My HERO Ex Boyfriend

by Raquel Belle

  I nod quietly. She’s right. Maybe I needed to hear it from someone else to silence that evil little voice in my head.

  “You’re sure you aren’t maybe still carrying the torch for him?” She goes on: “I mean, no offense, but you’ve dated some stinkers since you and Jake broke up. He was the best of the bunch. What was that last one called? I don’t even remember his name.”

  “Garrett,” I grin. “Yeah, he was…not right for me.” Apparently everyone but me had known Garrett wasn’t right for me from day one. Of course, nobody told me how they really felt until I dumped him. That was over two years ago now. Have I been single for that long?

  “Okay then,” Celia picks up the interrogation again. “The big question is: What do you want? You’re sure you aren’t interested in rekindling something here? It definitely sounds like there could still be interest on his side.”

  “No.” I’m firm and confident in my answer. “I am not interested in Jake romantically. I’m not interested in Jake for any reason. He’s just a guy at work.”

  “Mmkay.” My sister gives me a dubious glance. “If you say so.”

  “I know what I want. I want that VP of Social Media position.”

  “It sounds like you’re well on your way to getting it.”

  “I hope so. I can’t let Jake get in the way.”

  “So don’t let him. If that VP of Social Media position is really what you want, don’t let him distract you. Keep your sights on that goal from now on and don’t get tangled up in the past.”

  She’s right. I breathe a sigh of relief. I can feel the confused clouds lifting from my brain. I knew a conversation with my sister would help me refocus. I take another sip of wine and feel myself relax. This was just a momentary blip, a brief distraction. Tomorrow I’ll get back on track. Back to working towards my dream.

  I don’t waste any time following through on my resolution. The next morning I’m up bright and early. After saying goodbye to Celia and Jason — and promising their adorable kids that I’ll be back for a longer visit soon — I head back into the city. On the way I text Amanda:

  Emergency meeting needed re. @LuxeOnLex. Can u meet me at our spot in Brooklyn @ 5 pm? Urgent!

  It takes her awhile to write back. Knowing Amanda, she’s still recovering from a party from the night before. In the meantime, I create some shadow Instagram accounts of my own and start posting on Jake’s latest pic of him and Pepper.

  “That dog isn’t even his.”

  “Yeah, he just borrows a friend’s dog to try and get more likes. What a loser.”

  “He clearly photoshops his biceps. How lame is that.”

  I smile as other people, real accounts, start liking the comments and adding nasty remarks of their own. Welcome to the dirty world of social media. One bully is all it takes to set a pack of wolves loose. Two can play this game, Jake Baker.

  Finally, Amanda writes back, just one word: “Yes.” Okay, she’s definitely hung-over. But she still has some time to get it together by 5:00 p.m.

  When Amanda does show up to our favorite Cobble Hill café later that day I realize I’ve underestimated just how hard she partied the night before.

  “Hey,” she grunts in my direction, her eyes concealed behind giant sunglasses.

  “You reek of vodka.”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me. I’ve already taken two showers. It’s coming out of my pores. I need all the coffee.”

  “Thanks for coming to meet me.” I usher a waiter over. This girl needs some caffeine immediately.

  “You said it was urgent?”

  “It is. I don’t know if you’ve been following the latest for LuxeOnLex but — ”

  “That asshole Jake is stalking you with loads of shady shadow accounts.”

  I smile. Of course Amanda has been keeping up. “Yup.” I sigh. Time to come clean. “And there’s something else.” I pause. I am dreading telling her about the kiss. I bite the bullet: “I ran into Jake and his dog yesterday morning.”

  “Here? In Brooklyn?” Her eyebrows raise in surprise.

  “Yeah. One thing led to another and we started talking about the past and… He kissed me.”

  “The FUCK!?” Amanda’s exclamation is so loud that the couple at the table next to us turn and stare. She starts rubbing her temples. “Ugh, my head. Sarah, what on earth were you thinking? How did that even happen? I thought you hated this guy’s guts!”

  The waiter arrives with her coffee, looking slightly nervous. He clearly heard her little outburst just now. I decide to spare Amanda and her hangover the sordid details and cut to the chase: “I don’t hate his guts. And we cleared up a few things about the past.” I relay to her the details about Bryce’s death motivating Jake to enlist so suddenly — and tell her about his time in the army, including his injuries. “So it was good to finally hear it from him: His leaving wasn’t about me,” I conclude, before adding, “But the kiss was definitely a mistake. And I definitely still want to get that VP of Social Media Position.”

  “Woah. That’s a lot of information to digest with a headache. So what did you drag me out of my bed for?” She smiles weakly. “I would much rather be binge-watching Friends right now in my misery instead.”

  “I already retaliated by leaving some comments from shadow accounts of my own. But I’m thinking of doing something else… Something bigger. And I don’t want a written record of it.”

  “Tell me more.” Amanda leans forward, clearly perked up by the thought of getting her hands dirty with some dark deed we can’t even text about.

  “Well, Serena said that anyone caught buying followers would be immediately disqualified.”

  “Yeah, plus it would be huge professional embarrassment.” She’s sitting up straighter now.

  “Which everyone would find out about,” I continue, “since the P&B contest is all public.”

  Amanda’s flat-out grinning now. She’s clearly caught my train of thought: “You want to buy him followers.”

  I nod. We’ve been working together for so long, sometimes it’s actually like we have one mind.

  “Sarah, it’s brilliant. But...” Her brow furrows in consternation as she pauses. “If you get caught in the whole mess then I think Serena would eliminate you. I mean buying followers is buying followers. It’s cheating either way, no?”

  “That’s where you come in.”

  She finally takes her sunglasses off and meets my gaze. Her eyes are tired and red-rimmed from her hangover, but they are shining with excitement. “Say no more, Sarah. I’ve got you.”

  “You’re the absolute best, Amanda, you know that?”

  “Hey, like I said before, just remember me when you’re at the top.” She gives an excited giggle as she takes out her phone and starts typing away. “So let’s see, how many fake-ass followers should I buy for @Jake_and_Pepper ?”

  “It needs to be obvious.”

  “How does 20,000 sound?” She shoots me a sly look.

  Perfect.

  Chapter 8

  Jake

  Monday mornings are always a drag. And this one in particular has had me bumming even harder than usual — ever since Sarah left me standing alone on the sidewalk on Saturday afternoon. I legit thought that kiss had rekindled something between us. Maybe she just needed time to figure things out, to accept the connection that’s obviously still there. That’s what I had been telling myself.

  Then I woke up and saw my Insta account today — and the jump in followers. Plus 20,000?! At first I was excited. Had one of my posts gone viral? But there were no likes. No direct messages. There was no increase in engagement whatsoever. Which meant that my 20k new “fans” were fakes. Sarah.

  From day one of the competition, Serena had told us that buying followers was a major no-go and would result in automatic disqualification. The problem is, some of those shady businesses where you can buy followers don’t even check that the account you’re buying for is actually yours. Sarah had clearly given me an unwelcome present
— one that put my future at P&B in jeopardy.

  Actually this puts my entire career at risk. If people think that I’ve resorted to buying fans just to win, they’ll not only view me as a cheater — they’ll also think I suck at my job. What kind of social media manager needs to fake their followers? Fuck. Talk about a bad start to the week.

  “Sorry, boy, no walk today,” I tell Pepper, who is looking at me eagerly, his leash in his mouth. He whines softly. I’m almost won over but I’ve got to get to the office ASAP. I need to explain the situation to Serena and make it clear that I did not buy these fraud accounts — and that I know exactly who did.

  I don’t even bother shaving. I’ve got no time to lose. I’ve got to reveal this setup for what it is before my entire reputation is ruined. How could she do this to me? We just had an awesome time on Saturday. I thought we had a genuine moment of understanding. I thought all was forgiven and forgotten. Guess not.

  When I get into the office I see Sarah and Amanda whispering together. They literally smirk in unison when they see me. Great, the terror twins are at it again. I don’t even bother approaching them. Instead I head straight to Serena’s office. Time to face the big bad boss lady.

  “I was just going to call you in here,” Serena responds to my knock on her office door with a steely voice.

  “I wanted to discuss the competition and my account,” I get right to it. No point in beating around the bush; Serena is looking at me like I’m a pile of Pepper’s crap on the sidewalk. She’s clearly already noticed my massive surge in online popularity.

  “Yes, @Jake_And_Pepper has had quite the jump in followers... Overnight.” She stares at me coldly.

  “I can explain. Those followers are fake — ”

  “Yes, Mr. Baker, I am well aware.”

  Fuck, this isn’t going to be easy. “But I’m not the one who bought them,” I press on. “Someone else purchased them for my account. To try and get me disqualified.”

  She arches an eyebrow delicately, clearly not buying my story. “And who might that be, Mr. Baker?”

  “Sarah Anderson.”

  “I have trouble believing that. Sarah has been with P&B for years and I’ve come to know her well in that time. She’s very upstanding.”

  That’s what you think, Serena. “Please, I’m just asking you to talk to her.”

  “Fine.” Serena stands up and goes to the door to call in Sarah — who doesn’t even look at me when she enters the room and sits down, taking the seat right next to mine.

  “Ms. Anderson, we have a bit of a situation here. It seems that somebody has purchased fake followers for the account @Jake_and_Pepper.”

  “Oh, wow!” Sarah widens her eyes, as if she’s surprised.

  And the Oscar goes to… I roll my eyes.

  Serena goes on: “Mr. Baker claims that he didn’t buy these followers himself. In fact, he has suggested that you might be behind the purchase. He believes it’s an act of sabotage designed to ensure his disqualification.”

  “Oh no, I mean — I would consider that cheating,” Sarah puts up her hands defensively. “I absolutely am not the one behind this.”

  “Okay then, that’s all I needed to hear,” Serena nods.

  “This can’t be right!” I explode. She’s not getting away with it that easily. “You’ve got to ask Amanda! They’ve always got their heads together, whispering in corners and kitchenettes. I bet Amanda’s the one behind this then!”

  “Mr. Baker, you can’t simply go accusing one coworker after the next,” Serena stares me down.

  I swallow. I hate to push back when she’s in this kind of mood but my future hangs in the balance: “Please, just ask Amanda. Just one more person.”

  Serena sighs heavily, then gets up and calls Amanda in. She explains the situation in a few sentences, curtly, clearly fed up with all of us. Finally, she concludes: “Sorting out kindergarten-grade ‘he said, she said’ in an office full of adults is well below my pay grade. So now, I’m asking all three of you to tell me honestly and definitively: Who bought those fake followers?”

  “It was me,” Amanda comes clean immediately, clearly scared by Serena’s speech. “I’m sorry. I thought it would just be a funny prank.”

  Sarah gasps audibly, as if she didn’t already know. Jeez, she’s laying it on thick.

  “This is an HR competition; not a place for pranks,” Serena tells her sternly.

  “I’m so sorry,” Amanda apologizes to her and then turns to me. “I can reverse the transaction. It’s been less than 24 hours so it’s still possible to undo it.”

  I just stare at her in disbelief. She’s trying to look sorry but her acting skills aren’t as good as Sarah’s and I can see the glint of hilarity in her eyes. She’s loving this.

  Serena speaks up before I can find my words: “I suggest you do so. Immediately.”

  Amanda takes out her phone and clicks away on it for a minute. “Okay. Done. It might take an hour or two until it’s processed though.”

  “Fine,” Serena nods. “Now I don’t want any more interference with the contest. You are all on thin ice. Any more antics and you,” she looks at me and then at Sarah, “can both kiss the prospect of any promotion goodbye. In fact, you can kiss your current positions at P&B goodbye.”

  What the hell, I didn’t even do anything! I want to tell her this but I’ve learned it’s best not to argue when she’s in this dragon-like mood.

  Instead I just mumble out a half-hearted “Sorry.” Sarah and Amanda also let out meek apologies.

  “Now get out of my office, all of you. And tell the rest of the team there will be no Monday meeting today. After this mess my nerves won’t be able to take it.”

  We scurry out quickly. “Woah, she must be pissed,” I hear Amanda whisper to Sarah. “She’s never cancelled a Monday meeting since we’ve been here.”

  “Yeah, great job ladies. Now we all have to endure her wrath,” I bust into their conversation. I’m pissed.

  “Oh calm down, you’re fine. You didn’t even get disqualified,” Sarah rolls her eyes at me. What the hell happened to the sweet, funny Sarah I was just getting to know again less than 48 hours ago?

  “I damn near did. And this still could leave a black mark on my professional reputation.”

  “Chill out, both of you,” Amanda can never keep quiet. “It was all my fault. Anyway it’s sorted now.” She holds up her phone: “Look, Jake, you’re already back down to your measly 4,000 followers. Good luck trying to catch up with @LuxeOnLex. Sarah’s already got 6,000.”

  Damn it. “You just wait, ladies. Pepper and I still have some tricks up our sleeves. And we won’t need to resort to cheating.” I turn and walk away before they can say anything else.

  I’m talking a big game but honestly, I’m not sure I can catch up with @LuxeOnLex.

  For the rest of the week, I ignore the terror twins, as I’ve taken to calling Sarah and Amanda, and focus on my account — and nothing else. I even blow Lydia Bowers off when she tries to invite me to lunch. The last thing I need now is to listen to the account of her latest shopping spree.

  I can’t help peeking at @LuxeOnLex’s account though. And every time I check it, my annoyance grows. Sarah posts one picture after the next, looking happy and gorgeous. Here’s one of her in some awful gemstone-encrusted Louboutins — shoes she would never wear in real life. There’s another one of her sipping on some fancy cocktail at the Ritz Carlton bar. None of this is the real Sarah.

  The real Sarah won’t even look in my direction at work. She seems just as intent on ignoring me as I am on ignoring her. It’s not until Friday afternoon that we are finally forced to speak to each other — when I come across her in the office kitchenette.

  “Oh. It’s you,” she looks surprised to see me. She was probably expecting Amanda. I grit my teeth.

  “Hey,” I give her a perfunctory nod. I want to turn on my heel and walk right back out but something in her eyes stops me. “How are you?”

  �
��Okay,” she gives me a small smile. A real one. “TGIF, right?”

  “Yeah,” I nod. This competition has me exhausted — not that I’d admit that to her. She looks tired too, though; she has dark rings under her eyes.

  “You have any plans for the weekend?” She asks.

  “Why do you care?” I can’t hide my irritation.

  “Just trying to be civil,” she gives a shrug.

  “What about you?” I shoot back: “Planning to leave a different guy stranded solo on the sidewalk after a steamy make-out session?”

  She snorts: “I’m not sure I’d call it ‘steamy’. And as for leaving you ‘stranded’, you had that coming and you know it.”

  “What, was that supposed to be some kind of payback? Because I ‘ditched you’ seven years ago? I told you what happened. Grow up, Sarah.”

  “You’re telling me to grow up? That’s a laugh.”

  “I’m not the kid I was in college,” I retort. “You just don’t want to see that.” I take a step closer to her. “You don’t want to admit it. And you also don’t want to admit that it was a steamy make-out session. That there was… is… still something between us.”

  “You wish.” She rolls her eyes but I can see that her bottom lip is trembling.

  “Fine, deny it all you want. I didn’t do anything wrong last Saturday. You’re the one who flipped out afterwards and then tried to sabotage my job at P&B — my entire career! So that kiss clearly had some kind of effect on you.”

  “Whatever, Jake. The only effect it had was to remind me that guys like you are nothing more than a distraction. And that I’m better off without you.”

  What the fuck. She pushes past me and walks out of the kitchenette before I can respond, shooting me a last “Enjoy your weekend” over her shoulder. But she might as well have told me to drop dead.

  Great. A perfect end to a perfect week. On Monday I woke up to find my ex-girlfriend — who I thought I had smoothed things over with, maybe even reconnected with — was basically trying to ruin my entire career. On Friday that same ex goes out of her way to basically call me a loser and tell me off. TGIF indeed.