Heart Full of Love

by Kathleen Fuller

  © 2015 by Kathleen Fuller

  All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.

  Thomas Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

  HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

  Publisher’s note: This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. All characters are fictional, and any similarity to people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  ISBN 978-0-718-00189-6 (eBook)

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  An Amish cradle / Beth Wiseman, Amy Clipston, Kathleen Fuller, and Vannetta Chapman.

  pages cm

  ISBN 978-0-529-11867-7 (pbk.)

  1. Amish--Fiction. 2. Christian fiction, American I. Wiseman, Beth, 1962- II. Clipston, Amy. III. Fuller, Kathleen. IV. Chapman, Vannetta.

  PS648.A45A36 2015

  813’.01083823--dc23

  2014032853

  14 15 16 17 18 RRD 5 4 3 2 1

  CONTENTS

  Glossary

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Reading Group Guide

  Acknowledgments

  Recipes

  Other Books by Kathleen Fuller

  Author Bio

  An excerpt from An Unexpected Blessing

  To James—I love you

  GLOSSARY

  ab im kopp—crazy

  aenti—aunt

  Amisch—Amish

  appeditlich—delicious

  boppli(s)—baby, babies

  daed/vatter—dad/father

  daag—day

  danki—thank you

  dochder—daughter

  familye—family

  frau—wife

  garten—garden

  geh—go

  granddochder—granddaughter

  grossmutter—grandmother

  grossvatter—grandfather

  gut—good

  haus—house

  hungerich—hungry

  kapp—woman’s head covering, prayer cap

  kinner—children

  kumme—come

  maed—girls

  maedel—girl

  mamm/mudder/mutter—mom, mother

  mei—my

  nee—no

  nix—nothing

  onkel—uncle

  perfekt—perfect

  schee—pretty, handsome

  schwester—sister

  seltsam—weird

  sohn—son

  ya—yes

  yer—your

  yung—young

  CHAPTER ONE

  PARADISE, PENNSYLVANIA

  “Are you ready for this?”

  Ellie Miller turned her head toward her husband Christopher’s, concerned voice. Their horse, Clyde, whinnied and pranced a bit in his buggy harness, signaling his eagerness to be on his way instead of waiting in their driveway. Ellie put her hand over her swollen abdomen. “Do I have a choice?”

  She felt Chris take her hand. “We could wait and let it be a surprise.”

  “I don’t think Mamm would appreciate that. She wasn’t exactly thrilled when we told her we were expecting.”

  “That’s because she worries too much.”

  “And you don’t think she’ll be worried about this?” She touched her belly again. She remembered her mother’s tone of voice when she’d announced that she and Chris were having a baby. How on earth will you manage? Those were the first words out of her mouth. Not “I’m so happy for you,” or “I’m going to be a grossmutter!” Had she even congratulated them on the pregnancy? Ellie couldn’t remember.

  Chris squeezed her hand before releasing it. “We can’t control how your mamm reacts.” He kissed her cheek, the softness of his beard tickling her skin. “But we can show her how happy and blessed we are.”

  She smiled. “Danki for reminding me.”

  During their buggy ride to her parents’ house, Ellie’s mind wandered. Despite her husband’s reassurance, she couldn’t stem her growing anxiety. She and Chris had been married for two years now, and they had fallen into a comfortable routine, with Chris working construction jobs in and around Paradise while she had continued her jelly-making business, Ellie’s Jellies, which she had put on hold recently. She had never been so happy. When she discovered she was expecting, she could barely contain her joy.

  Then she had given Mamm the news. Ellie had expected some reservations from her. Since the car accident that had taken Ellie’s sight eight years ago, she’d had to prove to her mother that she was capable. She created her own business. She married the most wonderful man in Paradise. She was going to be a mother. Yet with a few words, her mamm could make her feel like that inept young woman who wondered if she would ever deal with her blindness, much less accept it.

  Ellie clasped her hands together, tamping down her nervousness. Chris was right. She wasn’t in control of her mother’s reactions or feelings. She wasn’t in control of anything. God was.

  A short time later they arrived at her parents’ house. Ellie stayed in the buggy as Chris settled Clyde in the barn, and then she heard the familiar crunch of his boots on the gravel drive as he came back to assist her. When his hand touched hers, she gripped it as he helped her step down to the ground.

  She entwined her fingers with his, the strength of his nearness giving her the courage she needed to walk to the house. Ellie knew her father would be supportive when they told him the news. Maybe Mamm would surprise her and be excited too.

  “You’re cutting off my circulation,” Chris said to her, his tone half joking.

  “Sorry.” She loosened her grip on his hand as they ascended the porch steps. Before they reached the top, Ellie heard the soft squeak of the screen door opening.

  “Ellie!”

  Her mother’s shrill, worried voice made Ellie wince. She flinched when Mamm put her hands on her shoulders.

  “You look tired. I knew we should have taken supper over to you instead of Chris bringing you here,” she said.

  “Hello to you, too, Mamm.” After the accident her mother had been overly protective. Ellie had resented it at first, wanting her independence and working to achieve it. Eventually Mamm had realized Ellie could be independent. But now it was as if they were going back in time, when her mother was filled with doubts and worry. When she didn’t believe Ellie was capable of anything.

  “Let them get in the haus, Edna, before you start hovering.” Her father’s voice came from the direction of the doorway.

  Mamm released Ellie’s shoulders and stepped aside. Chris still held Ellie’s hand as they walked through the front door. The tangy scent of stuffed cabbage mingled with the buttery aroma of fresh, cooked corn made her stomach rumble. Lately she’d been constantly hungry. As Chris liked to remind her, she was eating for two.


  Not anymore . . .

  “Smells appeditlich, Edna.” Chris released Ellie’s hand.

  “Ellie, you have dark circles under your eyes.” Ignoring Chris’s compliment, Mamm stood in front of her so close that Ellie could feel her warm breath against her face. “Christopher, you need to make sure she’s getting her rest.”

  “He is,” Ellie said.

  “And she shouldn’t be out this late at night.”

  “It’s not even seven o’clock.” Ellie searched for her mother’s hand and took it. “Everything is fine. You don’t need to worry.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,” Daed said. “Edna, she looks healthy to me. Stop borrowing trouble.”

  Her mother didn’t say anything, and Ellie could feel her intense gaze. “A mother knows her dochder,” she said. “Something is going on.”

  “Ellie, didn’t you say you were hungerich?” Chris said quickly.

  “Starving,” she said with a nod, grateful for her husband’s ability to step in when she needed him to.

  “But—”

  “You heard them, Edna.” Daed came up on the other side of Ellie. “They’re hungry and so am I. Let’s eat.”

  They all went to the kitchen, but Ellie could still sense her mother’s scrutiny, imagining the mix of concern and frustration on her face as she tried to puzzle out what was going on. She should have known her mother would suspect something.

  As she sat down at the table, she felt a movement in her belly. “Oh,” she blurted, the strong kick taking her off guard.

  “What?” Her mother was immediately at her side. “What happened?”

  “Just the baby . . .” She felt Chris squeeze her shoulder. She took a deep breath. “Or the other one.”

  The room grew silent. After a long pause, her mother finally spoke. “What did you say?”

  Ellie turned her face toward Mamm. “Christopher and I are having twins.”

  Neither of her parents said anything. As the silence lengthened, she felt a tightening in her chest. She expected her mother to be upset, but her father’s silence surprised her. She covered Chris’s hands with hers.

  “Twins?” her father said at last.

  Ellie swallowed and nodded.

  He burst into laughter. “Two bopplis? That’s wonderful news!”

  “Ephraim, how can you say that?” Ellie heard the creak of a kitchen chair as her mother plopped down on it. “Twins? How will she ever manage?”

  Ellie couldn’t help but frown, her mother’s words echoing her own thoughts when her midwife, Barbara, had told her she suspected Ellie was carrying twins. Yet when Ellie had told Chris, he’d been ecstatic, his enthusiasm and confidence bolstering hers. But as usual, her mother’s words nicked at her, and those feelings of doubt crept back in.

  “She’ll be fine,” Daed said, chuckling again. “Twins. Who would have thought?” Ellie heard him slap Chris on the back. “Congratulations, sohn. Now let’s eat.”

  “Ephraim—”

  “It’s time to eat.” Her father’s tone had turned stern.

  Ellie heard her mother rise and mumble something unintelligible under her breath. Chris patted Ellie’s shoulder and sat down next to her. “See,” he whispered, “that wasn’t so bad.”

  She nodded, even though she disagreed with him. During the meal her mother didn’t say anything, letting Chris and her father do most of the talking. Ellie tried to focus on the delicious food, but her earlier, ravenous appetite had disappeared. Why couldn’t her mother be happy for them? They should be celebrating. Instead, Ellie just wanted to go home.

  After supper, she halfheartedly offered to help with the dishes, knowing her mother would refuse. Would she have to prove herself all over again? How could she fight both her doubts and her mother’s?

  When Ellie and Chris reached home, he pulled the buggy to a stop but didn’t get out. “Don’t let your mother get to you.”

  “I’m not.” She frowned. “Well, I’m trying not to.”

  “You’re going to be a great mother. I truly believe that. Your mamm will see that too.” He patted her knee and jumped out of the buggy.

  Ellie touched her belly as the twins moved around inside. She’d already come to notice that one of the babies was more active than the other. “From your mouth to God’s ears,” she whispered, then said a silent prayer, asking the Lord to help her get through the next few weeks.

  Three weeks later Ellie and her mother were spending the early afternoon in Ellie’s garden. She couldn’t have asked for a prettier spring day. She listened to the soft rustling of the oak leaves as the tree branches swayed in the gentle wind. Her skin soaked up the warmth of the sun, her mind drawing peace from the calm, quiet surroundings.

  A spasm went through her, making her catch her breath. She paused, waiting to see if her mother would notice. She’d had a few of them since they had started working in the garden an hour ago, but she’d kept them hidden from Mamm. Barbara had told her she would experience pre-labor contractions the closer she came to her due date, so she wasn’t too worried. She wasn’t supposed to have the babies until June, another two weeks away.

  Ellie sat on the ground with her knees bent and her legs to one side, supporting her weight slightly on one hip and one hand flat on the soil as she worked with her other hand to pull weeds. She smiled as she shifted her weight and moved her legs to the other side. She could hardly believe that soon she and Christopher would be parents. Even her mother had seemed to settle down a little bit since they had told her about the twins, although she had insisted on coming over every day this week to help Ellie prepare for their arrival.

  She and Chris already had everything ready, though—a cradle for the boppli to share until they were ready to transfer to separate cribs, plenty of clothing, cloth diapers, pins, even a few baby spoons, although it would be awhile before the babies would eat solid food. Ellie thought she had everything under control and taken care of, but her mother kept finding things to do, as if she couldn’t keep still for more than a minute. Ellie insisted on being involved in the running of her own household, despite being tired. Her house had never been cleaner, her garden was almost weed free, and it seemed as soon as she and Chris put on fresh clothes for the day, the ones from the day before were washed and hung on the line before breakfast. Her mother seemed to have an endless supply of nervous energy.

  Another contraction went through her, catching her off guard. She took in a sharp breath.

  “Ellie?” Mamm scurried to her from the opposite end of the garden. “What’s wrong?”

  She clenched her teeth, weary at the panic she heard in her mother’s tone. Just when she thought Mamm had gotten a handle on her stress, she overreacted once again. “I’m fine,” she said, moving her hand from her side.

  “Are you sure? There isn’t something wrong with the babies, is there?”

  “They’re fine too.” She moved to a kneeling position, not an easy feat considering her belly seemed to have doubled in size in the past month.

  “Maybe you should geh inside,” Mamm said. ”I can finish up the weeding.”

  Ellie shook her head. “The bopplis are just active today, that’s all.” She discerned the weeds from the plants in front of her by lightly touching each one. She was near the tomato plants at the edge of the garden. A few minutes earlier her mother had placed wooden stakes next to each tender plant, in anticipation for when they would need to be tied to the stakes for support. She pulled a small tuft of grass that had invaded the tomato row, one of the few weeds she could still find.

  “I’d like to finish taking care of this, Mamm. It won’t take long. Then I’ll geh inside and start dinner for Chris and me.” She searched for another weed, hoping her mother took the hint.

  “Nonsense. I’ll make supper tonight.”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “You’ve been looking so tired lately.” From the direction of her mother’s voice, Ellie could tell she’d walked to the othe
r side of the garden. “Exhausted, actually.”

  Ellie couldn’t deny that she’d been more tired lately. But she wouldn’t say she was exhausted. She opened her mouth to tell her mother not to worry when another twinge assaulted her belly, this time on the other side, followed by a healthy kick that took her off guard again. “Ach!”

  Her mother’s footsteps came so fast Ellie was certain she’d trampled a few plants. “That’s it. You’re going inside and putting your feet up. Here’s your cane.”

  Ellie stifled a groan. She knew exactly where her white cane was. She’d made sure to keep it less than a foot away from her, and she didn’t appreciate when her mother—or anyone else—assumed she couldn’t find it. But she held her tongue as she took the cane from her mother.

  “Let me help you up,” Mamm continued, putting her hands underneath Ellie’s arms.

  It was no use arguing with her, and this time Ellie accepted her help willingly. Getting up was a lot harder than sitting down, and that had nothing to do with her blindness. To reassure her mother that she was all right, Ellie gave her a smile before turning her face toward the sun, taking in one last sunbeam of warmth before she was banished inside.

  At least Chris would be home soon. In his diplomatic way, he would tell her mother that he and Ellie were fine and she could go home, making sure to let her know how much he appreciated her help during the day while he was at work. Then her mother would be on her way. Ellie wished Mamm would listen to her the way she did Chris, but she was thankful for small miracles where her mother was concerned.

  She angled her cane in front of her, running it lightly in a half arc and making sure the path to the back porch was clear. It usually was. She and Chris kept their house and property neat and organized out of necessity. “You’re turning me into a tidy person,” he’d joked a few weeks after they had moved into their home two years ago. “Mei whole familye is shocked.”

  Ellie smiled at the memory, only to immediately double over in intense pain. She gripped her cane with one hand and cradled her belly with the other while she gasped for breath. Uh-oh. That wasn’t a normal pain.

  Her mother’s arm came around her shoulders, and Ellie leaned against her. She could barely hear her mother call her name as another wave of pain came over her.