Tyler finally breaks my gaze and turns to Jace. “Thanks for the update, bro.” He chuckles. “Seriously, I may consider you as my lawyer once you ace those boards. I’ve got to have the best people backing me up.”
“Speaking of best people, when is Travis coming home?” I ask Tyler, thankful that the focus is no longer on me.
“Two days.” He beams broadly. “Something is going on with him, but I don’t know what. He says it’s nothing, but I can tell when I last talked to him.”
“Hmm...what do you think it could be?” I ask, leaning against the counter.
“Who knows, he always likes to surprise me. Just like with this trip home.” He laughs. “I can’t wait to see him either way. You’re coming with me to pick him up, right?”
“Of course, I can always use another hand to help me move.” I wink, struggling to keep down the memory of the last time I was at the airport when Reed never returned. This isn’t going to get any easier for me any time soon.
I hit Submit on my computer to confirm my one-way flight back to Boston. Done. I close the laptop, rest my elbows on the table and cradle my head in my hands. I don’t like the huge crater that is forming in my gut from just thinking about going back there. I’m anxious after being gone an entire month, but it had to be done. I had to stay back and work out this whole fucking money issue with Jerry. He’s happy for the moment, and I’m sure as hell going to keep the other half of the bargain this time. I made it clear to him that my family or anyone close to me is off limits; I’ll be the one to suffer and no one else. There are still some strings attached, but I can deal with them for now because I know this time I won’t fail.
The worst part of this fucking situation is not talking to or seeing Elle. I didn’t want her to see or get involved in any part of my shit, but here I am, suffering the consequences of my bonehead decisions once again. I single-handedly pushed her away and maybe out of my life completely. When she didn’t answer my calls, I took that as her answer about how she felt about what I did to her. I don’t want to think that, but it could be a real possibility that I’ve lost her.
Still, I can’t stay in Texas and let go of her and all the memories I shared with her in the short time we were together go without an explanation. There weren’t many of them, but it’s quality over quantity. She’s been running circles in my brain. I can’t shake her smell, the feel of her hair, the warmth of her body, or the taste of her lips. She’s all I’ve been thinking about and all that I’ve been missing. My heart is trapped in my ribcage, and she’s the only one who can set it free. She trusted me not to hurt or destroy her. I never meant to, but I did.
There’s a chance she could be back with Cane or she could have moved on with Tyler, but there might be that small chance that she decided to be alone. I don’t know. I never got the opportunity to get to know more about her like I wanted to. I have no one else to blame but myself for that. She was right there in front of me and I let her go. No, I didn’t let her go. I’m not that stupid. My problems finally caught up with me. It’s nothing like what Cane did to her, or is it? Maybe it’s worse.
I should have gotten my act together before I started anything with her, but it was like now or never and I took the now, only to be left with never. I’ve never been the fucking patient type. I’ve always looked for instant gratification. Maybe this time I’ll learn my lesson and take my time to think things through. Fuck. That’s not me. Look at me now. I’m rushing back to Boston in two days just to see if she’ll even look at me, let alone talk to me. Typical. I’ve got to live my life without regrets. I think I’m doing a pretty good job with that one.
“Reed, darling, can you hand me my pills, please?” Momma asks as she shuffles into the kitchen, wearing a new pink sundress, pearl necklace and a pair of sandals that Juju bought for her from her last shopping binge at the mall. Being that Juju landed a fashion merchandising job with Macy’s as one of the top buyers, she’s making an ample salary and enjoying the perks along the way. She practically bought Momma a whole new wardrobe and Momma is not complaining since she doesn’t like to shop so much.
“Geez, Mom, you’re going to have all the men at church falling at your feet today looking like that.” I smile, rising from the kitchen table to grab the bottle of pills from the cabinet. The sun shines through the small kitchen window, but it does not hold a candle to the smile that lights up my Momma’s pretty face when I walk over and give her a kiss on the cheek and hand her the pills.
“Thank you, sweetie.” She wraps her frail arms around my waist. “How’s that arm of yours?” she asks as she taps the cast on my arm.
“It’s getting there. Two more weeks and I’ll get this itchy thing off,” I reply, turning to grab a glass from the cabinet before filling it with water from the kitchen sink.
“Thank you.” She smiles. Taking the glass, she slips the pill that’s the size of an egg into her mouth and takes a long drink of water to help it go down her throat. Her condition hasn’t changed over the last month, which is good. Juju says it has a lot to do with me being around, but I haven’t been much help with my broken arm. That’s not what matters to Momma; she just wants me nearby. I hate lying to her about how I got hurt. I had to consider her condition, so telling her that I took a bad hit on the field while messing around during a pickup game of football was my only option.
“How are you feeling today?” I ask, leaning against the counter.
“About the same,” she says as she takes a seat at the small kitchen table and sets down her glass. She watches me as I grab an apple from the fruit bowl and turn it over in my hands.
“I can tell something’s bothering you.”
“Nothing for you to worry about,” I reply as I nervously take a bite of the apple. All I can hear is the sound of my teeth sinking into the apple as I try to avoid her piercing, ice blue eyes. She tilts her head to the side, smiling knowingly.
“You and Juju,” she speaks softly and shakes her head, “should know by now that I can see right through you.”
I anxiously chew and swallow. While gazing out the kitchen window, I notice Tommy and Juju returning with Cooper from his walk around the neighborhood. I could just stay here in Texas close to Momma, but there is too much unfinished business in Boston. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself without attempting to put some closure or at least trying to talk to Elle one last time and hoping like hell it won’t be my last.
“I’m going to fly back to Boston in a couple of days to register for classes and earn that degree I’ve been talking about.”
“Is that all?” she asks, lifting her eyebrows. I know there’s no way to avoid having this conversation with her, so I smile weakly and take a seat across from her at the table.
I smirk and shake my head. “Nope,” I whisper, taking another a small bite of the apple.
“There’s a girl, isn’t there?” She smiles and reaches across the table to touch my cheek.
“Yes, there is.” I nod, swallowing the football that has formed in my throat.
“I can tell by your eyes. They’re stormy like rain clouds one minute when you’re thinking about what you did wrong, and then they sparkle like sunshine after the rain the next minute. She makes you happy.”
“I need to go back and make things right with her if she’ll listen to me.” I frown, looking down at my hands.
“I’m not going to ask what happened or what you did or didn’t do. That does not really matter to me,” she says. “I just want to know what you feel for her. Does she know?”
“I never got a chance to tell her. Things got a little crazy, and I made the wrong decision. I thought I was doing the right thing and when I was going to come clean with her, I just ran out of time. Everything caught up with me,” I say, lifting my chin.
“The last time I saw you like this was with Campbell.”
“No.” I shake my head. “This is so much more with her, Momma. That’s why I’m going back. You understand, right?” I tak
e her hand in mine as I look into her eyes. The same eyes that have endured so much suffering.
“Of course, darling, you need to chase after her and do whatever your heart tells you.” She squeezes my hand. “I would love to meet her if things fall into place for you. I only want the best for you, always.”
“I know that, Momma.”
I hear Cooper bark and the screen door slam as Juju and Tommy walk inside the house. They unleash him and he trots into the kitchen, wagging his tail at my feet.
“Hey, boy,” I say, petting him lovingly. Glancing back up at Juju and Tommy, I subtly clear my throat and catch Juju’s eye. She quickly looks toward our smiling mother. “So, did he take care of business?” I laugh.
“Yeah, man, I think your lame excuse involving your broken arm has worn out its welcome. You need to take him out for a walk yourself. I’m done picking up his sh...crap.” Juju slaps Tommy on the arm as he realizes his mistake. “I’m sorry, Momma Ivy. It could be the fumes from your puppy’s fecal matter that have me losing my mind.”
I laugh out loud, seeing how Momma frowns at Tommy. Juju’s cheeks blush red at Tommy’s guffaw.
“Sorry, Momma,” Juju apologizes as she walks over and gives her a kiss. “I need to work on his manners.”
“I think a trip to church will do you some good, Tommy,” Momma replies as she rises from the table.
“I promise I’ll behave from now on. Scout’s honor.” He chuckles, holding up his hand.
“I will give you a break this time.” Momma laughs. “With the combination of heat out there and chasing this dog, it was an honest mistake.” She winks playfully.
“Thanks, Momma.” Tommy smiles as he leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
Since we met in college five years ago, Tommy has become a second son to Momma. Once he starting dating Juju, it pretty much sealed the deal with Momma. She loves Tommy just as much as he loves her. It makes me feel a little better about leaving again, knowing that he would do anything for them. I owe him big time, so it’s worth putting up with his bullshit sometimes, I laugh to myself.
“What were you both talking about before we walked in?” Juju peers between Momma and me, before turning to the fridge and grabbing a soda. “It looked serious,” she admits as she pulls the tab on the soda and takes a sip.
I swear my sister has picked up the sixth sense that Momma has. I rise from the table and throw away my half-eaten apple.
“I was just telling Momma that I’m flying back to Boston in a couple of days.”
“But you sa...” She places the soda onto the counter.
“I know what I said, Juju,” I interrupt her, rubbing my forehead. “I need to go back and things seem to be fine here.”
“For now,” she snips.
“Julia, I told him that I’ll be fine,” Momma counters, placing her hand reassuringly on Juju’s arm. Momma never uses Juju’s real name unless she is trying to win an argument or making a point. You never cross Momma when she calls you by your birth name.
“But...”
“Don’t but me. He’s going and we’ll be fine as long as Tommy can keep his mouth clean.” She chuckles.
“Hey,” Tommy retaliates.
“Shhh... from the peanut gallery,” Momma says, placing her finger over Tommy’s lips as we all break out in laughter.
Right after I was attacked and tied up by Jerry’s henchmen, Tommy reluctantly flew out to Boston to pick up the money from my apartment and then flew back a couple of days later. Juju was okay with him going since I was all banged up, explaining to her that he was doing me a huge favor. She did put up a big stink about it after he left. I gave Luke the heads-up on Tommy’s short visit. He had some questions about the whole arrangement, but he didn’t really push the issue with me over the phone regarding why I was not coming up instead. After I told him I had some family issues to handle and that I’d be back before the semester starts, he was happy.
Thankfully, my little bit of winnings from some of the card games had appeased Jerry for a bit, which buys me some time. It also helps that he loves the Cowboys. That is probably one of my saving graces, because I’m not sure he likes me too much anymore since I couldn’t keep up my end of the deal the first time around.
I definitely know that I will be trying out for the NFL in April. Once I get this cast off my arm, I will be training hard for the next few months to get into the best shape of my life. If I don’t mend things with Elle when I get back to Boston, at least I will have football as my main focus. I know it is easy to say right now, but who knows how I’m going to feel once I see her. There was a time in my life that football was enough for me, but after meeting Elle, I’m not sure if it is anymore.
I turn into the strip mall that is located a few miles from Momma’s house. It contains a Dairy Queen, pizza shop, hair salon and Home Depot. I needed to run some errands today before I leave for Boston tomorrow, and I just wanted to be alone. I pull into an empty parking space, throw the truck into park and turn off the ignition. My eyes drift upward to the roof of Tommy’s truck, willing it to give me the strength I need. The ringing of my phone sitting on the seat startles me. Picking it up, I stare at the number and don’t answer it right away. Jesus Christ. I know who it is and what he wants, yet he insists on calling me to remind me of our agreement. Stealing myself for the conversation I’m about to have, I let it ring one more time before I answer. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes when I hear his gruff, annoying voice. I clear my throat and pretend to sound chipper.
“Hey, Jerry.” I roll my eyes and lean my forehead against the steering wheel while listening to him go on and on about the money and stating that he’d gladly make a trip to Boston to track me down if I fuck up again. He adds that he’s always wanted to see a Red Sox game and reminds me that he would be killing two birds with one stone, literally. Thanks for the heads-up, asshole.
I’ve already told him I’m leaving Texas, and I’ve already signed away my life. I don’t get this man and his fascination with control. When an idiot like me owes you a clusterfuck of money, I guess you can throw yourself around that way. It’s acceptable to make fucked-up demands and change your mind whenever you see fit. Fuck. One of these days I’m going to be sitting in the driver’s seat and in complete control of my life without some fat, chain-smoking, rich guy telling me what to do.
He makes a few more threats and asks about my family, like we are close friends and he actually gives two shits. If he goes near them, I’ll kill him, I swear silently. I don’t think he has one nice bone in his body, or maybe he does, if you don’t cross him like I have. I’m pretty sure we won’t end up being friends or drinking buddies once I give him all of his money, and I’m all right with that. I’m like garbage to him, and he’s just a fucking pain in the ass to me.
I hang up the phone and throw it onto the seat next to me. I am so anxious to be done with him. Glancing back at the phone, I pick it up and scroll through my numbers and find Elle’s. I’ve done this a million times each day since I got out of the hospital. I can call her right now and let her know that I’m coming back. I wonder how she would take that. She probably won’t even fucking answer. What am I expecting, some happy homecoming? That she’ll meet me at the airport with open arms and wearing something in red like I asked her to when I was supposed to come back a month ago? I bite my lip and fucking ache at the thought of that. My life is one big fucking tragedy, but for some reason, getting on that plane and being close to her makes life worth living, even if I don’t get the chance to talk to her. The fact that there’s less space between us makes me breathe a little better.
The doors to the Home Depot slide open, and I’m blasted by the cold air and the smell of lumber and fertilizer. The girl at the customer service counter gives me a very welcoming smile and once-over when I walk over to ask her where the paint department is located. She’s nothing short of model material, standing behind the counter in her orange apron. Her white V-neck T-shirt d
ips just enough to show the swell of her breasts and her tight jeans hug every curve. I’m sure every man that walks through those damn doors fantasizes about what he would like to do with her in the sack. Just a few short months ago, I would have jumped at her obvious invitation, but now I have no desire to touch another woman. Looking is fine. I can appreciate a beautiful woman with my eyes, but Elle owns my heart now.
Momma has no idea I’m doing this for her. I shouldn’t have waited so long to do it, but it just goes along with how I operate. I wait until the last minute and always scramble to get shit done. I locate the paint aisle, which is at the back of the store. I think I can manage with my one arm, but if not, I may have to recruit Tommy. I know for a fact he hates to paint, which is kind of ridiculous, since he works construction.
Shit. I hate trying to figure out what color to choose. Women are good at this kind of stuff. I wish I had Elle here to help me. I wonder what her favorite color is. I don’t want to think about that and the things that I may never learn about her. I know Momma likes any shade of blue so that makes it a little less of a headache as I flip through the Martha Stewart sample cards that fill an entire wall. I’m reminded of the time I was in Elle’s house the day I took her to the beach. After mulling for about ten minutes, I finally make my choice, a turquoise shade that reminds me of the ocean. I pick up some paintbrushes, a drop cloth, and blue painters’ tape and then take my paint to the counter to get mixed.
The man behind the counter has his back to me, sorting through some hardware. He’s wearing a backwards Cowboys baseball cap, faded blue jeans and a navy T-shirt that has sawdust sprinkled on the sleeves. I notice the tattoo of the state of Texas on his forearm and swallow hard as my stomach clenches. Fuck. I try to gather my stuff before he turns around, but my nerves cause me to drop everything onto the dusty concrete floor.
I don’t even bother to pick up the crap as his eyes meet mine. It’s my dad. Shocked, like me, he steps back and rests his calloused, overworked hands on the counter. A smile spreads across his face and he adjusts the baseball cap on his head, so I can see the Dallas Cowboys stitching on the front. How ironic that after being here for a month our paths cross the day before I leave.
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 2
