Ansel stands behind it in a rope of garland strategically wrapped around his body to cover all the important bits. He’s even wearing garland sandals with intricate straps around his ankles and a pair of acorn tassels at the toe.
“Todd, you’re not dressed up,” he pouts. He turns to me. “Are you supposed to be a marshmallow? Because if so, bravo.”
Todd smiles. “That’s just his coat. You didn’t tell me this was a costume party.”
Ansel folds his arms across his bare chest. “Honey, when are my parties not costume parties? But I’ll forgive you because you always look so handsome anyway. Come inside already. You’re letting in the cold, and most of us are half naked.”
We enter Ansel’s place. He has a huge Solstice tree in the corner of the room and tiny lights hung all over the walls. Dozens of scantily clad people with white hair mill about his small apartment. A huge alpha man in the corner is wearing nothing but a G-string comprised entirely of ornaments. He’s chatting with a few omegas in faux fur loincloths. One of them notices Todd and saunters toward us. Of course, he has a toned, oiled-up body and perfectly curved ass cheeks that are exposed on the sides.
Sometimes I have to wonder why Todd wants me when he could have someone like this.
“Todd, where’s your costume? Half the reason I came to this party was to see you with your shirt off.”
To my horror, Todd shrugs out of his jacket and pulls the neck of his shirt over his head.
“There. Have you met my friend?” Todd says, gesturing to me. “This is Lewis. Lewis, this is Dominic. We go way back.”
Dominic’s lips do something between a smile and a sneer. “The penguin shifter, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” I don’t know what else to say, so I hold out my hand.
He glances at it, but doesn’t shake it. Instead, he leans in and gives Todd’s ear a playful nip. “Let me know when you lose your… friend. I need something big and hard in between my legs tonight, and it’s been way too long.”
My heart clenches. Staying silent and pretending Dominic’s flirting doesn’t bother me requires all my self-control.
Ansel comes up from behind us and slides his arm across Todd’s back. “He’s already mine tonight, sweetie. He promised me.”
Todd promised Ansel he’d be with him? But I thought we were mates. Are polar bear shifters not exclusive with their mates? Has he been having sex with other people? Why didn’t he tell me? We’ve been having unprotected sex for months now. Ever since I went on the pill. And I thought… I thought he was mine.
Dominic sighs. “Of course he is. You have all the luck. Next time, I suppose.”
Ansel lowers his arm across Todd’s back and steps in front of me, unzipping my coat. “Better work on that poker face, little bird,” he whispers. “I don’t have designs on your man. But the others will keep their hands off if they know he’s taken.”
My eyes widen. “Wait. You know?”
He slides the coat off my shoulders. “Of course I do. I’m not as oblivious as the rest of these idiots. Don’t you worry, though. Your secret is safe with me.”
Ansel smiles up at Todd, who obviously caught our conversation because he gives Ansel a warm smile and mouths thank you.
“Would you let me borrow your omega for a bit?” Before Todd can answer, Ansel grabs my elbow and leads me off to the hallway. The first door we walk into has a couple naked and writhing on the bed. The second door, which is an office, has another naked couple on the floor. But the third door—Ansel’s bathroom—is empty. Ansel ushers me inside and shuts the door.
“It if it makes you feel better, I just figured it out a few weeks ago. Honestly, I never thought Todd would go against the grain like that. He’s such a rule follower, you know?”
No, I didn’t know. Not at all. But I don’t say that to Ansel. I don’t know what parts of our relationship I’m allowed to talk about. We weren’t planning on telling anyone yet.
“Anyway, Todd doesn’t know the first thing about what the polar bear shifter omegas are going to expect from you. I can help you with that. First, we’ll need to get your clothes off and get you something a little more fun. The other omegas are going to assume you’re stuffy if you’re wearing more clothing than they are.”
Get my clothes off? There’s no way I’m walking around in the equivalent of underwear where all of those omegas can scoff at my body.
“They’ll laugh at me,” I try to explain.
Ansel raises both of his eyebrows. “Sweetie, they’re already laughing. Besides, I’ll let you in on a little secret. We don’t do body shaming. It’s against everything we believe in. If you go out there in the cute little reindeer costume I have for you, they’ll have to stop snickering about you behind your back. Now you wait here while I go dig around my closet.”
Does he mean he’s going to barge in on the couple having sex in his bedroom again?
Good God. I’ll never get used to this.
Ansel slips out of the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. I’m still in my puffball hat and the nondescript long-sleeved T-shirt I figured would draw the least amount of attention. Have I been doing this wrong the whole time? And more importantly, if Ansel knows I’m in love with Todd and he’s willing to help me out, can I afford to ignore his advice?
I pull off my shirt and pants, then look in the mirror again. I may be smaller than the other omegas out there, but I’m a lot more muscular. Will they think that’s weird? And they’re waxed. Will they stare at my chest hair?
Maybe Ansel is wrong. Exposing myself might make things worse.
Ansel returns with a furry brown pair of briefs, a squishy red ball, and a headband with antlers.
“Damn, Lewis! You’ve been hiding that body this entire time?” He shoves the briefs in my hand. “Let’s get you out there and show it off. You might have more than one alpha staring at you tonight.”
Does he mean that?
“But I’m so different.” I take off my underwear and put on the briefs anyway.
“Honey, variety is the spice of life. You’re hot stuff. Trust me. Now put this on your nose.” He gives me the red ball.
“Isn’t this Rudolph? He’s a Christmas character.”
Ansel places the antler headband across my head. “Santa is actually a culmination of several different Pagan Gods. You guys stole him for Christmas. But let’s not worry about that for now. Tonight, all you have to do is stand there and look hot with a drink in your hand. I’ll introduce you to my friends and guide the conversation. Remember, everyone is going to assume you’re judging them. It’s your job to laugh at their crude jokes and assure them you’re on their side, okay?”
That’s what the omegas think? No wonder I haven’t had any luck with them.
“Yeah. Okay.”
Ansel takes my arm again. “Don’t worry so much. You’ll do great. Now let’s go find your man. He’s going to die when he sees you.”
I follow Ansel back into the throes of the pa
rty. Plenty of people stare, but not in derision, like I assumed. Ansel is right. More than one alpha and even an omega stare at me with obvious interest. When we reach Todd, his mouth opens, and his eyes drag over my body.
“Hey,” I say.
Ansel chuckles. “You better work on your poker face too, Todd. Because damn.”
Todd shuts his mouth and glances away from me, a sheepish smile sliding across his face. “You look…”
“He looks like he’s about to take this party by storm. Now excuse us. We have some socializing to do.”
Ansel leads me away from Todd and toward a group of omegas chatting in the corner. When they see my costume, their eyes light up. Every last one of them. Even Dominic.
“Gentlemen, this is Lewis. He’s a friend of mine. Doesn’t he look delicious tonight?”
The omegas make a space for us in their circle.
“Those abs are legit. Tell us all your secrets,” Dominic says. The other omegas nod and wait in silence for me to speak.
I try to put my hands in my pockets, but they aren’t there.
“Uh, I work out?”
Dominic laughs, but not in a mean way. “Obviously. What do you do specifically?”
So I tell them. And they actually listen to me.
I wasn’t expecting that.
15
Todd
It’s past midnight, and we’re still at Ansel’s stupid party. By now, music pounds through the speakers, and sweaty bodies move against each other. On the other end of the room my little penguin shifter dances with the crowd of omegas who adopted him earlier in the night. Nobody is growling. Nobody is giving him side eye. And Ansel isn’t even by his side anymore. He’s watching the crowd with me.
One of the omegas grabs Lewis’s ass, and I flinch.
Ansel places a calming hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry. That’s Marney. He doesn’t swing both ways. He’s just being friendly.”
I’ve never had a problem with how… touchy polar bear shifters are. But now that Lewis is dancing in the middle of a crowd of people who all have wandering hands, I’m on edge.
