Infinite Love (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘So, please will you agree to come out with me tonight? We missed girls Friday last night because you were all sad. You spend every night in, sitting on the recliner reading, watching movies or going to bed and crying. You need some fun.’

  ‘I don’t know if I’m really in the “fun” place yet, Lexi.’

  ‘You’re letting him win Mia, you’re stuck here moping and he’s probably at the bloody 40/40 club sipping champagne with his hot new secretary,’ she sighed. I gave her a look. Whatever I believed, however much he’d hurt me with his words, he wouldn’t be out partying or chatting up other women. He’d be like me, sitting mulling our marriage over, having therapy to try and resolve his obsession with the guilt over his mum’s accident and trying to decide what to do. I just really hadn’t anticipated it taking more than a few days, let alone nearly two weeks. I was one hundred percent sure that as long as I was Mrs. Mia Austin, he wouldn’t break our vows. Until I got that call from him to say otherwise, I’d never truly believe that we were over. But Lexi was right, I couldn’t spend night after night like this, like some love sick teenager, sitting on the recliner watching my phone, waiting for him to call me.

  ‘Fine,’ I sighed. ‘Let’s go out.’ I giggled, for the first time in days, as she screamed and raced around the room before launching herself at me for a hug.

  ‘Come on, we’re going to get you dressed up all sexily, let loads of men eye you up and you’ll feel much better about yourself.’

  ‘I still love him Lex, I’m still married.’

  ‘No one says you have to do anything, but after the way he’s been, you need to feel desirable and wanted again. A bit of male attention will perk you up.’ She helped me pin my hair in sexy curls and given how hot it was I put on a pair of tiny black denim cut off shorts, a red backless cowl neck top and a new pair of red patent Louboutins. Lexi went for the denim cut off shorts look too, with a new pair of converse knee highs and a white vest top. We got a taxi to Princes Street and headed straight to Toms bar.

  ‘This brings back memories,’ she grinned as we lined up at the bar.

  ‘Yeah,’ I sighed as I looked around. That was where Gabe had thrown me over his shoulder and carried me out, appalled at my drunkenness.

  ‘Shit, this was a stupid idea wasn’t it? Everywhere we go you’re going to be reminded of him.’

  ‘It was a great idea, but yeah, lots of memories.’

  ‘You know what we need to do? We need to go home, to Toddlesworth. We can stay with your mum and go out and get pissed, somewhere that doesn’t have memories of him everywhere.’

  ‘That would mean telling her.’

  ‘You can’t keep it secret for ever, Mia.’

  ‘I know. But you can’t come anyway, you’re in your final year of counselling training, you can’t afford to miss any classes.’

  ‘Unlike you, Miss Smarty Pants, getting a First with Honours,’ she shoulder bumped me and I smiled. I was so proud of myself when I got my results, after the last three years to have made it through Uni, let alone to come out with a First, was amazing. The first person I’d wanted to share it with was Gabe. I didn’t even know how he’d done in his.

  ‘Well, I’m sure you’re going to get amazing results in your training. You were so awesome with me this year.’

  ‘Just this year?’ she looked at me in mock horror.

  ‘Every year, I wouldn’t have made it without you.’

  ‘Nor me you. I was so screwed up about Doug and you’ve been so good to me, even with everything else on your plate.’

  ‘Still no communication?’

  ‘No. He’s obviously moved on. I was stupid enough to let him take advantage of me when I was vulnerable, he said what I wanted to hear to get out of the room. What more is there to say?’

  ‘I genuinely think he meant it and got scared.’

  ‘Well, he’s still with her isn’t he? Just like Gabe’s in New York and we’re both on our own.’

  ‘You have Orgie,’ I shrugged as I knocked back my Archers and Lemonade.

  ‘O my God, didn’t I tell you?’

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘He died,’ she replied with a sad pout.

  ‘What? When did this happen?’

  ‘About a month after the whole Doug thing. I needed sex, so badly, but I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone, so I went for a marathon session with him and snapped his head off.’

  ‘You what?’ I laughed. ‘How is that even possible?’

  ‘Don’t clench and pull at the same time. Sound advice to anyone with a cock in their snatch as well.’

  ‘What have you done with him? Thrown him in the bin?’

  ‘Mia! He’s my longest ever relationship, he deserves a little more dignity.’

  ‘If we had a garden we could bury him in it.’

  ‘Take him home with you, do it at your mums.’ She gave me her best pleading face.

  ‘O yeah, right. Like I want to touch your broken vibrator, let alone get caught burying it in Mum’s garden, she’ll think I’m bonkers.’

  ‘You are bonkers.’

  ‘I know what we can do,’ I clapped. ‘We’re going to make a raft and send him off down the river in a blaze of glory like the Vikings did with great warriors.’

  ‘He’s a vibrator not a warrior,’ she laughed.

  ‘Well, he obviously had some serious battles to keep his head for so long if you have a guillotine for a vagina.’

  ‘You make me laugh sometimes. Ok, warrior raft it is.’

  We worked out way up the street, drinking, dancing and some harmless flirting. Lexi was right, being out and having some fun was good for me. We headed into the next place, started making our way to the bar and Lexi stopped dead in her tracks and I ran straight into the back of her.

  ‘Lexi,’ I giggled. ‘What the hell? I just nearly broke my nose on your bloody shoulder blade.’

  ‘I’m not feeling it in here, let’s go somewhere else,’ she announced as she spun around.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with here, the music’s good, they serve alcohol, it doesn’t stink of sweat. What more do you want?’

  ‘I dunno. Come on, let’s go further down the street.’ She shoved me and I gasped and shoved her back.

  ‘What’s your deal? A clean bar is a bar.’ I skipped around her laughing and turned around and stopped dead in my tracks. Standing at the bar was Doug with his arm around Sarah, but what really drew my eye was Gabe. There was my husband, the husband who was supposed to be in New York contemplating the state of our marriage, sitting on a bar stool, with his ex-girlfriend Chelsea’s hand on his shoulder. I felt the bottom drop out of my world as I stood there frozen, unable to take my eyes off them. He was back. He was back and he hadn’t even contacted me. Not only that, he was out with … I swallowed, feeling sick.

  ‘Mia, come on, let’s go,’ Lexi whispered. ‘Before they see us.’

  ‘Too late,’ I replied as Chelsea looked around and caught my gaze. She smirked at me as she tucked her hair behind her ear and then turned back to Gabe and kissed his cheek as she ran her hand up his back. I felt my whole body trembling as Lexi grabbed my hand and dragged me through the crowd and hustled me out of the door. I crouched on the floor with my head in my hands.

  ‘Did you know he was back?’

  ‘No,’ I gasped between attempting calming breathes.

  ‘What the hell’s going on then?’

  ‘Trust me, I’m asking that question myself right now. Please can we go home? I can’t face seeing him if he comes out. Not when I feel so humiliated and angry.’

  ‘Sure, come on, let’s move up the street to get a cab, I don’t want to be held responsible for my actions if they step outside,’ she said, anger laced through her voice. I nodded and took her hand as she hauled me up. She held my hand all through the ride home as I stared out of the window trying to process what had just happened. Gabe, my husband, had returned from New York after two weeks and hadn’t even rung me or come t
o see me. Instead he was seeing her. Seeing him out with any other woman would have hurt so badly, but her? How could he? I just couldn’t comprehend that he could ever have hurt me as badly as the words that he’d said to me that last night we were together, but this took me to another level.

  Right into the ninth circle of hell.

  ‘Do you mind if I go to bed?’ I asked as we stepped into the apartment.

  ‘I’m sure it meant nothing.’

  ‘You’re not supposed to lie to your best friend, Lexi,’ I replied with a sad smile.

  ‘It didn’t look good, did it? I could kill him. In fact I’m tempted to go back to the bar and confront him now.’

  ‘Don’t, please. It will make things worse. Please don’t speak to him again. He’s made it clear, he’s obviously made his choice. Having a baby was more important than me, he’s never going to forgive me, which means that my marriage is over. Look at him, running back to her the minute the going gets tough. I could have forgiven the rest, but not that.’

  ‘Mia,’ she sighed as she tucked my hair behind my ear. ‘Do you want some company in bed tonight?’

  ‘Actually, I think I’d really like some time on my own. Do you mind?’

  ‘No, but you know where I am if you need me.’

  ‘I do. Love you.’

  ‘I love you too.’

  I hardly slept all night, tossing and turning. I was so confused. We were in love, madly in love. I was sure of it. I couldn’t believe that he would have returned and started seeing her. There had to be some reasonable explanation, the Gabe I knew would never cheat on me. I took a deep breath and sent him a text.

  I’d really like to talk. I know that you’re home and while I’m really upset that you’ve not even contact me, I’m not prepared to give up on us. I still love you. M x

  I’d barely put my phone down when a response came back in.

  We definitely need to talk. Come over. Right now x

  I went to see Lexi to ask her opinion, but she’d left me a note to say she’d gone to get some milk and bread and a chicken for me to do us Sunday lunch, so she’d see me later. I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror and left the front door ajar and went and knocked on my old door, it didn’t seem right to use my key. I heard the latch being lifted and I bit my lip nervously as the door swung wide open.

  ‘Mia, what can I do for you?’

  I blinked a few times, wondering if I was dreaming. But no. Instead of seeing Gabe at the door, standing right in front of me, there she was. Chelsea. In my own damn house.

  ‘I … I …’ I couldn’t function as I took her in. She was barefoot, dressed in only a short red silk blouse that was unbuttoned far enough for me to see that she was braless, and aroused. Her hair was all wet and slicked back and I registered the sound of the shower pouring in the background.

  ‘What are you doing here, Mia?’ she sighed. ‘You know it’s so sad when someone just doesn’t know when to let go.’

  ‘Why are you in my house, Chelsea?’ I asked as fury fired me back up again.

  ‘Your house? I think you’ll find that this is Gabe’s house. You were just a lodger, your lease has expired and you’re about to be evicted. You had him, you lost him. You need to move on. Just like he has, with me.’

  ‘Why are you so hateful?’ I exclaimed as I battled the tears. And why was Gabe so cruel? To invite me over, to make me see her in the place that we’d built together? I realised he’d done it deliberately. It was his way of telling me that he’d made his decision, a baby was more important to him than me. He was telling me that we were over.

  ‘You took something that never really belonged to you, Mia. Now it’s time to give it back. He was with me first and he’ll be with me last. I told you that you were just his layover and you never believed me. I let him go, knowing one day he’d return, see he’s a homing pigeon and I’m his nest, I just had to wait for him to realise it.’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ I uttered, feeling the vice around my heart tightening. ‘He loves me.’

  ‘No, he just thought he did. You know why he was with you for so long? You know what blinded him to the truth? You reminded him so much of his precious mum. He told me that last night, Mia. He said he thought if he could get you pregnant and have you give birth to his child, it would absolve him of all the remaining guilt he had. But you added to that, along with his self-hatred, and hurt him even more by having a series of failed pregnancy attempts, then finally offering him what he wanted and losing it.’

  ‘Stop,’ I begged as the tears overwhelmed me. She was vocalising every fear I’d had about why Gabe reacted so irrationally about wanting me to get pregnant. ‘Just stop.’

  ‘It took me pointing this out to him, to make him realise his mistake in being with you. I cured him. So thanks. You helped him realise that he wanted me, all along. I must arrange a thank you bouquet,’ she smirked, quoting my old words to her back at me. ‘Now leave us alone please, you’re not welcome here anymore. He’ll arrange to have your stuff cleared out and returned to you soon.’ She smiled at me as I sobbed and started to close the front door on me. Through the gap I caught a glimpse of Gabe walking out of the bathroom, with just a tiny towel around his waist and then he was gone. I was left staring at our white front door. He hadn’t just cheated on me, he’d cheated on me in our own home, probably in our own bed. I ran back to Lexi’s, locked myself in and howled as my heart imploded. I just couldn’t comprehend how he could do this to me. I immediately packed my suitcase with shaking hands and called a taxi to take me to the railway station then wrote Lexi a note. As I got on the train my phone started ringing. The second I saw it was him, I turned it off, I couldn’t bear to see his face appear on the caller ID let alone speak to him.

  It was late afternoon when I arrived back in Toddlesworth. I’d rung Mum as I was packing this morning to ask if I could come and stay, telling her that I needed to talk. Of course she’d said yes immediately. We’d just spent a couple of hours in the lounge where I’d filled them in on everything, but Chelsea.

  ‘I still can’t believe he holds you responsible, Mia,’ sighed Mum as she repeated it for about the sixth time.

  ‘I have to say I’m very disappointed in him. I really didn’t think he could treat you like this, Princess, not after everything you’ve been through together,’ agreed Gerry.

  ‘Me neither,’ I shrugged as I bit my lip.

  ‘Are you sure you’ll be ok while we’re at work tomorrow?’

  ‘I’m sure Mum. I’ll get a taxi and may go into town and see if Mandy’s free to meet me for lunch.’ She was the only one who still worked in Toddlesworth itself, as a hair dresser. I shoved Mr. Biggles away with my foot as he tried to nip me, quickly tucking my feet up on the sofa.

  ‘Well, I’ll be home at about six, what do you fancy for dinner?’

  ‘I’ll cook for you,’ I offered.

  ‘O crap,’ groaned Gerry and I thumped his arm.

  ‘I’ll have you know that I actually have some skills now, thank you very much.’

  ‘Beans on toast it is then,’ he chuckled.

  ‘Ignore him, cheese on toast will be fine, no need to work out a complete can opener,’ laughed Mum.

  ‘You guys,’ I laughed, before I sighed. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘For what?’ asked Mum.

  ‘Treating me like normal.’

  ‘Well, I learned the hard way last time that if my little girl isn’t ready to talk, she isn’t ready to talk and I shouldn’t push. You know where we are if you do.’ She kissed my forehead and I headed up to bed. As I snuggled down I turned my phone on to text Lexi and saw seven missed calls, three answer machine messages and two texts from Gabe. I stared at them trying to decide if I wanted to listen to them and as I held my phone his face appeared as it started ringing again, it was him. I felt my blood boil, closed my eyes and took a calming breath. No way was I speaking to him. He could forget it. I waiting for the ringing to stop and sent him a text.

>   I don’t know why you’re ringing me to tell me that it’s over. Don’t worry, I already got the message loud and clear. I never believed you could ever hurt me the way that you have Gabe. I guess I never was your forever girl after all and I’d better start looking for a new engine. When I’ve calmed down I’ll come and move my stuff out. Please don’t contact me again. Mia.

  I turned my phone off, curled up and pulled the duvet over my head and started crying again.

  When I turned my phone on the next morning, I had another eighteen missed calls, four answer machine messages and a text from him. I deleted them all immediately and turned my phone off again, deciding to go and get a new pay as you go one so I could avoid him. Besides, the last thing I wanted was him tracking me down through my GPS and coming to see me. I wasn’t even sure why he was so desperate to talk to me in person to tell me it was over. Maybe he needed to do it for closure, to make himself feel better, well I decided that I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily.

  I headed into town and went straight to get a new pre-charged phone, then called in at Starbucks for a latte and a piece of supposedly healthy, but still loaded with delicious calories, frosted carrot cake. I waited for my coffee and went to the self service station to add some extra sugar. I could afford to splurge, I’d not eaten all that well since I lost the baby and needed to gain a few pounds. I spun around, straight into someone, splatting my carrot cake all over his pale blue shirt.

  ‘O my God, I’m so sorry,’ I gasped as I quickly put my coffee and the plate with the remains of my squashed cake down.

  ‘Don’t worry, these things happen.’

  ‘Here,’ I announced as I grabbed a load of napkins and started trying to wipe his shirt down, noticing what a toned stomach he had. ‘It should come out, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning bill or a replacement shirt.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Mia.’ Fingers circled my wrist and I felt my stomach flutter at the sound of my name said in such a sexy tone. I looked up at the blond haired, blue eyed, gorgeous man in front of me.