The Stand-In: my life as an understudy

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “That is one way to put it.”

  Milly nodded. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

  More people had arrived and Milly headed for the centre of the auditorium.

  “Can I have your attention please?” she called and the general rabble quietened to look at her. “We’re only a couple of days out, people. Now is not the time to slack off. We need just a couple more days of hard work and I promise it will all be worth it. Those of you working on the forest, direct any questions to Chloe–”

  “Who’s Chloe again?” someone yelled.

  Milly pointed right at me. “Chloe Cowan. She’s in charge–”

  “Chloe?” Ella laughed as she walked in. “Chloe couldn’t be in charge of anything. I’m here for anyone who has questions about the forest.”

  “Like you’ve been here for the last five weeks?” Milly accused.

  Ella’s smile fell a little. “I’ve been very busy, Milly,” she said forcefully.

  But Milly wasn’t afraid of her. “So has Chloe. While you’ve been ‘very busy’, Chloe’s been the driving force behind what has become the centrepiece of our entire formal.”

  Eyes were darting between me and Ella and Milly now. I couldn’t tell what they were thinking. But I was freaking out. People didn’t stand up for me. Not as far as my sister knew. And people certainly didn’t insinuate that I was a better person than Ella. But here was Milly Wallis, doing both of those things. And it looked like the rest of the committee were listening.

  Ella scoffed. “She was filling in for me. But I’m here now, so everything’s okay.”

  Milly visibly rolled her eyes. “Oh good. And here I was starting to worry.”

  “Well you don’t have to anymore.” Ella smiled around the room. “So any questions about the beautiful forest can be directed to the appropriate leader – i.e. me.”

  Milly glared at Ella for a moment longer, then looked around the room. “Whatever. Let’s get on with it, people. Three more meetings to go!” She clapped her hands and everyone started moving onto their projects.

  I turned hurriedly, keeping my head down in the hopes that Ella wasn’t going to make a point of dressing me down in front of the whole committee. Sometimes she seemed to take inordinate pleasure in making me look small in front of other people, and other times she seemed to feel it reflected badly on her.

  Ella appeared beside me and the overpowering floral scent of her perfume made my eyes water. But I kept on with my tissue paper scrunching while I waited to see what sort of mood my sister was in.

  “Chloe…” she started, using that fake, overly sweet tone she used at her most passive-aggressive.

  “Ella.”

  “Do you want to tell me why rank Milly Wallis has forgotten I’m in charge?”

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t tell you.”

  Ella nodded. “I see. So you wouldn’t know why she thought you were of any consequence?”

  I shook my head again. “Nope.”

  “I see,” she repeated, her tone still pleasant for all intents and purposes. “Which, I suppose, means you can’t tell me why you suddenly seem to think you’re of any consequence?”

  I swallowed back my biting retort and shook my head a third time. “I’m just the stand-in, Ella. Doing as I’m told.”

  Ella leant towards me. “Good girl. It doesn’t do for the nobodies to go thinking they’re popular. That will only lead to heartbreak.”

  There was no use in me telling Ella I didn’t want to be popular. I’d tried that once, and she’d just assumed I was lying or pandering to what I thought she wanted to hear – which on that occasion was the wrong thing to do. Ella just didn’t grasp the concept that I didn’t need everyone to like me or feel jealous of me to be happy. The fundamental understanding that someone could hold no value in popularity was lacking, and nothing I said would make her believe I wasn’t in denial.

  “Of course, Ella. Stupid me. The spotlight is all yours,” I said and I was glad she didn’t seem to notice the slight bite in my tone.

  “And you’d do well to remember…” She stood up and started primping. “Eli!” she giggled.

  “Ella. Chloe.”

  I nodded, but didn’t look up. “Hey, Eli.”

  “How are things?” he asked.

  “Fine,” Ella answered for me. “I was just telling Chloe that the trees are coming along so nicely, aren’t they?”

  My eyes slid up to Eli. He was watching so saw my inadvertent eye-roll and he turned his unbidden smile to my sister.

  “They are,” he said, laughter in his voice. “And I’m sure they’ll finish perfectly now you’re here.”

  I heard a weird noise and looked around to see Rica fake-gagging, which made me smile. Ella also turned and Rica turned the gag into a cough as she put her bag with mine and pulled out her paintbrushes.

  “The paint fumes…” Rica said, putting on a weak voice as she waved her hand in front of her face and fake-coughed again. “Painters cough. Gets us all in the end.”

  Ella’s eyes narrowed at my best friend. “Just keep your paint germs to yourself,” she accused. “I can’t afford to get sick.”

  Rica nodded quickly. “No. Of course. I wouldn’t dare.”

  I smiled at everyone before I took my scrunched tissue paper over to the closest as-yet-dead tree.

  “Oi, oi!” I heard Govi cry and looked up so see him walking over with a jovial spring in his step. “Here’s trouble and a half.”

  “Here he is indeed,” I laughed as I got to stapling.

  Govi scoffed. “Fair, that.”

  Ramsey arrived and slung his arm around Govi’s shoulders. “Right. Where do you want me?” he asked with a wry half-smile.

  “If you can–”

  “Ramsey!” Ella called and I kept my eyes firmly in any direction but my sister while Govi and Ramsey both turned to look at her.

  “Yeah?” he called back petulantly.

  “I’m in charge.”

  Ramsey nodded. “Okay. So where do you want me?”

  Ella’s nose wrinkle in disgust. “Just keep working.”

  Ramsey blinked, looking at me in confusion. I shrugged, trying my best to convey a ‘don’t look at me’ vibe.

  “On what?’ Ramsey asked.

  “Do you have no initiative?” Ella asked playfully.

  Eli opened his mouth, but Govi said loudly. “Why don’t we help, Gin. Yeah?”

  “I’m sure Chloe can manage quite well on her own,” Ella replied. “Why don’t you sing us a song?”

  Ramsey looked at me in question. I shrugged again and kicked my head towards Ella, hoping he’d just get off the radar and let us all get back to work. The day before, Ella had managed to do nothing but distract people from actually getting work done and I had a feeling that this meeting would be little different. Which meant that the people who were actually making progress – at the moment, just me and Rica – needed to keep their butts moving.

  “Sure,” Ramsey said uncertainly. “What do you want me–?”

  “70’s!” Eli called out, wearing a shit-eating grin as he looked at Ramsey.

  Ramsey’s face drained of colour as the countdown began.

  “Five! Four! Three! Two!” There was a slight pause…

  “At first I was afraid, I was petrified!” Ramsey popped out with triumphantly, giving Eli his own shit-eating grin as he continued the song.

  By the time he was at “walk out the door”, all the forest workers were singing with him. The Quicksilver boys were all wandering around as they sang and Ella had her eyes planted on Eli with an obsessive look in her eyes.

  “Eli! 60’s!” Ramsey cackled when he was done.

  “Shit!” Eli laughed. “Okay. Give me a second.”

  “No seconds,” Govi told him. “And you put that phone back in your pocket!”

  “Okay! Okay!” Eli said quickly and I turned to see he was panicking.

 
“Five. Four. Three–”

  “There she’s goes, just a-walking down the street…” Eli paused and Govi, Lake and Ramsey all joined him in the, “Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do,” and left the rest to him.

  As I climbed down the ladder to get more tissue paper, I bumped into Eli as he was singing and he pulled me into a dance.

  “I'm hers, she's mine, wedding bells are gonna chime,” he sang with a cheeky smirk and bright eyes.

  I pulled out of his arms hastily, my cheeks flushing, and he winked at me before he kept going. I couldn’t help my eyes sliding to Ella. She was looking at me with a calculating glare before Eli scooped her up and distracted her.

  I was so flustered about the whole thing that I ran into Rica as I went back to my tree, more tissue paper safely in hand.

  “You good?” she laughed.

  I nodded. “Fine. Unaffected.”

  She smiled. “Of course you are.”

  Eli finished up with a, “Govi. 50’s”

  The countdown didn’t even get to start before Govi jumped into pride of place with a, “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog, cryin’ all the time.”

  He made it the whole way through only forgetting the lyrics a couple of times, to which someone helped him out as he laughed and kept going. His Elvis impersonation was quite good, really, and I could see Rica was pretty impressed.

  “Lake, my man!” Govi cried when he was done.

  Lake sighed resignedly. “40’s. I’m on it.” He opened his mouth but Govi didn’t let him go on with whatever song he’d picked.

  “Ha!” Govi laughed. “Nope.”

  Lake looked slightly pissed off. “What then?”

  “80’s.”

  “What?” Lake whined.

  “Go on,” Govi encouraged none too sincerely.

  I could almost see Lake’s mind spinning furiously as he tried to come up with something. “I was ready for 40’s, damn it!” he snapped.

  “Five,” Govi said, mock-apologetically. “Four. Three. Two–”

  “Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me. I think they’re okay,” Lake started.

  Govi and Ramsey let out a snort. But when Lake glared at them, they mimed zipping their mouths shut and let him continue relatively unhindered.

  Meanwhile, I was still running about trying to get trees some leaves. The other committee members who’d volunteered for Ella had spent the whole competition standing around uselessly, largely getting in my way and watching the boys sing. And, to be fair to Lake, he was giving Madonna a decent run for her money.

  “Right, I’m calling it,” Ramsey sniggered. “Lake won. Hands down.”

  Govi was leaning on Ramsey, tears running down his face from his silent laughter. All he could do was nod.

  “Back to work then?” Lake asked, his glare for Govi was scathing.

  “Hang on,” Ella said, finally sliding off the perch she’d commandeered on the table. “We haven’t all had a turn yet.”

  Ramsey clicked his fingers at her and swivelled around on his heel. He was pointing at me, his mouth opening as Ella giggled coyly and said, “Well give me a category, then.”

  Ramsey snapped his fingers again, tapped his palm onto the top of his other fist as he pursed his lips and kept on swivelling back around to Ella.

  “Lake?” Eli pressed.

  Lake blinked, took his eyes off me, and looked at Ella. “Yes. Um… Take Pop for three Peach Cokes.”

  Lake pointed at Ella as Eli objected, “Dude those are my Cokes. You can’t give my shit away.”

  Lake did some bit about flipping Eli off as Ella started her song, with Lindy on backup vocals of course. And what wonderfully poignant piece did Ella come out with? ‘break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored’. To say Old Tom felt someone walk over his grave was probably an understatement.

  Govi nudged me companionably as he walked by with his arms full of tissue paper balls. Ramsey gave me an encouraging wink as he followed, brandishing a staple gun suggestively. Lake looked at me apologetically as he went to check if Rica needed a hand with anything. And Eli appeared at my side, looking at my tree like he was inspecting it.

  “Ella made an…interesting choice,” he said quietly.

  “Pop was an interesting choice,” I replied, not sure what I meant by that.

  “What would you have picked for Pop?”

  “I’m not sure that’s the point of the game.”

  I felt him shrug. “Humour me.” He rearranged some of the tissue paper aimlessly. “Personally, I’d go with ‘Don’t Give Up On Me’.”

  My heart hitched and I took a deep breath before I answered. “Pop, yeah?”

  “Yep.”

  “Then I’d probably pick ‘Nothing Breaks Like a Heart’.”

  His hand trailed over mine as though it meant nothing. “Is that a message?” he asked softly.

  I snatched my hand away, looking back to Ella who was thankfully busy performing to the groupies who’d gathered around her. I cleared my throat and stepped well out of any limbs that might try to broach the gap between us.

  “I picked a Pop song. Same as you.”

  Eli nodded slowly. “Sure. Just a Pop song.”

  I nodded as well and was saved trying to get out of any further conversation with him when Ella called for his attention. He gave me one more look, then let me get back to my work.

  Ella managed to keep him distracted for the rest of the meeting but seemed suddenly very demanding about everyone else working very hard. I told myself that it didn’t matter how the work got done, only that it did get done. Now and then, Eli would look at me and we’d share a smile that made me feel better about our last words. And the progress we’d made on the forest by the time Milly called the end of the meeting was significant; there was only one tree left to branch and the leaves were starting to actually look semi-decent. Of course Rica’s additions were making them look all the more realistic.

  “See you all tomorrow,” Ella called as she swanned out, and a whole lot of people called goodbye in return.

  “You coming, Gin?” Govi asked, coming over with Rica.

  I shook my head. “I’m just going to finish this,” I said pointing to the tree that still needed branches.

  “You sure?” Rica asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be like ten minutes. Tops.”

  “You don’t have anything to prove, you know,” Govi said softly. But he just touched my arm and let Rica pull him away.

  Lake and Ramsey paused, but they followed Govi and Rica.

  “Want some help?” Eli asked me.

  I looked over at him and shook my head. “No. I’m all good. You go.”

  He scrubbed his hand over his chin. “I can keep you company?”

  I smiled. “I’ll be okay,” I promised.

  “I’m sure you will. But I thought we could hang out after?”

  I looked around, but we were the only two left in the room bar a couple of people still wandering out.

  “She won’t know,” he continued and I looked back at him.

  “She might.”

  He shrugged. “So? I’m sure I can come up with a brilliant excuse.”

  “If you think you’ll need an excuse, then that’s probably a reason not to.”

  “I’ll tell her I wanted to ask you more about her.”

  I tilted my head for a moment. “Well she’s so up herself that would probably fly…”

  “So… Hang out with me.”

  “And do what?” I laughed.

  Eli picked up his guitar. “Just hang. I’ll sing some Quicksilver songs while you finish and you can tell me everything that’s wrong with them.”

  I laughed. “Okay. Sounds good.”

  As I finished my papier-mâché, Eli played some Quicksilver songs on the guitar and I fake grumbled about each one. After he decided he’d heard enough of me bashing his precious work, he then moved onto the piano to play anything that
wasn’t a Quicksilver song.

  My heart felt big and light and happy as we sang and laughed and mucked about, and I didn’t feel any awkwardness or discomfort. Not at me singing in general or at me singing with Eli. I enjoyed it. In fact, I really enjoyed it. I was enjoying it so much that, when I was done with the tree and wiped off my hands, I went up to the stage with him and sat on the piano stool with him.

  “Your turn,” he insisted.

  “What?” I laughed.

  “Your turn. Play me something.”

  My hands hovered over the keys and I let them fall where they would. Where they chose to fall was ‘Say Something’. As I was about to start the lyrics, Eli did instead.

  I looked at him at the lyric ‘I’ll be the one if you want me to,’ but we kept on like there suddenly wasn’t about six layers of heady undercurrent in the room.

  I joined in at Christina’s bit and we finished the song together.

  When it was done, we both sat, just breathing. My heart wasn’t pounding, it was just beating at a steady, insistent rhythm.

  Eli’s hand came up to the keys and he started playing. He sang me a song about a girl who seemed terribly indecisive about a relationship. Apparently she was giving him mixed messages – saying she will, then she won’t – and the guy was trying to work out what they were to each other.

  If Eli was sticking with the tenet that you could tell a lot about someone by their song choice, his spoke volumes and I didn’t know what I could say to that. It was a good song and I wanted to have an answer for him. I also wanted to know who Jenny was.

  But I didn’t have an answer, so I asked, “Have you written anything for piano?”

  He played some random notes. “A few things.”

  “Why don’t you ever play them?”

  He shrugged as he looked up while his fingers still played over the keys. “None of it’s very good.”

  “At the risk of complimenting you, I’m not convinced.”

  He huffed a laugh as he smiled. “It’s all pretty rough.”

  “Play it anyway.”

  He looked at me and the tune he was playing changed. It was a little slower. It was sweet and simple and catchy, very different from most of Quicksilver’s original songs.

  “Has it got lyrics?” I asked as he played.