Every Last Breath

by Gaffney, Jessica

  Maggie viewed some of the larger homes on the mountain side, thinking they may afford her more security. She opted for a smaller home in a planned community so Eli could make friends and blend in. And he had.

  As she dropped him off at school and watched him walk inside, she felt a tug on her heart.. Even after all this time, leaving him seemed like a mistake.

  Maggie pulled to the head of the car line and made a right. She liked to take the scenic route through the campus before heading back to Cascade. The eighteen acre campus was nestled at the foot of the mountains. The school was over 80 years old.

  Today the campus had nine buildings and a state of the art performance center. Eli loved the small classrooms, and their jungle gym. But even with all the hype, she didn’t quite fit in with the other families. There was a glass wall separating their unit of two from other families, and no matter how hard she tried, Maggie just couldn’t blend in to normal life.

  Maggie waved to Henry at the security station. He seemed sweet but she knew the school only had security for political reasons. They weren’t actual cops with authority. Not that cops were the final authority, in her experience that was lawyers. Still, it was reassuring that the school tried to protect the children; she’d seen what happened at other schools. This one had a strict policy on who could pick up the child at the end of the day and they also personally delivered each Kindergartner to the car. Parents were not allowed on campus until school was officially over.

  Dr. Gibbons was the only suitable choice for Maggie. She’d been going on and off as need be, after the first full year of biweekly visits. Her sessions were expensive, but Dr. Gibbons helped her keep a grasp on reality. In their work, Maggie discovered she had a lot of untying to do. Her memories were discombobulated and her reactions were severe and harsh, as they should be.

  Right now Maggie was coping well. She had taken major strides in putting her life back together. But the work was far from over.

  The doctor opened the door and greeted Maggie. Some weeks Maggie enjoyed the small talk, but other times she voiced her concerns as soon as the doctor sat down.

  “Do you have anything pressing for today, or shall we start with your chart?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “How was your anxiety?”

  “The same.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Things are normal. I’m learning to control it in some instances and ignore it in others.”

  “That’s wonderful Maggie. It’s what we’ve been working toward.”

  Maggie felt her lips curl up. Feeling proud was something she was not accustomed too.

  “And how are the nightmares?”

  Maggie bit her lip and looked away, “They keep coming.”

  “Any new details?”

  After asking Maggie that question for months, she finally had something to report. “A truck appeared. A bulldozer actually and there is the evil laugh. Like a demon.”

  Dr. Gibbons clicked her pen. “What does that mean to you?”

  “That’s someone is hiding something from me.”

  “Okay. Is that something you can handle?”

  Maggie huffed. “I have handled it; so why am I dreaming about it?”

  “There could be a number of possibilities, but the reason you identify with the most is what’s important. Can you tell me when it appears in the dream?”

  She thought about it. “It’s after I’ve fallen. Right as I’m calling for Vala.”

  “And, has Eli appeared in the dream yet?” The doctor asked, studying Maggie’s body language and facial expressions.

  “No, but I can tell I am looking for him. It’s more in a curious way, not in a concerned manner.”

  “And why do you think that is?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it means I am not afraid.”

  “Could it mean anything else?”

  Maggie started to thump her leg on the floor. “Maggie, are you afraid that it means something that it obviously can’t.”

  She took a tissue. “I think I’m afraid that Eli will become like his father.”

  “But you know that fear is not real. You are raising a wonderful boy and Jack is not here to hurt him.”

  Maggie had days when she wanted to scream. She didn’t care what the facts were Jack was still here because he was in her mind. And she wanted him out.

  The session ended too soon, as most of them did. She didn’t mind the doctor’s suggestions, because it drew her out of the lonely levels of fear that often isolated her. The adage of you have nothing to fear but fear itself, was ringing true.

  A quick prayer and two songs into her playlist, Maggie was ready for work. The kennel was a small house with a few outdoor buildings behind it. From the unmarked mailbox you’d never know the place existed, and that was how Klaus wanted it. His dogs were not for everyone and neither was he.

  It was beautiful here. The air blew softly with a pickled gray sky. Maggie zipped up her coat and stuck her keys deep into her fitted jeans. Real women, Colorado women, didn’t carry purses. Make-up was minimal, which suited her just fine, and most of your wardrobe consisted of long sweaters, boots and rugged yoga gear, not that she participated.

  Eli’s six hour school day, was a four hour work day, the drive to school from Klaus’s was over 45 minutes. It wasn’t much time, but it was worth it. Papers were piling up and the desk looked like something you’d find on a “Hoarder’s R Us” TV show.

  She unlocked the office door and entered the wood paneled room. She removed the archaic clipboard from the wall and penciled in her hours. A quick survey of the room revealed Klaus had been cooking. He prepared all the food for his dogs, a weekly chore that took up the entire morning. The phone rang and she let it go to voicemail.

  Turning on the computer, she reminded herself that Klaus needed to update things around here. It’s not like he was hurting for money. His security dogs ranged from five thousand to over twenty. He was the best trainer in the state, according to the Denver Police and the DEA. It also made Cascade the perfect place for her and Eli to settle down. Not that they did much of that.

  Maggie was notorious for keeping to herself. And in this small town she preferred to use Colorado Springs as her base. Eli went to school down the mountain, and she accomplished other errands in that town, putting a forty mile distance between her and the city, should anyone come looking for them.

  This was the West, the untamed part of America. Though the Springs was a melting pot, her county was mostly locals, and the town’s geography was not conducive for smartphone’s and other modern essentials. That was something Maggie embraced. It would make it easier for her live under the radar. She had deleted all her social media and web-based content, not even her mother knew where she was.

  CHAPTER 3

  Target was not busy for an early afternoon. Eli sipped his slurpee and pushed the carriage. She guided him around each turn, worried he may knock into a clothing rack or ram another shopper. The blonde haired boy was eye level with the handle, making some other patrons smile while a handful looked worried.

  Maggie picked up some dog food with a super coupon her mother had sent her. She didn’t have time to play with couponing or advertisements. She wanted to get in and get out. Her mother told her she shopped like a man, and in a way she did. Eli had always been her errand buddy, since his father refused to bring a stranger into their home (I don’t get what this has to do with shopping). Jack didn’t trust people. In a way, neither did Maggie, though she hadn’t always been that way.

  She lugged the forty pound bag of dog food bag off the shelf and placed it on the bottom of the cart. “Eli.”

  “Over here mom.” When she looked up again, he had a chewy squirrel toy in his hand. “Can we get it for Vala mom?”

  Maggie’s heart sank.

  “Maybe another time sweetie. Right now Vala likes to exercise outside.”

  “But it’s not for exercise mom. It’s for her teeth and to keep her company when we are
gone.”

  She pointed to the rack and asked him to put it back. He frowned, and Maggie stole a sip of his Slurpee hoping to reengage him.

  “Eli, what are you going to get Thurston for his birthday party tomorrow? We need to get him a gift.”

  His eyes lit up, “I know, the new Lego set with the dragon and tower.”

  Maggie shook her head, “That’s a very generous gift, but let’s pick something his little sister won’t choke on. How about a football?”

  “Okay,” Eli said, as he led the way to the sports aisle. “But who’s going to throw the ball to him. He doesn’t have a daddy either.”

  Maggie’s heart stopped. “Oh.”

  She hadn’t realized that Eli was talking about his dad. “How do you know that sweetie?’

  “Because we drew pictures in class and he has all ladies in his.”

  “I see.”

  Maggie made a mental note incase his mother had a wife.

  The remainder of the trip played out with a sour faced boy and a very remorseful ride home. Whenever the subject of dads came up, the conversation was vexing. Mainly because Maggie never knew what Eli was thinking. That feeling nagged her the rest of the night.

  When dinner was over, Maggie put on her pajamas and made popcorn her little man. This was the type of Friday night date she lived for— just the two of them, at home, snuggled in as the temperature dropped.

  Maggie pulled the metal shower rings across the pole and reached for her peach towel. She loved the color of spring and you needed it up in the mountains. The only hints of color she’d see were the flowers in the Franklin County Store, not exactly the floral arrangement center. She loved the wild flowers, even planned on taking Vala for a stroll through the field in town, once it warmed up. But for now, her towel would have to do.

  She turned off the exhaust fan and leaned out the door to check on Eli. Her head tilted as the Skreeeee, skreeee, skreeeeching noise pilfered through damp air. The noise cut through her like a hangover headache. “Eli what was that?”

  She pranced out of the bathroom in her robe.

  The boy froze with both hands behind his back. “Eli, what was that noise?”

  “What noise mommy?”

  “Young man, don’t play games with me. I asked you a question.” His frown gave it away. “What’s behind your back?’

  “A chew toy,” He said wondering what to say next.

  “Give it to me.”

  He lumbered slowly toward her with his head down.

  “Honey, I told you no. And we didn’t pay for this.”

  “Yes you did,” his eyes glowed. “I slid it over the scanner when you bent down to get the dog food.”

  Maggie paused. Was that even possible? “You did what?”

  “I couldn’t help it momma. Vala has no toys. I think it makes her sad. I knew she’d love this toy.”

  Maggie looked at the dog. Vala was clueless about the dog toy. She moved back to the kitchen and got the receipt out from her purse and sure enough, there is was, $7.99 pets.

  The dog sat on her bed, waiting for Maggie to direct her. Eli held out the toy and eagerly pressed the dog, “Here Vala. Here girl.” The squeak was incessant.

  She watched as Eli tossed the toy to the dog. Vala looked at Maggie in a clueless manner. Eli tried again. When the dog failed to respond, he called her and threw the toy toward the front door. Vala didn’t move. He walked back, and waved the toy in front of her face. Maggie felt sad. Vala, as beautiful as she was, would not retrieve the toy.

  Eli put it under her paws, and she sniffed it but soon returned to watch Maggie. Eli would not give up. He dangled it above her head, tapped it her on nose and even demonstrated how she should play with it.

  But the dog was not interested.

  “Maybe she thinks the toy is yours babe. Did you think of that?”

  Maggie felt guilty, for allowing him to think of Vala as their pet. But what other explanation was there? In Eli’s mind that’s what she was.

  The following morning, Maggie woke up to the clank, clank, clank of dog food hitting the metal bowl. She cringed as she heard it hit and roll on the floor. She knew Eli had ripped open the new bag and prayed the mess wasn’t as bad as it sounded. His only chore was to feed the dog, and put his wet towel back in the bathroom. But he just couldn’t remember the measuring cup. She had tied it onto the spout, left him a sign, talked to him about it, but still this boy just couldn’t feed the dog without creating a huge mess.

  She rustled the covers off and tried not to be irritated. At least she slept through the night. That was a huge blessing.

  Scuffling up the hallway she turned into the kitchen and witnessed Eli trying to pick up the food one piece at a time. “Mom, can I eat this?”

  “No. It’s Vala’s food.”

  “But what is dog food?”

  She bent down beside him. “It’s a mix of meat and corn. It’s good for the dog,” She said, knowing that was a blatant lie. Klaus explained what commercial dog food did to a canine. Maggie just couldn’t believe it.

  He regularly cooked for the dogs at the kennel and he used Yak meat along with a mixture of vegetables. The fillers in commercial dog food lead to illness and joint problem, just like people.

  Eli collected a bunch in his hand. “It’s crunchy.”

  “Yes it is.” She stopped long enough to hear Vala munch her food down. “It cleans her teeth too.”

  “She doesn’t need her teethes brushed?” He asked inquisitively.

  “No sir,” she kissed his curls and straightened up. “Now we’re running late, it’s time to get ready for school.”

  Klaus stormed in the back door, not out of anger, but because he was a bachelor with more dog sense than human. She knew Klaus wouldn’t bother to kick off the dirt from his boots nor had he bothered to comb his hair.

  Maggie stayed seated at her desk, which also served as the coffee station and mail center.

  “Good morning,” she smiled.

  He yanked open the refrigerator. “Anything I need to know about?”

  “Volos is shipping out tomorrow. And Kreva is still nursing. It will be a busy weekend.”

  Kreva was his top bitch. Buyers paid a premium for her babes with the training. From the looks of it, no one would assume this place made that type of money. But placing ten to twelve dogs a year, was a comfortable living, at least Maggie thought so.

  “Is the Aurora task force coming up to train?”

  Klaus huffed, meaning they had not secured their spot. It was money they were counting on.

  “Someone else will call, they always do.”

  She made deposits, replied to emails, sent out information and booked new appointments. No one came to the kennel without an appointment. It wasn't safe. Between training and boarding, these elite dogs were not show pieces. They deserved respect. That message however, just didn't translate to children.

  Businesses outside of township had to be clearly marked. There was a wood sign by the roadside marking the kennel, the words closed to the public were clearly defined. There were also beware signs and no trespassing posts along the driveway.

  The property was extensive and finding it proved to be trouble, even for the locals. Klaus would have it no other way. Some of the dogs were worth more than he charged, Maggie discovered that when she reviewed the insurance policy. The same type of policy she had taken out on Vala.

  She remembered the day Eli first met Vala. The dog was riding in the back of the car when she picked him up from day care. The bright red bow tied around her neck made the dog's white fur seem like pure snow. Vala loved the snow and guarded Eli well when he played in it. The hill behind their house was perfect for sledding and Vala had brought the sled back up the hill a few times. Shepherds were made for the snow.

  CHAPTER 4

  Maggie bathed Eli after a game of checkers. The boy had a knack for strategy and could often beat her at chess. If only she had such a knack, then she could find another book
to publish and put the financial stress behind her.

  Maggie sorted through the unsolicited submissions sent to the New York firm and hoped for the best. The last two manuscripts she found had come from first time writers, but lately, the rise of self publishing had thinned out the talent, and her bank account.

  She closed her laptop and settled in with a cup of tea. She’d slept solo now for almost three years. She liked living alone but the empty bed had its drawbacks. Still, it was proof that life was returning to normal now that Jack was gone. Maggie closed her eyes and listened to the hum of the refrigerator. She had come to appreciate its comforting presence.

  The last thing she remembered was Jay Leno coming on air. She rolled over and reached for the remote, piling excess pillows all around her. Then she nodded off. Like clockwork she woke up 20 minutes into her sleep cycle. For those twenty minutes she was at peace. But the second her brain woke her up, the adrenaline rush began. Her senses were on full alert whether her eyes were open or shut.

  Immediately she was back in New York, and recalled the night Jack first went missing. She awoke to the microwave buzzing. The bedroom door was open and the light from the foyer filled the hallway. The moon was full that night. She eased out of bed which was difficult with her large round belly, and listened for Jack. She called out for him but there was no answer.

  Gripping the railing she made her way down the wooden stairs. Half way down, she could see the front door was ajar. It was late summer and noise from outside critters worried her. Who knew what kind of pests were running around in the middle of the night. She shut the door, bolted it and put on the porch light. If Jack found the door open he might have another episode and that was the last thing she needed.

  Maggie never dreamed someone else would be in the house. “Jack?” She looked out to the driveway, both cars were parked there. Passing the dining room window, she looked up at the moon. The lawn was bright and the trees surrounding the house stood like posted guards.