Something Real

by Ariadne Wayne

  “Does it hurt?”

  It ached like nobody’s business. “Just if you touch it. I’ll be fine.”

  He flung his arms around my neck, and I stood, lifting him. “You’re so big now, Thomas. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I sat beside the bed while he drifted off to sleep, and Jack followed him a few minutes later. As much as I loved them, it was nice to have some peace and quiet. My head still pounded and all I wanted was to curl up on the couch and watch television.

  Going into the kitchen, I poured a glass of juice from the fridge and retrieved some ibuprofen from the cupboard. With any luck, this and a good sleep would cure my pounding headache. Then there would just be the bruise to get rid of.

  I flicked through the channels until I found a decent movie, and lay down with my head on the arm of the couch.

  I’d almost drifted off to sleep when a soft knock on the door brought me back. The clock on the wall said 10.22 pm.

  Who on earth is it at this time of night? There was usually only one person who visited me this late. Rebecca.

  I sighed, shaking my head with a smile. “Who is it?”

  “Logan.”

  My hand flew to my face. What would he think of this? I ran my fingers down my cheek and across until they rested on my lips. The warm memory of his hands on my arms, his lips on mine, brought a smile to my face and longing to my heart.

  “Olivia?”

  Shit. I hadn’t opened the door. I nearly laughed out loud at how distracted I’d been.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door. He was grinning, but Logan’s face fell as he took in my injuries. “Liv?”

  Nodding, I returned to the couch and motioning for him to sit with me. I’d explain my little accident. Maybe he could kiss it better, if I wished for it enough.

  Instead, he closed the door behind him, following and standing right in front of me.

  As I looked up, his eyes flashed with anger, and he made a sound that resembled the whimper of a wounded animal.

  He kneeled before me and I closed my eyes as he reached out, touching my face with his gentle fingers, running them softly across the bruise.

  “Who did this?” he growled.

  “What?” I opened my eyes. His face was inches from mine, his breathing picking up the pace as he examined my injury.

  “Who did this to you, Olivia? Was it that useless ex of yours? I’ll kill him.”

  “No. No, no one did this to me. It was an accident.”

  His nostrils flared and he finally met my gaze, his eyes full of pain. “Tell me what happened.”

  “Logan, I …”

  “Tell. Me. What. Happened,” he roared. I flinched, pulling away from him, and he closed his eyes, his palms down as if calming himself. “Olivia, I’m sorry. I just can’t handle seeing you like this.”

  “I was at the gym. I got distracted and fell and hit my face on the treadmill. No one hurt me.”

  “Distracted?”

  “Some guy was checking me out and I looked back, and …” Oh shit.

  His shoulders slumped as if he was disappointed, and I reached for his chin, pulling his face back to meet mine. “It was an accident, Logan. I just got distracted by someone else’s actions. Nothing more. I’m fine. It’ll just take a while to settle down. It could have been worse.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “What for?”

  “For scaring you. Seeing you like this frightened the crap out of me. The thought that anyone could ever lay a finger on you in that way just got to me. Although, I can’t say I’m impressed you were checking some guy out.”

  A smile played on my lips before I gave in to it. “I wasn’t checking him out. He was checking me out. But then, does it really matter?”

  In a moment, I found myself pressed back against the couch, Logan’s lips on mine. His hands pushed on my shoulders, pinning me. His kiss was desperate, filled with the longing I’d felt too. I didn’t fight it; I couldn’t. I wanted this as much as he did, and I surrendered, raising my arms and clasping my hands around his neck to hold him right where I wanted him.

  A chuckle came from his chest and he eased up, kissing my face, skimming the bruised parts. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.

  He ran his lips down my neck, his body radiating heat against mine. “I hate the idea of anyone else checking you out. That’s my job,” he whispered.

  This man. This man was about to fulfil every single fantasy I’d had about him. He moved his hands to stroke my bare thighs, pulling me hard against him. Through his jeans, I could feel how aroused he was.

  “Logan,” I whispered.

  “Damn it, Liv. I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  “If I’d known this was how you’d react, I would have tripped on a treadmill ages ago.”

  He pushed away again, leaning over and planting kisses on my legs, higher and higher as his fingers hooked the elastic of my panties under my skirt.

  “Oh, God. Yes, yes.”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Mum!”

  “Damn it. Not now,” I muttered.

  “Mummy.” Thomas’s voice carried through the air, and Logan looked up at me, pleading with his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head as I got a fit of the giggles.

  “Go to him. He needs you,” Logan said gently.

  “Mummy, I had a bad dream.” Thomas stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. He lit up at the sight of Logan.

  Logan stood, and now I could see just how turned on he’d been as well. Timing.

  “Hey, buddy. I’m gonna get going and you can cuddle up with your mother,” Logan said.

  “You don’t have to go. It won’t take long to get him back to sleep.” I bit my bottom lip as I moved in front of him, my hands behind my back. I heard him gasp as I touched him, and he gave my neck a quick peck.

  “No, seriously. I have to go, or I’ll just embarrass myself. We have all the time in the world.”

  I laughed. “See you tomorrow, then?”

  “You had better believe it.”

  As he made his way to the door, Thomas jumped onto the couch, and I sat beside him.

  “Night,” I said.

  “Goodnight, Olivia,” he said in such a way that made a shiver run up my spine. The effect that man had on me … “Make sure you lock this door when I’ve gone.”

  I nodded, wishing he was staying, knowing why he couldn’t as Thomas clung to my neck.

  Burying my face in Thomas’s hair, I hugged him tight. “Want to climb into bed with me?”

  He nodded. “The bad dream was scary.”

  “I bet it was. But, we’re safe, Thomas. You don’t need to be scared of anything, ever.”

  “Logan keeps us safe.”

  “He sure does, buddy. He sure does.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  It was early and the phone was ringing.

  “Noooo, go away,” I muttered, reaching for the phone, slapping the bedside cabinet trying to get hold of it.

  “He—”

  “Olivia. Get on the computer and check out the Central Star website. There’s a story about you.”

  Rebecca barely took a breath as she spoke, far too full of energy for a Saturday morning. Especially at 8.15am.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “There’s a story about your books. Did you talk to them?”

  My head started to clear. “No. I got a call, but I told the reporter that I wasn’t interested.”

  “Well, she doesn’t appear to have listened to you. I’d call your lawyer if I were you.”

  I sighed. “Thank you for letting me know.”

  “Olivia. You need to talk to Logan. He’s mentioned too.”

  My stomach sunk to my knees as she spoke. Just when things were going well between us … This could ruin everything. But it could bring us together as Logan realised just how I felt about him.

 
“Okay, I’ll take a look.”

  “Take care.”

  “You too.”

  I hung up the phone and rolled over. Thomas was fast asleep beside me and I smiled as I stroked his cheek.

  Time to go and look at this mess.

  First stop was the kitchen for an extra-strong coffee. I had a feeling I was going to need it. Sitting at the dining table, I opened my laptop and loaded up the browser. It wasn’t hard to find.

  I stared at the screen, not believing what I was seeing. There it was in all its glory, an article written all about me. I might not have given an interview, but they had obviously searched the Internet as it even included the blog piece I wrote about where I got my stories.

  I am such an idiot.

  What if Logan saw it? Seeing people at work would be interesting enough, but I'd mentioned Logan specifically. My neighbour and muse who gave me inspiration and information. I felt sick at the thought of him seeing this when I should have just told him.

  Thoughts of the night before flashed in my mind. I had been so close to being intimate with the man I adored. I knew he loved me now, or at least he wanted to be with me. He knew all about the emotional baggage I came with, and wasn’t put off by me having children with another man. He was perfect and I should have been honest with him.

  I had to get some fresh air. This couldn’t be happening. I wanted to tell him on my terms, not have my hand forced by some random person. My gut ached with the thought of revealing my secret. Surely he would feel honoured by it? But then he might feel used. I pulled open the door, going to the other side of the balcony and gulping at the fresh air.

  After all this time, I wanted my little house back. Not Evan—he could stay away. But this wasn’t home; it had never felt like it. The only thing that made this place feel welcoming was Logan. Tears streamed down my face as I leaned over the balcony.

  When the boys were awake and dressed, I'd take them next door, head it off before he saw it and explain. I'd tell him he was my inspiration, but that I was also in love with him. When I’d calmed down, I went back inside to read the article and wait for the kids to wake. I think I’d read it twenty times before he turned up.

  He didn’t even knock on the door, storming through and waving the paper in his hand. Looked like it had made the printed edition too.

  “Is it true?”

  I looked at the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.

  “Olivia, tell me. Is it true?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He ran his fingers through his hair. The pain in his eyes made me ache to just hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but he was in no mood for that.

  “All this time, all these flirty conversations. Last night we nearly … Shit, I was an open book for you and you just used me.”

  “Logan, I’m sorry. It wasn’t like that, though.”

  “Like hell it wasn’t. Did you get what you wanted? Have you got enough for your stories?”

  I stood up, walking towards him. “Please, can we just talk about this? It’s not what it looks like.”

  “Did you write them?”

  “Yes,” I mumbled.

  “And you asked me personal questions to help you.”

  “You’re the closest man to me. Besides, even if my husband was still around, he did nothing like you told me about.”

  He sighed. “Damn it. When you say shit like that I just want to do everything we talked about with you, because you were never treated right. Hell, I thought you were just being flirty but cautious because of the kids. That was why I held back. Why I was trying not to push too hard.”

  “Logan, you have been such a good friend to me and the boys …”

  Shaking his head, he looked up at the ceiling, avoiding my eyes. “We were getting closer. And last night … Hell, Liv. I thought we were falling in love.”

  His eyes fixed on me, the tears welling.

  “Just stay and talk to me.” I would beg him if I had to. “I didn’t know how strongly you felt.”

  “How could you not? I’ve been at your beck and call, always here to help with Jack and Thomas, always here for you. We’ve shared so many moments, and now I don’t know what's real and what wasn’t.”

  “It was all real. I didn’t even know I was your type until the other night.”

  He shook his head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m so boring. Why on earth would you be interested in me?”

  The cry that came from his lips broke my heart as my words brought his sorrow to the surface. “Because you’re you. You’re beautiful and warm. Caring and loving. Some of the best times of my life have been with you and your boys, and you haven’t been in my life that long.”

  He tugged at his hair, looking down at the floor. “I can’t do this.” Turning towards the door, he walked away from me. My heart broke.

  “Logan,” I said, reaching for his arm.

  Pulling away, he went out the door, and I sank to the floor, sobbing as I realised exactly what I’d done. If I’d been honest with him from the start, this wouldn’t have happened. But, no. I’d had to hide what I was doing from the one I cared about. Shit. The one I was in love with.

  I struggled to my feet and got to the door. Hearing a motor start, I looked down at the car park, and watched as Logan drove away.

  “Mum?” I heard Jack’s voice from inside and went back in, closing the door behind me and sighing.

  “Hey, baby. Good morning.”

  “Was Logan here?”

  I sat down on the couch, patting the seat beside me. He sat and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing the top of his head. “He sure was.”

  He looked up at me with eyes filled with hope. “Are you going to marry him?”

  “I’m still married to Daddy.”

  “Oh.” He frowned. “Can’t you get a divorce?”

  “Yes. It doesn’t work that way, though. Logan and I have to want to marry each other.”

  He nodded, as if that remotely answered the question. “I like him. He’s better than Dad.”

  I clung to him, fighting renewed tears that filled my eyes. “I know, baby. I like him too.”

  * * *

  Logan was gone all day, and I kept looking over the balcony to check. Jack and Thomas were distracted by toys and the house was a mess. I didn’t care.

  After dinner, I tucked them in and kissed them goodnight. They were amazing, and I loved them so very much. Their father rejecting them stung all the more tonight. They'd been so full of life, comforted by having a male figure around. Now, it looked like Logan would no longer be a part of our lives. If that was the case, they had no one but me again.

  A familiar sounding engine came into the complex, and I went racing out to the balcony. Logan pulled into the car park, his laughter echoing through the courtyard. A girl got out the passenger side, and he put his arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the stairs, laughing and joking with each other.

  This wasn’t the same blonde I’d seen before, but she was pretty similar-looking, and made me feel plain all over again.

  Distracted by his companion, he didn’t see me until we nearly drew level. My stomach dropped as our eyes met and I tried to fight the tears flowing again.

  They came to a stop, and the blonde looked at me with a cocked eyebrow. “Olivia,” Logan said, nodding.

  “Logan.” I swallowed hard, struggling to keep it together.

  “Excuse us,” the blonde said.

  I moved aside. “Sorry.”

  They walked past me, and Logan looked back over his shoulder. I could feel my face contorting beyond my control as the tears threatened to fall again, and I ran inside and shut the door before they took hold.

  Inside I felt as if I could breathe again, and I curled up on the couch, pulling a blanket over me to hide under. Evan leaving me hadn’t hurt this badly. Our relationship had been so awful for so long that by the time he left it wasn’t me I felt sorry for, but our childr
en. This time, I hurt for all three of us.

  * * *

  I decided to take the boys to the park before taking them out for Sunday brunch in the morning. More than anything I wanted to get out of this place, get some fresh air, and think.

  As I opened the door, Logan came walking past and the boys pushed past me to get to him.

  “Logan,” they both cheered, one clinging on to each leg. He laughed, bending down to talk to them.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Mum’s taking us to the park. Then we’re going to get food. Do you want to come?” Jack asked.

  He looked up at me, and I almost burst into tears all over again. “I can’t, but you guys have fun.”

  There was a squeal behind him and the blonde from the night before was standing at the door. “Logan? Hurry up and get the milk. I want coffee and to go back to bed.”

  I fisted my hands, clamping my lips together in an effort not to cry.

  “Sure thing. Uh …”

  She rolled her eyes. “Nadine.”

  “Yeah, right. Be back shortly.”

  Jack and Thomas trailed behind him all the way down the stairs to the car park. We parted ways as we exited the complex, going in opposite directions, and it took everything in me not to beg him to come with us instead.

  “Can't we go?” Jack pleaded, pulling at my hand to follow him.

  “Honey, Logan's got other things he needs to do.”

  Jack pouted, and I looked over my shoulder at Logan. He must have heard my child, and stood still on the path, watching us as we walked away.

  “Sorry, love. Logan has his own life. He can’t always hang out with us.”

  One last look back at Logan. His face said he was miserable. But he couldn’t feel as bad as I did.

  Surely.

  Chapter Nineteen

  By Monday morning, I still wanted to dig a big hole and hide. I didn’t know if any of my co-workers had seen the article. The thought shouldn’t have bothered me, and probably wouldn’t if it weren’t for my heart being so broken over Logan. If anyone had asked me about him, I would have turned into a puddle of tears.