Little Lost Girl: The Complete Series

by Angelique S. Anderson

  Chapter Four

  Little Demons

  Morning came too soon. Star’s heart raced as Bridget’s family drove her home, and a feeling of depression swept over her like a dark cloud. Not only was Saturday a chore day, but the drama of the soiled towels had not yet been resolved, and she knew the day would not end well.

  Bridget’s father pulled into the driveway, and Star exchanged goodbyes with her friend. For a fleeting moment, she considered blurting out what was going on at home, thinking that if she did, they might be able to help in some way. But when Bridget gave her an affectionate hug, Star decided against it. She finally had a real friend and didn’t want to mess that up with her personal dramas. Beaming a radiant smile, she thanked Bridget’s parents for their hospitality and walked slowly up to her house.

  Star opened the front door, and the smile melted from her face. Jim and Darcy were sitting in the living room; he was reading a newspaper, and she was reading a book. Darcy looked up as Star walked in and asked, “Well, did you have a good time?”

  Star nodded, dreading the scene that she knew was about to unfold.

  “Are you ready to talk?” Darcy demanded.

  Star nodded and swallowed hard as she contemplated the mistreatment to come if she refused to confess to urinating on the family’s towels. Desperate to avoid a confrontation, she decided this battle wasn’t worth it. With a sick feeling in her stomach and guilt weighing on her heart for not defending herself, she confessed again to a deed she could not imagine any decent person doing and muttered, “Fine, I peed on the towels.”

  “Now was that so hard?” Darcy asked with a self-righteous glare.

  Star thought of the vilest word in her vocabulary that could apply to Darcy and repeated it in her mind several times. Out loud, however, she simply answered, “No.”

  “Go take a shower and do your chores,” Darcy ordered. “You are grounded for two weeks.”

  “Is it okay if I do my chores first and then take a shower?” Star asked in a subdued voice, and Darcy nodded assent.

  Star spent the rest of the day dusting, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, and ironing. As night fell, she finished the last of the ironing and ran outside to feed the dogs. Then, she jumped in the shower. When she got out, she grabbed her towel to dry off but caught a whiff of some­thing unexpected and pungent. She held the towel about six inches from her face and wrinkled her nose at the smell of urine that had soaked into the fabric.

  Having been on the receiving end of verbal abuse and frequent obscenities in the past, Star chose a few swear words that seemed apropos and cursed Darcy out loud. For the first time, she felt some­thing more than anger and hurt over Darcy’s mistreatment—she felt anger, disgust, and contempt. She knew her remaining days with the Johnsons were short, and it was time to move on. Throwing the towel on the floor, she dried off using the clothes she had worn earlier that day and put on her pajamas.

  “Did you use your towel?” Darcy asked as Star walked out of the bathroom.

  “Yes,” she lied.

  “Did you like using a towel I peed on?”

  “No.” Star fought back tears of anger.

  “Are you going to do it again?”

  “No,” Star answered, biting her lip to stop herself from saying what she was really thinking—Are you stupid? You stupid witch! I did not pee on your towels! She threw her dirty clothes in the hamper and resisted the urge to storm off to her room, knowing it would stir the pot. Instead, she walked calmly to her room and shut the door behind her.

  Once alone, Star threw herself on her bed, grabbed her pillow, and cried into it. It was the first time she prayed with conviction and from the depth of her heart, pleading, “Please, God, get me out of here—or kill me! I can’t take it any more.” Tears streaked her face as despair settled over her. She held the pillow tight over her face to stifle her sobs, fearing that Darcy would hear and barge in to yell at her again.

  Star waited hopefully, expecting an answer from God, but her prayer was met with dead silence. She berated herself for believing in what she had known all along was a fairy tale and sobbed into her pillow, “I knew you weren’t real! I knew you weren’t real!”

  As she cried, something unexpected happened. It was so subtle at first that she didn’t even notice, but a warm feeling began to build in her heart. She felt the temperature in the room around her change, and it melted the hatred she held for Darcy. Her young mind, which up to that point had run rampant with intense, uncontrolled emotions, became peaceful. A gentle knowing materialized in the air around her, in her head, and in her soul. It was as if a great awakening had occurred in her at that moment—a sentient feeling that had no audible voice but still spoke to her saying, “I am here. I love you, and I have been with you always. Trust in me. Trust that I saved you from so much worse, and I have a plan for you.”

  That day was an epiphany for Star. The peaceful feeling lingered around her, and she knew that she had been touched by the God everyone talked about at church. He was with her, in her room, in her heart, in that moment. It would be years before Star fully understood the most important thing that happened to her that day—she felt loved. But for now, she cried and prayed. She asked God to make Himself at home in her heart and give her the strength to deal with Darcy and Jim.

  Star stopped crying as joy replaced her sadness. She felt an urge to share the beautiful thing that had happened. She wanted to share the experience of God entering her life with Jim and Darcy. She wouldn’t talk about the specifics—those were special to her, and she would cherish them for as long as she could, maybe the rest of her life. Joy radiated from her heart and glowed on her face as she rushed out into the living room where Jim and Darcy still sat in their chairs reading.

  “Mom! Dad! Guess what?” she exclaimed. They both glanced up at her with disinterest as she said, “I talked to God and I got saved!” She thought that saved was the right word for what had happened—it was a word often used at church, and it fit. She felt as if she had been saved, not just from the troubles she had with Darcy and Jim but from herself and the bitterness that was eating her alive.

  “We kind of knew you weren’t,” said Darcy with a snide half-smile. Star felt the joy in her heart evaporate like air rushing out of a burst balloon. Why had she told them anything? She should have known Darcy would say something to ruin it.

  “I just wanted to tell you.” Star said, bowing her head and turning to go back to her room.

  “No, that’s good,” Jim said. “Let’s pray together.” He gave Darcy a stern look, and she sighed but obeyed his wish that they join hands in a circle. They prayed together for a few minutes, although it didn’t feel like Darcy wanted any part of it, and Star wondered if Jim himself was humoring her.

  Star went back to her room and prayed alone. She told God she was sorry she had waited so long and thanked him for loving her anyway. A feeling of tranquility came over her. Love unlike anything she had never known filled her heart from someone she could not see, but she knew He was as real as the air she breathed. She drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and warm.

  After that day, life settled into a semi-peaceful routine. Star continued to double dry the towels and make sure none of them went into the closet wet. At least every other day, and sometimes daily, she would switch out the towels in the bathroom with fresh, clean ones. Weeks went by relatively free of stress. Star thought God might be protecting her, and the towels would not smell again. She began to believe that everything would be okay. Then, one morning, she awoke to Darcy yelling at the top of her lungs, and Star had a good guess why.

  She spent most of the day arguing with Darcy and insisting, again, that she had not soiled the towels. This time, she dug in her heels, adamant that she would not confess to the vile behavior that had sent Darcy into a rage. For the rest of the day, Star was spanked, slapped, shoved, and verbally berated. The final argument of the day came when Darcy threw her on her bed and struck her again and again,
demanding that Star confess and explain why she had urinated on the towels.

  Star went numb from the pain. Tired of being hit, she asked God to help her find a way out. The idea of making up a story to stop Darcy from hitting and yelling at her popped into her head. Although she knew it was wrong to lie and God would never condone it, she knew from her friends at church that God is forgiving. She made the choice for self-preservation and asked God to give her strength.

  “The demons made me do it. They told me to do it,” Star cried out. “They said if I didn’t, they would they kill me.” It was a farce, of course; Star was a twelve-year-old child and knew nothing about demons, but sure enough, Darcy stopped in her tracks and backed away.

  “What do you mean the demons made you do it?” she demanded.

  “The voices in my head…they tell me what to do,” Star lied.

  Darcy glared at Star in shock, and at that moment, Star didn’t care that she was lying. She knew she needed to get out of this house. Feeling brave enough to stand up to Darcy, she sat up in her bed and scowled at her.

  “We are taking you to the pastor for counseling,” Darcy declared.

  “Fine, I don’t care.” Star muttered. She hoped that it would be her chance to tell someone outside her home about what she was enduring. Maybe God was giving her a way out after all. She could tell the pastor about how Darcy treated her, and he would make sure Star was removed from the home. She felt a glimmer of hope ebb into her mind. Maybe Darcy would be held accountable for her actions.

  Chapter 5

  Meetings

  Star met with the pastor of her church once a week, but the sessions did not give her a chance to discuss the abuse she endured at home. Darcy was always right there, interjecting her own comments. The pastor’s position was clear from the start: Jim and Darcy were wonderful human beings and loving foster parents, and Star needed to modify her behavior to become a better child. He encouraged her to accept the blame for all that was wrong, even though she knew that couldn’t be right.

  Darcy and Jim gave the pastor a negative impression of Star, describing her behavior and telling stories that painted her as a terrible child, almost a monster. They said she acted intentionally to anger people and deliberately caused problems to get attention. They gained the pastor’s sympathy, and in the process, made Star feel that she did not deserve love or a decent home.

  Star knew her relationship with Darcy and Jim was broken and beyond repair. She refused to accept the blame for everything that was wrong, and she would no longer confess to deeds she did not commit. She could not bear the ongoing physical and emotional abuse, and she was tired of hearing Jim and Darcy deny that they beat her and called her names no child should have to bear. It was time to move on.

  During what would be their final meeting, Star looked the pastor in the eye and declared through clenched teeth, “I hate them. I don’t want to live with them anymore. That is why I peed on their stupid towels.” She gave Darcy and Jim a defiant glare and slid her chair as far away from them as she could move.

  The pastor’s expression changed from embarrassment to shock to stern rebuke, but he held his tongue. After a long silence, he said with a hint of a Southern drawl, “Well, I don’t know what to say…”

  “Star, if that is what you want, we will pack your bags tonight,” Darcy said. A look of intense dislike smoldered in her eyes.

  “That is what I want. I am miserable and I don’t want to live with you anymore.” Star crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

  The meeting only lasted another few minutes. They all agreed that moving was the best choice for Star. She wondered where she would go next and knew Nevada was not an option. She had decided that she would run away before she allowed herself to be sent back there.

  When they returned home, Darcy told Star to go to her room and pack only what she had come with. That order came as a shock to Star because the clothes and toys she brought had been thrown out—Darcy had complained that her belongings smelled like cigarettes and promised to replace them. If Star left with what she brought, she had nothing to pack.

  She went to her room as ordered and sat on the edge of her bed, willing herself not to cry. She knew leaving was for the best. Looking around her pastel-colored room at the light lavenders and pinks that had been a part of her world for the past year, she took a mental inventory of the chores she had been required to perform, the many times she had been slapped and beaten, and the numerous homes she had lived in during her trouble childhood. Unable to hold back, she broke down crying. She was a little lost girl, sad and alone, fearing what might lie in her future.

  Darcy huffed into the room and tossed a cardboard box on the bed next to Star, saying, “You can put your things in here.”

  “I have nothing to pack. You got rid of it all, remember?”

  “You can take your clothes and toys, but the porcelain dolls, bedding, and everything else stays here,” Darcy ordered. Then, she turned on her heel and left the room. Star looked over at the assorted glass dolls and their lifeless eyes staring back at her, and she felt relieved that they would not be accom­panying her to her next home, wherever that might be.

  She spent the next hour packing her belongings, which didn’t add up to much. When she finished, she had a box of clothes and a second, smaller box with a few stuffed animals. The treasure trolls she had cherished were gone—Darcy had burned them after deeming them “Satanic.” Her books of dark poetry had been left behind in Las Vegas with her father and stepmother. Gone, too, were her Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets because there had been no time to play with them at Jim and Darcy’s house. Now, facing an uncertain future, she wondered if she would ever get to play and be normal again.

  That night at dinner, no one spoke. The only sounds in the kitchen were water running and dishes rattling as Star cleaned up after the meal for the last time. She followed her usual routine, washing, drying, and putting the dishes away, but her mind was racing. With all her heart, she hoped she would be sent to a home like her friend Bridget’s with foster parents who would be kind to her.

  Star daydreamed for the rest of the evening, imagining what living with a nice family would be like and how it would feel to be wanted and cared for. She prayed that her next home would be filled with kindness and happiness. After slipping into her pink pajamas and saying good night to Jim and Darcy one last time, she tucked herself into bed and thanked God for giving her the strength to find a way out of her predicament.

  Chapter Six

  To Grandfather’s House We Go

  The next morning, Star placed the two cardboard boxes containing her belongings by the front door, and she had a bowl of cereal. Darcy awoke late and instructed her to load her things in the Toyota. When they were ready to leave, Star hugged the Johnsons’ two dogs and one cat she had grown to love and kissed them goodbye. Her eyes welled with tears as Darcy pulled out of the driveway. A familiar feeling of loss and a yearning to belong swept over her. This cycle was becoming too much for her to bear.

  Darcy’s house was out in the country, and it took a good bit of time for them to drive into town. Today, the ride seemed unbearably long. A silence hung between Darcy and Star like a sheet of thin ice ready to crack under the slightest pressure. Star didn’t want to talk, but her curiosity got the best of her.

  “So, who is taking me this time?” she asked.

  “I’m taking you to your grandfather’s house,” Darcy replied. “I’ll tell him about all the things you’ve done, and then he can figure out what to do with you.”

  Star suppressed a squeal of delight as she thought, Yay! Grandpa again! Maybe this time he will keep me. In reality, she had nowhere else to go. Her father and stepmother were in Nevada, and she had no other family that could take in a teenager. She tried not to show her excitement at the prospect of living with her grandfather. It didn’t matter what vile things Darcy told him, as soon as Star was alone with him, she would tell him the truth about Darcy and her abusive trea
tment.

  As the car pulled up to her grandfather’s apartment building, Star felt a weight lift from her. She knew how to behave. She would help her grandpa clean and cook for him so he would never send her away. Grabbing one box of her belongings, she dashed up the stairs and knocked on his door. She heard footsteps inside the apartment, and then the door opened.

  “Hi, little sweetie,” said her grandfather, gazing down at her with sad eyes.

  “Hi, Grandpa!” Star beamed. She walked into the apartment, inhaling the familiar fragrance of Old Spice aftershave. She hugged her grandfather and then hugged Gina, his girlfriend. Gina had been her grandpa’s high school sweetheart, and they reunited after Star’s grandmother died.

  “Hi, Grandma!” Star said, smiling at the older woman with genuine affection. She loved her new grandma’s snow-white hair, and she loved that Gina enjoyed playing games like Uno, Scrabble, and Monopoly.

  Darcy was right on Star’s heels carrying her other box. She immediately began complaining about Star urinating on the family’s towels and her uncooperative attitude. Darcy didn’t stay long enough for Star to argue, and she didn’t bother to wish Star a good life or even say good­bye. Instead, she turned abruptly on her strappy heels, and her curly, red hair quickly bobbed down the stairs and out of sight.

  When Darcy was gone, Star told her grandfather and Gina about what had really happened. She told them about the beatings Darcy had administered, and that Darcy had burned her treasure trolls because she thought they were possessed by demons. Gina was livid over Darcy’s conduct, and they all agreed it was for the best that Star no longer lived with the Johnsons. They would figure out other living arrangements, but until then, her grandparents were happy to have her.