Wait for Me

by Shannon Alexander

  The doctor comes in. He asks me to step out while he evaluates Tyler.

  “She stays.” Is all Tyler replies.

  The doctor shrugs his shoulders and begins talking to Tyler about his transfer back to Georgia.

  “We wanted you to remain here for another week or two, just to monitor you, however it appears you have signed a form waving this request, instead deciding to go back to the States against medical advice.”

  Tyler nods, saying nothing in return.

  “Well, in that case, a doctor will be in shortly to begin the prep for the flight back. You will be flying via medical service straight to Georgia with as few stops as possible. Will your guest be flying with you?”

  Tyler looks to me

  “I can, if you want me to?”

  Tyler watches me for several long moments before turning his attention back to his doctor.

  “Yes, she’ll be flying with me.”

  “Great, then we will be in soon to get you ready.”

  The doctor slams Tyler’s medical chart accidently, making Tyler and I both startle at the same time. Causing the doctor to apologize profusely several times for scaring Tyler.

  I watch Tyler as his hands clench and unclench several times.

  When the doctor walks out, Tyler looks at me and I notice his eyes are slightly watery.

  “Before we go, I need to find out what happened to Josh. Can you go and ask, talk to Helga she’s my favorite nurse.”

  Josh, that’s the guy who was with him and Jessica when Tyler came to my High School graduation 2 years ago.

  “I can do that, I’ll be right back.”

  I stand up, but before I can walk towards the door, Tyler grabs my hand pulling me towards him.

  “They said I will never be able to walk again, did they tell you that?”

  I nod my head, unsure if I should say ‘I’m so sorry.’ Or some other meaningless thing. No amount of words help when someone is in a situation like that.

  He says nothing, just lets go of my hand, and rests his head against the pillow behind him. Closing his eyes tightly.

  I say nothing, just continue out the door. Looking towards the nurses station but I do not see Helga. I decide instead to take a seat outside of Tyler’s room. I take my phone out of my pocket.

  I have a few text messages from Heath again, telling me about Addy’s play. Telling me that he misses me. Asking me when I plan on returning to New York.

  Mom texted me another photo of Evan, she and Dad took Evan to the zoo. I appreciate so much that they are taking such good care of him. I send her a quick update and an ‘I love you’ for Evan.

  When I look up, Helga has returned to the nurse’s station.

  I walk towards her when she notices me, she looks up with that harsh face as she had when I first approached her earlier this morning, then her expression suddenly softens into a smile.

  “I get so many annoying people here, guests who demand their loved ones need this or that, I find it so much easier to just look mean, then people leave me alone. I save my smiles for the special guests and the patients. You learn after you have worked in a place such as this, for as long as I have.” She explains brightly.

  I smile in return, taking a seat next to her desk.

  “Tyler would like to know about his friend Josh.” I explain

  “I was wondering when he was going to ask.” She frowns a bit

  I nod, waiting for her to reply.

  “I can’t tell you much, other than he was dead before he arrived here.” She informs me

  “Oh, wow.” I mutter folding my hands into my lap

  “He’s not going to take that news well, he was shot trying to rescue his friend. A solider on a base nearby heard the shots and came to help. He didn’t make it in time to see the rebel, but he did see Tyler rescue Josh. Tyler is going to be awarded a Purple Heart.”

  I try to smile, but I know it doesn’t meet my eyes. “That’s not going to matter one bit to Tyler, he won’t see past the fact that his friend died.”

  “I know dear.” Helga says.

  I stand up and walk back to Tyler’s room to share the news.

  When I walk into his room, he’s watching TV again. As soon as he hears me open the door, he clicks off the TV with the remote attached to his bed, and turns his head in my direction.

  “He’s dead isn’t he?” He asks as soon as he sees my face.

  “Helga says he didn’t even make it here, they say that you were hurt trying to save his life. You did everything you could, Tyler.” I try to reassure him.

  “No, I didn’t. I was stupid. I should have kept my weapon in my hand, but I was so worried about Josh, I wasn’t thinking logically. I could have shot that man and saved Josh.”

  Instead of taking the chair next to Tyler to listen to him, I walk up to the side of his bed and sit beside him, taking his hand into my lap.

  Tyler doesn’t flinch at the contact, instead he seems to almost relax.

  I don’t say anything. I am 21 years old, I don’t have an extensive set of words to say to someone who lost his best friend in war. I don’t know what to say to the man I have loved, the father of my son who lost his best friend in war and may never walk again.

  So I just rub his hand, while he cries and watch him slowly, fall into an exhausted sleep. I don’t move. I stay there with him, reassuring him with gentle rubs.

  Hours pass, he doesn’t wake up. The doctor’s come in and begin getting him ready for his flight back to Georgia. I step out long enough to call mom and let her know what is happening.

  And then we board the plane, Tyler being wheeled out on a stretcher.

  We say goodbye to Helga at the hospital entrance.

  No one stays with us. The flight attendant is a nurse she sits towards the front of the plane. I sit in the back on a row of chairs that are bolted to the wall beside the bed that is attached to the planes floor.

  And we take off. Back to America. Back to real life.

  And Tyler never lets go of my hand the whole way there.

  Chapter twenty-seven

  After being on a plane for nearly a day, stopping a few times and watching Tyler have several panic attacks whenever there was a loud noise, was enough to exhaust any person.

  The nurse finally has to sedate him half way through the flight. It was unreal. He started freaking out when the speaker in the cabin flicked on and made a static popping noise. Tyler had been nearing a deep sleep and suddenly thought he was back in the middle of the war, under attack and fighting for his life.

  My heart breaks for him. He calls out for Josh. He calls out for me. That part surprises me the most. The nurse who helps calm him spoke with a thick German accent, I think she tells me to let go of his hand and buckle back up into my seat.

  I refuse.

  My whole life I thought Tyler was this strong, capable of anything man. To watch him falling apart and unable to tell reality from a traumatic experience breaks my heart.

  I decide on that plane, that my original plan, of coming to Germany, seeing that Tyler was okay and then moving on with my life is never going to happen.

  I felt like I was doing a disservice to Evan by being here. I am feeling responsible for the one man who turned his back on me when I needed him most. Now that he needs me, I have to be there, there is no way I can leave his side.

  When we reach the hospital, it is nearly night. When we left Germany it was late at night. I felt like I haven’t seen the sun in days.

  Several doctors in white lab coats greet us at the airport. Tyler is loaded up into an ambulance. One of the doctor’s tells me that I would be unable to travel with them to the hospital, but informs me that there was a taxi waiting at the front of the airport that will take me to the hospital.

  As I walk towards the gate, I hear yelling and commotion. I glanced back and see two of the doctor’s restraining Tyler’s hands down to his side, strapping his wrists into white Velcro straps that are attached to the rails of his bed
.

  I run back towards him, the doctor cautioning me to step back. Warning me that Tyler is unsafe to be around.

  I actually laugh at the man. Causing him to glare in my direction.

  I walk up to Tyler, nudging one of the other doctor’s aside. Placing my hand on Tyler’s shoulder I whisper and sooth him. Much in the same way as I have done for Evan when he was scared and upset. I don’t know why I think it will work, I just know that I need to try.

  Tyler despite the restraints reaches for my other hand. I give it to him, he looks into my eyes and calms.

  “Stay.” He croaks.

  I look back at the doctor who told me I would be unable to travel with Tyler. He nods his head in silent agreement.

  I hop up into the large truck, and take a seat on the shiny red leather seats.

  It’s cold in here, I ask the doctor to cover Tyler. He hands me a blanket.

  The other 3 doctors do not stay with us, instead they hop into an SUV marked with the hospital’s logo.

  The doctor reaches over to me, offering his hand in greeting; “I’m Doctor Marks. Ryan, you can call me Ryan. You’ll be seeing me most Mrs. Pierce.”

  I flinch at the mistake. It does two things, makes me feel joy and then incredible sadness to know that I am not the Mrs. Pierce. Jessica is, wherever she is.

  Tyler notices, he smiles and pats my hand in his. Rubbing his thumb along the inside of my palm.

  I smile at the doctor, and respectfully correct his error. “I’m Alyssa Abbot, Tyler and I are not married, but I am sure I will be seeing a lot of you.”

  Ryan nods his head in understanding, but doesn’t bother to apologize for his mistake. He almost seems shocked when I correct him. “You are Tyler’s next of kin correct?”

  “Apparently, although that is fairly new news to me.” I look down at Tyler who now has his eyes closed, but is continuing his ministrations on my hand.

  “That is odd, normally it is family or a spouse.” Ryan makes a note on a notepad he has had in his hands since Tyler and I arrived earlier.

  Tyler grips my hand a little tighter and turns his head to look at Ryan. “She’s my family. She’s my whole life.”

  The tears well in my eyes, and Ryan looks surprised at the tight tone Tyler has used.

  I become angry with Tyler’s statement as well. He has no right to say things like that.

  I try to remove my hand from his, but he looks at me quickly with a warning glance in his eyes. He shakes his head no and closes his eyes again. “Don’t let go.” He whispers.

  I want to. I need to. I need to let go right now before I allow this man to tear up my heart once more with his sweet words. With his need for my presence. I need to let go and save myself.

  But I can’t, because I am a sucker for punishment, because self-preservation doesn’t mean a damn thing when the love of your life is sitting in front of you is hanging on by a thread.

  Chapter twenty-eight

  Tyler is settled into the hospital.

  He takes his pain medication with zero issues, but continues to ask the doctor’s to cut him back. They say he needs them. For some reason he seems adamant to do this healing as level headed as possible. The pain medications do make him very tired.

  He does his physical therapy. For the first two weeks, it is nothing more than bed stretches. After more testing, they decide that there is no reason to believe that he will never walk again. Shortly after that, they begin trying to get him up and out of the bed. He goes down to the PT room and works on taking small steps.

  It’s something.

  He still has panic attacks. Especially when I am not there.

  I have to return home to take care of Evan I give him his bath and put him to bed every night, I also need to write, although I have started doing that from Tyler’s hospital room. He likes that.

  His mom sits with him when I cannot not be there, my mom sits with him. My dad, Matthew, even Stacy. And they all say the same thing, he always asks when I will be back. When he has a panic episode, it is me he wants, not a sedative, not his mom. Me.

  Heath and I talk every other day on the phone, and then every weekend. I can tell that he is growing frustrated with how much time I am spending with Tyler. I don’t know if it is jealously, or simply because he thinks that I should have packed up and moved back to New York by now and married him.

  I sat down with mom one day and realized that I didn’t want to be in New York. I did make an honest effort to be happy there, Heath and Tyler drama aside, I missed Georgia too much. I missed my mom, my dad and my family as a whole. I missed the simple small town life.

  I have and always will be a country girl. Not cut out for the city life.

  New York was too busy, I felt like it was not somewhere I wanted to spend forever. Even though I still feel that Heath is who I will spend forever with, I can’t do it there.

  I told him a few weeks ago, that I didn’t think I was coming back. He didn’t talk to me for a week.

  I didn’t cry. I thought I would, but I needed to be honest with myself for once on what made me happy, and New York City was not one of those things. Sandersville was that place, the cherry blossoms, the cotton fields, the southern drawl and sweet ice tea. Those things made me happy.

  Evan loves being back home. Mom and Dad let him play outside all day long. Mom has been teaching him to write his name. He is such a smart little three year old boy. We never have to worry about being robbed, mom can leave him on the back porch in his sand box and grab a drink in the house, and not worry that he won’t be there when she returns. I love that I felt secure in what my son was experiencing.

  And to be honest, I know Mom, Dad and Matthew are happier having Evan back full time. I know that it has been hard for them to only hear what their only grandchild and nephew is doing through text message photos and late night telephone calls.

  They helped me to raise him when he was a brand new baby, and I was a 17 year old girl trying to put my heart back together and go back to school. They need us back too. They would just never tell me that. They would never sway a life decision like that. But I feel it.

  Mom and Dad met Heath. They flew to New York shortly after we became engaged a few months back. They really liked him. They both assured me of that several times. I know that they were happy for me. But I know at the same time, they both felt some underlying disappointment that it wasn’t Tyler that I would be spending the rest of my life with.

  All the same, Mom and Heath began talking a lot more. He would call the house to check on Evan when I was at the hospital with Tyler. I like that he is still concerned about Evan, he is amazing with my son, he loves him like his own and that, I think is my most favorite trait in Heath of them all. He loves my son.

  Heath is currently texting me about flying out to see us, Tyler is watching CNN, something about the war. I try not to pay too much attention. It stresses him out, I don’t know why he watches. I know he wants to know our side is winning. I know that he wants to know that the deaths of men he served beside were not purely in vain, but no war is that open and closed.

  Sharon still has Jaylynn. Legally, something is going to need to be done with the child, now that her father is dead. I don’t know where Jessica is. Tyler hasn’t talked about her.

  “Who are you talking to?” He turns his head and asks me. A mischievous look in his eyes.

  “A friend.” I bite my lip, not sure of how to explain this all to him.

  Then again I really shouldn’t have to. Tyler is the one who is just a friend.

  “What kind of friend?” he asks

  “What kind of response are you looking for here, Tyler? What is it that you want to know?”

  He doesn’t respond right away, he lays back with his eyes closes. Opening them to look at the door before him, scrunching his bed sheets between his hands in near frustration.

  “I just want to know what you have been doing since I left you.” His voice is quieter this time.

  I p
ause, looking at him. He’s not looking at me.

  And because I am a bitch, because part of me wants to hurt him for all of the pain he has caused me over the years. For leaving me, for leaving me with a child to raise on my own, for never asking about that perfect little boy. For marrying another woman. . . I decide to be selfish.

  “My fiancé, Heath. That is who I am texting Tyler.”

  He makes a sound in the back of his throat, it sounds painful. But he doesn’t look at me again. He just turns his head in the other direction and I think, falls asleep. But not before I hear him tell himself

  “I came back for nothing.”

  I grab my purse and leave the room.

  Chapter twenty-nine

  I stop at Stacy’s instead of going straight home. She is there with Elizabeth, the tiny little girl who has been keeping her mom up all night long with cluster feeds and colic.

  Mom comes by often to help her out, even offering to have Stacy come and stay at the house for a while for extra help, but Stacy always politely declines. I think she wants to prove to herself that she can do all of this parenting on her own. But I know that part of her just feels like she still needs time to recover from everything that Eric had done to her.

  She is nearly all healed. It took 2 months, but you could no longer see the bruising. She is in therapy several times a month, to talk about the abuse that Eric put her through. She’s doing better, she’s smiling more, going out here and there and most importantly, she’s talking to her parents again. I know that was important for her.

  When I walk through the door, she barely says hello to me, just raises the tiny 10 pound baby in her arms out to me and says’ “take this feeding monster and burp her.” She’s laughing but clearly frazzled.

  I reach out for Elizabeth, who smiles when she sees me. She’s 2 months old and the cutest little thing. I will take the gas fueled smiles!

  I sit down, as Stacy reaches into a laundry basket beside her and grabs a clean button plaid shirt, taking her spit up covered one off and changing into the fresh one.

  As soon as she is situated and the baby has burped, she looks at me and says; “so how is Tyler?”