Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2

by Candela, Antoinette

  “We we’re together for two years,” I reply, picking up the photo. I absently wipe the glass with the palm of my hand. “He was my first real love,” I whisper. I haven’t thought about our break and now that she’s bringing it up, it’s like a match was lit and ignited every emotion I felt with him. Each memory comes flooding back. Will this always happen? I look up into her prying green eyes, smiling as she moves the broom to her other hand.

  “I’m sorry,” she breathes, meeting my eyes as she brushes a loose strand of hair from her eyes.

  “I’m fine.” I turn away, biting my lip to hold back my emotions swirling violently in my chest.

  “You know I’m here if you need to vent or anything. I know how it is.” She turns around and continues sweeping. I glance back at her, thinking that I probably do need another woman to vent my problems. Even Tyler couldn’t help me with this. I can’t always drag him into my emotional turmoil. It’s not fair.

  My apartment is coming together. I have to say I’m a pretty lucky girl to have so many people willing to help me, I think to myself as I put the last of my glasses inside the kitchen cabinet and turn to unpack my plates.

  “Are you all set, hon?” my dad asks as he puts down the box containing my stereo equipment in the living room.

  I look up and stop unpacking, thankful for the reprieve. Straightening up, I smile at Dad from across the room. It was great spending the afternoon with him. I think he enjoyed it more than Jace and me. I loved watching Jace and him chat as if the pain of all the lost years never existed. Jace said things in the past about our dad out of anger, but seeing them today was what I needed. Actions definitely speak louder than words. I want my brother to be happy, too. Dad reaching out first is what Jace wanted to see. He was too proud to do it on his own, and after what Mom went through because of our dad, I can understand why he did it.

  “Think so?” I ask, looking around the empty apartment. Everyone has taken a break outside on the porch.

  “My little girl...” He stops and his eyes twinkle as he walks toward me. “I’m so proud of you for taking this step. With everything this family has gone through, you’re stronger than I thought. ” He says full of pride.

  “I’ve needed to do this for a long time, Dad.” I sigh. “Unfortunately, something bad had to happen for me to do it, to make this decision.”

  “Well, maybe instead of thinking what happened as negative, think that it brought you here, possibly to a better place.”

  “Yes,” I breathe in deeply. “This does feel right.” I felt that way with Reed. Maybe I’m not lucky in love. Maybe I just need to focus on my life and me. Pave a path that’s perfect for me and push all the pain of my past behind me.

  “So, how is your mom?” he asks as he checks the locks on the doors.

  “Fine.”

  “Really?” He turns to me with concern written all over his face. “She didn’t seem like herself.”

  “It could be the fact that I don’t live at home anymore.”

  “Yes,” he scratches his head nervously before he speaks, “I still care for your mother. I hate what happened to our family and what I did to her. Sometimes I wish I stuck it out with her instead of thinking the grass was greener on the other side with someone else. I was selfish.”

  “Why didn’t you try harder?” I ask softly.

  “I don’t know. It happens. We were in different places, and I wasn’t happy.” He reveals with regret in his eyes.

  “Are you happy now?”

  Taking me in his arms, he says, “I’m happy seeing you and Jace doing well. I intend to be a bigger part of your lives now. I’ll come running like I should have been.” He pulls me away and looks into my eyes. “That is, if you want me.”

  “Of course,” I whisper, feeling his warm arms pull me in once again.

  “Good. Because the three of us are going to make up for lost time. It’s something I should have been doing all along.”

  “Starting with the beach?” I breathe, sensing my life coming full circle as if the hole that was created ten years ago is finally closing and repairing itself. Baby steps.

  “Yep, the beach,” he murmurs.

  “Thanks, guys, for moving me in,” I say as I grab some vanilla ice cream for the apple pie that I promised everyone.

  “You need help with that?” Cane asks, standing in front of me as he puts on his T-shirt.

  “The serving or the consumption of it?” I laugh.

  “I prefer ingesting this delicious dessert, but if you need me for anything else, I’m here,” he smiles sincerely as our eyes lock, our gazes holding for a few painful seconds.

  There are a million meanings behind his words. One of the last conversations we had before we broke up was of us moving in together, which is probably exactly what he is thinking as he glances around the apartment and back at me with a hurtful expression.

  I cut him a slice of pie and slide it across the counter. Reaching for it, he purposely touches my hand. I gasp as he smiles wryly. The last time we touched was the night at the track. His touch seems different to me now. It depresses me. Time and space are causing what I had for Cane to fade, and I wonder if this will be the same sensation that I’ll feel with Reed, too.

  Numbing cold courses through my veins as I stare down at my hands and think about what I’ve been through the last couple of months. I know there are worse things people go through, but this hurts since I’ve been so careful and trusting of others with my heart and emotions. Attempting to rebuild it all seems like a daunting task for me right now. I glance up at Cane as he gazes at me. After two years together, I know that look and what it means.

  “Do you want ice cream with your pie?” Karlie asks as she looks between us.

  “Oh...sure,” Cane stammers with a smile as he breaks my gaze. It’s like no one else existed in the room, like how it used to be between us.

  “Ice cream makes everything better.” Karlie laughs as she puts two scoops of vanilla ice cream onto his slice of pie. All I can think about are Reed and the night of the Fourth of July when I found out that vanilla ice cream is his favorite. Is that bad?

  “Most times,” Cane replies, catching my eye as he picks up his plate and heads out into the living room. We’re in the same room, same space but we are so far away from each other.

  I drop the fork and cover my face with my hands. I sense a tightening in my chest as the shell that once cracked around my heart now wraps itself tightly around it again. I hate feeling this way.

  Put on your damn big girl pants! You just moved into your own place.

  “Hey, are you all right?” Karlie speaks and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as I drop my hands from my face.

  “Yep, just deciding how many scoops of ice cream I should have,” I murmur as I snatch the scooper from her hands and dump three heaping scoops of ice cream onto my slice of pie.

  Ice cream makes everything better. Then, I need to run.

  I thanked everyone for helping me, shoved my brother out the door and walked into the living room to relax on the couch.

  “What a day, huh?” Tyler moans as he walks out of the bathroom and wipes his hands on his shorts. He sits next to me, resting his feet on my new ottoman. It was a gift, along with the new deep brown couch and armchair with matching pillows, from my mom.

  “Watch it, boss.” I grimace as I push his legs off my ottoman. “Let me enjoy my new furniture before you go and destroy it.”

  “I would never think of it, little lady?” he jokes, throwing his arm behind me.

  “This is my place. Can you believe it?” I whisper, closing my eyes as I lean my head back on the couch. I can’t believe how tired I feel; it was such a long day.

  “You’re all grown up now,” Tyler replies.

  “It feels good,” I say under my breath, closing my eyes to relax for a few minutes. My body becomes rigid, when I feel his fingers trace my shoulder, his breath on my cheek. I hold my breath afraid to open my eyes. It’s pretty muc
h been Tyler and me since everything transpired with both of my ill-fated relationships.

  “Elle?”

  The tone in his voice causes my stomach to do back flips while my heart gallops manically. My mind, my heart and my body are running parallel at this moment. It’s like they were violently pushed into each other, inescapable. No matter what, it was always going to end up here. It’s like pulling back a rubber band and never letting it go. If you don’t release it, there’s always tension and the risk of it snapping. It’s different now because I don’t want to hold back anymore.

  “What?” I breathe and timidly glance over to him. His eyes read just like my thoughts and urges well up inside me. I can’t deny that I’ve had these inklings for him before. I can’t feel this way for him, but everything about this moment screams otherwise.

  “Don’t fight me or this. Whatever it is you’re feeling.” He places his strong hand on the side of my neck and leans in closer to me. “Don’t fight,” he repeats. His gravelly voice hovers pleasantly around me. He cups my cheek, his thumb warm as he traces the pad lightly across my cheekbone. There’s a shift in the air, one I’ve felt with him before.

  He doesn’t.

  I don’t.

  We don’t.

  He crushes his lips against mine as he shifts his body closer, melting our bodies together. I feel the hardness of his muscles and the warmth of his body against mine. I place my quaking hands against his chest as his heart thumps frantically under my palm. His eager hand slides up my thigh, causing tremors to attack my body and tingles to trail on my skin. I seize the back of his neck, pressing my mouth on top of his as I thread my fingers through his hair.

  A moan slips from my mouth as allow his tongue to caress mine. For the first time, I don’t want him to stop. I don’t want to stop. We arc into each other like we can’t get enough as the heat consumes us. He lies back onto the couch and pulls me on top of him as we taste each other slowly and gently. It’s like we are discovering something new that we want to take our time with and make sure it’s real. When I look into his caramel-colored eyes, swirling with lust, it is all too real, and my body immediately responds as a flush of heat courses down between my legs.

  He runs his strong hands under my shirt and up my back as he pulls my top over my head. I grope for the hem of his shirt and lift it over his head, pressing my body frenziedly against his. With each touch, his body reacts fervently and his kisses grow passionate and more urgent. His warm hands gingerly travel the length of my body from my ribs and rest at my hips as he pulls away.

  “God, Elle.” He rasps with a smile on his lips as he admires me. “You taste better than any dream I’ve ever had.”

  “Yeah?” I smile over his mouth. “You’ve dreamt about me?”

  “Surprised?” He takes his hands and cups my face tenderly. I close my eyes, wondering if he sees the same intense look in my eyes.

  “I...never really...I don’t know what to say,” I choke as I open my eyes to meet his once again, unafraid.

  “Good. Because I want to kiss you again,” he whispers.

  Our mouths meet, mesh, devour and make up for all the small moments and glimpses into what we were missing and afraid of destroying in our long-standing friendship. My mind is blurred now, thinking maybe if we did pass the point of no return, we can still keep what we’ve always had in our friendship. How far will I take this? Stop thinking rationally. Have you not learned anything over the last couple of months? Life is about taking risks in the hopes that everything will turn out okay and knowing what you want.

  “What do you want?” Tyler breathes, pulling away from our kiss, like he read my mind.

  I glance languidly at his lips and into his eyes and smile. Why now? Why does everything seem perfect with him at this moment? There I go again with my thinking and overanalyzing and not living for the moment.

  “You,” I whisper.

  “Are you sure?” I see the apprehension and deep burning passion in his eyes. I can do this. I can give us what we both want right now.

  “Are you?” I lift my eyebrow teasingly.

  “You’ve never been one to ask stupid questions, so why start now?” he murmurs over my lips and a laugh rises in his throat.

  “Answering a question with a question is a major pet peeve.” I giggle.

  “I know.” He winks wickedly. “You know what they say about angry...” He smirks as I place my fingers in front of his lips.

  “Hush...” I whisper. “I can never be mad at you,” I say, brushing my lips over his.

  “Damn,” he moans, patting my ass playfully. “If you pretend, I can make it worth your while.”

  “Yeah? Is it me you want to please?”

  “I’m offended by that comment,” he answers in mock anger. “I will always put your needs first and still please the both of us.”

  “Cocky, are we?” I slant my head flirtatiously.

  “Don’t mistake my confidence for arrogance.” His pauses and takes a slow breath. “Not with you, anyways.”

  “Ahh… Am I different from the rest?”

  “Another stupid question?” he asks, tucking my hair behind my ear. “What is it with you and the stupid questions today?”

  “Maybe you need to shut me up.”

  “With pleasure.” He smiles as his lips eagerly find mine again.

  Job and classes. That’s what I need to do. Fill up my shitty day with work and classes. Bullshit. I know I can’t go to the center and ask for my job back, not with Elle and everyone else I know still working there. What can I do now? Work at a gym? Deliver pizza? I’ll do whatever to stick around Boston and pay my dues and finish my classes. A little bit of struggle never hurt anyone; it makes you appreciate the shit that you have. Growing up with no dad and having to work to help Momma put food on the table at the age of twelve makes me an expert on this particular topic. I pull my T-shirt over my head and grab my wallet off my dresser to make sure I have my ID. I head out to the kitchen where Luke is pouring himself a bowl of Lucky Charms.

  “What up, roomie? It wasn’t the same without you, ya know.” He grins, pouring the cereal into the bowl. “I had a couple of parties while you were away, and some redhead was asking about you.”

  “Yeah?” I reply, uninterested but glad to see that Luke was able to maintain his social calendar while I was away. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, noticing that the fridge is empty except for the half-gallon of milk and a case of Rolling Rock. I turn and lean against the counter, wondering where to start on my job search.

  I’ve spent the last week moping around, working out at the gym, and just watching TV. Unfortunately, I can’t do much with my arm still in a cast. I’ve gone out with Luke almost every night since I’ve been back. I’ve flirted, but haven’t taken anyone home. It may take me a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things. Elle is not the kind of girl that slips out of your mind and life that easily, at least not for me.

  “Dude, we’ve got to do something with you. You’re all depressed and shit, like a chick. Put on your fucking big boy pants and get over it. I’ve told you this shit already. I’m taking you out again,” he says as he grabs the milk from the fridge, checks the expiration date, twists off the cap and sniffs it before he pours it over his cereal.

  “Damn, this shit is starting to wear on me,” I reply. Anytime I see someone with long brown hair I imagine it’s Elle and it fucking sucks. The disappointment I feel when it’s not her is the worst feeling in the world. It’s too damn hard to describe since it’s the first time I’ve ever felt it. It feels like my whole fucking world is imploding.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to shake this chick out of your system somehow. Change of scenery. I know a place. Live music and shit.”

  “I need to focus on getting a job right now, not trying to get someone in the sack every night.”

  “Not going back to your old job?” he asks before shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

  “Nah, I don’t thi
nk that’s a good idea. I think I made a few enemies.” Having Tyler approach me in the restroom at the airport is enough for me to know that there’s no chance in hell I’m going near that center. They’d all come out with pitchforks after the shit I pulled on Elle.

  “I’ve got an idea.”

  “Oh, shit.” I cringe, taking a sip of water. Luke’s fucking ideas usually involve bringing females over or planning another fucking house party.

  “No, for a job.” He laughs, noticing the look on my face as he shoves a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth and talks between chews. “My friend owns the joint where I’m taking you tonight. He needs a bouncer to man the door. You could be the perfect candidate. What do you think?”

  “I’ve never thought of that,” I say. Perhaps Luke may be on to something. I’ve never done it before, but I’m big enough to do it.

  “So, are you down then?” He asks, examining me amusingly.

  “Yeah.” I answer

  “Cool. We’ll head out around ten tonight. We’ll take your ride. My car is in the shop getting a tune-up.”

  “Fine,” I say. I haven’t driven the Hummer since I came back home because Luke has been the designated driver every night so I can drown my sorrows. “Where is this place?”

  “Cambridge. It’s called the Middle East. Live bands and hot chicks,” he exclaims, wiggling his eyebrows. “Got to like the sound of that, right?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I need a job to make rent and to eat, man. I’m not worried about hooking up right now,” I answer, watching my roommate devour the bowl of cereal.

  “Fuck, like I said, if you didn’t pull your David Copperfield on everyone, your shit would be straight.” He wipes the milk from his chin with his arm.

  “Thanks for fucking reminding me.” I flinch at the thought of my recent screw up.

  “Dude, I’m just trying to help you out.”

  “Let’s not bring it up anymore. That’s helping me out,” I reply as I grab my keys and gym bag and head toward the door.

  “Start by living, all right? I don’t like seeing my roommate all sad and shit,” he says as he places the bowl into the sink. “Where are you going now?”