“Hey, Son. What a surprise.” He glances around like he’s embarrassed to be seen working before reaching out to shake my hand. His excessive drinking as well as sun exposure has caught up to him. His face has wrinkled some, and his hand feels brittle and strong. He’s put on some weight, but he needed it.
“Hi.” That’s all I can muster out of my mouth. This is one of those moments where you just don’t know what to say. All the words are lodged in your throat, floating in your head, but you just don’t know how to fucking string them together, because you’re not prepared for the situation. He’s my father. He gave me life and that’s all. He feels like a complete stranger to me.
He tensely clears his throat as I start to put all the items back onto the counter.
“What happened to your arm there?” he asks, motioning with his chin.
“Just a small break,” I say, pushing the paint can toward him. I just want to get this whole awkward ordeal over with. “I want this color.” I slide the card across the counter and point to the color as he takes it from me. He lowers his eyes and takes the card. Resting his hand on the paint can, he looks up at me.
“I know this is late, Landon, but I’m trying to turn my life around here. I wasn’t a husband to your momma or a father to you and Juju, but I’m tryin’ to be a better person. I’ve been working now, and I’ve been clean for a few months.” He sighs. Taking the can, he turns and prepares to place it onto the mixing machine before flipping on the switch.
“That’s good,” I breathe. “My name’s not Landon anymore. It’s Reed. Reed Austin.”
He faces me and shoves his hands inside his pockets. He stands there for a minute without saying anything.
“Oh, I see.” He swallows, nodding his head. “You’ve always been a smart kid. I saw a lot of me in you when you were growing up. Then I got all messed up with the wrong people and wrong things. I let people down. I let my family down.” He closes his eyes and lowers his head to his chest. “I suffered, but because of my decisions, you, Juju and your momma suffered the most. I didn’t realize how selfish I was because I was too fucking drunk to care or to know. I was a good person once, and I’m trying to make things right,” he says, raising his chin to meet my eyes.
I’m frozen in the spot, unsure of what to say. This is the most I’ve talked to him in years, and I can’t manage my mouth to form words. He twists back around when the paint machine stops, takes the can and sets it in front of me and smiles. “That’s a nice color, like the ocean. Your momma always wanted me to take her to the ocean, but I never got the chance.” He lifts the bill of his hat, averting his eyes from me and staring down the dusty paint aisle. I can tell he wants to say more, but he’s too afraid. What’s the point anyway? It’s all in the past now. He can’t fix it. “You should take her there someday.”
I fight back tears as I stare into the eyes of the man that is my father. I’m fucking mad that he deprived me of having a father to play with and teach me things. I had to do all that on my own, and at the same time, protect my sister and Momma. Growing up, I took care of everything that he should’ve been doing for us. I’m the spitting image of this man in every way, yet I know nothing about him. I’m more like him than I care to admit. I resolve today to change and not be like him because I don’t want to end up alone.
“Momma, I’m home,” I say, putting down the bucket of paint and brushes in the hallway. It sucks having one arm out of commission for so long. Thank God it was my left and not my right.
“I’m reading in the living room.” She lifts her eyes and smiles when I walk into the room. “Where have you been?” she asks, setting the People magazine onto the coffee table.
“I was just running some errands before I leave tomorrow.” I laugh. “I should have picked you up a nice romance novel to read so you can stop reading that trash.”
“You know how I feel about my magazine.”
“I do, and I was hoping to sway you a little bit,” I say, taking a seat next to her on the couch.
“It was nice having you here with us the past month,” she breathes, leaning back on the couch.
“I feel the same way, Momma.” I wonder if I should tell her I just saw Dad. If I do, it could reverse all the progress she’s made since I’ve been home.
“So, what does the rest of your day look like?” She glances over at me and takes my hand in hers.
“I’m all yours, but first I’m gonna do a little painting in here. I want to liven up the place.”
“Really? I would love that, honey,” she says as she squints at me. “What color did you pick? And, is it Martha Stewart?”
“Yes, and it’s the color of the ocean.” I chuckle, kissing her on the cheek.
“I love the ocean.”
“I know,” I answer as she gives me a sideways glance and smiles. “Someday I’ll take you there.”
It’s Tuesday afternoon, and I’ve been busy completing paperwork for the new employees we’ve hired at the center. I shove all the new files inside the file cabinet marked active and pull out Reed’s to move him to the inactive cabinet. It’s kind of fitting in a way. I run my finger over his name scribbled on the manila file folder like I’m going to feel some connection. It’s like I’m rubbing a magic lamp and he’d magically appear if I wished for him. Part of me wants him here, and the other part just wants to just push away every minute I spent with him. I need to bury it in the sand like it never happened, along with every emotion I ever felt for him. Unfortunately, that’s not so easy to do. The feelings will linger like an open wound that will never heal, only leaving a scar as a constant reminder.
I set Reed’s file on top and flip it open. I’m not snooping or investigating anymore, only closing the door on a short, but amazing, one month of my life. He made me feel complete one minute and then utter and total devastation the next. I still remember his kiss, the way he touched me, and the richness and softness of his voice when he whispered my name.
This is the most I’ve thought about him in two weeks as I leaf through the papers in his file. A black and white copy of his Texas driver’s license stares back at me, showing off his crooked smile and hair that falls perfectly over his eye and those full, red lips that tasted so sweet. It brings a reluctant smile to my face just picturing him sitting down and filling out the paperwork. I notice the way he signs his name with a large swooping “R” and “A,” followed by an unreadable scribble that I trace with my finger. The rest of the information is filled out in small capital letters in his handwriting.
He listed Tommy as his next of kin in case of an emergency, and there was no physical address in Texas, just a P.O. Box. If I ever wanted to find him, he couldn’t be found. He’s gone now. It’s like remembering the important parts for a test, only to forget what you memorized after you’re finished. However, this is one test that will stay with me. I shut the file, close my eyes and lean back in my chair. I allow my mind to wonder what he’s doing and begin to place hope that just maybe he’ll call or come back. Why hope? Why wait? I still have his number. No. He left me. I can’t forgive someone else for their mistakes or for hurting me. I won’t do it.
“Elle, did you complete that paperwork for the new hires? I need to get it over to payroll to get them set up.” Startled, I raise my chin and see Craig, the director, gazing at me with his warm eyes. He’s an average-looking man about five-feet-ten and toned with black hair and dark brown eyes, wearing a pair of ironed khakis and white T-shirt. He’s probably in his early forties, and he’s a new father to a two-month-old baby girl named Maddie.
“Yes, I have the files right here, and I sent all the payroll information in an email,” I say as he walks toward the desk and picks up Reed’s file, scanning the name off the tab.
“Reed was a good guy. I hired him,” he says, slapping the file in his open palm. “It’s a shame he left. The kids really loved him. To be such a big guy, he was very attentive and caring.”
“Yes,” I reply, swallowing loudly. That w
as the last thing I wanted to hear about the guy who mysteriously bailed on me. “Well, let’s hope the new counselor is just as considerate,” I counter in an attempt to end any more conversation about Reed.
“Let’s hope so. Reed is going to be a tough act to follow.” He smiles as he hands the file back to me so I can put it away. Great, I think to myself. I guess I can relate to his comment. I half-smile in response while turning to open the file cabinet. Tucking away the file in the front, I hastily close the drawer.
“So, how is it being a new father?” I ask as I gather all the files and hand them to him.
“Lots of late nights and early mornings. It’s a big change, but I really like being a dad.” He grins as he places the folders underneath his arm. “Well, let me get these files over. Thanks for all your hard work, Elle, while I was out. The board was impressed with the report you put together.”
“You’re welcome.” I smile. “The center means a lot to me. I’ve been coming here since I was twelve.”
“Regardless, you’re a dedicated employee. You’re going to be successful in whatever you do.” He runs his hand through his jet-black hair as he turns to leave.
“Thank you, Craig. That means a lot.”
“I tell it like it is.”
“Are you ready?” Tyler asks as he walks into the office, dressed in gym shorts and T-shirt. Clearly out of breath from playing basketball, he adjusts his backpack hanging off his shoulder.
“You’re early.” I look up and smile. I didn’t realize the time. I still had some small things to finalize, but they can wait until tomorrow. We’re getting off early to pick up his brother Travis at the airport.
“Yeah, this is my brother we’re talking about. I need to be on time.” He turns to the door, ready to leave. “Hurry up.”
“I get it.” I laugh as I log off the computer. “Can you give me a minute so I can change out of these clothes?” I snatch my bag from underneath the desk and grab the keys to lock up the office.
“Do you have to? I mean, you look fine to me.” He winks as he retreats a step to look at me dressed in a pair of simple khaki shorts, white blouse and sneakers.
“You’re biased.” I laugh as I follow him out of the office and lock the door behind me.
“No, I’m an expert.” He smirks as he walks toward the ladies’ locker room. “Be quick about this!”
“Fine. I’ll be out in a jiffy.”
I scurry into the locker room, throw on a pair of white capris and red tank top, one of the pieces of clothing I bought the day that Reed asked me to buy everything in red before he left for Texas. Why red? I guess I’ll never know. I was on the verge of returning everything, but it’s only clothing and lingerie from Victoria’s Secret. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll get to wear the lacy stuff.
I let my hair out of my ponytail, brush my fingers through it, apply some clear lip gloss and strap on some white sandals. Tyler has no reason to be upset with me since it took me less than five minutes to change.
“I’m done, so your big brother won’t be pissed,” I say as throw my bag over my shoulder and stroll out of the locker room.
“Well, damn, you clean up very nicely.” He smiles sinfully as he grabs my hand to leave. The stars always seem to align perfectly to throw me into the most uncomfortable situations because we both come face-to-face with Cane who’s in the midst of walking a camper to get an obvious scrape on his knee checked.
“Hey,” he says, lifting his brown eyes from our entwined hands to glowering back up at me as Tyler releases my hand.
“Hi, Cane,” I say, kneeling down in front of the little boy. “What happened, Noah?” I ask, placing my hand onto the little boy’s shoulder.
“I fell playing basketball,” Noah smiles as he continues, “but I’m okay,” he exclaims, straightening his shoulders and puffing out his chest.
“Well, it doesn’t look too bad. You’re in good hands with Cane. He’ll get that fixed up in no time.” I grin, rubbing the little boy’s shoulder reassuringly.
“Yes, we need to clean him up before he can get back on the court to shake and bake.” As Cane ruffles Noah’s hair, his eyes connect with mine. I stand and return his smile, thinking about the what ifs. Where would we be right now if he hadn’t slipped? Taking in the sight of him, I begin to wonder about that and when he was once mine and I was his. Someone I used to touch and see every day is now someone I only see in passing, and I hate the thought of that. For me, those memories won’t die and I know they won’t for him either, just by the look in his eyes as he pushes his hair away from his face.
“Elle, we’re running late,” Tyler says as he looks at his watch. “I’ll pull the Jeep around. Be out there in five,” he says as he nods in Cane’s direction before he heads toward the doors. Over the last month, Cane and Tyler have managed to be civil around me. Sometimes I feel like I’m the monkey in the middle, walking a tightrope all the time when I’m around both of them.
“Okay,” I say as I turn back to Cane who tells Noah to wait in the lounge while we chat.
“Where are you guys headed?” he asks as his eyes search my face and then linger over my lips.
“We’re on our way to the airport to pick up Tyler’s brother.”
“Oh, cool.” He smiles, rubbing his forehead anxiously. “I heard you got your own place?”
“Yes, did Jace tell you?”
“Yeah.” He inhales and thrusts his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Let me know if you need help moving.” The words come out strained, and his eyes are pained.
“Sure. I’ll be in touch.” I answer before I turn towards the door as Tyler lays on his horn.
“Wait.” Suddenly, he steps forward and wraps his strong arms around me. His heart races and his chest heaves under my cheek like he’s taking me in for one last time.
My body stiffens momentarily than slowly softens against him. Having his arms around me is too familiar; it’s agonizing. I inhale him and close my eyes because I’m bombarded by our past, as if I’m seeing our entire two-year relationship flash before my eyes. He releases me after a few seconds.
“We don’t have to act like strangers,” he whispers as his chin rests on my head.
“I know.” My voice wavers as he reluctantly releases me.
“Good,” he shrugs, sliding his hands back into his pockets. “You know if you need me for anything, even to talk, I’m always here.”
“Same here,” I say, swallowing down my emotion as I step backward toward the door, wanting to move past what happened between us and build something new and better with him. The only way I’ll grow and become a stronger person is if I can see the positive in the negative.
We are approaching September, and it does not feel like fall is around the corner. It is ninety degrees outside, and Tyler insists on driving to the airport with the windows down on his hardtop Jeep instead of using the air conditioner. I’m not a fan of the wind-blown look, so I put my hair back up in a ponytail. Logan Airport is a maze of traffic and chaos as Tyler tries to maneuver through the terminals, trying to figure out which one we have to pull into as he punches the steering wheel of the Jeep in frustration.
“What airlines is he flying? That would be helpful so that we’re not driving in circles.” I chuckle.
“Delta,” he says as he checks his mirrors for oncoming traffic before switching lanes.
“Well, we just passed it,” I exclaim, gesturing over my shoulder.
“Fuck it.” He frowns, pulling into the next parking garage.
“All this time you were rushing me, and you’re the one that made us late due to poor planning.” I giggle, punching his arm.
“Hush. We’re here now.” He laughs as he squeezes his Jeep into an empty parking space and throws it into park before turning off the ignition. “Thanks for getting off early to come with me,” he says, turning to me with a smile.
“Seriously, you dork?” I roll my eyes at him. “Who doesn’t like to get off work early?”
“Nice. Now, you’re taking advantage of me. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“I can’t wait to see him.” Tyler smiles, watching the last of the passengers come through the tunnel. When his brother finally appears, he’s clutching an animal print carry-on and holding the hand of a beautiful girl about five-feet-nine with inquisitive eyes and deep red hair that hangs past her waist in soft waves. Tyler’s eyes brighten and the corners of his mouth curl up into a full smile as he waves to Travis. I tighten his hand as he looks down at me and squeezes my hand in return. My heart swells, seeing how happy he is to have his brother home.
“Hey, T-bone!” Travis yells, dropping the bag at his feet. They both step to each other and embrace in an enthusiastic hug. Like Tyler, Travis is six-feet tall and has the same brown hair, but his eyes are a soft emerald. A slight scruff covers his chiseled face, and his hair is slightly disheveled from the flight, which only makes him more appealing. He’s wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt on his toned, athletic body. They’re both built exactly the same since Tyler has added some bulk over the last couple of months. As usual, several women in the terminal pause to stop and stare at both of them, but they don’t seem to notice.
“Damn, it’s so good to see you!” Tyler says enthusiastically. I haven’t seen Tyler this happy since Travis’ last visit, which was over six months ago.
“Shit, you’ve been hitting the gym, man?” Travis questions as he pulls away, punching Tyler in the chest.
“Just a little.” Tyler laughs. “I have to stay in tip-top shape for baseball.”
“No doubt. My little brother is going to be the Rookie of the Year in the Majors. I guarantee it.” He beams with admiration and clasps Tyler’s shoulder.
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 3
